No thank you note for Christening gift

[aicirt]

First, I agree that some basic polite behavior gradually been missing.

However, about talking down about the generation, lets keep in mind WHO RAISED AND TAUGHT that generation. The blame goes both ways. How are they supposed to know what basic polite behavior is if the previous generation didn’t teach them?

I have a question a bit related. I went to a baby shower, and the host of the shower handed out envelopes for us to address to ourselves for our “thank you note”. What do you all think of that, in general?

That happened. I don’t believe anyone was miffed. Just figured the hostess was giving the bride another present: all the envelopes correctly addressed. Be pretty difficult for the bride not to write the tys when half the work was done.

Yes, there are people who come from socially inept families. If you really wanted to learn, you emualte others. Plenty of books and magazine articles out re. etiquette which do sell because people want them.

 

[Dorothy]

First, I agree that some basic polite behavior gradually been missing.

However, about talking down about the generation, lets keep in mind WHO RAISED AND TAUGHT that generation. The blame goes both ways. How are they supposed to know what basic polite behavior is if the previous generation didn’t teach them?

I have a question a bit related. I went to a baby shower, and the host of the shower handed out envelopes for us to address to ourselves for our “thank you note”. What do you all think of that, in general?

I had to chuckle at that one! Surely the addresses of those at the baby shower were known, since invitations were sent out. In my opinion that was tacky.

 

[PaulinVA]

I had to chuckle at that one! Surely the addresses of those at the baby shower were known, since invitations were sent out. In my opinion that was tacky.

I simply would take that as the hostess wanted to help the bride out but was too lazy to address the envelopes herself, so she got everyone else to do her good deed.

Good idea, but the hostess ruined the execution.

 

[jamanne]

isn,t there something in the Bible about some people receiving great favours and withholding their thanks.I am from A Scottish background and we were always taught that if someone takes the time to shop for a card ,then a gift ,goes to the trouble of wrapping ,mailing writing appropriate messages or in the event of a cheque ,they’re giving you money they worked for ,the very least you can do is say" thank you '"either by phone or card .Not to do so is ignorant and bad mannered . Some kids close to our family have grown into selfish brats because this was never explained to them.these poor social skills are often carried over into the adult working world and then they wonder why they have a hard time with coworkers and bosses .Good manners are an outward sign of your respect for the rest of the human race.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

How can picking up a phone or emailing someone be considered work? Especially when thanking someone for a gift, a generous offering. Seems strange and lazy to me…

It all depends on how many people you have to thank…

I consider a thank you note something I get in return, almost a form of payment, and I don’t expect anything in return when I give a gift. That is just me personally though. When a thank you note is expected I always make sure to write one.

 

[LilyM]

Put it this way, I do my best to thank everyone who gives me a gift, whether it’s for an ‘occasion’ or not, personally and individually by one means or another.

But for a big do like a wedding or christening?

I went to a wedding in January, and gave a monetary gift. I know the couple well, and they were SO busy at the time (and still are) what with moving into a new house, organising to rent out another property, working insanely hard so they could afford their mortgage. I wouldn’t expect them to take the hours and/or spend the money on postage, stationery or phone bills to individually write or call all the guests. It may take a second or a couple of cents to do your call or letter or email, but multiply it by over a hundred guests …

And for a christening? M crane, have you had any children of your own? Then you’ll know how much effort goes into looking after a young baby. I’m impressed that any of the new parents I know can even manage to find the time or energy to shower, change into clean clothes, get to the Church and keep up with all the responses and things they have to do DURING the christening. Again, it wouldn’t upset me if I didn’t receive a personal thankyou at such a busy time.

 

[Jea9]

I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.

I’m in my 20’s as are all of my friends and we ALL sent/send out thank you notes. It has nothing to do with your age and everything to do with what you were taught by your family. However, since you say you know general rules of etiquette and that you do this when the situation demands it, it seems as though you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone to do it at times. Did it hurt? I mean really, was it that hard?

FYI I was raised in a non-religious, secular, anything goes household and we were still taught to send out thank you notes. so it has nothing to do with being raised in an ultra-conservative home. Not sure where that comes from?

Put it this way, I do my best to thank everyone who gives me a gift, whether it’s for an ‘occasion’ or not, personally and individually by one means or another.

But for a big do like a wedding or christening?

I went to a wedding in January, and gave a monetary gift. I know the couple well, and they were SO busy at the time (and still are) what with moving into a new house, organising to rent out another property, working insanely hard so they could afford their mortgage. I wouldn’t expect them to take the hours and/or spend the money on postage, stationery or phone bills to individually write or call all the guests. It may take a second or a couple of cents to do your call or letter or email, but multiply it by over a hundred guests …

And for a christening? M crane, have you had any children of your own? Then you’ll know how much effort goes into looking after a young baby. I’m impressed that any of the new parents I know can even manage to find the time or energy to shower, change into clean clothes, get to the Church and keep up with all the responses and things they have to do DURING the christening. Again, it wouldn’t upset me if I didn’t receive a personal thankyou at such a busy time.

