NFP culture within the Church

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All analogies fall short in some way. However, I have to side with Jamie on the value of using our God-given ability to recognize fertile and infertile times in cooperating with God’s plan for us in marriage.
This is not just my opinion. This is actually what the Church teaches. Take a look at the what is said in the relevant section of the catechism #2368: For** just** reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood.

The reasons for using NFP to space out children needs to be made without selfishness. However, responsible parenthood requires that one take into consideration the real needs of the existing children as well as the physical and emotional well being of the parents. If this is included in what is meant by “grave and serious reasons” I do agree. But disregard for this aspect can actually be irresponsible parenthood. While using NFP correctly, the couple is never totally closed to the idea of more children. Therefore, one is never trying to put their will above God’s.

The mentality that is being put forth by those who feel that we should disregard our intellect to rely only on our unrestrained sexual desires to determine whether or not we have marital relations with our spouse reduces our freedom in cooperating with God’s plan. The Church never teaches that we are required to have relations, only that every act should remain open to life.
 
I have been reading this thread for a couple of days with some interest. My wife and I are certified NFP teachers for the Couple to Couple League, and gave a talk at a conference last weekend titled: Natural Family Planning-Is it Catholic Contraception?

Perhaps we don’t have much to say, for we had few people to speak to, but I want to interject some of our experiences into this discussion…

Let me start with a post from above:
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familyof8:
Dr Paul, I agree with you. We do not use NFP, however, that does not mean we never would. It simply means that we have never had a serious reason to.

The problem arises in how NFP is used/taught. Is it being used as a contraceptive or a unifying act?

Fertility is a gift from God. He has bestowed on us the most incredible gift…the ability to have children created in His divine image, infused with a soul, a new life to glorify Him. Sexual relations are not simply between a husband and wife. They are between spouses and the Holy Spirit. We are unified with God in some mystical way that allows this possibility of a new soul to be created. Abstinence is seen as a sacrifice, a prayerful union with the cross.

Contrast this to NFP being taught as…this is how not to get pregnant, this is how to achieve pregnancy. You are in control, you are the creator or the “non-creator.” We avoid sex these days because we don’t want anymore children. Or, we need to tonight because we want a baby. This is humanistic contraception posing for what the church teaches.

I hope this explains what we believe. We do not see NFP as inferior to allowing for God’s providence when used in a spiritual way as opposed to humanistic “me-ism.” Nor do we see using God’s providence as inferior to NFP. They are equal because both respect the gift of fertility that God has blessed us with.
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NFP is ONLY a tool. The “contraceptive” label thrown on the process of tracking fertility is libeling the inaction of abstainence chosen with the knowledge of NFP as eqaul to the sinful action of taking a pill, using a barrier, or having a surgery. It is a triumphal “arrived” attitude that casts dipersion upon those of us weak sinful creatures who don’t love God enough to really trust Him. It is as dangerous an attitude as those who advocate contraception is OK because NFP is effective. In the extreme, either attitude closes us off to the very real fact that all of us parents need to balance generosity with prudence. Indeed, this is the greatest challenge that parents face, for the decision to have another child requires a full heart and a serious mind. God did not make us unthinking urging orbs, we are made in His Image, and He made our fertility relatively easy to monitor. Again, it is only information, what a couple does with that information is an entirely different matter.

Over the past three years of teaching, most, if not all of our older students have been couples who have come to believe in the Church’s teaching and are weaning themselves off contraception. In virtually every case I can remember, the process has completely changed their hearts into being open to another life, and I can count…let me see…5 babies that have been born from this change of heart. In some of these cases, they came to the classes to help achieve a pregnancy. In others they came to get off the pill. Once the spiritual barrier is removed…the practice of contraception…then the Holy Spirit can move hearts, and it is a great grace to be priviledged to being able to watch.
 
The attitude that NFP must only be used as a “gateway” to ignoring fertility and becoming “providential” to God’s will for the number of children a couple should have appears to make the children a badge of honor for the faithfullness of the parents. This is an attitude in others we have experienced up close. Is that not a kind of “use” for the children?

