…My husband and I went to meet with our Priest on Friday, Father appeared saddened by our revelations and said he had not picked up on any hint of such problems during our marriage prep with him. .
Nor had you “picked up on any hint of such problems.” Because your husband is a master liar and manipulator, Sophia. When Father told you he felt sad, did you tell him you were traumatized to the point of considering killing yourself?
In Fathers opinion, we both showed a keen willingness to make our marriage work despite the revelations of cheating, excessive use of pornography, possibility of a child to be born outside the marriage and my invasion of my husbands privacy (hacking into his emails, phone & facebook). He believes we do have a valid marriage and that my husband has shown his determination to change by staying faithful since our wedding day and resisting the opportunity to cheat in the flesh.
He actually used the phrase “keen willingness”??? You became keenly willing at what point? And do you truly, truly believe it is possible for your husband (who has not demonstrated he is willing or able to be faithful to you and who has a baby soon to be born) to so suddenly become keenly willing to make your marriage work? And your pastor BELIEVES your husband’s assurance that he is keenly willing, after admitting he was deceived by your husband, as you were, prior to the wedding? Don’t you realize, Sophia, that although it is usually a good thing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, that sometimes it’s just plain imprudent to do so?
Your husband has NOT been faithful to you since your wedding day. He admits to having multiple sexual relationships with strangers on the Internet during your marriage. Granted, the sexual acts involved mutual fantasy and mutual masturbation, and not intercourse, but it was still a-d-u-l-t-e-r-y. Father is mistaken, and frankly, you are mistaken to let your husband off the hook so easily and for believing he can “will” himself away from sexual addiction to fidelity, so quickly, without professional therapy.
By the way, Sophia, it is obviously apparent that several people who have shared their advice with you well understand how liars can seem to be “keen” about anything and everything, when it’s expedient for them.
And you were chastized about your snooping? Really? You don’t believe this was something you had to do? Does Father think you should have remained willfully ignorant and trusting of your wandering and deceitful husband? Can you ask Father if he believes spouses can morally use these tools (emails, Internet, etc.) in ways which harm a married partner, and their marriage?
Father did stress to my husband that the acts he performed over web-camera with other females during our marriage could be taken as infidelity by some and he said only God himself can decide whether the acts were committing adultery against his wife or the sin of wasting seed that should only be used for the divine purpose it is intended for. It is certainly one if not both.
Your pastor is just wrong here. Your husband committed sex acts with women on the Internet. He objectively committed adultery by violating his marriage commitment of fidelity to you, and, additionally, he objectively masturbated. Read the Catechism’s definition of adultery:
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Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery.
Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.
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Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents’ stable union.
scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm
He is going to arrange for couples counselling with our local family centre.
Did you understand your priest correctly? Did he say “couples counselling” or merely “counselling”? Did he not mention that your husband needs intensive and long-term psychiatric attention for his sex addiction, lying and manipulation? Did your priest even acknowledge your husband’s sex addiction and his need for intensive therapy? Your husband is not ready to be part of a healthy couple, in my opinion, Sophia, and couples counselling will probably be shallow and ultimately fruitless, unless and until he gets the professional help he needs individually.
Did your pastor tell the two of you to test for STDs, and to abstain from sexual relations for six months, because it takes that long to receive 100% assurance that you don’t have an STD (as stated by a previous poster)? Will you please love and respect yourself enough to get tested asap? Sophia you said you were more concerned about your soul than your body – this is a moral issue, not just a medical one.
(I ran out of space and plan to post some more)
