NFP question

[lifeisbeautiful]

Using NFP to avoid *is *birth control.

You are making observations and avoiding intercourse because you don’t want to get pregnant. The whole point is to not get pregnant.

I don’t know why those of us that don’t want to get pregnant have to use euphemisms. Why can’t we just say it like it is?

I don’t want to get pregnant. I use NFP so I don’t get pregnant. My *birth control *method is periodic abstinence or NFP.

(The you in this case, is the universal you, indicating those that use NFP. I know, Hoosier Daddy, that you no longer use NFP.)

Furthermore, it is a completely moral form of birth control/ “regulation of birth”. The whole point of NFP to avoid is to use God’s design to allow couples to continue to participate in the marital embrace, which is good for them as a married couple, while avoiding getting pregnant because they have discerned they need to avoid. They need to avoid getting pregnant, they can use this form of birth control where the bodies are respected and God’s design is respected. The more accurate the better because the people using it should have reasons to need to avoid.

 

[Xantippe]

7armyrugrats said:

“I also get that your heart is hurting and that you cannot deal with the idea of another loss.”

My heart isn’t hurting much now, but another loss would really, really hurt and make me less functional as a wife, mother and just generally as a person. I think even just pregnancy itself or major hormonal disturbance (like the immediate postpartum period) has some sort of activating effect.

I’m not anxious and I’m not grieving now because I’m not pregnant now. If I were pregnant, I’m pretty sure it would flick on.

“But you also have no place to decide that other people are wrong for choosing a different path.”

But that happens to be the path that the OP’s wife wants to choose. That’s why the OP is here, after all–they disagree.

It wouldn’t be wrong for her to want more children or to try for more children, but it isn’t wrong for her to not want more children. She is not doing anything wrong in this respect.

“I pray that you and your husband can find a way to enjoy life without so much anxiety. It isn’t healthy to always look at all the horrible things that can happen in life.”

I’m not anxious, I’m just a planner and a thinker. That’s my nature.

 

[Rau]

My wife and I used NFP as Birth control with a birth control mentality absolutely. 100 percent.

It’s only purpose is to increase the chance of conception or to reduce it! The latter is not unreasonably called (natural) birth control.

I suppose the “birth control mentality” expression might be intended to suggest that it has become an automatic process, where there is no review of one’s position month to month.

I have long found the “just reasons” element of NFP to be a bit of a puzzle. The idea that one needs a “just reason” to choose not to have sex in light of knowledge of one’s fertility at that moment has always struck me as odd. it’s kind of like saying - well, if you feel like sex right now, and you don’t have a “just reason”, you are obligated to have sex! But I guess that’s a puzzle for another thread.

In regard to the OP, I think this thread may have been a lot simpler if the “problem” had been constrained to “I’m kind of OK with another child, but my wife has called it quits. How do we deal with this?” To my mind (I think, - the OP should confirm) - that is the crux of the matter; after all, having another chid will only elevate the quantity and availability of sex for a modest period of time, and then we revert to the current situation - hence my view that the quantity of sex is really quite a secondary issue.

From what I’ve read, the OP’s wife does not want more children, but is not really giving her reason. I quote from the OP (Godisgood77): "We have discussed our reasons for using NFP at length on multiple occasions. Ultimately, the reason is that she believes that God is ok with her being content with 2 kids". - her words not my interpretation. Personally, this sounds to me like avoiding answering the question. (I make no judgement about whether the wife has a good answer, but I don’t think this is it!) Arguably, the husband has a right to expect his wife to be more forthcoming about her reasons.

I am sympathetic to the age-related factors that have been discussed, and perhaps they are what has persuaded the wife that she won’t pursue another child. And if they truly cause her great apprehension, then that is a just reason in my book. I also recognise that not all parents relish a large family. I’ve read posters on CAF who just seem to be born to rear a large family - parenting is their all-consuming passion and massively rewarding. But not everyone is gifted in that way.

Ideally, the OP needs to sensitively encourage his wife to honestly express her reasons for not wanting more children.

 

[Xantippe]

I ran the OP’s situation by my husband, who is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work specifically in sexual ethics. My husband points out that even if the OP’s wife does not herself have serious reasons, the OP does have serious reasons, by virtue of the fact that his wife does not want to try for another child.

