No thank you note for Christening gift

[Truly_Beloved]

I would make a note that this family obviously does not appreciate gifts, monetary or otherwise, and assume in the future they would be offended if I went against their wishes and sent a gift, so I would not be doing so.

I love this answer! If I send gifts and the person doesn’t let me know they received them, I’d just stop sending anything, since obviously the first few gifts went unappreciated.

Anyone can pick up a phone and I do have email, I think a note is more gracious but a call is prefectly acceptable. -still think a wedding gift should be acknowleged with a note though.

I completely agree. Gifts should be acknowledged with a note or phone call. I wasn’t raised this way (I’m in my 20s), but I adopted the practice in time to write all of the thank you notes for my wedding. It’s a tradition that I continue to practice through baby showers, baptisms, my children’s birthdays, etc., and I want to teach my children to do likewise.

 

[m_crane]

You can put your nose in the air and demand a written thankyou all you want, but you won’t get anywhere.

FYI That was a rude thing to say.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

It’s a gift - I don’t want you to have to do any work after you receive it. So no, I don’t ever expect a thank you note, but I always send one when I receive a gift because I know how important it is to many people. I always do the best I can to follow the rules of etiquette of the person I am dealing with.

 

[Sierrah]

A lot of people just don’t send thank you cards anymore. It’s a lost tradition…like letter writing.

 

[aicirt]

I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.

“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child” King Lear

Think about what you wrote on a Catholic board. Are you emulating the BVM? Very rude.

 

[PaulinVA]

I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.

How terribly sad. And rude.

It all started down hill when men stopped wearing hats. I blame JFK.

Your comments on this thread are indeed representative of your generation. I am only 50, but in my lifetime all pretense of formality or civility has been abandoned by the majority of people in the US.

We are not better off for this. Following such formalities as thank yous for gifts and such is consciously avoided because to do so acknowledges that there are people other than you in the world that matter, and that is not a concept currently in vogue.

 

[Binary]

I’d speculate that the people who expect thank you notes also expect gifts.

 

[aicirt]

I’d speculate that the people who expect thank you notes also expect gifts.

If the people having the affair didn’t want gifts, they should state that on the invitation. Otherwise, unless otherwise instructed, the guests will follow custom by presenting them with a present.

I expect acknowledgement of a gift. Phone call will do but a written thank-you is lovely.

I don’t expect a gift with the thank-you note. Who does? Never heard of such a thing.

 

[purplesunshine]

FYI That was a rude thing to say.

rude or not, it’s the truth, and something that you need to understand. You came to this board to seek different perspectives than balk when you see one.

A lot of people just don’t send thank you cards anymore. It’s a lost tradition…like letter writing.

Thank you

“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child” King Lear

Think about what you wrote on a Catholic board. Are you emulating the BVM? Very rude.

Because King Lear was a great example of morality…

Think about what I wrote? Are you kidding me? What are you going to do…send me to my room? No supper with dessert? I never stated that I don’t write thankyous, only that I don’t expect them and don’t really care if I get one or not. If a thank you matters that much you need to sort out your priorties.

And I don’t see what this has to do with the Blessed Mother.

I’d speculate that the people who expect thank you notes also expect gifts. (when they send out an invitation)

I’m guessing that’s what you ment.

Exactly, there’s a bunch of people running around hanging on to archaic traditions. Since when does having a party where people feel obligated to give me a gift mean something. I got some useful things out of my graduation party from HS, but things sent out upon college graduation were to let people know for the most part. I really didn’t care to get gifts, and I didn’t get any. (mind you, I DID write ty’s when people did send me things). If I get married I won’t really need anything so I don’t really see myself wanting much. Come to my event if you want but don’t expect anything else out of me. I just don’t care that my aunt’s son once removed gave me a cheese grader. There’s too many relaitives to keep after anyway. And my peers feel the same way. We want you to BE there, be in our lives. I couldn’t care less about a person who shows up to one event in my entire life. I spend more time brushing my teeth.

 

[m_crane]

We want you to BE there, be in our lives. I couldn’t care less about a person who shows up to one event in my entire life. I spend more time brushing my teeth.

I am very glad to hear that you want your relatives and friends to BE there in your life because it tells me that you care.
I don’t want to give you the impression that I just send these gifts but don’t reach out to befriend them. I invite this couple in all my important get-to-gethers too as well as attend their special occassions always with a smile and a gift in hand or something to contribute to the party. When they are come my house I make sure to spend time with them, not just a Hi and I’m glad you came kinda thing.

