NFP "failure" question

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etmom said:
I would say that easily half of the couples I know have also had ABC pregnancies. I would say that their effort is greater than mine - it take me 60 seconds to temp each day, about 3 minutes of total effort to chart electronically. What a wonderful wealth of information about my health! 3 minutes out of my total day isn’t exactly a herculean effort. ** Even at times we were actively trying to conceive, or completely open to life, I charted. ** I’ve had a medical condition diagnosed and treated based on the information on my chart - completely not pregnancy related. I love the knowledge charting gives me.

No method is 100%. NFP really causes you to revevaluate every month the reason you may have discerned to avoid pregnancy which I think is a positive.

I have had 1 “not planned by me” pregnancy in 20+ years of using NFP. I’m extremely fertile. I think NFP works well. Anyone who has life threatening reasons to avoid pregnancy, I’d advise complete abstanance, or a very conservative use of NFP which is totally possible. ABC fails too. 1/2 of women seeking abortions were actively using a contraceptive. Saying “NFP is hard and sometimes fails” could be said about ABC too. Chemical contraceptives can be very hard a woman, some women tolerate them very poorly. I don’t know anyone who uses condoms who actually likes them. IUDs can cause signicant cycle problems. And they all fail.
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To the bolded-me too. Right now we’re not really trying to conceive or avoid, just letting things happen but I am still keeping up with my chart because I just think it’s interesting and good to know, like what my chances would be of getting pregnant, even though I’m not trying to stop or prevent that, you know? Also my instructor said by looking at your temps. after ovulation you can kind of tell if you conceived or not before you miss your period. I’m still trying to figure out what she means though. Are they higher than if you didn’t conceive? Like I said, not trying really either way, but would like to know!
 
Some women experience a third, higher levels of temps called tri phasic in early pregnancy. But you can have tri phasic temps and not be pregnant, or be pregnant and not have tri phasic temps. Not a def thing. Ive only had triphasic temps when pregnant, though. Pregnancy is highly likely with 18 days of high post shift temps.
 
etmom said:
Some women experience a third, higher levels of temps called tri phasic in early pregnancy. But you can have tri phasic temps and not be pregnant, or be pregnant and not have tri phasic temps. Not a def thing. Ive only had triphasic temps when pregnant, though. Pregnancy is highly likely with 18 days of high post shift temps.
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Hmm. Thanks. I hate having to wait to find out. But every site says, you could have symptoms, or you might not. Best just to wait and take a test if you’re late.

Oh well!
 
defenderoftruth said:
Us too. Just tonight I told my husband I’m faithless when it comes to child bearing. (3 in 3 years!) So after reading my students guide to NFP I figure I will start to have more faith and this is where I’m going to start. No more NFP for us we are just going to take what the good Lord gives us. 👍

With that said I hope he gives me a “little” break between kids. (3 in 3 years is hard!)

DoT
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Don’t feel bad. My wife and I have never used NFP to avoid. We have 7 children now in 13 years of marraige. We had three in a row, then a five year break. We had sex all the time so it was not from us avoiding. Then we had one then a short break then another three. We wouldn’t give any of them back. It is easier when you have some older kids to help with chores around the house, etc.

I am sure when they are older, they will appreciate being so close together. I know in school it is much easier for them when they are younger. The oldest is the only one that has to “go it alone”.

I am sure your marraige is benefiting from not having the added stress of worrying about “safe times” etc. As long as both of you love your kids, I am sure God will provide.

We needed a bigger house after our third child. We were renting and did not know what to do. Our land lord came over and announced that she needed to sell the house in 30 days (she had cheated and her was getting a divorce). We found just the right house, got a great finance rate, etc. It all worked out. Each time we needed something badly enough, it was provided to us. We just needed to trust.
 
anp1215 said:
To the bolded-me too. Right now we’re not really trying to conceive or avoid, just letting things happen but I am still keeping up with my chart because I just think it’s interesting and good to know, like what my chances would be of getting pregnant, even though I’m not trying to stop or prevent that, you know? Also my instructor said by looking at your temps. after ovulation you can kind of tell if you conceived or not before you miss your period. I’m still trying to figure out what she means though. Are they higher than if you didn’t conceive? Like I said, not trying really either way, but would like to know!
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I wonder if intuition is good for most women. After our third child my wife can tell within a few days if she is pregnant, even before her period would have arrived. She has been correct four out of four times.
 