Don’t get me wrong, for indeed there are many who have been given the grace of abandonment to God’s will, and call us to trust at a deeper level. We are Godparents of a child who’s parents recently had their ninth child. He has a very low paying job, and they live in a kind of poverty that makes us comfortable Americans feel “sorry” for them. They are not the highest functioning people I know, but they are close to being the most prayerful people I know. Their lives are a powerful witness. There are other fairly wealthy people in our circles who by all appearances are being “selfish”, for they only have three children. In reality, we have couseled them on their infertility issues, and others who enjoin in judgement would do well to streatch thier notion of what charity should mean.

Christ was quite serious when He said: “Judged not lest you be judged.”, for we cannot know the affairs of the heart, or God’s plan for each couple. I view the Church’s teachings on NFP as THE defining teaching that forces us to be both charitable and accepting of children, and prudent with our reasources for the children we have been given the charge to raise. It is a balance that requires prayer and discernment, and good spirtual advice, but most importantly, it is only the business of a couple. All outside judgements will fall short…
 
I will offer one last example as food for thought. There is a couple we know who seem to believe that the ONLY appropriate time for relations is at the fertile time. She has a history of abuse in her distant past, and we fear she connotes marital relations with suffering. That is, that the only “valid” marital relations are those that have the most potential for life, and the “suffering” that pregnancy and child-rearing entails. There is little evidence of an appreciation of what the “unifying” aspect of the marital act may truly mean.

And yet God has brought much healing to this woman through this process. Healing she may never had known had she contracepted. I see this situation and marvel at the power of God to heal even the most broken of us with LIFE.
 
SmokeBoy, you said:

Jamie- Thank you for the reply. I understand what you are saying. I believe wholeheartedly that we are to cooperate with God’s will for us and that we should use the gifts he has given us. I don’t think your fishing analogy is appropriate though.

I think God asks married couples to come together and bear much fruit. The gift in the marital act is not the knowledge of fertile vs. non-fertile but the child that is created. The intellect comes in when considering how do I feed these gifts God has given me (the child). Here is where your fishing analogy is handy. By using our intellect and our will in cooperation with GOD We will catch plenty of fish and he will bring those into our lives to teach us to catch enough to feed our families.

I think the knowledge of NFP is useful for grave/serious reasons.

I have to disagree with you that my analogy is not appropriate to the use of NFP in marriage. My analogy could also be used to show how we should use our human powers to provide for our families, but I did not intend to draw that comparison. You seem to be drawing three false conclusions about what my analogy means and by way of that, what I am saying.

First, you seem to presume that NFP using couples are disregarding God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. That is not true, we are only engaging our human capacities more fully to discern the exact time and place that God desires to bring children into the world. I assure you that we are VERY open to being fruitul!

Second, you are right to say that the gift of the marriage act is not knowledge of fertility, but a child. However, children are not the only gift. Spouses also benefit from the unitive action of the sacrament and that is a gift as well, equal in dignity in the eyes of the Church, with the gift of children. There is also the gift of the presence of the Holy Spirit being present in every marriage act that is open to life. The marriage act that is open to life is always a meeting and communion with God. All of this being said, NFP is a tool that is useful for helping spouses enter more fully and completely into the mystery of the sacrament of their marriage. It is akin to entering more fully into the Mass, e.g. Full and conscious participation.

Finally, I really have to take issue with your statement that “The knowledge of NFP is useful for grave/serious reasons.”. The problem with this statement is that you are framing NFP in a contraceptive light. You are effectively stating that NFP is ONLY good for avoiding getting pregnant. This is patently false and not what the Church teaches. You are also making an counter assertion that NFP is not useful when couples do not have a just reason to avoid. I say this because NFP IS useful to achieve preganacy as well as avoid. You cannot make the one statement without discounting the other.

One final note to couples that think they can just pick up NFP if they “need” to some day because they have a just need to space children: NFP is not like a riding a bicycle. Unless you track your fertility regularly there is a very good chance that you will forget what you are doing and misjudge your signs. This is especially true if you use a more advance method of NFP such as the Creighton model. In order to have the best chance of “reading the signs of the times” you must track your fertility at all times.
 
I had written a lengthy reply and my daughter picked up the phone and had disconnected me from the internet without my knowing, so my reply was lost when I submitted it. So here is an abridged version of what I wrote.

