NFP Makes No Sense To Me

[CatholicofAgora]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=571645 So I was just reading this thread about how many ‘safe days’ you have while using nfp. Honestely, it seems like nfp causes a lot of strain on marital life. It makes it seem like sleeping in the same bed with your own spouse is sleeping with temptation. I just don’t understand. It seems as though the only difference between using nfp and using contraception is more or less sex. You say it’s an issue of trusting God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him. You say it’s an issue of being open to life? Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either. You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies? What if I already have three or four?

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships. I’m not married, I don’t have sex, I strongly believe in the legitimacy of the Catholic faith, but I find it difficult to tell others to stay faithful to the Church’s teaching when I don’t even find it necessary. I’ve been struggling with trying to reconcile with this teaching for some time. I used to say that I just don’t get it, now I’m thinking it just doesn’t make sense.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant, I’m just genuinely trying to tell you that it just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not trying to place myself above the Church, but how am I supposed to defend something that deep down I know doesn’t make sense?

With upmost sincerity, PBWY all <3

 

[davidv]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=571645 So I was just reading this thread about how many ‘safe days’ you have while using nfp. Honestely, it seems like nfp causes a lot of strain on marital life. It makes it seem like sleeping in the same bed with your own spouse is sleeping with temptation. I just don’t understand. It seems as though the only difference between using nfp and using contraception is more or less sex. You say it’s an issue of trusting God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him. You say it’s an issue of being open to life? Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either. You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies? What if I already have three or four?

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships. I’m not married, I don’t have sex, I strongly believe in the legitimacy of the Catholic faith, but I find it difficult to tell others to stay faithful to the Church’s teaching when I don’t even find it necessary. I’ve been struggling with trying to reconcile with this teaching for some time. I used to say that I just don’t get it, now I’m thinking it just doesn’t make sense.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant, I’m just genuinely trying to tell you that it just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not trying to place myself above the Church, but how am I supposed to defend something that deep down I know doesn’t make sense?

With upmost sincerity, PBWY all <3

What would it take to make it make sense to you?

 

[CatholicofAgora]

What would it take to make it make sense to you?

Lol, if I knew that then I wouldn’t be here right now, but thank you for asking

 

[davidv]

Lol, if I knew that then I wouldn’t be here right now, but thank you for asking

Have you read the encylical Humanea Vitae?

 

[CatholicofAgora]

Have you read the encylical Humanea Vitae?

I’ll give this a read, I didn’t know it was available for free. I’ve read publications “making sense” of Humanae Vitae like “Sex Aue-Naturel: What it is and why it’s good for your marriage” and publications here on CAF, etc., but it hasn’t really helped my said objections in the OP. So to answer your previous question, what would help make sense of it, I guess it would help to explain how nfp (contraception via natural means) is any different than using artificial contraception via condoms (I’m iffy on birth control and ESPECIALLY the “after pill.”) I mean, you’re still contracepting. You’re still intentionally having sex at the prevention of pregnancy. This is still the sort of sex condemned by the Church Fathers. Clement of Alexandria: Because of its divine institution for the propagation of man, the seed is not to be vainly ejaculated, nor is it to be damaged, nor is it to be wasted (The Instructor of Children 2:10:91:2 [A.D. 191]). A seed ejaculated into a woman’s womb while it is infertile ultimately gets wasted. If it’s really about being completely open to your partner and open to life, then the Church should just say that you should have sex to produce as much offspring as possible like animals do. I mean, that’s what it’s for right? If reducing it to anything else is simply fulfilling “selfish gratification”, then shouldn’t people use nfp sex on every day that they ARE fertile rather than when they’re not?

 

[Suslar]

I’ll give this a read, I didn’t know it was available for free. I’ve read publications “making sense” of Humanae Vitae like “Sex Aue-Naturel: What it is and why it’s good for your marriage” and publications here on CAF, etc., but it hasn’t really helped my said objections in the OP. So to answer your previous question, what would help make sense of it, I guess it would help to explain how nfp (contraception via natural means) is any different than using artificial contraception via condoms (I’m iffy on birth control and ESPECIALLY the “after pill.”) I mean, you’re still contracepting. You’re still intentionally having sex at the prevention of pregnancy. This is still the sort of sex condemned by the Church Fathers. Clement of Alexandria: Because of its divine institution for the propagation of man, the seed is not to be vainly ejaculated, nor is it to be damaged, nor is it to be wasted (The Instructor of Children 2:10:91:2 [A.D. 191]). A seed ejaculated into a woman’s womb while it is infertile ultimately gets wasted. If it’s really about being completely open to your partner and open to life, then the Church should just say that you should have sex to produce as much offspring as possible like animals do. I mean, that’s what it’s for right? If reducing it to anything else is simply fulfilling “selfish gratification”, then shouldn’t people use nfp sex on every day that they ARE fertile rather than when they’re not?

