Nice guys finish last belief

[Tosk]

This thread is starting to sadden me…as though women were some mystery, puzzle or prize to be won. Women are individuals, who have unique experiences that make them each individual. It isn’t one size fits all…if you act like ‘x’ then ‘y’ is going to happen. If you don’t do ‘xyz,’ then ‘123’ is going to happen. No…that’s not a good approach to finding a wife.

That also might be the source of rage that you see in a a lot of nice guys, “I did everything in the manual and the darn thing still isn’t working” After just acting nice doesn’t get every woman to fawn all over them they figure that women must be broken and they have to resort to some kind of psychological manipulation or act like jerk to get what they want. you’re right it is the wrong way to go about getting a wife.

 

[whatevergirl]

That also might be the source of rage that you see in a a lot of nice guys, “I did everything in the manual and the darn thing still isn’t working” After just acting nice doesn’t get every woman to fawn all over them they figure that women must be broken and they have to resort to some kind of psychological manipulation or act like jerk to get what they want. you’re right it is the wrong way to go about getting a wife.

*Women are complex…lol I know, news flash right? Men are also. God put women together with certain characteristics, and men, the same way. But, we are still all unique…from the unique set of experiences and histories that we have gone through in life. Nothng worse than a man thinking he ‘knows women.’ Or women who ‘think they know all men.’ If you’ve had a few bad relationshps, you don’t know ‘all’ of anyone. *

*(To singles) When you meet someone new, my advice is to act like you’re never been hurt. Jaded people who wear their hurts on their sleeve, should wait until they have healed before venturing out, and putting the blame of the past onto another woman. (same holds true for women looking for men) Smile, be someone others like to be around. Women (I say this generally) don’t like to be around men who think women are the cause of their problems in life. It shows. It shows. It shows. If you have dated a series of women, who have not wanted to take things to the next step…who eventually always end things with you…time to take an inventory of what YOU could be doing wrong. If you’re the common denominator of the fraction… maybe time to start changing something that could be a turn off.

When I meet a married person, I can tell pretty quickly, if he/she is happily married or not…just by how he/she refers to women or men, in a general sense. I can tell when meeting a single person, who laments over being single, if he/she has something to do with it. When you are bitter, it shows. When your bitterness turns you to looking at an entire gender as ‘this’ way or ‘that’ way…it shows. Check that attitude at the door, if you want to successfully date.

Be kind. Be honest. Be NICE. Be like Christ for others to see, really. I don’t see how anyone can go wrong with that. *

 

[whatevergirl]

*A good, healthy, Catholic woman will appreciate a man who is trying to be like Christ to others. If you (as a single man) get dumped from women who don’t appreciate that, change who YOU are going after. There are ‘bad boys’ and then there are girls who like to live on the edge, and want that bad boy. You don’t want that type of girl. If you are attracted to that type, you have to ask yourself…why.

“Nice girls” dress modestly. “Nice girls” don’t go out until all hours of the night partying. “Nice girls” go to mass every week…sometimes more than once per week. Be honest…are you going after THOSE KINDS of women, or the kinds that are the opposite? If you are going after girls who are on the wild side, no, they are typically not going to like the nice guy, or even notice him, right away. Not that people can’t change, they can. But, if you don’t want to change someone, then pick the nice girl off the bat.

(‘Nice’ being the operative word…I don’t like labels, personally…but going with the flow of the thread, I’m using the term, “nice”)*

 

[sanctamaria17]

That makes me sad too. I hate it when people try to “pursue” me. I’ve had bad experiences with strangers for that reason. I’m not a puzzle or a conquest. I am a person, made in the image of my Creator. I am a person. You can’t label me or say that everything that applies to other women applies to me. I hate it when people pursue me, play mindgames with me, etc. Yes, I’m a girl, yes, I’m a Catholic girl, but you can’t put me in a box. I wear boots, plan on getting tattoos, and use darker makeup. I want to work in an international setting. I love foreign languages and rock music. I’m an activist. I’m politically liberal. Yet, at the same time, I’m very pro-life, I go to Mass every week, am consecrated to Mary, fight to stay chaste, and defend the Church. I’m not the kind of girl who thinks that the only way to be a good Catholic is to marry young, have a lot of kids and homeschool (kudos to the moms on the board who do it, it’s not easy! it’s just not my calling). So I’m not going to be the same as a Catholic girl who may be politically conservative, wants to marry young, etc. Yet I won’t deny that we’re both Catholic and following God’s plan for our respective lives.

I’m sick of everyone putting women into a box, as if we have cookie cutter roles. Not every woman likes to wear skirts. Not every woman wants to be a SAHM or is a SAHM. Not every woman likes chocolate. Not every woman thinks that just because the guy is Catholic or a virgin means he’s a good guy (and those shouldn’t be the only barometers we utilize). Not every woman comes from a good background but maybe she works hard at overcoming it. Not every woman is called to have lots of kids or homeschool. Not every woman likes flowers. Not every woman is a good cook. Not every woman wears makeup. Not every woman is demure.