To begin with, I think the entire conversation is like the apostles arguing who would sit at the side of Jesus in the coming kingdom. Both sides of the argument are doing nothing immoral, which is what the Church is teaching.

Secondly, unless a woman has irregular cycles and unusual discharge patterns, most people are highly aware of their fertility without a fancy chart with temperature, mucus, and relations written on it. One does not throw away their ability to recognize fertility signs when they do not take their temperature. Our intellect is fully engaged each and every sexual encounter. We know whether there is a likelihood of a possible pregnancy simply by the time of the month and my physical symptoms.

Thirdly, the implication that those who use NFP for only serious reasons are somehow contracepting and those using NFP continously are somehow using it in a “holier” way is rather judgemental. I totally disagree with the assumption that using NFP intermittently means falling into a contraceptive mentality. If after pray and discernment a couple decides that it is not prudent to conceive and decide to use NFP, that decision process is no different than a continuous NFP couple. Now if they enter into it in simple, “I am in control” terms, than your argument is valid. However, if the process is one of prayer and sacrifice, they are following the lead of the Holy Spirit.

Lastly, many great saints had very little knowledge of Catholic theology, while many theologians have great intellectual knowledge. When participating in sacraments, is grace dispensed based on knowledge? No. Grace is bestowed based on disposition. The ones entering a sacrament in complete and utter faith, totally in love with our Lord, receive more grace than the tepid. Whenever couples, either using NFP or using nothing, enter sexual relations with their spouse in union with the Holy Spirit in the grace of the sacrament of marriage than they are being blessed.

If a couple is being selfish and using nothing simply for self-gratification than they are not entering into sex with unity with God in mind. If an NFP couple are entering into sex with the attitude that they do not ever want to have any more children, then they are also not entering in a spirit of unity. While neither are doing anything contrary to the exact letter of the teachings of the Church, neither are following the spirit.

I think it is absurd to suggest a chart and a thermometer make one more intellectually engaged. I also do not believe NFP is inferior to using nothing.

My biggest problem with NFP is that most teachers do NOT teach the WHY behind its purpose. If it is presented as contraception (which in our experience is a huge percentage of the time), than the whole “intellect” argument is invalid anyway simply because they don’t know why and therefore are not intellectually engaged. They are simply following a rule. Teach the beauty of bodily creation of God and how abstinence is a sacrifice that can be combined with the cross, then you have a spiritual union.

The Holy Father never wrote…couples must use their intellect by choosing a method that notes fertility cycles so that they know exactly what the chances are for acheiving pregnancy with every cycle. The teaching is that God gave us a natural cycle which can be used to assist couples in grave circumstances to not achieve pregnancy. There are perversions…which I think both extremes prove. If you say using NFP is unholy or if you say not using NFP is not holy, than you have created theology according to you, not according to the church.
 
I posted this on another thread but I will post it here too so I won’t have to type it again. 😃

I think that “serious” is a rather arbitrary term and I think the individual couple is the determinant of whether their reasons for abstaining are “serious enough”. I totally agree that one of the purposes of marriage is procreative (as well as unitive) and that every act of intimacy must be open to the possibility that God will reward that act with the blessing of a child.

However, I feel that if a couple, by using NFP, elects to abstain from intimacy during certain periods for reasons that are serious to them, that doesn’t suddenly make NFP “Catholic contraception” if the “seriousness” of their reasons don’t pass muster with someone else. God could choose to reward any act of intimacy with conception, even in the less fertile times. As long as the couple does not place barriers to God in their intimacy, I feel they are being true to their vows and the sacremental teachings of the Church regarding marriage.

I can see valid reasons why a newlywed couple (or even an old married couple like us) might choose to lessen the probability that they will conceive at any particular time in their marriage. It might not be your choice, or mine, but if - after reflecting on their situation - that is their choice for their reasons, I would rather have them have practice NFP than use a contraceptive method.

Again, as long as each act of intimacy is open to children, I cannot criticize a Catholic who practices NFP. Even if their reasons for abstaining might not seem “serious enough” to me.

I also have a problem equating abstinence, even informed abstinence through NFP, with contraception. But I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer… :hmmm:

Blessings.
 