No, quite the contrary – the Church says we are not animals and therefore, we do not have to attack our spouse each night. We can use self-control out of mutual love. NFP is, of course, a natural means of preventing pregnancy whereas chemical contraceptives are abortifcients. NFP can prevent pregnancy for the short-term; contraceptives make one sterile for long periods of time. Condoms prevent the marital act from being completed. It allows the man to withhold some piece of himself from his wife. Why is this important? Back to my opening line – we are not animals. The purpose of Catholic marriage is not just for a license for free sex at will. Marriage also unites and bonds the spouses. This is why the completed marital act, even if she is infertile, is not “wasted.” Marital love is not at all about “selfish gratification.” It’s supposed to be about mutual self-gift. And ultimately, marriage is to help us grow in holiness. . . . and sometimes, that means loving the other more than self so that we can give in to our spouse’s needs.

 

[gilbs72]

Ask yourself, where does ‘discipline’ stand in your book? I meant physical and spiritual discipline as well as self-discipline and discipline as a people of God.

From the very beginning, God placed the Tree of Life right smack in the middle where Adam and Eve lived. Very much like “sleeping with temptation”.

We are placed in this world to perfect ourselves and be deemed worthy of heaven. We don’t get there by giving in to our human frailties. Not by succumbing to every urge and fight over it (as husband and wife). Not by finding ways to circumvent discipline through various devices.

We discipline ourselves. As we are able detach ourselves from the material and the physical, we are better able concentrate on serving God and living according to His will. We are also able to be less selfish and move as a community towards God. On the other hand, when we make “excuses” and devices to get around discipline, we make ourselves weaker, succumbing to every whim or urge. Likewise, as a people we become slaves to sin, easily attracted by material things, and when pain or hardships come in, we easily give in and denounce God.

This discipline is linked to faith. The same faith that can tell a mountain to cast itself into the sea and it will be done.

 

[achmafooma]

Hello, CatholicofAgora!

First, please understand that NFP is not ‘Catholic birth control.’ Yes, some couples use it to space children or avoid pregnancy (though they are only supposed to do this if they have with serious reasons to do so – financial or medical, for example). Some couples use NFP to increase their likelihood of having a child, or to help diagnose and treat the causes of infertility, as well. It can be used either way. Not every couple using NFP is avoiding fertile days.

It does give people quite a lot of knowledge and control, much more so than the pill (which really just steamrolls and interferes with the natural cycle, as opposed to working with it). It can be used for increasing the likelihood of conception or preventing it. It can also be used morally or immorally – a couple using NFP as a replacement for birth control without having a serious reason to avoid pregnancy could possibly be sinning as well.

I know several couples who use NFP, including one who is now a certified teacher of one of the methods. Every single one of them says that NFP has not hurt their relationship or strained their marriage…in fact they all say the opposite, without exception. Not that my little circle of friends is a scientifically valid sample .

Of course, every couple is different, and everybody’s cycle is different…but a fairly ‘normal’ cycle in the NFP system my friends teach has only about 10-12 ‘fertile’ days in the month, during which you would abstain if you were trying to avoid pregnancy. That leaves more than half of the month as ‘safe days’ (to use your term). Not the end of the world for most people, I don’t think.

So yeah, if you look at NFP as ‘Catholic birth control,’ it doesn’t make a lot of sense…it does what the pill or condoms do, but with a lot more hassle. But that’s not what it’s supposed to be, and not how it should be used. NFP is about knowledge of our natural fertility and sexual gifts, and ways to use that knowledge to increase or decrease the likelihood of conception. It’s up to use to use that knowledge responsibly.

 

[ishnianqueen]

I like you - you actually seem willing to listen.

That said, it helps to understand that the sexual act is essentially a renewal of the wedding vows. If sacraments are physical signs of spiritual realities, the wedding in the Church with family and friends and whatnot is actually the spiritual reality because the vows being exchanged are binding the husband and wife spiritually. The physical reality is…well, you get the point.