 

[Xantippe]

Rau said:

“Ideally, the OP needs to sensitively encourage his wife to honestly express her reasons for not wanting more children.”

I suspect that one of the issues at play is that she is content and thinks that their family right now is just about perfect. She may feel that trying for more children would not substantially increase their happiness, while introducing a risk of heartbreak or serious health complications.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I ran the OP’s situation by my husband, who is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work specifically in sexual ethics. My husband points out that even if the OP’s wife does not herself have serious reasons, the OP does have serious reasons, by virtue of the fact that his wife does not want to* try *for another child.

There is a difference between *trying *for another child and not using NFP.

Maybe you just didn’t accurately relay your husband’s comments, but if he is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work with sexual ethics, please make sure he is aware that married couples don’t have to live in a perpetual state of either trying or not trying for another child. There is a middle ground in marriage that involves neither trying nor avoiding. I sense from reading his posts that the original poster and his wife were there at one time and that the original poster would like to be there again.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I ran the OP’s situation by my husband, who is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work specifically in sexual ethics. My husband points out that even if the OP’s wife does not herself have serious reasons, the OP does have serious reasons, by virtue of the fact that his wife does not want to try for another child.

If the OP’s wife doesn’t have serious reasons (that is something for the OP and wife to talk about), then it makes no sense to say the husband has serious reasons because the wife wants to avoid without having serious reasons. I could be misreading what you wrote, but as I take it your husband is pretty much saying a couple would never need actual serious/just/grave reasons? As long as one person doesn’t want kids for whatever reason, the other spouse has serious reasons to avoid? Assuming when you say “try for another child” you mean “not avoiding”. ETA: Openness to children is not for our own Earthly happiness. Being happy with one or two or however many children doesn’t mean we have good reasons to avoid. I don’t know if the OP’s wife has other reasons, and it is something for the OP to go over with his wife, not for us to assume anything. They need to talk about why she doesn’t want more… there are a million reasons ranging from selfishness to great prudence why a person could say they don’t want kids.

 

[mommamaree]

There is a difference between *trying *for another child and not using NFP.

Maybe you just didn’t accurately relay your husband’s comments, but if he is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work with sexual ethics, please make sure he is aware that married couples don’t have to live in a perpetual state of either trying or not trying for another child. There is a middle ground in marriage that involves neither trying nor avoiding. I sense from reading his posts that the original poster and his wife were there at one time and that the original poster would like to be there again.

Perhaps this is true for some, but for other couples (like me and my husband) abandoning the method equals trying for another baby. The moment the couple uses the fertile period, they immediately conceive that first cycle. I know not everyone is that fertile, but the fact that some people are will naturally color their perspective on what using NFP or abandoning the method MEANS to them. That is why the decision on whether or not to use NFP is left to the couple. It would be impossible for there to be a consensus on this. For the OP, his wife believes there are good reasons to not try to have any more children. Her age and the risk of experiencing another stillborn have been cited, as well as her being content with their family size. There is nothing sinful or selfish about any of these reasons. In my opinion, these reasons are prudent and just. The OP himself might disagree, but disagreement is not a sign that one of them is in error. In my marriage, my husband defers to me on the final call with these matters, after we talk things out, because it is me who has to bear the burden of pregnancy and childbirth, and all the risks associated with it. It seems a fair arrangement to both of us. Is this consistent with how other couples come to a decision? In the situation of the OP, it seems that the wife wants to make the final call on this matter, at least for now.

 

[Xantippe]

gardenswithkids said:

“Maybe you just didn’t accurately relay your husband’s comments, but if he is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work with sexual ethics, please make sure he is aware that married couples don’t have to live in a perpetual state of either trying or not trying for another child. There is a middle ground in marriage that involves neither trying nor avoiding. I sense from reading his posts that the original poster and his wife were there at one time and that the original poster would like to be there again.”

I forget exactly what he said, but he probably meant that having a wife who doesn’t want another child is a good reason for the husband to abstain.

lifeisbeautiful said:

“I could be misreading what you wrote, but as I take it your husband is pretty much saying a couple would never need actual serious/just/grave reasons? As long as one person doesn’t want kids for whatever reason, the other spouse has serious reasons to avoid?”

Yes. Having a spouse who doesn’t want another child is a serious reason.

mommamaree said:

“The OP himself might disagree, but disagreement is not a sign that one of them is in error.”