OHIO Bob hits on one of the points I was thinking of:)

I started learning NFP when I was in Marriage Prep. I thought it was very kind of the instructor not to compramise our purity of thought, by focusing more on the idea of abstaning and being prayerful about when to have children. I think this is the most common time that many of us learn about NFP and will refer to my prior post of teaching making sure our children learn the Theology of the Body before they consider marriage to avoid the possibility of the contraceptive mentality.
As a soon to be married couple, the class did make us more aware of the fact that we need to deeply consider how soon we wanted to have children. Since I was new to the ideas of the Catholic Church but was open to having children, I needed to be opened so to speak :gopray: to the teachings of the Catholic Church and this NFP class was one of the first places I heard of the Theology of the Body. I have not heard of it in any other places and I am all about getting informed:D and have a long way to go. :o
I agree that this is going to be different from couple to couple, using NFP or not, but I think we still need to be taught by our Church and enjoy the burden of knowledge as we wait for the joys that will be opened to us as we come into closer communion of the mind of Christ.
:blessyou:
 
As a new member to these forums, and someone who struggles with the NFP vs Contraception argument, I wanted to let you know how appreciative I am to all of you. I have learned more on this subject in one night of reading all the posts than I have in my 10 years since converting to Catholicism (and that includes going through a NFP course shortly after my conversion). :clapping:

It appears that in addition to the Catechism, two important documents relating to this issue are the Theology of the Body and the Human Vitae. Where can I find these documents, and are there any others that should be reviewed as well?:hmmm:
 
Whoever made the comparison of this debate to the apostles arguing among themselves was spot-on! NFP can be used incorrectly, but it is ALWAYS galaxies morally healthier than ABC.

I think the original poster should consider the possibility that personal fertility problems rather than inherent sinfulness of NFP is the issue causing the discomfort.

As a man who has practiced NFP through the 5 years of my marriage, I can’t figure out who are these guys that can’t see why NFP can never be a ‘contraceptive.’ A contraceptive inherently divorces the procreative from the unitive. Habitual use of ABC distorts sex into a merely pleasurable event. NFP can never do that because the procreative aspect is ALWAYS at the center of the sexual relationship.

A man who uses condoms soon takes it for granted that sex has no consequences. A man who practices NFP with his wife will never do that, if for no other reason than that they give up those 6 to 10 potential days a month! So in my experience, NFP has a built-in regulator which forces the couple to MONTHLY re-evaluate the state of their marriage and readiness for more children (not to mention that God has hormonally stacked the deck in favor of the child decision!). No contraceptive method can claim that.

I have never seen NFP presented apart from discussion of the unitive and procreative aspects of marriage. And I agree that such a sales pitch would be foolish since it negates the REASON for giving up those days - spacing children while preserving the procreative aspect of married sex!

As long as people are educated properly on the dual nature of sex, I believe NFP is inherently self-correcting and constantly reinforces the procreative side. How can that be bad?
 
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Rsbc:
As a new member to these forums, and someone who struggles with the NFP vs Contraception argument, I wanted to let you know how appreciative I am to all of you. I have learned more on this subject in one night of reading all the posts than I have in my 10 years since converting to Catholicism (and that includes going through a NFP course shortly after my conversion). :clapping:

It appears that in addition to the Catechism, two important documents relating to this issue are the Theology of the Body and the Human Vitae. Where can I find these documents, and are there any others that should be reviewed as well?:hmmm:
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Humane Vitae is included in the back of the basic edition of the Theology of the Body published by the Sisters of St. Paul. The TOB, as I call it, is a very dense body of work by the Holy Father, and is not a weekend read. I recommend something by Christopher West - either his Theology of the Body Explained, or his Introduction to the Theology of the Body. Bear in mind that this work is “just” a deep contemplation by John Paul II on the scriptural passages that reveal a “theology of our bodies”. He has deeply reflected upon the meaning of our bodies, since Christ elevated their meaning with His choice to become Incarnate.