In a Catholic wedding, you have three questions that you have to answer prior to the vows. Without answering yes to them, you cannot get married. They are:

“Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”

“Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”

“Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

So, you have to be free, faithful, and fruitful (right about now, Christopher West fans know where I’m drawing from ), OR INTEND to be so - clearly, a man or a woman who is infertile may not be able to have children, but infertility isn’t an impediment so long as the openness and the actual ability to complete the act are there.

A married couple having sex, no matter if the woman is fertile or not, is a renewal of those wedding promises - which, remember, have to be answered affirmatively. Having sex with a condom (or any contraception), no matter if the woman is fertile or not, is answering “no” to that last question. The husband is keeping something from his wife and has failed to give himself totally to her, EVEN IF there is no realistic chance of her getting pregnant anyway, and ESPECIALLY IF there is one.

Having sex on a “safe day” (a term I actually don’t like - I prefer infertile) is, therefore, akin to sending a wedding invitation and having the invitee decline attending. Having sex on any day whilst contracepting, no matter the method - barrier, chemical, etc - is akin to sending a wedding disinvitation. “Hey, we’re getting married, but you’re not allowed to come.” Fairly rude.

I’m tired and have preggo brain, so I hope this makes sense somewhat.

 

[stephe1987]

It’s natural and requires sacrifice. It also allows for nonsexual marital bonding. And there are serious reasons why a couple would want to space children or not have more children. That is between the couple and God and it can be an occasion of sin if there is not a grave reason.

Contraception has also led to cases of sexual pressure and objectification. People feel entitled to use the other person for sex whenever they want just because birth control is available. They lose respect for the dignity of the human person and see their spouse as an object

NFP is an opportunity to grow closer to God and each other. Maybe use the extra time to say the rosary or other prayers. Or do some spiritual reading. Or talk about what’s going on in your lives (most families don’t have family meals together anymore).

The divorce rate is significantly lower for NFP-only couples (<1% to <4%, depending on the study) than it is for any other group. It’s about respect for the human person and growing closer to God.

 

[ishnianqueen]

Two more things.

You say it’s an issue of trusting God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him.

This is true - God could laugh at our foolishness and decide that a woman was going to get pregnant even if she used every form of artificial birth control imaginable. I mean, Mary got pregnant even though she was on the only 100% effective form of birth control - abstinence. But generally, God follows His own designs and rules, which is why NFP is even able to work. He doesn’t screw with us and decide to lift the sperm-blocking abilities of latex for funsies, and He has specific signs in the woman’s body which let her know where she is in her cycle so that she knows if it is prudent or not to have sex.

I do agree that there are people that use NFP with a contraceptive mindset - that a child is a mistake or a burden to be avoided at all costs and that something has gone horribly wrong if the woman gets pregnant (but this is only if there is no just reason to avoid. Having to cut back on going to the movies isn’t the same as having to decide which meal to skip because you can’t afford to buy that much food). But that doesn’t make the method in and of itself less valid. The intent and use of morally neutral things is what makes it right or wrong. A knife is morally neutral - using it to chop vegetables versus stabbing someone doesn’t make the knife itself right or wrong. Does that make sense?

 

[Edward_H]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=571645 So I was just reading this thread about how many ‘safe days’ you have while using nfp. Honestely, it seems like nfp causes a lot of strain on marital life. It makes it seem like sleeping in the same bed with your own spouse is sleeping with temptation. I just don’t understand. It seems as though the only difference between using nfp and using contraception is more or less sex. You say it’s an issue of trusting God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him. You say it’s an issue of being open to life? Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either. You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies? What if I already have three or four?

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships. I’m not married, I don’t have sex, I strongly believe in the legitimacy of the Catholic faith, but I find it difficult to tell others to stay faithful to the Church’s teaching when I don’t even find it necessary. I’ve been struggling with trying to reconcile with this teaching for some time. I used to say that I just don’t get it, now I’m thinking it just doesn’t make sense.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant, I’m just genuinely trying to tell you that it just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not trying to place myself above the Church, but how am I supposed to defend something that deep down I know doesn’t make sense?

With upmost sincerity, PBWY all <3

The “life giving” days aren’t that many per month…we offer them to God in Thanksgiving for everything in our life. We can offer the sacrifice of a few continent days in reparation for our sins, the sins of friends, of others, for the sanctity of all families, for all the unborn, for all pregnant women.

