I agree 100%. I’ve seen to many people and state agencies operate on the theory that the children belong with the mother (fathers be damned) and adoption be a “last resort”. Thousands lof lives are destroyed evey year using that deeply flawed logic.I will always disagree with this. I think it is selfish of young mothers to think that there is no one better to raise their child. There were so many more adoptions before abortion became legal. Once abortion was legalized, you couldn’t present adoption as an alternative any more
If a mother is unable to provide for her child and it’s obvious then we all agree the child should be taken into care thus force used however i get the feeling from other’s that if there aren’t certain circumstance’s in place during pregnancy such as job with good salary, father of the child present then they baby would be better put up for adoption. I was simply asking those with snobby view’s what if the mother was able to provide for the child even if these circumstance’s didn’t exist, do they still believe it should be put up for adoption, would they want such a thing forced believing it is best for the babySo what? Why are you asking about “force?”
“Force” is another concept entirely.
So why are you asking about it?
Actually I would in hearbeat.Adoption in years before worked becuase children were stolen and mothers were shamed. Certinally no one wants to go back to that aggregious behavior.
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Have you considered the idea that God gave her that child so she could give it to someone that truly wanted it?God dosn’t just bless people with children willy-nilly. There IS a reason why God gave that child to that mother.
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Hmm.If a mother is unable to provide for her child and it’s obvious then we all agree the child should be taken into care thus force used however i get the feeling from other’s that if there aren’t certain circumstance’s in place during pregnancy such as job with good salary, father of the child present then they baby would be better put up for adoption. I was simply asking those with snobby view’s what if the mother was able to provide for the child even if these circumstance’s didn’t exist, do they still believe it should be put up for adoption, would they want such a thing forced believing it is best for the baby
What has that got to do with anything and if you read my earlier post’s which i’m judging you didn’t you would understand that i believe that as long as the mother is able to provide for the Child’s need’s then she has every right to keep the child and is right in doing so. Yes it would be better if she was married etc however i would NEVER say it is better that she give her child up to another family that earn a considerable salary using the excuse it’s for the betterment of the childHmm.
So the question is based on your feeling?
Yet no one has affirmed your feeling -
except for SamH.
That makes him one of your “snobby” people then?
I read all of your posts.What has that got to do with anything and if you read my earlier post’s which i’m judging you didn’t you would understand that i believe that as long as the mother is able to provide for the Child’s need’s then she has every right to keep the child and is right in doing so. Yes it would be better if she was married etc however i would NEVER say it is better that she give her child up to another family that earn a considerable salary using the excuse it’s for the betterment of the child
Yet, society still says that should be a reason to consider adoption, and many birth/first parents who loved their child placed their child for that reason. Heck, I have a friend who she and her husband considered placing their youngest for adoption due to finances. To think that that thought isn’t present in the reasons to place a child for adoption is naive.I read all of your posts.
I remeber all of your posts.
Yet I don’t recall anyone
saying that loads of money in other pockets
should be an argument for a mother to consider adoption.
Only you have implied that, IMO.
Well read back again about where i said that a woman who earn’s a minimum wage and also able to provide for her child materially and through love etc should be a sufficient enough argument. I was told this was my opinion and that also a child can only be brought up properly by two people. I do agree it would be better if a father was present especially if the child is a boy for discipline reason’s but i would never use this as an argument. If a single mother is able to provide for her child and desire’s to do so then there shouldn’t be any push toward’s her giving her baby up. Adoption is the last choice because there is no other choice’s left when the mother doesn’t want or can’t provide for her childI read all of your posts.
I remeber all of your posts.
Yet I don’t recall anyone
saying that loads of money in other pockets
should be an argument for a mother to consider adoption.
Only you have implied that, IMO.
I thought you were told that it seems evidentWell read back again about where i said that a woman who earn’s a minimum wage and also able to provide for her child materially and through love etc should be a sufficient enough argument. I was told this was my opinion and that also a child can only be brought up properly by two people. I do agree it would be better if a father was present especially if the child is a boy for discipline reason’s but i would never use this as an argument. If a single mother is able to provide for her child and desire’s to do so then there shouldn’t be any push toward’s her giving her baby up. Adoption is the last choice because there is no other choice’s left when the mother doesn’t want or can’t provide for her child
Of course i agree with this but i would never say that it would be better that a mother who is able to provide for her child and want’s to that adoption should be the best option simply because she is a single mother. Who know’s, in the future she could find Mr Right in that he will Father the childI thought you were told that it seems evident
that God’s plan is for a child to have two parents,
a mother and a father.
Guessing you disagree with that?
All children have a mother and father or else they wouldn’t exist. What role they play in a child’s life may varyI thought you were told that it seems evident
that God’s plan is for a child to have two parents,
a mother and a father.
Guessing you disagree with that?
Of course.All children have a mother and father or else they wouldn’t exist. What role they play in a child’s life may vary
You would support us returning to the practice of social workers coercing parents into signing over custody of their children to the courts so they could be adopted out? You’re aware of scandals like the Tennessee Children’s Home Society and the child migration travesties in the US, Canada, and Australia, right?Actually I would in hearbeat.
Hello azgirl,My 20 year old niece is pregnant and due in August. She is very immature and I worry that she is not ready for the responsibility of being a mother. She was engaged to the father but they have now broke up. He has problems with drinking and doing drugs so this is probably for the best. Although I am sure they will get back together again as they have done this a couple of times already. She has never taken care of herself as she has been in community college and her father has paid her rent and bills. She hasn’t held a job for very long. I am sick with worry, wondering how she will be able to care for a baby when it appears she can’t take care of herself. I have offered her a place to stay but we do not live near each other. We live about 3 hours apart. I would love to offer to adopt the baby as I have the means to care for a child but know that is not my place. Any suggestions on how to reach out to my niece?