twoangels said:
I know my mom struggled to learn NFP as well and felt like she was hypo fertile. I have no idea why I ever get told these things, but I know my parents only had sex one time during the month I was conceived.
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

My husband’s cousin talks about the conception of her 10-year-old “NFP failure/charting error/mistake” son right in front of the kid: the weekend get-a-way planned around safe days… the double-checking of various bodily functions and secretions… the ovulation charting gone wrong… And the child is sitting right there, nonchalantly coloring in his coloring book.
 
moon1234 said:
I wonder if intuition is good for most women. After our third child my wife can tell within a few days if she is pregnant, even before her period would have arrived. She has been correct four out of four times.
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Interesting, it probably does help to have previous pregnancies to compare to.
 
Luna_Lovecraft said:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

My husband’s cousin talks about the conception of her 10-year-old “NFP failure/charting error/mistake” son right in front of the kid: the weekend get-a-way planned around safe days… the double-checking of various bodily functions and secretions… the ovulation charting gone wrong… And the child is sitting right there, nonchalantly coloring in his coloring book.
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Oh my goodness. I honestly think my parents and I are the most buttoned-up people on the planet when it comes to talking about sex. Never, ever, ever, ever about sums it up.
 
My husband and I have never had any “surprises”. I used NFP to avoid pregnancy during a time when I was scheduled to donate bone marrow stem cells. The drugs used to prep a person before donation are not safe for a baby so getting pregnant would have meant no donation. NFP works!

Keep in mind that a lot of “surprises” happen even among couples that use contraception, too. NFP works very well, but nothing is perfect unless you abstain completely.
 
I can’t see how NFP ever “fails” as with NFP you are using the science of knowing when you ovulate to decide if that month would be a good month to try to conceive, or to avoid for whatever grave reason that couple has decided for them through prayer and reflection. The real point is that you are “open to life” so if you have a baby while using NFP, it is because you were complying with God’s call to be open to life, and he made the decision that maybe you didn’t know at the time that this was the best decision for you:) Putting God first in any and all relationships especially married love, is so beautiful…why else is the divorce rate for NFP users 2% and the rest of the country is 50%? Because those folks want all of the control. They want to contracept until the day THEY decide that a baby would be good, and then when it doesn’t happen, they march into the ART clinics and get IVF or a surrogate…they will stop at nothing to stop a baby from blessing them, then won’t stop at anything (even killing their own children in the process) to having a baby. I’m personally infertile, but if it wasn’t for the Creighton Model taught to me 6 months prior to my marriage, would we have been in for a surprise! I’m having surgery by Dr. Hilgers from the PPVI Institute next month…hopefully what is stopping me from having a baby may be fixed, but if not…I was NEVER owed a baby to begin with (Of course I get upset and cry, but I won’t go against my God for my own wants) NFP is so great that we arrange vacations around when I won’t have my period… My husband knows just by an off mood that I’m within 48 hours of it coming on! That’s proof it’s science, and nature coming together in collaboration:D (as it should)
 
No failure for us. We are using STM and have been very successful.

Before charting we tried to avoid pregnancy by using the rhythm method, and THAT failed us. So, do your research. We have 3 kids and are very happy with NFP.
 