The small sacrifice of no sex…opens up many new ways of tenderness. Lovely walks, talks, planning, acts of charity for others. Sex can become “the easy way” to intimacy or worse…“something to do”. Our love should be more effortful and costly for each other…otherwise it stays at a very superficial and sensual level.

 

[Luke_Daniel]

I just signed up to CA so I could post to this thread - love it. Incidentally I also lost my 3000 word reply. It was even funny. Oh well.

In summary, I have been married 5 yrs, have 4 kids and obviously practice NFP with my ever so patient wife. Our cup overflows in every way and we couldn’t possibly ask for more. Several super solid friends of ours practice NFP as well and most of us are or will be home schooling. Still, the truth is NFP has been a HUGE strain on our marriage (and we’re not alone). At this rate ill be like my grandparents and have 18 kids by the time we’ve done our due.

All the rhetoric, theory, and encyclicals in favor of it are perfectly logical and beautiful but it still doesn’t make sense all the time. Especially when those days of abstinence just keep on piling up because the masterpiece of a female reproductive system isn’t always like clockwork and changes with seasons and diet (not to mention the effects of estrogen in most public water systems thanks to the pill). Oh and don’t let me forget about the fact that in those lovely days off there’s no hanky panky stealing a base or two without going all the way home. I wish I was one of those husbands who could show love in all sorts of gentle and life giving ways like st Joseph. The truth is instead I roll over and pout because the few days we are eligible there’s too much pressure and/or entitlement thinking and the precious spark is gone.

That said, NFP is a mystery like most beautiful things in our faith. It’s strenuous and that’s an understatement. It was designed to be and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m slowly learning to die to myself love as Christ does. Whoever said becoming a saint was easy - no way it sucks but we weren’t made for mediocrity, we are made for so much more. No cross no crown.

 

[Edward_H]

I just signed up to CA so I could post to this thread - love it. Incidentally I also lost my 3000 word reply. It was even funny. Oh well.

In summary, I have been married 5 yrs, have 4 kids and obviously practice NFP with my ever so patient wife. Our cup overflows in every way and we couldn’t possibly ask for more. Several super solid friends of ours practice NFP as well and most of us are or will be home schooling. Still, the truth is NFP has been a HUGE strain on our marriage (and we’re not alone). At this rate ill be like my grandparents and have 18 kids by the time we’ve done our due.

All the rhetoric, theory, and encyclicals in favor of it are perfectly logical and beautiful but it still doesn’t make sense all the time. Especially when those days of abstinence just keep on piling up because the masterpiece of a female reproductive system isn’t always like clockwork and changes with seasons and diet (not to mention the effects of estrogen in most public water systems thanks to the pill). Oh and don’t let me forget about the fact that in those lovely days off there’s no hanky panky stealing a base or two without going all the way home. I wish I was one of those husbands who could show love in all sorts of gentle and life giving ways like st Joseph. The truth is instead I roll over and pout because the few days we are eligible there’s too much pressure and/or entitlement thinking and the precious spark is gone.

That said, NFP is a mystery like most beautiful things in our faith. It’s strenuous and that’s an understatement. It was designed to be and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m slowly learning to die to myself love as Christ does. Whoever said becoming a saint was easy - no way it sucks but we weren’t made for mediocrity, we are made for so much more. No cross no crown.

I offer one trick we learned: We ‘pout’ and complain because we pridefully “assign” an importance level to our missed sexual pleasure. Believe or not this can be a choice of your will. Often, however, we default to letting our emotions push us around, letting them assign a value to missed pleasure.

Instead, just sacrifice with as much good spirit and cheerfulness and abandonment as possible, and let God assign a value to it. You’ll be amazed at the difference.

 

[1ke]

You say it’s an issue of trusting God?

People may indeed “say” this in trying to explain, but it is not why contraception is immoral and is not the basis of Church teaching.

You say it’s an issue of being open to life?

Again, it may be what people “say” but it is not an accurate representation of what the Church actually teaches.

Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either.

I don’t believe there is any requirement to have a “let’s get pregnant” attitude

You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies?

I don’t believe anyone is upset with you.

What if I already have three or four?

As with any size family, the spouses are called at all times to prayerfully discern whether or not they have a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy or if they do not and can generously welcome another child.

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships.

No one is required to use NFP. If they do not have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy, they are welcome to have sex as often as they please.