Exactly. This is not a math problem.

“In my marriage, my husband defers to me on the final call with these matters, after we talk things out, because it is me who has to bear the burden of pregnancy and childbirth, and all the risks associated with it. It seems a fair arrangement to both of us. Is this consistent with how other couples come to a decision? In the situation of the OP, it seems that the wife wants to make the final call on this matter, at least for now.”

In our family, it has pretty much always been either my call or what one might call “NFP learning opportunities” (for instance, discovering that marital relations 7 days before ovulation will do the job). With our last two pregnancies, the 2011 pregnancy happened just as our mildly autistic child was about to turn 9 and was finally somewhat manageable and we’d started to talk about trying for another. (In my experience, just discussing having another baby will do the trick.) I had a late miscarriage and then was absolutely, psychotically focused on getting pregnant and having a baby as soon as possible, which we did in 2012, the year I turned 37. I’d asked my doctor whether I shouldn’t try to lose weight first (I was 240 pounds when I got pregnant this last time) and she had told me not to delay. She also mentioned around the time of my miscarriage that at my age, something like 1/3 of pregnancies end in miscarriage, which was news to me.

Pregnancy is such a big deal that I can’t imagine going into it on purpose with a spouse (particularly a wife) who was ambivalent about it.

 

[Cathmomof6]

7armyrugrats said:

“I’ve never understood how couples can honestly believe that 10 days per month is pretty good, figuring a woman can only conceive in a super small window of time. I don’t get how a couple can find scheduling sex to be romantic.”

A lot of people get pleasure from delayed gratification. Apologies for the TMI, but I’m currently counting down to Happy Fun Time myself, and nice things are more interesting when we can’t have them all of the time. Like Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and gingerbread, for instance.

Constant availability has the potential to be unsexy. Take, for example, the Protestant couple from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life–they could have sex ANY time, using fancy condoms, and yet they don’t.

I find it very interesting that the average young married US couple is only having sex twice a week.

“I don’t see how anyone can think this husband shouldn’t be upset, considering the fact that they have two kids, 5 years apart in age, and he doesn’t see why NOW his wife is so into conservative NFP that it amounts to possibly maybe being intimate at some point in a 10 day window. They are obviously not super fertile or they would have way more than a 9 year old and 4 year old. Now his wife equates sex to a hand shake. This is sad for them.”

She’s 37. It’s getting riskier and riskier every single year.****

“Why do so many people live their lives in fear?”

AKA “prudence,” one of the four cardinal virtues.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues

I realize that venturing pregnancy could be a living out of the theological virtues (charity, hope and faith) but it’s just as true that practicing self-denial via NFP could also be a living out of the cardinal virtues (justice, temperance, fortitude and prudence).

“I don’t understand why people must live there lives in constant fear even when many popes have told us to be not afraid–and that is because Jesus has also told us this Himself. We cannot base all our decisions in life on the fear that maybe something could happen when we really have no idea it will or not. Do people make ALL there choices out of fear or only the ones that concern with having children?”

Jesus also said (when he was being tempted to throw himself down from the temple), “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”

If there was constant fear, none of us would be having sex at all.

I apologize if I am off topic but I would like some dialogue on this advanced maternal age thing as this is a hot topic for me right now. As some of you may know, I am also 37 and hubby is 39. We just had our seventh healthy baby 3 weeks ago!! However, we had significant testing with this last little one because he was thought to be higher risk for trisomy 18. Since this is an age related abnormality, we have been “advised” on the risks of such problems associated with our age. Aside from low platelets during pregnancy(which I guess is my own little quirk), I have had relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, all healthy babies, no miscarriages/stillborn. We are financially doing fine. I would love more children. Not to say my pregnancies were a breeze, I still had to offer up the constant pain and uncomfortableness the last 20 weeks or so, but my children have all been great blessings regardless. And not to say I love every minute of having many kids, I struggle daily with controlling my temper and often feel isolated and lonely since I really cannot go many places in public with 4 kiddos under 5, BUT I also like to believe that I will be greatly blessed because of it!!!

I know people say we each have to judge our own situation, but what if age is your only reason to avoid?? Could I handle a child with genetic issues, like Down syndrome, etc? How would I know that without experiencing it? Would I feel guilty?? Most definitely. I would be made to feel irresponsible since there are many who avoid for this reason. Prudence, right? Why are we fertile well past 35 if it is imprudent to conceive a child who is at risk for a lifetime of suffering?