I like what you say here. The OP cares for her niece and should then give her the support she needs whatever she decides upon, whether to keep the baby or even prefer that the baby be adopted by strangers. Her niece may also benefit from counseling from an objective, non-interested third party.I think that there is nothing wrong with saying to the niece “if you think adoption is something you want to consider I would be happy to adopt your child”. If the niece is panicking about the pregnancy it would surely give her much relief to know the option is there. But I would not try and talk her into it at all. As PP has said many women find themselves young, poor, unmarried and pregnant and the child gives them the motivation needed to step up and get their act together. I was young and unmarried when I got pregnant and DH and I were poor as dirt. But we got married, he went back to school and now we’re still low income but happily married with two wonderful kids. Both of us matured A WHOLE LOT.
I belong to a group for young mothers that meets weekly and I’ve met so many remarkable young women that realized what was at stake and went back to school, got their lives together and figured it out.
Just because someone is young, poor and unmarried doesn’t mean they will be a terrible parent and adoption is automatically the default. Convincing a reluctant mom to adopt out her baby will lead to an extrememly depressed and troubled birth mother. If on the other hand she’s really upset about the pregnancy and feels she isn’t in a place at her life where she can raise the baby then adoption by a relative is a wonderful thing.
I think you should guage her reaction OP. Did your neice announce the pregnancy or her parents? Did she seem excited about it or upset?
Yes, even if the father and her niece do not get back together, he can still help with finances, give her support and be a father to the baby.I agree…how many people here where “well off” when they had their first child…? And why is it nobody suggested talking to the father?? Urge them both to step up!!! How does he feel about adoption? Would he work to keep it together? Samson.
No one has the right to push a mother to give up her baby just because she is unmarried.They’ll manage.
I did, and a lot of other adopted peopel I know do as well. Most people who are adopted consider teh peopel their adoptive parents their REAL parents.
Adoption should be the FIRST resort when a woman is pregnant out of wedlock, young, uneducated essentially. There are so many stable married couples out there who are waiting in vain for children. I’m so grateful that my biological mother placed me for adoption because the life I would have had would not have been a good one, either emotionally or in any other form. She went on to have two more children out of wedlock, and while one was rather sick and had special needs, the other child is now in her late teens and out of control.
There’s a reason God told us to wait till marriage for sex. That child deserves a mother and a father and a stable home life. Not being dumped on family or in day care while mum tries to get her education/job sorted out.
Granted, I know a couple, drug users, heavy drinkers, both dropped out of school when they were 15, owed a lot of money to a lot of people, the boy was always in trouble with the law, had a long record of B&E’s, car theift, you name it. They were also completely filthy, they were always messy, had take aways, couldn’t cook, and came from very disfunctional families - child services had been involved in both of their lives when they themselves were children. The girl got pregnant at 19 he was 21 and while I’m glad they didn’t kill the child, I did think adoption was the best option considering their circumstances, especially since the girl didn’t get any pre-natal exams or anything.
Anyway, baby is born, and while not very healthy, the girl has stepped up to the plate, heck, even the father has managed to keep his job since the kid was born several months back, which is a big deal for him. They’re sorting their mess out and its a good thing.
End of the day, children are NOT property, they are not status symbols or dolls. While I have sympathy for the OP, the OP’s neice, my main concern is the child. If we want to get this society back to some form of mortality if we want to re-establish the family as the foundation stone of our communities we need to start ensuring children have the best chance, and that’s with a mum AND a dad in a stable relationship, not some poor girl who wants to play house.
So my advice to the OP, sit down and have this conversation with your neice, be sympathetic to her plight, but at the same time let her knwo that this is another human being involved here. Let her know how proud you are of her that she isn’t taking the so called “easy” way out with an abortion. Get some information about the local adoption agencies and how they work, perhaps an open adoption would be appropriate for your neice?
I think it would be a good idea to talk to her and offer to adopt the baby if she feels that she cannot care for it. She may be more interested in giving the baby a better home if she knows that the baby will be raised by a family member. I would do it if I were you. Just make sure to set boundaries if you do adopt the baby. She would need to understand that you become the child’s mother when you adopt the baby. She will always be the birth mother, but she cannot make the same kind of decisions about the child’s life that you can if you adopt him/her.My 20 year old niece is pregnant and due in August. She is very immature and I worry that she is not ready for the responsibility of being a mother. She was engaged to the father but they have now broke up. He has problems with drinking and doing drugs so this is probably for the best. Although I am sure they will get back together again as they have done this a couple of times already. She has never taken care of herself as she has been in community college and her father has paid her rent and bills. She hasn’t held a job for very long. I am sick with worry, wondering how she will be able to care for a baby when it appears she can’t take care of herself. I have offered her a place to stay but we do not live near each other. We live about 3 hours apart. I would love to offer to adopt the baby as I have the means to care for a child but know that is not my place. Any suggestions on how to reach out to my niece?
She is raising the baby with support from her family. She is living with her parents and going to school and working part-time. The baby is very happy so it appears all is going well. I don’t get to see her that often as we don’t live near each other. She is very lucky to have a family that is willing to support her and help her as your daughter is lucky to have you.Hello azgirl,
As the parent of a teen mother (she was 19), I was wondering what happened with your niece? Is she raising the baby?
My daughter is in school right now because she wants to be able to take care of herself & her child. However, they have been living with me & I pay most of the rent & half of the utilities. I love my granddaughter, but It’s not easy.