I’m not married, I don’t have sex, I strongly believe in the legitimacy of the Catholic faith, but I find it difficult to tell others to stay faithful to the Church’s teaching when I don’t even find it necessary.

You do not find it necessary to be faithful to God?

but how am I supposed to defend something that deep down I know doesn’t make sense?

What doesn’t make sense?

Each time a couple comes together in the marital act it must be objectively ordered to both procreation and unity.

The couple can choose to have intercourse or not. They cannot choose to disorder the act of marital intercourse.

It’s really quite simple. Choose to engage or refrain. That’s the choice the couple is making. When they have a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy, NFP simply provides information that can help them decide which they will choose. When a couple is trying to become pregnant, NFP again gives them information to help them decide which they will choose.

 

[Kay_Cee]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=571645 So I was just reading this thread about how many ‘safe days’ you have while using nfp. Honestely, it seems like nfp causes a lot of strain on marital life. It makes it seem like sleeping in the same bed with your own spouse is sleeping with temptation. I just don’t understand. It seems as though the only difference between using nfp and using contraception is more or less sex. You say it’s an issue of trusting God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him.

What would you think of someone who stuffed a sock down his throat and then thought, “Well, I don’t see how a sock is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to live, I don’t think my sock is going to stop him.”?

You say it’s an issue of being open to life? Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either.

It’s more than “two or three.”

You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies? What if I already have three or four?

I don’t think anybody here is upset with you.

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships. I’m not married, I don’t have sex, I strongly believe in the legitimacy of the Catholic faith, but I find it difficult to tell others to stay faithful to the Church’s teaching when I don’t even find it necessary. I’ve been struggling with trying to reconcile with this teaching for some time. I used to say that I just don’t get it, now I’m thinking it just doesn’t make sense.

My husband and I used NFP and I can testify that it put no strain on our marital relationship.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant, I’m just genuinely trying to tell you that it just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not trying to place myself above the Church, but how am I supposed to defend something that deep down I know doesn’t make sense?

With upmost sincerity, PBWY all <3

Since you want sense, allow me to give you a bit of logic. Here is a syllogism:

God designed human biology.
God does not err.
Therefore, God did not err when he designed human biology.

If you disagree with the syllogism, you must refute it by doing one of the following:

1. Demonstrate that the first premise is wrong.
2. Demonstrate that the second premise is wrong.
3. Demonstrate that the conclusion cannot be drawn from the two premises.

If the syllogism is true, we have no business trying to thwart God’s design. Who are we to say we know better than God? Who are we to re-design what he has created? Do we really want to tell God his design is not good enough for us, that we must therefore alter it?

 

[Scottgun]

God? Well I don’t see how a peice of latex is going to get between me and the will of the Divine Creator. If he wants me to have a kid, I don’t think my pinky-ring going to stop him.

This is like putting a gun up to an innocent bystander’s chest, pulling the trigger while saying, “If God doesn’t want me to murder this man, He will cause the gun to misfire.”

 

[aspirant]

Honestely, it seems like nfp causes a lot of strain on marital life.

I think this is especially true of couples, or individuals within couples, who need to work on the cultivation of chastity, self-mastery, and/or other virtues. (Truth: We all need to work on the cultivation of these virtues!)

On the positive side, feeling that strain could be, if correctly understood, a signal informing the person or persons that there is some good they can work on attaining! It signals an opportunity for growth.

No one likes the pain of being burned when they touch something hot, such as a stove. But, in a way, we should be grateful for that: If touching a hot stove didn’t hurt, we might not pull our hands away fast enough to prevent more serious damage. Feeling that pain is a good reminder that we need to take better care of ourselves.

It seems as though the only difference between using nfp and using contraception is more or less sex.

It seems so to many people, but I think we need to move beyond the surface. I have known single, celibate women, for example, who have used sympto-thermal methods to track their cycles. Their goal was neither to avoid or achieve pregnancy, but to better understand how their bodies work, to learn more about and monitor their own health, and to better appreciate their bodies. No contraceptive I can think of would have helped accomplish these, so that’s a very big difference, and one that is available to married couples using NFP as well (whether they want to accomplish or avoid pregnancy, or just to understand and appreciate).

Of course, less sex can sometimes be a boon even to married couples, as I and others have suggested above. It can be a great playing field in which to work on the virtue of self-mastery which, among other things, can in turn improve the quality of their sexual expression of love. That’s a tremendous opportunity.