There are some good Theology of the Body websites, and the West books are terrific, but the best way is to study the work with someone else who has worked on it also. Ask around in your diocese, and see if you can find a group studying the work. I have been in a group for over 2 years now, and it has really deepened and enriched the ability to take the concepts and relate them to everyday life.
 
familyof8

I appreciate your responses on this thread, your concerns about the teaching of NFP are shared by many of us who teach it. I will address some of the comments you made on the post above…
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familyof8:
Secondly, unless a woman has irregular cycles and unusual discharge patterns, most people are highly aware of their fertility without a fancy chart with temperature, mucus, and relations written on it. One does not throw away their ability to recognize fertility signs when they do not take their temperature. Our intellect is fully engaged each and every sexual encounter. We know whether there is a likelihood of a possible pregnancy simply by the time of the month and my physical symptoms.
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Unfortunately, today’s fertility signs are not as clear as they should be. We have a culture populated with bodies that have been altered by the widespread use of the BCP, and of general ignorance on the part of the medical community as to what “normal” fertility health really is. Our teaching experience has shown that irregularity is the norm now, not the exception. We are seeing estrogen dominant cycles in young women who have never taken the BCP, and many in the NFP movement will tell you the same thing, so it cannot be automatically assumed that there is no need for fertility awareness training for even those closest to the Church’s ideal of providentialism…
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familyof8:
Thirdly, the implication that those who use NFP for only serious reasons are somehow contracepting and those using NFP continously are somehow using it in a “holier” way is rather judgemental. I totally disagree with the assumption that using NFP intermittently means falling into a contraceptive mentality. If after pray and discernment a couple decides that it is not prudent to conceive and decide to use NFP, that decision process is no different than a continuous NFP couple. Now if they enter into it in simple, “I am in control” terms, than your argument is valid. However, if the process is one of prayer and sacrifice, they are following the lead of the Holy Spirit.
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A good and prudent observation. I will add that there are many like my wife and I who live daily with a “serious reason to postpone pregnancy”, and that it is a cross in an of itself. As it should be, to our thinking. We have all these great couples having babies around us, and while we are near the natural end of our fertility, it is bittersweet to know for certain that it is God’s will for us to no longer have any of our own.
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familyof8:
My biggest problem with NFP is that most teachers do NOT teach the WHY behind its purpose. If it is presented as contraception (which in our experience is a huge percentage of the time), than the whole “intellect” argument is invalid anyway simply because they don’t know why and therefore are not intellectually engaged. They are simply following a rule. Teach the beauty of bodily creation of God and how abstinence is a sacrifice that can be combined with the cross, then you have a spiritual union.
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I pray that your experience is not the norm. We teach for the Couple to Couple League, and the entire teaching process is interlaced with the Why’s of the Church. There is no point in teaching the science if you cannot teach the proper focus for the knowledge at the same time. The following of the rules should be a cross, if you are abstaining, and the following of the rules will be a cross if God does not bless you with new life when you are seeking to achieve. The intentions of the couple always get flushed out with the practice of NFP. If they use it selfishly, they will sooner feel the effects, and the Holy Spirit has their passions to work with. Our bodies are a beautiful and wonderful gift, and as experienced as I am in teaching and using NFP, I don’t need any chart to tell me when my wife is fertile. God provided for that “interest” in many wonderful ways, as it was designed “from the beginning”.
 
I have used NFP to avoid pregnancy for close to nine years. We have one daughter we concieved before NFP. I have a cadiac problem that would make another pregnancy (except by some miracle) fatal, and the handful of drugs I’m on would be detremental do a developing baby (most likely fatal).
I find myself explaining why we use NFP to those outside the church and those uninformed Catholics. I also find myself having to explain why we only have one child and use NFP within the church.
God does provide. He’s provided us with the knowledge of fertility awareness. Without this information a pregnancy would most likely have taken my life by now, or I would not have any intimacy with my husband.
Don’t be to quick to judge peoples reasons. And trust in God to guide those who do not have complete understanding of what it means to be open to life. We can do our best to get the information out there, the rest is in God’s hands.
 
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Proud2bRC:
My wife and I taught the SymptoThermal Method of NFP as a teaching couple for a small NFP apostolate in PA, that was none-the-less fully accredited by the Pro-life office of the USCCB.

We taught for 11 years and recently resigned from teaching.

My alarm has been over the growing perspective within the NFP “industry” that NFP is a way of life for Catholic couples that is sold as wonderful, fulfilling, refreshing, marital supporting, etc etc etc.