 

[Xantippe]

Cathmomof6 said:

“I apologize if I am off topic but I would like some dialogue on this advanced maternal age thing as this is a hot topic for me right now.”

How about starting a fresh thread? I think it deserves a space of its own.

It will be a relief after all the fake-y “I’m an albino Opus assassin–is it breaking the Sabbath to assassinate people on Sunday?” posts.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Cathmomof6 said:

“I apologize if I am off topic but I would like some dialogue on this advanced maternal age thing as this is a hot topic for me right now.”

How about starting a fresh thread? I think it deserves a space of its own…

I would really like to discuss the topic of maternal age more too. If someone starts another thread, please also provide a link to it on this one.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I would really like to discuss the topic of maternal age more too. If someone starts another thread, please also provide a link to it on this one.

Me too, I am wondering if maternal age is not just a “just reason” but rather should be a moral imperative to use NFP. Especially if the statistics are accurate. Ultimately, why is it moral for one person to decide to risk a late fertility pregnancy but not others?

 

[Lorelei12]

The OP himself might disagree, but disagreement is not a sign that one of them is in error. In my marriage, my husband defers to me on the final call with these matters, after we talk things out, because it is me who has to bear the burden of pregnancy and childbirth, and all the risks associated with it. It seems a fair arrangement to both of us. Is this consistent with how other couples come to a decision? In the situation of the OP, it seems that the wife wants to make the final call on this matter, at least for now.

Joining this thread a little late, but I think this about sums up what the whole problem is here- what to do when spouses disagree about it. And I agree that just because they don’t agree, doesn’t mean one of them is wrong.

My husband and I have not come across any disagreement yet, but I have a feeling that if we were in the OP’s situation, he would be like your husband and trust me if I said I couldn’t handle it.

It sounds like the OP’s wife is not doing a good job of communicating what is going on. The OP himself mentioned that he thinks there is more going on than she is saying. She owes it to him to be completely honest about her reasoning, and he owes it to her to consider how she feels about it.

When one spouse feels he or she has a perfectly good reason, and the other doesn’t think the reason is good enough, and they can’t work it out themselves, it’s probably time to go talk with a priest. But I do feel that a husband in this situation should be especially concerned with the fact that she is the one who deals with being pregnant, and going through childbirth. If she thinks she’s done with all that, those feelings deserve to be considered.

 

[Cathmomof6]

Cathmomof6 said:

“I apologize if I am off topic but I would like some dialogue on this advanced maternal age thing as this is a hot topic for me right now.”

How about starting a fresh thread? I think it deserves a space of its own.

It will be a relief after all the fake-y “I’m an albino Opus assassin–is it breaking the Sabbath to assassinate people on Sunday?” posts.

If anyone knows how to repost that asa new thread without me having to type it all out again, I would appreciate it!!! I am not much of a techy!!!

 

[PaulinVA]

If anyone knows how to repost that asa new thread without me having to type it all out again, I would appreciate it!!! I am not much of a techy!!!

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=875625

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I ran the OP’s situation by my husband, who is a Catholic ethicist who does a lot of work specifically in sexual ethics. My husband points out that even if the OP’s wife does not herself have serious reasons, the OP does have serious reasons, by virtue of the fact that his wife does not want to try for another child.

I don’t understand this. Lets say the wife does not have just reasons. Lets also say that the husband realizes this. So, if NFP abstinence is demanded by the partner who does not have just reasons then (Woman in this case) the man is not really “practicing” NFP at all. Should he not do her charts or anything else. And this goes against how NFP is sold to couples. We are told that it is a couple’s prayerful decision. But really it is the woman’s. The man, who wants a child is always overruled by a spouse who does not FOR WHATEVER REASON. And that idea is where I have a problem. “For whatever reason” The wife could say that she wants a Ferrari before they would have a child and that could not be a “just” reason, but because it is her reason it is the NFP law of the land. Theologically that makes no sense. And it cannot really be applied elsewhere. For instance, in a mixed marriage a Catholic is still bound by the laws of the Church. They must attend Mass, Raise the Children Catholic, attend to the Church’s needs, go to confession at least once a year, and Mass during the Easter season. Same with ABC, the Church has guided that a couple where one person is using ABC can still have sex, but that the faithful spouse cannot themselves use the ABC. AND that they visit this topic and try to resolve it.

