Nominees for worst hymn

[mercygate]

I thought that was a pretty funny joke too. I just thought it was odd that someone looked to the use of “He” when pointing out that the song refers to Jesus, rather than pointing to the “Son of God” lyric.

That sounds like a lovely hymn - what tune would it be sung with? I have a bad habit of attaching bouncy tunes to any musical texts I read, making it hard to really imagine the tone of a song. Imagine people with top hats and canes singing Vaudeville-style, and that’s what goes through my head when imagining even the most serious of songs.

“Take My Life . . .” is 77.77D We sang it to Hollingside.

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

I sing a song of the saints of God,
Patient and brave and true,
…
For the saints of God are just folk like me,
And I mean to be one too.

Back in my Anglican days, that song always stuck with me and to this day, I hear that last line: “I mean to be one too.” It may be a children’s song, but there is more truth in that simple song than in the so-called adult music of Haas, Haugen, Schutte, Hurd, and the rest of the OCP ilk.

Here’s one of my favorites from mgilleland.com/music/moratorium.htm:

Gather Us In

Here in this place, our comfortable parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Bimmer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.

Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our unveiled nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Hang up your cellphones and join in the fun!

Here we will take some wine and some water,
Whether it changes, we really don’t care.
But when the Sign of Peace comes, our pastor,
Jumps from the altar and hugs like a bear.

Gather us in, the privileged and snobby,
Gather us in, the liberal elite,
Help us to form our personal Credo,
Give us a choice between white bread and wheat.

 

[Blueberry]

About Gather Us In:

That line: “Not in some heaven light years away,” is the most annoying thing ever. Aside from the devil’s invitation to think that the last things are comfortably a long way off and we have plenty of time, will people please remember that “light years” are a measure of DISTANCE and NOT TIME! Sorry to shout but this is not very hard. It’s middle school science. When you say that something is one light year away, you mean it is far enough away that it takes one year for the light from that thing to get here. Alpha Centauri (that’s a star) is four light years away. That means it takes light from Alpha Centauri four years to get to earth. Please remember that for the next dumb song you write that doesn’t even mention God.

 

[peary]

Hello,

I was just taken aback. I am still uncertain about it. As much as I love Dvorak’s works, they weren’t written as pieces of Sacred Music (well, his Stabat Mater was ). The words (exact, no alterations to capitalization, etc.) to the hymn “Jesus Christ, Bread of Life” (arr. and text? by Steve Schaubel - copyright 2000 WLP) are:

Like I said, it is set to a part of Dvorak’s 9th Symphony. This symphony (“The American Symphony”) from Dvorak was written during the first half of 1893 in New York after he came to America from the Czech to be the director of the National Conservatory of Music. Right afterwards he spent that summer with a Czech group in Iowa and composed two of his most famous string quartets.

I told you I was a Dvorak fan.

Hey, what about Schubert’s Ave Maria? It was originally written as a lieder for a girl he knew and loved called Maria. It was turned into a hymn to the Blessed Mother.

You can’t keep a good melody of religion!

 

[twosweetgirls]

Back in my Anglican days, that song always stuck with me and to this day, I hear that last line: “I mean to be one too.” It may be a children’s song, but there is more truth in that simple song than in the so-called adult music of Haas, Haugen, Schutte, Hurd, and the rest of the OCP ilk.

Here’s one of my favorites from mgilleland.com/music/moratorium.htm:

Gather Us In

Here in this place, our comfortable parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Bimmer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.

Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our unveiled nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Hang up your cellphones and join in the fun!

Here we will take some wine and some water,
Whether it changes, we really don’t care.
But when the Sign of Peace comes, our pastor,
Jumps from the altar and hugs like a bear.

Gather us in, the privileged and snobby,
Gather us in, the liberal elite,
Help us to form our personal Credo,
Give us a choice between white bread and wheat.

AHHHH!!! HAHAHAHA!!! OMG, you and Wolseley are killin’ me!! KILLIN’ me, I tell you!! I’ll hold the two of you responsible when my loud guffawing wakes up twosweetgirls.

Dang you guys, now I got a gut-ache.

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

Dang you guys, now I got a gut-ache.

How do you think these little guys feel?

Bread for the Squirrels (after Bernadette Farrell’s Bread for the World)

REFRAIN:

Bread for the squirrels,
The squirrels are hungry.
Whining for dinner,
They want some nuts.
May we who feed
These furry rodents
Hold out our hands
And give them lunch.

The squirrels live in parks and fields and trees,
What they can’t finish, they store inside their bulging cheeks,
So let us feed them bread and fries and hot dog buns,
Or just a tiny piece to make them fight for fun.

REFRAIN

Now squirrels come in grey, and brown, and black,
And sometimes rabid ones will jump upon your back,
But we appease them when we give them chunks of bread,
Lest they attack and skeletonize you from foot to head.

REFRAIN

 

[Sarabande]

Hey, what about Schubert’s Ave Maria? It was originally written as a lieder for a girl he knew and loved called Maria. It was turned into a hymn to the Blessed Mother.

You can’t keep a good melody of religion!

Actually the original German lied is called Ellen’s Gesang III (Ellen’s Third Song). It is a German translation from Sir Walter Scott’s “Lady of the Lake”. It is a prayer to the Virgin, but not the actual “Hail Mary”. In the original, Ellen Douglas is praying to the Virgin while in hiding. She does pray the words, “Ave Maria” in each verse. The German is absolutely beautiful and the prayer is beautiful. Schubert also set a few other German translations from Scott’s work. (There is an Ellen’s Gesang I and Ellen’s Gesang II)

If you didn’t notice, I’m a huge Schubert fan and love singing his lieder.