NFP is ONLY to be used for grave reasons. Recourse to NFP is to be a rare event, not a lifestyle.
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I and my Jewish wife have always very successfully used the Billings Mucus Method. The attitudes toward sexual behavior which the method implicitly requires ARE very, very, VERY good for a marriage. When you adjust your attitudes to fit the method, everything gets so good in the marriage that you suddenly realize that you are behaving and thinking the way God intended for marriages.

Portraying Billings and other successful NFP methods as a “emergency procedures,” only, is a very bad mistake. A relatively reliable federally-financed study reflects that about 73.5% of the regular church-goers in the Catholic Church who are married and fertile use tubal litigation or The Pill or a barrier method, all of them condemned by Natural Law, the Bible and the Church. These are the folks whose children, when they comprehend the dynamics of the spiritual conflicts in their parents’ hearts, will simply stop going to Catholic Church when they mature, and either stay home or go to the fine little Protestant Church down the street because they approve of contraception.

Yes, NFP must be used in a mature, balanced method, which does not disappopint nature’s interest in couple’s bearing children in marriage.

However, *Scripture itself seems to indicate that NFP is morally acceptable. *Additionally, NFP has one outstanding characteristic which ratifies its use, morally…

Question: What is the main moral distinction between NFP and use of contraceptives?

Answer: Theft.

Contraceptive users “steal” sexual pleasure from God. They access sexual pleasure when God, through nature, does not want you accessing sexual pleasure without risking conception. In other words, rather than keep their pants on when sex = probable conception, and so lose the benefit of the otherwise-available sexual pleasure, they “kill” the fertility standing between them and sexual pleasure, and “steal” the sexual pleasure.

Rather than engage in that “theft,” NFP users “keep their pants on” when they do not wish to incur substantial risk of pregnancy. They don’t engage in that “theft.”

Again, it is immoral to totally disappoint the natural end of marriage, or even to substantially disappoint the natural end of marriage by having one child only while you drive your Volvo to church on Sunday. This is true.

But NFP is not some kind of “emergency” procedure. It really should be characterized as a healthy part of a good marriage, to be used in a way that appropriately balances against the natural purpose of marriage. Again, even Scripture seems to give its blessing to NFP. Should we be saying, “NFP is ONLY to be used for grave reasons.”? I know that you can post various Church declarations using that language. But is that Paul’s meaning at 1 Corinthians 7:5?

In case you haven’t noticed, we’re losing.

And the demand in society for “risk free nookie,” just by popping a pill or donning a little bit of latex or undergoing a snip in the hospital, is the big reason.
 
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kristalyn:
This is all good stuff. :yup:

Proud2bRC and NancyA, I completely understand where you are coming from. You are right, and there is no voice crying out that NFP is only to be used for grave reasons. !
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Krista,

The actual standard articulated in *Humanae Vitae * was Serious Reasons.
If, then, there are serious motives to space out births, which derive from the physical or psychological conditions of husband and wife, or from external conditions, the Church teaches that it is then licit to take into account the natural rhythms immanent in the generative functions, for the use of marriage in the infecund periods only, and in this way to regulate birth without offending the moral principles which have been recalled earlier
  • HV 16b
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That is actually a lower Canonical standard (easier to reach) than ‘Grave Reasons’

The 3 Canonical standards for reason are

Just
Serious
Grave

Each has it’s own meaning in Canon Law and should not be confused or intermixed.
 
jamieshub said:
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I would contend that by tracking your fertility by using NFP every day (except when pregnant, of course!) a couple is actually in a better position than those who “leave it God’s hands”. Let me explain…

In order for an act to be fully human, it must engage both of man’s spiritual capacities, the will and the intellect. Therefore, in order for an act to be fully human, the will and the intellect must be as engaged as possible in the act. Those who practice NFP as a way of life are more fully capable of engaging in the marital act than those who do not. This is because they know with more certainty than those who do not when a conception is more or less likely. Both groups ultimately leave the choice to give life in God’s hands, but those who know from day to day where they are in the fertility cycle can more fully enter into the experience of “willing”, so to speak, a new life into the world with God.