You say it’s an issue of being open to life? Well counting your ‘safe days’ to have sex on the two or three of them that you can isn’t a very “lets get pregnant!” attitude, either.

Christianity does not ask us to cultivate a “let’s get pregnant!” attitude. Christianity does not require us, for example, to have sex when we are fertile. Christianity asks us to keep our sexual acts, when we engage in them, open to the possibility of transmitting life, not deliberately frustrating that potential of the act, however remote the possibility of transmitting life might be in those particular times and circumstances. Where contraception represents “a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality,” NFP does not.

You’re upset with me for not “throwing caution to the wind” and having more Catholic babies? What if I already have three or four?

I am not upset about anything. The Church does not ask anyone to “throw caution to the wind.” The Church’s Charter of the Rights of the Family teaches that “Spouses have the inalienable right to found a family and to decide on the spacing of births and the number of children to be born… in accordance with the objective moral order which excludes recourse to contraception, sterilization, and abortion.”

My point is, I just don’t see any reason why there should be so much strain on marital relationships.

I don’t think there should be any strain either. With the cultivation of virtues such as chastity and self-mastery, strain can diminish and even disappear.

I used to say that I just don’t get it, now I’m thinking it just doesn’t make sense.

I’d recommend starting with Karol Wojtyla’s book Love & Responsibility. If cost is a concern, start with this free booklet of excerpts (feel free to download and print it) and check for the book at your local public and/or school library. If your public library does not have a copy, they should be able to acquire it for you through interlibrary loan.

 

[aspirant]

NFP is, of course, a natural means of preventing pregnancy whereas chemical contraceptives are abortifcients.

To be fair, the Church’s teaching is not based on a simple distinction between “natural” and “artificial.” (I don’t mean you’re saying that, I just think it’s worth clarifying.) The Church does not oppose artifice as such. Pacemakers and prosthetic limbs are artificial, but they support the healthy function of the body and its systems, and that can be very good. Sterilization and hormonal contraceptives, used for contraceptive purposes, do not: they deliberately impede or frustrate rather than assist the procreative capacity of the body.

That said, one of the many benefits of NFP is that because it generally uses no unnecessary drugs, chemicals, hormones, or contraceptive devices, its use produces significantly less waste that may be disruptive to the environment.

Marital love is not at all about “selfish gratification.” It’s supposed to be about mutual self-gift. And ultimately, marriage is to help us grow in holiness. . . . and sometimes, that means loving the other more than self so that we can give in to our spouse’s needs.

The “life giving” days aren’t that many per month…we offer them to God in Thanksgiving for everything in our life. We can offer the sacrifice of a few continent days in reparation for our sins, the sins of friends, of others, for the sanctity of all families, for all the unborn, for all pregnant women.

The small sacrifice of no sex…opens up many new ways of tenderness. Lovely walks, talks, planning, acts of charity for others. Sex can become “the easy way” to intimacy or worse…“something to do”. Our love should be more effortful and costly for each other…otherwise it stays at a very superficial and sensual level.

People may indeed “say” this in trying to explain, but it is not why contraception is immoral and is not the basis of Church teaching.

People say lots of things. You’re right to point back to the teaching of the Church.

It’s really quite simple. Choose to engage or refrain. That’s the choice the couple is making. When they have a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy, NFP simply provides information that can help them decide which they will choose. When a couple is trying to become pregnant, NFP again gives them information to help them decide which they will choose.

Great post.

 

[Mrc]

I came here to post this and this is the right thread. If you practice nfp and your marriage doesn’t take strain, you’re very lucky. My wife and I haven’t been able to have sex for almost a year now. We recently had our first child and now there isn’t a single dry day and thus no phase 3. Sure the theory is awesome, but practically you can’t abstain for over a year and not take strain.

Before we conceived, we would hardly have time for intimacy simply because infertile phases were so short. In addition, every phase 3 would be like starting over and it would hurt so badly for my wife that she ended up in tears. Even at the end of every phase 3 it would still hurt but it would be bearable. This didn’t improve for the two years until we conceived.

Nfp is great for communication and knowing when you’re fertile when you want to conceive, but with nfp there is no sex life. Nfp has destroyed my wife’s sex drive completely. Basically, with nfp, you only have good sex once for every child you conceive.

We say we practice nfp but in fact we just don’t have sex. Is it so bad to not have sex? No. But when you love someone this much and can’t physically give yourself to her completely and can’t receive her completely it really really sucks!