This was the case with my spouse and me. When we married we used ABC. I we knew it was against the Church and I personally detested it. I wanted babies. She insisted upon it and since she was on “depo” it was an every three month fight. Then, slowly, she let her conscience grow and we decided to use NFP, but with the full intent to “control” avoid. Not because of a just reason (remember I wanted children at any time) but just because she had this “plan” You know, 2 kids white picket fence, sports car…
Then came our first child which was a result of NFP rule breaking because of my instance. Then our second, then after our second had serious medical issues with a genetic deletion we employed many different “versions” of NFP on top of each other. C2CL (of which we were instructors) on top of fertility monitors such as Ladycomp, a fertility watch, and a microscope you spit in. Our third we had again at my relentless pushing, my wife had her first bout of PPD afterwards. (I never really even believed in it until I experienced her going through it.) Our fourth was our first and only child we were absolutely in unison on. We planned it. We even tested theories on gender picking. We used NFP for not only conception but to try to achieve a certain type of baby. And while this “use” of NFP was fun, and it was a relief to us to finally be on the same page it still was cold, clinical and a tad bit disturbing. After much of our marriage, we had been at odds with each other over the topic of children we are now in perfect sync. My wife has gone from a Catholic trying to accept the Church’s concession to use NFP, to a full on “large family mentality” I did not think we would ever be “those people” but we are. She is the breadwinner, I stay at home, she is a full time scientist, AND is in an executive MBA program. We live somewhere we do not want to stay and if anyone had reason to postpone it would be us. We have medical, financial and mental stress issues abound. But one thing we don’t have anymore is NFP fights. Frustrations of not getting enough sex, or if between four kids, school, work, and life we have the time to “schedule” sex into a “safe window”. Now, we just function as a married couple on the same mission, on the same team of getting ourselves and our children to heaven. And if sex happens to be part of that, then it is wonderful. And since we dropped all of this “just” reason nonsense our sex is more frequent, more loving, and more satisfying. Which makes our marriage better, which in turn makes the stress, job, kids and money less of a burden and less of a “reason” to avoid.

 

[Xantippe]

HoosierDaddy said:

“The man, who wants a child is always overruled by a spouse who does not FOR WHATEVER REASON. And that idea is where I have a problem.”

What is he going to do instead–sexually assault her?

If a woman doesn’t want to have marital relations at a particular time, her husband has the choice of either persuading her or abstaining. I don’t see that there are any other licit choices.

““For whatever reason” The wife could say that she wants a Ferrari before they would have a child and that could not be a “just” reason, but because it is her reason it is the NFP law of the land. Theologically that makes no sense.”

Why do you think it is a good idea to purposely impregnate a woman who does not wish to be impregnated and does not want to raise an additional child? How does that glorify God?

“And it cannot really be applied elsewhere. For instance, in a mixed marriage a Catholic is still bound by the laws of the Church. They must attend Mass, Raise the Children Catholic, attend to the Church’s needs, go to confession at least once a year, and Mass during the Easter season. Same with ABC, the Church has guided that a couple where one person is using ABC can still have sex, but that the faithful spouse cannot themselves use the ABC. AND that they visit this topic and try to resolve it.”

It’s not sinful to abstain (as long as there is no intention of avoiding pregnancy for the entire marriage). In fact, self-denial is glorified in our religious tradition.

“Our third we had again at my relentless pushing, my wife had her first bout of PPD afterwards. (I never really even believed in it until I experienced her going through it.)”

That sounds terrible.

“After much of our marriage, we had been at odds with each other over the topic of children we are now in perfect sync. My wife has gone from a Catholic trying to accept the Church’s concession to use NFP, to a full on “large family mentality” I did not think we would ever be “those people” but we are.”

And I’ve never used ABC, ever, and neither has my husband.

I suppose that makes a rather large difference in perspective.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

HoosierDaddy said:

“The man, who wants a child is always overruled by a spouse who does not FOR WHATEVER REASON. And that idea is where I have a problem.”

What is he going to do instead–sexually assault her?

If a woman doesn’t want to have marital relations at a particular time, her husband has the choice of either persuading her or abstaining. I don’t see that there are any other licit choices.

