No thank you note for Christening gift

[zaramarie81]

This is exactly how I feel about the issue. Thank you ElisabethM for giving me the words, i was looking for to express my feelings

I realize most people don’t give gifts to get thank-you notes, but there has to be some level of grace on all sides. I understand that repeated forgetful thank-you’s or acknowledgments is obnoxious, but try not to read so heavily into one slip-up. Trust me, at some point you will need grace for your own faux paus… we all do this at some point. For some it’s the thank-you note issue. For others it’s saying something stupid in public or forgetting something important to another or not being available when someone is in need etc. Everyone at some point steps on anther’s toes, usually not intentionally. So please, offer some grace. **If a relationship is that important to you, then please make the effort to gently talk it through instead of making all sorts of assumptions about how someone feels about you based on a thank-you note. **

 

[jilly4ski]

I think I agree with the OP in this instance. If they had forgotten to send one thankyou note I would have forgotten and moved on. But sending multiple gift and getting no acknowledgment in return would probably make me think twice about getting a nice or expensive gift.

I would just send a card for special events in the future to show you are thinking about them, no check or cash just a card.

I am 24 and when I got married we carefully documented each present card and money gift and sent thank you notes out. My mother made us write thank yous for Christmas for each relative who was no longer living in our home. For all of my wedding and baby showers I again took notes and documented (or had someone else) who gave what gifts.

The hardest one was sending thank yous after our son was born. Because we just opened gifts has we got them we didn’t keep track of who gave what. But I still got cards out to everyone who sent us something.

Right now I am in the process of sending out cards for our change of address and adding a picture of our son and a semi personal note. Unfortunately I come from a large (mom is one of 11 and dad is one of 6, I am one of 6 and that is just my side not my Dh’s) semi-close family on my mom’s side which make card sending expensive and time consuming. However, these are really sweet ladies (8 Aunts) who take the time to send us a Christmas cards, presents when we had our son, etc. So I make sure that I take time to think of them and send them a card or note.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…Do we have a obligation to teach the ill mannered to be gracious?

Instructing the ignorant is a work of mercy.

Interesting thread and discussion. Not only are things like letter writing becoming a lost art, but the transmission of basic manners seems to be a lost skill. Recently I read that in the by-gone era (when etiquette and manners were more prevalent), it was quite common for almost every home to have well-worn books on manners within easy reach. That was when books were more expensive and fewer. I have many, many books, but I only recently aquirred a book on manners at a book sale of old books.

You might consider giving the people in your life whom you find ill-mannered a good book on etiquette, a game on manners (for children), or perhaps some stationery that can be used as thank you notes. The people you are dealing with might not be intentionally rude but simply ignorant of gracious living.

 

[agapewolf]

You might consider giving the people in your life whom you find ill-mannered a good book on etiquette… .

and this passive aggressive approach would also be rude.

 

[jilly4ski]

and this passive aggressive approach would also be rude.

I don’t know, I often received stationary as a gift growing up. Not because I didn’t write cards but because that used to be an acceptable gift to give. Also receiving a book of etiquette on the occasion of an engagement or wedding might be very useful thoughtful gift.

 

[m_crane]

To the OP, you mention that you spend a lot of time with this family. Is that because you enjoy them and they are happy to spend their time with you? That should be what matters most.

Thank yous are nice, and should be a priority to those who receive gifts. However, not everyone sends them. I probably would not assume that someone who I spend a lot of time with and have a good relationship with does not appreciate my gift simply because they fail to formally acknowledge it with words. Maybe their ongoing relationship with you is an indication that they appreciate you for a lot more than just the material things that you give them. You know, there is even a chance that if you didn’t send a gift for some occasion, that they would not be sitting around wondering if that means that you don’t care for them anymore. Gift giving and thank you note writing are both optional, and the lack thereof of either of these things doesn’t necessarily mean that two parties in a relationship don’t appreciate each other.

Give this family gifts if you wish, but use some charity when you reflect on the lack of a thank you note. It could be that they are busy or not well organized. They might also be the sort of people who spent time thinking about what to say, but then failed to realize they never followed through and sent a note. If you have a good relationship with them, it makes sense to assume the best about their intentions.

I have expressed that I include this new couple in my events in an effort to get to know them better. The male is my cousin but he is my youngest son’s age, the female I hardly know but have made many attempts to… dinners BBQ, Holiday dinners etc. The male cousin is very quiet, his wife is very outgoing almost to the point of commanding attention. All I know about her is`that she comes from a family of means and is used to having nice things like Bahama vacations, Juicy Coutre( a expensive clothing line) and the like. I just think they should know better then to throw a big expensive wedding and receive big expensive gifts and not send a thank you note.

As for not giving gifts, though I really am annoyed with them because I have picked up on a level of greed in their personalities…

Here’s the story:

A poor relative of mine sent them a $25.00 gift card from home depot as a house warming gift. The relative call me in a panic and said the wife called her about the gift card she sent them. I said, “Oh that’s nice. she called to thank you?” She said “No, she called to tell me there’s something wrong with the gift card and could I mail the receipt.” My poor relative was upset because she didn’t have the gift receipt and said that she was going to go out and buy another gift card for them. I said, “did she at least thank you for your efforts?” She said “No” That’s when I lost it and formed a bad opinion of the couple for not saying thank you to this relative of who lives on a small fixed income.

I probably still will send gifts. But I would say the relationship, if there ever was one, is broken.

 

[m_crane]

I realize most people don’t give gifts to get thank-you notes, but there has to be some level of grace on all sides. I understand that repeated forgetful thank-you’s or acknowledgments is obnoxious, but try not to read so heavily into one slip-up. Trust me, at some point you will need grace for your own faux paus… we all do this at some point. For some it’s the thank-you note issue. For others it’s saying something stupid in public or forgetting something important to another or not being available when someone is in need etc. Everyone at some point steps on anther’s toes, usually not intentionally. So please, offer some grace. **If a relationship is that important to you, then please make the effort to gently talk it through instead of making all sorts of assumptions about how someone feels about you based on a thank-you note. **

Good points. Well taken.
But my gut tells me these folks are just self-centered and rude!

 

[Zelie_Louis]

Since many of you are lacking in charity while participating in this discussion, it is now closed.