onthisrock said:
I can’t see how NFP ever “fails” as with NFP you are using the science of knowing when you ovulate to decide if that month would be a good month to try to conceive, or to avoid for whatever grave reason that couple has decided for them through prayer and reflection. The real point is that you are “open to life” so if you have a baby while using NFP, it is because you were complying with God’s call to be open to life, and he made the decision that maybe you didn’t know at the time that this was the best decision for you:) Putting God first in any and all relationships especially married love, is so beautiful…why else is the divorce rate for NFP users 2% and the rest of the country is 50%? Because those folks want all of the control. They want to contracept until the day THEY decide that a baby would be good, and then when it doesn’t happen, they march into the ART clinics and get IVF or a surrogate…they will stop at nothing to stop a baby from blessing them, then won’t stop at anything (even killing their own children in the process) to having a baby. I’m personally infertile, but if it wasn’t for the Creighton Model taught to me 6 months prior to my marriage, would we have been in for a surprise! I’m having surgery by Dr. Hilgers from the PPVI Institute next month…hopefully what is stopping me from having a baby may be fixed, but if not…I was NEVER owed a baby to begin with (Of course I get upset and cry, but I won’t go against my God for my own wants) NFP is so great that we arrange vacations around when I won’t have my period… My husband knows just by an off mood that I’m within 48 hours of it coming on! That’s proof it’s science, and nature coming together in collaboration:D (as it should)
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Sorry - yes, it can ‘fail’ - I understand what you’re saying but I believe what the question was really about was more of a ‘if you go to the classes and comply conservatively with the ‘rules’ in order to put off pregnancy, without messing around on the days you shouldn’t - if after doing all of these things please tell us if you got pregnant…’ It’s the same as calling NFP to avoid ‘successful’. I really do believe NFP is a good thing - especially for getting to know your body (and I’m glad you found out about your situation early on instead of going years wondering why you wern’t getting pregnant since you seem open to getting pregnant and not put it off)- but for those of us who’s life could possibly be seriously hampered (or could have negative consequences from a pregnancy), we need to deal with a ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of NFP as just that - we need to know that it works when used correctly it’s tauted ‘99.7%’. It can be very hard to believe in this number (yes I know with perfect use but even then)-when you know so many people who have used NFP conservatively and still gotten pregnant - or use the deffinition you put forward implying there really is no way for NFP to fail because it’s not a failure if you get pregnant while using it (this can also make it very confusing for those who are beginning to use it believing that ‘success’ refers to ‘not getting pregnant while using’ when a completely different meaning is being applied. It may just be ‘semantics’ but they are semantics with life altering consequences. It’s very easy for many on here to say ‘well you’re Catholic if you could have problems from a pregnancy then you just abstain…’ putting it into play for a serious amount of time can cause major detrement to a marriage. It’s one thing for someone to be physically paralized and unable to be with one’s spouse - another thing completely to be physically able and not do something because you’re deathly afraid of getting pregnant.
God Bless
Rye
 
My NFP failure is named Steven. Did we jump through all the right hoops? Who knows? My wife is ADD, and the odds of her keeping all of her biological signs in proper focus were…less than average.

Anyway, we didn’t think we had the space or the income for another baby, and my wife (who requires medication for ADD and anxiety/depression) didn’t think she could handle another three years either pregnant, nursing, or not sleeping. Turns out we were right. Rocked us hard. Taught us a lot about ourselves, as we were beating our heads against the cold stone of reality.

Yet, we are together, learning to love each other better all the time, and our little boy (who is further testing us as our second child on the autism spectrum) is brightening our lives, even as he complicates them. Would change a thing.
 