At heart, I believe this is the reason that our Holy Father wants to get NFP into the hands of every married person in the Church. He is not trying to give them an “out” so to speak so that they can contracept if they need to, he is calling all of us to become more fully human and holy and he recognizes that using NFP in a prayerful and sacramental way does make us more human and holy than to not use it.
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I agree. There is no reason to willingly remain ignorant of knowledge that is easily accessible. For instance before there was adequate nutritional information available, it may not have been sinful for me to feed my children whatever I want. But because the information has been discovered, don’t I have a moral responsibility to learn at least what i can to ensure the best possible nutrition for my child? With more knowledge comes responsibility.

We have made great strides in the medical field. This knowledge should not be ignored, but used to serve God in ever closer conformity to His Will. To refuse knowledge (and the responsibility that goes a long with it) seems like refusing an invitation to “go deeper”, IMHO.

In the creationary process, God made it so we were CO-creators with Him, a dignity not given even to the Angels!! When in His perfect timing, He allows this knowledge (NFP) to be discovered, it seems silly to not jump on the chance to grow closer to Him in the creationary process and rise evermore into our dignity as CO- creators of His children. It’s a gift!! I for one will not refuse it.

God bless!🙂
 
I’ve been scanning through this thread and felt compelled to share our story. Hopefully it won’t end up being too long.

We started out our married life with me being a very poorly catechised cradle Catholic who didn’t have any idea how bad ABC was, and Keith not having been raised with any faith at all. I was pregnant when we married and had a Norplant inserted 6 mos after birth. After 4.5 yrs or so I had it removed because I had finished school and we felt ready to have another child. I became pregnant immediately. When our second child was born through a complicated emergency c-section and I was told that any further births would also be c/s, we decided we were done, at least for quite a while. I didn’t want to go back to ABC, however, as I was begining a slow return to my faith and had learned how bad it was. We first heard about NFP from my midwife (who wasn’t even a Catholic by the way) and took classes. We learned the Creighton model first and it seemed easy enough. The trouble is, I still had a contraceptive mentality. We were practicing NFP because we didn’t want any more children and, since it was so reliable, that was just how it was going to be.

Within 6 mos of having our 2nd child I was pregnant with our 3rd. I shame-facedly admit to being depressed throughout this pregnancy. I never wanted children that close in age, I felt that I was robbing my baby of being a baby because she had to grow up and “move over” for the new baby, and I was terrified of having another c/s. I was angry at God because I felt like He had betrayed me and I had every intention of having my tubes tied after birth.

Well, the birth went amazingly fast (and it wasn’t a c/s afterall) and a series of “coincidenses” led to me not being able to get my tubes tied (that’s another good story but I’ll save it for another time). After things settled down after the birth, I felt recommitted to NFP but with a considerably different mind-set. I was ready to do things God’s way.

We conceived two more children in the next 2 years while trying to avoid pregnancy with Creighton Method. The 4th 8 mos after our 3rd was born and the 5th 6 mos after the 4th. When our youngest child was born I had children 9, 3.75, 2.5, 14 mos, and newborn. I needed a break. Our charts had been analyzed and sent out to specialists. With at least 2 there was absolutely no telling when I got pregnant. So, we learned sympto-thermal method and I pleaded with God for a break. I promised Him that I would be open to having more children later but that I really really really needed a break – both physically and mentally. We also have never had much money and rely on gov’t assistance for food and medical care despite us both working (me part time).

So, over a year went by. A very stressful year. We were very strict in our adhearance to NFP and it put a strain on us. I readily admit that we weren’t communicating as we should have been and there was fault on both sides there, but the bottom line was, it was getting ugly. Last spring, when our oldest was about 16 mos, several events got my husband thinking about his mortality and we started talking about trying for another baby. We spent 3 cycles trying to conceive. Despite perfect timing, nothing happened. Now charting was stressful for the opposite reason! We decided to stop charting and let nature take it’s course, so to speak. Still nothing. God had previously taught me lessons on trusting Him with sending us children, and now He was teaching me lessons on trusting Him to NOT send us children. It was a humbling experience to say the least.