As for the I couldn’t care less about a person who shows up to one event. I only attend parties for people I care about and I only invite people I care about.

 

[aicirt]

rude or not, it’s the truth, and something that you need to understand. You came to this board to seek different perspectives than balk when you see one.

Thank you

Because King Lear was a great example of morality…

Think about what I wrote? Are you kidding me? What are you going to do…send me to my room? No supper with dessert? I never stated that I don’t write thankyous, only that I don’t expect them and don’t really care if I get one or not. If a thank you matters that much you need to sort out your priorties.

And I don’t see what this has to do with the Blessed Mother.

I’m guessing that’s what you ment.

Exactly, there’s a bunch of people running around hanging on to archaic traditions. Since when does having a party where people feel obligated to give me a gift mean something. I got some useful things out of my graduation party from HS, but things sent out upon college graduation were to let people know for the most part. I really didn’t care to get gifts, and I didn’t get any. (mind you, I DID write ty’s when people did send me things). If I get married I won’t really need anything so I don’t really see myself wanting much. Come to my event if you want but don’t expect anything else out of me. I just don’t care that my aunt’s son once removed gave me a cheese grader. There’s too many relaitives to keep after anyway. And my peers feel the same way. We want you to BE there, be in our lives. I couldn’t care less about a person who shows up to one event in my entire life. I spend more time brushing my teeth.

“If you older crowd don’t like it, tough”…That’s not rude? Stop kidding yourself.

He showed up to one event in your entire life because YOU INVITED HIM. How else did he get there? He/she probably wished he had stayed home brushing his teeth with the warm fuzzies you emit.

The BVM is the model for Catholic women. Think of your words coming out of her mouth.

Many have given reasons why they would like a thank you. I repeatedly said a phone call will do because I NEED to know the person actually got the gift.

 

[purplesunshine]

I am very glad to hear that you want your relatives and friends to BE there in your life because it tells me that you care.
I don’t want to give you the impression that I just send these gifts but don’t reach out to befriend them. I invite this couple in all my important get-to-gethers too as well as attend their special occassions always with a smile and a gift in hand or something to contribute to the party. When they are come my house I make sure to spend time with them, not just a Hi and I’m glad you came kinda thing.

As for the I couldn’t care less about a person who shows up to one event. I only attend parties for people I care about and I only invite people I care about.

“If you older crowd don’t like it, tough”…That’s not rude? Stop kidding yourself.

OP wanted opions, that’s mine. It is tough. I’m not going to sugar coat it.

He showed up to one event in your entire life because YOU INVITED HIM. How else did he get there? He/she probably wished he had stayed home brushing his teeth with the warm fuzzies you emit.

I didn’t write the invations to my graduation, and I really couldn’t care less about most of the people there. Some I was meeting for the first time. My friends are in the same boat. That’s the ones with semi-normal parents not even hilicopter parents. Half of my friends married in the past two years have eloped specifficly because their parents trying to control things, people not RSVP’ing (the same people who demand TY notes) and other drama. I agree with them fully.

The BVM is the model for Catholic women. Think of your words coming out of her mouth.

I’m sure she put people who deserved it in their place from time to time. She didn’t always speak Bible-esque

Many have given reasons why they would like a thank you. I repeatedly said a phone call will do because I NEED to know the person actually got the gift.

I am addressing the statement that was made above that a wedding gift deserves a card.

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.

I am the older crowd and I thank your for the educational tips, now that I know our 20 somethings don’t want gifts from us, you just saved me a ton of time, money, and thought, since my grandkids are entering that cohort. If you cannot be bothered to toss off 2 words, Thank. You. then we oldsters cannot be bothered to sign checks and mail them. whew, that is a relief, I can’t thank you enough.

your complete dismissal of the most basic rules of polite behavior has also explained a lot about your generation that has been puzzling me, and I suspect you will go into your first jobs with a lot of OJT on basic manners and civility to be done.

 

[purplesunshine]

I am the older crowd and I thank your for the educational tips, now that I know our 20 somethings don’t want gifts from us, you just saved me a ton of time, money, and thought, since my grandkids are entering that cohort. If you cannot be bothered to toss off 2 words, Thank. You. then we oldsters cannot be bothered to sign checks and mail them. whew, that is a relief, I can’t thank you enough.