My mother told me that I should always love myself, for my loud, expressive personality, to always speak my mind, and to never hide my intelligence. My father always told me the same thing. They also told me I should date on my own terms and that I have the right to make a free decision about that. They support me in my decision to be a good Catholic, to fight for pro-life, and to remain abstinent, even though they themselves are not practicing and are pro-choice. I love my mom and dad because they always taught me to be who my Creator made me to be.

 

[whatevergirl]

That makes me sad too. I hate it when people try to “pursue” me. I’ve had bad experiences with strangers for that reason. I’m not a puzzle or a conquest. I am a person, made in the image of my Creator. I am a person. You can’t label me or say that everything that applies to other women applies to me. I hate it when people pursue me, play mindgames with me, etc. Yes, I’m a girl, yes, I’m a Catholic girl, but you can’t put me in a box. I wear boots, plan on getting tattoos, and use darker makeup. I want to work in an international setting. I love foreign languages and rock music. I’m an activist. I’m politically liberal. Yet, at the same time, I’m very pro-life, I go to Mass every week, am consecrated to Mary, fight to stay chaste, and defend the Church. I’m not the kind of girl who thinks that the only way to be a good Catholic is to marry young, have a lot of kids and homeschool (kudos to the moms on the board who do it, it’s not easy! it’s just not my calling). So I’m not going to be the same as a Catholic girl who may be politically conservative, wants to marry young, etc. Yet I won’t deny that we’re both Catholic and following God’s plan for our respective lives.

I’m sick of everyone putting women into a box, as if we have cookie cutter roles. Not every woman likes to wear skirts. Not every woman wants to be a SAHM or is a SAHM. Not every woman likes chocolate. Not every woman thinks that just because the guy is Catholic or a virgin means he’s a good guy (and those shouldn’t be the only barometers we utilize). Not every woman comes from a good background but maybe she works hard at overcoming it. Not every woman is called to have lots of kids or homeschool. Not every woman likes flowers. Not every woman is a good cook. Not every woman wears makeup. Not every woman is demure.

My mother told me that I should always love myself, for my loud, expressive personality, to always speak my mind, and to never hide my intelligence. My father always told me the same thing. They also told me I should date on my own terms and that I have the right to make a free decision about that. They support me in my decision to be a good Catholic, to fight for pro-life, and to remain abstinent, even though they themselves are not practicing and are pro-choice. I love my mom and dad because they always taught me to be who my Creator made me to be.

*Couldn’t agree more, maria. Yes, there are commonalities amongst women. There are common traits men share, also. But, the generlizations bug me. I think that one’s dating success will flourish, if he/she stops generalizing the opposite sex, and acting like he/she is an “expert” on the subject. *

 

[CountrySinger]

*Couldn’t agree more, maria. Yes, there are commonalities amongst women. There are common traits men share, also. But, the generlizations bug me. I think that one’s dating success will flourish, if he/she stops generalizing the opposite sex, and acting like he/she is an “expert” on the subject. *

It is funny when people make generalizations of me. I dress in a very feminine way most of the time. But I love tech gadgets as well (I got a new ipod touch, and I love it). I love “Family Guy”, “South Park”, “The Simpsons”. I can have a very guy-ish sense of humor (it happens when you grow up with two borthers). But I also love romantic comedies and girly TV shows. I play rugby and practice kickboxing, but also cry at sappy commericals. I love cheesy teen pop from the '99 (*N Sync), but sing country music.
My best friend is a gay man, who really stayed by my side when my mother died. If a guy has a problem with that, they can leave. I’m fiercely loyal, but you hurt me, you are gone. I’m a nerd in Marilyn’s Monroe body, I guess.

 

[chevalier]

Sancta, Whatevergirl, aren’t we kinda flying far off the reach of the actual topic? The topic isn’t about categorising, skirts, errr… whatever else is there, but it’s the general tendency of the “nice guys” not being a hot item until they’re in the 30+ age category. So, WG, you didn’t really crack the code, sorry to break it to you.

Incidentally, doing what you described generally does set a man up for finding a wife, possibly in a good match, but rather after his twenties than during. However, environments differ between each other and comparisons don’t really work out.

 

[whatevergirl]

Sancta, Whatevergirl, aren’t we kinda flying far off the reach of the actual topic? The topic isn’t about categorising, skirts, errr… whatever else is there, but it’s the general tendency of the “nice guys” not being a hot item until they’re in the 30+ age category.

Incidentally, doing what you described generally does set a man up for finding a wife, possibly in a good match, but rather after his twenties than during. However, environments differ between each other and comparisons don’t really work out.