(to be continued)
 
(continued)

After 16 cycles, some charting, some not, but almost all with good conception timing, I was ready to throw in the towel. I had given this up to God so many times over the last year, but kept taking it back and obsessing over it some more. But I had reached my breaking point and knew that I really had to give it up to Him and trust Him to make the right decision. I prayed and prayed for the strength to do this. My last cycle was completely wacky. If my temperatures had not risen I would have thought I didn’t even ovulate. But my temps did go up – and up and up and up. My luteal phase had gotten a couple days longer over the last 6 cycles so I wasn’t at all suspicious when I was reaching 14 and then 15 days after ovulation. But then day 16 came and my temp shot up again. I was in utter and complete shock. I just had to know for sure and ran out for an inexpensive test. Sure enough – positive!!! I am, at this moment, about 5 wks pregnant with our 6th baby.

I am in such complete and total awe of God’s handiwork and Him working through us in this way. He has taught me so much about trusting Him in so many ways. It is just amazing and I can’t even put into words how awestruck I am. The worst of it is feeling like I can’t share it with many people in real life because they only see the here and now – what are we doing having another child when we can’t “afford” the ones we have now. They can’t see the benefits of raising 6 wonderful, hard working, faith-filled Catholics who are going to make a difference in the world some day.

Anyway, sorry this got so long (I warned you!! lol). I just felt that it was important to share our experiences with NFP. If even one person gets something from it, it was worth typing.

God bless, Jen
 
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manualman:
So in my experience, NFP has a built-in regulator which forces the couple to MONTHLY re-evaluate the state of their marriage and readiness for more children (not to mention that God has hormonally stacked the deck in favor of the child decision!). No contraceptive method can claim that.
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I have to whole-heartedly agree!

My husband and I have began using NPF when we finally realized the sinfulness of our using the pill for contraception (I had been on the pill for the better part of 10 years since my late teens). I have to say that in the past few months, our attitude has changed from “We don’t want children right now” to “What about now?”.

In the end, we’ve chosen to not conceive right now because of medications that I take that recent studies have suggested can effect the baby. We also want to be in a position where I can quit my career outside of the home and trade-up to being a full-time mom. However, that being said, we have had two cycles where we chose to be together, and did not conceive a child despite my being “probably fertile”.

We pray that God will bless us with a large family, but we are also confident that in using NFP, the timing will be according to God’s will, and not necessarily our own.

Blessings.
 
Hi, wildrose.

My wife and I are Billings experts. The Billings mucus method – probably the simplest method of all – entails the man (after washing his hands) using his middle finger to take a mucus sample from the middle 2 inch section of the 3 inch long track between the wife’s inner and outer labia, and then holding the finger up to a light, gently touching the middle finger with the thumb of the same hand, and separating them, and watching how the mucus “stretches” between the two. Husband and wife must then together judge whether they are looking at fertile mucus.

The system worked great. My wife’s body was always a slightly-irregular “baby-making machine.” In 23 years of marriage, we had three children. The first two were planned. The last was unplanned because we stupidly ignored fertile mucus. (We joke that I said “No,” she said “yes,” I said “No,” she said “yes,” I said “No,” she said “yes,” I said “No,” she said “yes,” I said “yes.”)

That little “mistake” is today one of the best sons you could imagine. God clearly sent him.

In any event, Billings literally takes about 30 seconds a night, and works great. The rule is this: When the man takes the sample (undiluted by recent urination or by the woman’s period, by the way), he must avoid the upper and lower corners of the labia. (The mucus in the corners is *always * “stretchy.”) If the couple sees “stretchy” mucus (where it takes about three months of nightly experience to get to know what “stretchy” mucus looks like), that means that the mucus molecules are beginning to form “channels” which admit sperm into the vagina and Fallopian Tubes. When the couple sees “stretchy” mucus, they must lay off sex until they have seen four successive days of NON-“stretchy” mucus.

At first the couple will stare at the mucus with horror, wondering, “Heavens! Is that ‘stretchy’ or non-‘stretchy’?”

After awhile, you’ll become expert at distinguishing between n the two.

Obviously, the system is no good for “one night stands.” And the couple must be carefully to never miss a mucus check during the time between periods. Otherwise, you’re stuck waiting until after 4 successive days of non-“stretchy” mucus checks.

The process is simple, intimate, and natural.
 
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