Snarky much? I have just mentioned the outlook of people my age. A general thank you is seen as sufficent except for those who go above and beyond or would get their panties in a bunch becuase one wasn’t sent. And even for those who do get upset it still dosn’t mean things get sent by post. As I was mentioning before this is about mailed TY’s (or even e-mailed) as opposed to general TY’s to a group or within a normal conversation.

your complete dismissal of the most basic rules of polite behavior has also explained a lot about your generation that has been puzzling me, and I suspect you will go into your first jobs with a lot of OJT on basic manners and civility to be done.

Just because I’m aware of the rules and the fact that no one follows them dosn’t mean that I’m some kind of slacker.

For your information even in this economy, I had MANY job offers have been employeed for over 2 years with many accolades and am one of the favorite voulenteers in the kitchen at my current parish. I am praised for my work ethic often.

I’m just saying I don’t expect thank you notes. Not now, not ever. And I’m saying it’s foolish to try to expect more out of my generation than that. It will just frustrate you. Of course, I’m sure there’s some home-schooled went to straight-edge Catholic University person on here who will post that they and all their friends write thank you’s but that’s not the norm.

And FYI. I do write thank yous. But now that I have my own life and my parent’s don’t control my invite list I won’t and will never invite people who I don’t know to things, even if they are my aunt’s cousin or some other nonsense. I hope to elope like many of my friends or in the very least have the smallest wedding possible in order to avoid people like you. Even though I do plan on writing ty’s. (and often do even for smaller things like bbq’s and such)

 

[mini_me640]

You know it IS a possibility (albeit a small one) that a thank you card was ent and got lost in the mail. I’ve had checks, birthday cards, bills, and everything else get lost in the mail over the years It does happen. Why assume the worst of everyone?

 

[sharmin]

It’s a gift - I don’t want you to have to do any work after you receive it. So no, I don’t ever expect a thank you note, but I always send one when I receive a gift because I know how important it is to many people. I always do the best I can to follow the rules of etiquette of the person I am dealing with.

How can picking up a phone or emailing someone be considered work? Especially when thanking someone for a gift, a generous offering. Seems strange and lazy to me…

 

[sharmin]

I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.

Well, if “you younger crowd don’t like it”, tough back at ya. And return the gifts or get used to not receiving them. geesh. I’m only in my 30s and am appalled at this lack of graciousness.

 

[purplesunshine]

Well, if “you younger crowd don’t like it”, tough back at ya. And return the gifts or get used to not receiving them. geesh. I’m only in my 30s and am appalled at this lack of graciousness.

The only gifts I get are those I exchange with my parents and brothers on christmas.

I do send out gifts to my aunt, uncle and 3 cousins in state x, to my aunt and uncle in state z (4adult cousins don’t get gifts) and to my aunt uncle and cousin in state y. They don’t write TY’s not do I expect them. They do not send gifts to me, and never have.

If they sent me something I’d send a TY but I know they wouldn’t expect it either.

I really don’t care if people give me stuff or not. It’s a gift. I expect nothing from no one. If I get something I say thank you and follow it with a note depending on the situation. I almost always do…again. And I like writing. But I do think it’s an archaic practice.

But literally, I ask for nothing, I’m given nothing. I don’t want anything. I can build my life myself. I got nothing for college graduation and I’m darned proud of it. (my brothers, who also got nothing still whine to this day that they should of “cashed in”)

 

[PatriceA]

I don’t always think its an older vs. younger generational thing. Sometimes its just a family thing. My whole family, immediate and extended, younger and older, RARELY send thank you cards. Its just not something we do. My MIL is a stickler for thank you cards, the rest of her family though never send them either.

I don’t give a gift expecting a thank you card. I give a gift because of the affection I feel for the person. Getting upset about not getting a thank you card feels like there’s strings attached to the gift and to the relationship even.

 

[agapewolf]

First, I agree that some basic polite behavior gradually been missing.

However, about talking down about the generation, lets keep in mind WHO RAISED AND TAUGHT that generation. The blame goes both ways. How are they supposed to know what basic polite behavior is if the previous generation didn’t teach them?

I have a question a bit related. I went to a baby shower, and the host of the shower handed out envelopes for us to address to ourselves for our “thank you note”. What do you all think of that, in general?