““For whatever reason” The wife could say that she wants a Ferrari before they would have a child and that could not be a “just” reason, but because it is her reason it is the NFP law of the land. Theologically that makes no sense.”

Why do you think it is a good idea to purposely impregnate a woman who does not wish to be impregnated and does not want to raise an additional child? How does that glorify God?

“And it cannot really be applied elsewhere. For instance, in a mixed marriage a Catholic is still bound by the laws of the Church. They must attend Mass, Raise the Children Catholic, attend to the Church’s needs, go to confession at least once a year, and Mass during the Easter season. Same with ABC, the Church has guided that a couple where one person is using ABC can still have sex, but that the faithful spouse cannot themselves use the ABC. AND that they visit this topic and try to resolve it.”

It’s not sinful to abstain (as long as there is no intention of avoiding pregnancy for the entire marriage). In fact, self-denial is glorified in our religious tradition.

“Our third we had again at my relentless pushing, my wife had her first bout of PPD afterwards. (I never really even believed in it until I experienced her going through it.)”

That sounds terrible.

“After much of our marriage, we had been at odds with each other over the topic of children we are now in perfect sync. My wife has gone from a Catholic trying to accept the Church’s concession to use NFP, to a full on “large family mentality” I did not think we would ever be “those people” but we are.”

And I’ve never used ABC, ever, and neither has my husband.

I suppose that makes a rather large difference in perspective.

What is he going to do instead–sexually assault her?

Seriously. We are going to go there? I’m talking about the moral and licit use on nfp, not marital rape. cmon man!

Why do you think it is a good idea to purposely impregnate a woman who does not wish to be impregnated and does not want to raise an additional child? How does that glorify God?

I have no idea how you are reading that into what I said.

I was going to go on with each point but I am going to stop for a second. I think from the get go you have either misunderstood some things or read into things that were not there. So, lets clarify for a second.

Back to the very beginning the OP said he had about 10 “safe” days a month. I understood you to be making the argument that having sex ten times a month was pretty good. I then made the argument that 10 “safe” days does not mean 10 days of sex and in fact in real life can very well mean no days of sex at all for that cycle which means a month or so of abstinence. IF you miss the window you miss the window. I think you took that to mean that some people only have 1 day of “safe” time? No, that is not what I meant. Then I understood you to make the argument that later in life chance of a miscarriage is higher and therefore the OP should not desire a pregnancy or even push for one. (this is now being dealt with on another thread so we will let it go for now) Then, and I have seen this before, I detected this kind of attitude that it is impossible to use NFP for sinful reasons.
Then your argument seemed to go in the direction of if SHE does not want another child NO MATTER WHAT HER REASON then HE has “JUST” reason to avoid. When I tried to say that the moral dilemma is with HER you turned it into marital rape…
I am sooooooo confused as to your point. Perhaps I am not reading you correctly but perhaps you could succinctly put your views and beliefs on these subjects into one straightforward, no beating around the bush post. Otherwise I fear two things are happening, 1) we are just talking past each other and accusing each other of positions we do not hold. or 2) We have a serious and distinct moral disagreement and definition terms in the theological sense such as openness to life, and even marriage. It is a timely subject and one that is in the forefront of satan’s world right now. Children, Marriage and control. These are the issues facing the world today from abortion, to SS"M" to racism.

 

[mommamaree]

HoosierDaddy and Xantippe,
Both of you are reasonable and fairly wise people who both contribute a sane voice to this thread. This topic is challenging. HoosierDaddy, yes, it did sound unfortunately like you were speaking of more than “persuasion” in your post. However, from your posting history, I know that is a ridiculous conclusion. Lurkers on this forum are not likely to know this, and may easily jump to wrong conclusions about what you say.
Both of you are living faithful Catholic lives, but with different experiences (and being different genders) your perspectives are going to be different. That does not make either of you wrong. I think that with a certain amount of attention to diplomacy and clarity, this could be an interesting conversation to have. Many of us have struggled with these very questions in our own marriages. And the reality is, different solutions are acceptable for different couples.
I have long since learned to value each of your contributions to the forum discussions here, and I especially appreciate the perspectives/experiences we have in common.

In essential things, unity.
In doubtful things, liberty.
In all things, charity.
-St. Augustine