My husband and I put our wedding together in under a week as we had been waiting on the response for my Petrine Privilege case; we left for 16 days and two days after we got back I started a new job that took me out of town and our home 5/7 days a week and yet we managed to send out thank you cards. Being busy is not an excuse. We had SUPER small wedding, but about 25-30 people at his work got together and threw him a Groom’s Shower the day of the wedding, so we had to add those thank you notes to the pile. I’m just saying, yes, people are busy, but so are the people that took the time to pick out something for you. Even if it was only a card. In the case of my husband’s Groom’s Shower they had all wrote down words of wisdom for us as a new married couple, some of them that is all that they gave, others donated money to the ‘money tree’ that was made for us. All of it deserved a thank you!

 

[sharmin]

It all depends on how many people you have to thank…

I see what you’re saying, but seriously, how much time did each person spend picking out the gift, wrapping it, etc. Seems like a phone call to each person who did that is the least someone could do.

This whole mentality of entitlement is just baffeling me. I would not send any other gifts to people who don’t know how to show even the most basic gratitude and manners.

 

[angelerulastiel]

Are you sending a gift to congratulate/do something nice for someone or because you want a thank you card?

While I would appreciate a card, I wouldn’t expect someone to send one.

One of my uncles lives less than an hour away, yet we never see him. He send money most Christmases, but that’s his substitute for interaction. And we send gifts to him.

I also have an Aunt to lives across the country. She tries to keep track of all her nieces and nephews in addition to her great-grandkids, even when those nieces and nephews are her half or step-siblings. When she sends a card or gift I always send a thank you note because she actually cared. And I still remember many of the gifts she sent.

 

[m_crane]

You know it IS a possibility (albeit a small one) that a thank you card was ent and got lost in the mail. I’ve had checks, birthday cards, bills, and everything else get lost in the mail over the years It does happen. Why assume the worst of everyone?

Absolutely, that’s exactly what I thought when I gave the each of the couple a nice graduation gift. But then a wedding shower gift, then a wedding gift, then a baby shower gift, then a christening gift. But the invitations and announcements never got lost?

I wish I could convince myself they forgot to call or it got lost in the mail.
And I’m not counting events where I gave presents that they open in front of me, of course they said thanks when i handed them a gift that they opened in my presence, but when the gift was left on a table, or mailed. I recieved no acknowelgement.

 

[m_crane]

And for a christening? M crane, have you had any children of your own? Then you’ll know how much effort goes into looking after a young baby. I’m impressed that any of the new parents I know can even manage to find the time or energy to shower, change into clean clothes, get to the Church and keep up with all the responses and things they have to do DURING the christening. Again, it wouldn’t upset me if I didn’t receive a personal thankyou at such a busy time.

Yes and one was a cholic baby for 2 years. If I had time to throw a party then I had time to write a thank you. May just a simple thank you with love and maybe just one a day but i still did it because I was grateful for the gift and the person who gave it. Whew!!!

 

[m_crane]

Not receiving a thank you may seem like a petty grievance but I posted to find out if people, mostly new generational, had good and sound reasons for not observing basic etiquette rules . I now more convinced they are just rude. Anyone who takes time to read this post is likely to come to the conclusion that there is a new generation of people who enjoy a sense of entitlement where no thanks are required.

I hope that this is not true and that it is more that I’ve hit a nerve with some young people for whom this may be that case.

To all you 20’s and 30’s out there who do acknowledge gifts, I think you demonstrate basic maturity and class and would at any age. And I’m sure you are the majority.

The rest have something to chew on in the future when you are given a gift. Maybe you should write no gifts on your invites and annoucements from now on. Gift givers are busy people too.

Hey! and THANK YOU ALL for reading and posting… I am truely grateful.

 

[ellj]

I am the person everyone is irritated with. My mother taught me well and had to practically sit on me when I graduted from high school. I learned my lesson and didn’t invite anyone to my college graduation! I am not interested in gifts so much as people actually being there. So, after my wedding, my mother in law made me do thank you card (while having an eye infection causing great difficulty to see what I was doing!) So, being as unorganized and discombobulated as I am, I misplaced all the completed, addressed cards! I tried to put them “some place safe” which, ask my husband, never works out for me. Never sent them. Skip ahead 3 years, I just found them when cleaning/reorganizing my office. Do I send them? What do I do?

Since then, I have tried to be as diligent as possible to send thank yous for baby showers and such, but I still have great difficulty getting that done. So, in return, I never EVER expect a thank you card because of my own struggles. I also don’t expect gifts, but always appreciate them, even if I don’t get that card out.

I don’t blame me not getting cards out to the way I was raised or my generation, only myself. And I am trying to be better!