ryecroft said:
Sorry - yes, it can ‘fail’ - I understand what you’re saying but I believe what the question was really about was more of a ‘if you go to the classes and comply conservatively with the ‘rules’ in order to put off pregnancy, without messing around on the days you shouldn’t - if after doing all of these things please tell us if you got pregnant…’ It’s the same as calling NFP to avoid ‘successful’. I really do believe NFP is a good thing - especially for getting to know your body (and I’m glad you found out about your situation early on instead of going years wondering why you weren’t getting pregnant since you seem open to getting pregnant and not put it off)- but for those of us who’s life could possibly be seriously hampered (or could have negative consequences from a pregnancy), we need to deal with a ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of NFP as just that - we need to know that it works when used correctly it’s tauted ‘99.7%’. It can be very hard to believe in this number (yes I know with perfect use but even then)-when you know so many people who have used NFP conservatively and still gotten pregnant - or use the definition you put forward implying there really is no way for NFP to fail because it’s not a failure if you get pregnant while using it (this can also make it very confusing for those who are beginning to use it believing that ‘success’ refers to ‘not getting pregnant while using’ when a completely different meaning is being applied. It may just be ‘semantics’ but they are semantics with life altering consequences. It’s very easy for many on here to say ‘well you’re Catholic if you could have problems from a pregnancy then you just abstain…’ putting it into play for a serious amount of time can cause major detriment to a marriage. It’s one thing for someone to be physically paralyzed and unable to be with one’s spouse - another thing completely to be physically able and not do something because you’re deathly afraid of getting pregnant.
God Bless
Rye
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Hi Rye,
We spoke several times on another thread which I won’t mention…I know NFP “success” is when you are able to avoid a pregnancy. I have one friend who just keeps having babies, and only one was “planned” the very first and very last the couple was using NFP that I guess they say “failed” However, she does NOT have an medical issues and takes no medications…so I would feel for people who are trying to be true to their faith but do really need to space their children out, especially if the woman’s life is at risk. I’m pretty sure it is against Church teaching but if for medical reasons the woman needed a hysterectomy due to horrible bleeding or cancer, that is acceptable. I wonder why doing it for the life of a woman who would say bleed internally and die if she were to get pregnant, before she even knew she was pregnant? I have a friend who when she had her baby via C-Section was told about this hole in her tube (the other tube had been badly mangled and removed years ago.) Well, while her uterus is sitting on her stomach, as they do with c-Sections…to make sure the placenta and everything comes out during the procedure…the doc said…you have this huge hole in this tube that is left and if you got pregnant, you would bleed out and die before you even knew you were pregnant! Of course she’s sitting in an emergent situation, and listens to the doc, to remove the tube that was left with the hole. I believe under those circumstances I would have listened to my doctor too…let’s not forget every hormone in the book is going on at this time and she’s in the middle of major surgery, with a doctor warning her of her future death. If we are allowed to treat major medical problems for the sake of the mother, wouldn’t this be one? she was told “NO” she had gone against the Church, as if she purposely sterilized herself. Why was the first tube treatable, but the second not? Just doesn’t make sense in that situation. I personally have to take medications and have some health issues, but nothing that would kill me silently in my sleep with a massive internal bleed,killing ANY child AND me… so who knows what you really do when your life is on the line?
 
Luna_Lovecraft said:
My husband’s cousin talks about the conception of her 10-year-old “NFP failure/charting error/mistake” son right in front of the kid: the weekend get-a-way planned around safe days… the double-checking of various bodily functions and secretions… the ovulation charting gone wrong… And the child is sitting right there, nonchalantly coloring in his coloring book.
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Would you be so kind as to slap her on my behalf next time she does that. Thanks.
 
No. We have been married for 11 years and use the Sympto-Thermal method. It’s always been effective. We have 2 planned children and would like more but I have FMF and got severe episodes with pericarditis and kidney problems when I was last pregnant. We were advised not to risk having more children. We used NFP to plan the children we have and to avoid getting pregnant. So far it has worked perfectly for us.
 
Hey, new here. I was doing a search online for ‘big catholic families’ hoping to get some strategies for organization and such and happened upon this message board.

It’s been almost 17 years of NFP here and I am currently pregnant with my own unexpected ‘happy accident’. I was under an extraordinary amount of stress, not sleeping normally and my symptoms as well as temperatures appeared to show that I had ovulated. However, after dtd days after I thought I ovulated my temps were low again and eggwhite cm showed up, then I saw a slight shift only. It was atypical for me and I thought that I may have even been annovulatory. My cycle was completely drawn out, and usually I’m completely regular. I think the extreme stress I was under was the issue. All four of my previous children were planned. I’m guessing also that I’m very fertile (as four out of five were conceived on the first try). If I didn’t use NFP as a method I likely would be in the double digits of having kids.

I will say though, I feel like something good is coming out of a very stressful time in my life, so I’m actually happy about it. Although DH and I knew we were done actively trying to have kids we knew there would always be a possibility that it could happen again. So knowing that, I’m figuring that God really wanted us to have another baby! I just have to get used to the idea of being an ‘older mom’…
 
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