*The thread isn’t intended to be about categorizing, but the thread unraveled into that, eventually. But, even the original intent…‘nice guys finish last,’ insinuating that ‘most’ women don’t like nice guys, is a generalization, indeed. *

 

[chevalier]

*The thread isn’t intended to be about categorizing, but the thread unraveled into that, eventually. But, even the original intent…‘nice guys finish last,’ insinuating that ‘most’ women don’t like nice guys, is a generalization, indeed. *

To be honest, I’m not sure that it’s untrue. The culture doesn’t like generalisations these days, but what really matters is whether a particular one is true or not. In this case, most women being secular in our culture, I guess they’d be in the bad boy / bad girl scene until age 26-30, depending on individual maturity or responsibility. As for practicing Catholic women, I don’t know, since I haven’t been able to examine a sample or get reliable second-hand data. The situation would probably be near-identical with men because it’s a general problem of these days’ populace. What’s to hate here?

 

[whatevergirl]

*No two people are the same…gender can play a role in things, but everyone is different. I will say this, if a person considers her/himself unique, probably would be best suited to not get together with a man/woman who is generalizes.

Perhaps as human beings, we can’t help but lump people into the same category if we have been jilted in some way. *

 

[chevalier]

No two people are the same…gender can play a role in things, but everyone is different. I will say this, if a person considers her/himself unique, probably would be best suited to not get together with a man/woman who is generalizes.

*Perhaps as human beings, we can’t help but lump people into the same category if we have been jilted in some way. *

Hey, you aren’t calling me emotional, are you? …Are you? ARE YOU!!!11oneone

 

[whatevergirl]

Hey, you aren’t calling me emotional, are you? …Are you? ARE YOU!!!11oneone

* You are not unstable. Well…hahaha Nooo…you’re not.

No one here is unstable…I think we all have the propensity to lump people into categories after having one or two bad run ins…not just with dating, either.

Like, if you go to a car dealer, the experience is awful, here in the states, there is a running joke about how horrible ‘car dealers’ are. But, meanwhile, that could be one or two bad experiences, and the whole lot gets lumped.

Insurance companies. People have bad experiences with one or two, the whole industry gets broadbrushed.

So…generalizations have a way of irking me, IN GENERAL. HA! Get it…in general?

Okay, I’m bowing out now. *

 

[chevalier]

So…generalizations have a way of irking me, IN GENERAL. HA! Get it…in general?

*Okay, I’m bowing out now. *

I’m more fond of looking for common patterns, you know. Like, in all 40 or so romantic or dating failures of mine, there is a common part… me.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m more fond of looking for common patterns, you know. Like, in all 40 or so romantic or dating failures of mine, there is a common part… me.

*lol aw. You’re growing. lol

Seriously, I went through a series of failures…BUT…were they failures, or just experiences to lead me to my husband?

Have to think of it differently, perhaps.*

 

[chevalier]

lol aw. You’re growing. lol

Seriously, I went through a series of failures…BUT…were they failures, or just experiences to lead me to my husband?

Have to think of it differently, perhaps.

Let’s call things by names, not like it detracts from my awesomeness anyway.

 

[CountrySinger]

Like the Rascal Flatts song “God Bless the Broken Road” !

 

[chevalier]

Nice song.

I set out on a narrow way not so many years ago
I got lost a time or two or 40

Yeah, kinda fits.

Or in the words of that sunny blond girl from my late salaried work (I’m freelance now), “I’m not getting any younger. Speaking of, you aren’t either.” (Yeah, I’ve arranged for an accidental meeting through friends some time this coming decade.)

 

[Norseman82]

Since this involves a Bible verse that is being referenced to in another thread…

Is it because the guy is “nice” or because he’s self-righteous and thinks that because he’s done what he’s supposed to, he deserves someone?

That also might be the source of rage that you see in a a lot of nice guys, “I did everything in the manual and the **** thing still isn’t working”

That’s because the Bible tells us that if we seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, all these things will be added unto you (Mt. 6:33, please allow for variations in translations). So, instead of criticizing the “nice guys” for seeking that which will be added, ask if the problem is that one is not willing to be a tool on the hands of God by being one of those things which will be added unto the “nice guys”.

 

[dulcissima]

You are not supposed to be seeking that which will be added. You’re going to go astray if that is what you are seeking, and you might end up being not as nice as you might think you are. Women can sense when you are after something vs. when you are just being yourself. If you are going after that which will be added, it comes across and it might be a hindrance to you if you are seeking a woman who has her sights set on something higher than that.

 

[Norseman82]

You are not supposed to be seeking that which will be added. You’re going to go astray if that is what you are seeking, and you might end up being not as nice as you might think you are. Women can sense when you are after something vs. when you are just being yourself. If you are going after that which will be added, it comes across and it might be a hindrance to you if you are seeking a woman who has her sights set on something higher than that.

Except that the seeking that which will be added is due to obeying God’s standards. Pardon us for being normal males; at least we are doing things God’s way and not fornicating. You would think that would count for something in the eyes of Catholics, but I guess CAF is full of renegers (sp?) as well.