 

[m_crane]

I am the person everyone is irritated with. My mother taught me well and had to practically sit on me when I graduted from high school. I learned my lesson and didn’t invite anyone to my college graduation! I am not interested in gifts so much as people actually being there. So, after my wedding, my mother in law made me do thank you card (while having an eye infection causing great difficulty to see what I was doing!) So, being as unorganized and discombobulated as I am, I misplaced all the completed, addressed cards! I tried to put them “some place safe” which, ask my husband, never works out for me. Never sent them. Skip ahead 3 years, I just found them when cleaning/reorganizing my office. Do I send them? What do I do?

Since then, I have tried to be as diligent as possible to send thank yous for baby showers and such, but I still have great difficulty getting that done. So, in return, I never EVER expect a thank you card because of my own struggles. I also don’t expect gifts, but always appreciate them, even if I don’t get that card out.

I don’t blame me not getting cards out to the way I was raised or my generation, only myself. And I am trying to be better!

No ones perfect. Your story made me smile!

 

[BrokenFortress]

I’m 23, not homeschooled, not Catholic as a child, for reference.

But I agree that a thank you should be a common courtesy. Whether it be a card or a phone call or an email, doesn’t matter. But, I think it’s important to show one’s thanks.

We’re getting married in September, plan on having about 150-200 guests and you can bet for all that show up they will be getting a thank you card in the mail. Will it take us a long time to address those and write them out? Sure. But, it’s not only about us. I think our society has become a lot about “me, me, me”. Family is taking time and money to come and support us in our day, we can take a couple hours to set apart some time and show how much we appreciated that.

So, there’s my take on it. Not all of the younger generation don’t care. I appreciate what is given to me and realize that people will spend time and money to support me in whatever (birthday, wedding, future children etc) and for that I am grateful. The least I can do is let them know that I am grateful whether it be a phone call, email or card.

 

[SwizzleStick]

How terribly sad. And rude.

It all started down hill when men stopped wearing hats. I blame JFK.

Your comments on this thread are indeed representative of your generation. I am only 50, but in my lifetime all pretense of formality or civility has been abandoned by the majority of people in the US.

We are not better off for this. Following such formalities as thank yous for gifts and such is consciously avoided because to do so acknowledges that there are people other than you in the world that matter, and that is not a concept currently in vogue.

How very true. Great post, thanks!

 

[SwizzleStick]

Sending thank you notes for a gift is just common courtesy and basic manners. Those who send thank you notes for gifts, dinners, gatherings, etc. have good manners. Those who do not send thank you notes for such do not. To expect a thank you note from the recipient of a gift or guest at an event is simply expecting the recipient or guest to behave with basic good manners and that is not at all unreasonable. Since basic civility and good manners have been lacking in our culture for some time, it does not surprise me that this most basic aspect of gift receipt or social interaction, acknowledging the gift and giver or the host and/or hostess, has slipped out of practice for many. This is yet another illustration that our culture has lost basic civility and that being polite, simply courteous, simply considerate to another is viewed as optional by some. Apparently, being rude is now quite acceptable to some simply because most people are now rude. I do not believe that standards should be lowered on that basis, because it just makes our society more crass and coarse, so I have set higher standards for my own family. Each of my children, even my 7-year old, knows that if he/she receives a gift, he/she will write a thank you note for it. Are we dinosaurs? Maybe. But, we are dinosaurs who exhibit basic manners and gratitude to those who have done something nice for us. Acknowledging that something nice and showing gratitude is so basic and a given of consideration for another.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I’m 23, not homeschooled, not Catholic as a child, for reference.

But I agree that a thank you should be a common courtesy. Whether it be a card or a phone call or an email, doesn’t matter. But, I think it’s important to show one’s thanks.

We’re getting married in September, plan on having about 150-200 guests and you can bet for all that show up they will be getting a thank you card in the mail. Will it take us a long time to address those and write them out? Sure. But, it’s not only about us. I think our society has become a lot about “me, me, me”. Family is taking time and money to come and support us in our day, we can take a couple hours to set apart some time and show how much we appreciated that.

So, there’s my take on it. Not all of the younger generation don’t care. I appreciate what is given to me and realize that people will spend time and money to support me in whatever (birthday, wedding, future children etc) and for that I am grateful. The least I can do is let them know that I am grateful whether it be a phone call, email or card.

Very well said. Great post.

 

[purplesunshine]

We’re getting married in September, plan on having about 150-200 guests and you can bet for all that show up they will be getting a thank you card in the mail.

yeah…the thing about having weddings…200 people is just crazy. This is exactly why my friends have eloped.

 

[SwizzleStick]

yeah…the thing about having weddings…200 people is just crazy. This is exactly why my friends have eloped.

There is no need to be rude and critical of this bride by saying it is just “crazy” to have 200 people at her wedding. Sometimes doing the proper thing, going about things in the right way, acknowledging important people, family and friends, takes a little extra effort and is more difficult than not doing things in the proper way. That truth applies to writing thank you notes and hosting weddings and many other things as well.