Here is the translation of the German from Ellen’s Gesang III (a.k.a. Ave Maria) I prefer singing it in German, though (It’s never sung in English BTW)

Ave Maria! maiden mild!
Listen to a maiden’s prayer!
Thou canst hear though from the wild,
Thou canst save amid despair.
Safe may we sleep beneath thy care,
Though banish’d, outcast and reviled -
Maiden! hear a maiden’s prayer;
Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria! undefiled!
The flinty couch we now must share
Shall seem this down of eider piled,
If thy protection hover there.
The murky cavern’s heavy air
Shall breathe of balm if thou hast smiled;
Then, Maiden! hear a maiden’s prayer;
Mother, list a suppliant child!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria! stainless styled!
Foul demons of the earth and air,
From this their wonted haunt exiled,
Shall flee before thy presence fair.
We bow us to our lot of care,
Beneath thy guidance reconciled;
Hear for a maid a maiden’s prayer,
And for a father hear a child!
Ave Maria!

 

[AuntMartha]

OK. Here’s a better tune (Aurelia [The Church’s One Foundation])but words we used to sing in my Anglo-Catholic days, and relevant to this thread:

Our church is mighty spikey with smells and bells and chants,
And Palestrina masses that vex the Protestants.
O happy ones and holy who fall upon their knees
For solemn Benediction and mid-week Rosaries.

[snip]

Oh dear, this brings to mind a very questionable version of that tune. I’d write it here but I think I would get banned, even if I substituted a ******* for the bad word.

 

[daeve]

How do you think these little guys feel?

Bread for the Squirrels (after Bernadette Farrell’s Bread for the World)

REFRAIN:

Bread for the squirrels,
The squirrels are hungry.
Whining for dinner,
They want some nuts.
May we who feed
These furry rodents
Hold out our hands
And give them lunch.

The squirrels live in parks and fields and trees,
What they can’t finish, they store inside their bulging cheeks,
So let us feed them bread and fries and hot dog buns,
Or just a tiny piece to make them fight for fun.

REFRAIN

Now squirrels come in grey, and brown, and black,
And sometimes rabid ones will jump upon your back,
But we appease them when we give them chunks of bread,
Lest they attack and skeletonize you from foot to head.

REFRAIN

Well, I love this one. I can’t quite get the first line of the verse from memory, but that’s kind of a tricky line if I’m not looking at the music anyway. Good job.

 

[daeve]

Oh dear, this brings to mind a very questionable version of that tune. I’d write it here but I think I would get banned, even if I substituted a ******* for the bad word.

But, Aunt Martha! Now I’m going to have to wonder about it all day!

 

[AuntMartha]

But, Aunt Martha! Now I’m going to have to wonder about it all day!

Okay, well I guess I can say this:
Do a Google search using the phrase, “the dogs they had a party”, and then sing the results to the tune of The Church’s One Foundation.

That search will get you a British version; I like the American one better that I heard long ago, but you’ll get the general idea.

 

[daeve]

Okay, well I guess I can say this:
Do a Google search using the phrase, “the dogs they had a party”, and then sing the results to the tune of The Church’s One Foundation.

That search will get you a British version; I like the American one better that I heard long ago, but you’ll get the general idea.

Cool. I’ll try it now.

 

[daeve]

Okay, then! Well, to my sense of humor (i.e. 12 year old boy) that’s pretty funny.

 

[bluerose]

I made the mistake of mentioning this thread to my sister and SHE, in turn, made the mistake of reminding me of one particularly HORRENDOUS… “ditty” (I can’t bring myself to call it a song, much less a hymn!) that used to be sung in our parish church thirty years ago. Now it’s stuck in my mind and even singing “Amazing Grace” to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island” can’t get it out of my head! Anyone else remember this? (I don’t know the exact title, but it surely doesn’t need one!)

Allelu, allelu,
Everybody sing allelu,
For the Lord has risen, it is true,
Everybody sing allelu!

God said He would send His Son,
Allelu, allelu,
And salvation would be won,
Alleluia!

Allelu, allelu,
Everybody sing allelu, etc. etc…

It’s a bouncy guitar melody and thankfully I can’t remember much more than what I’ve written! I’ll be having nightmares tonight!

 

[benedictgal]

I made the mistake of mentioning this thread to my sister and SHE, in turn, made the mistake of reminding me of one particularly HORRENDOUS… “ditty” (I can’t bring myself to call it a song, much less a hymn!) that used to be sung in our parish church thirty years ago. Now it’s stuck in my mind and even singing “Amazing Grace” to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island” can’t get it out of my head! Anyone else remember this? (I don’t know the exact title, but it surely doesn’t need one!)

Allelu, allelu,
Everybody sing allelu,
For the Lord has risen, it is true,
Everybody sing allelu!

God said He would send His Son,
Allelu, allelu,
And salvation would be won,
Alleluia!

Allelu, allelu,
Everybody sing allelu, etc. etc…

It’s a bouncy guitar melody and thankfully I can’t remember much more than what I’ve written! I’ll be having nightmares tonight!

They sang that horrendous ditty in my parish. At the end, I was expecting UB40 to come out with Red, Red Wine !

That was some horrible music, and, it comes from OCP !

 

[JMJ_coder]

Hello,

Thinking on the song “Gather us in” - two things come to mind. The first is that it seems to emphasis the bread and wine, but only a brief, easy to overlook, mention of the fact that they (bread and wine) become God.

The second is in the 2nd verse (I think). The end of it is - “give us the courage to enter the song”. It is very insightful of them to acknowledge the fact that it takes a great deal of courage to sing such insipid and ugly music.

 

[VietCatholic83]

NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING IS THE WORST HYMN EVER

Yes, my friends, even worse than Lord of the Dance, They’ll Know we are Christians, and City of God, this song was often used in the LITURGY. This song is completely inappropriate for use in the Mass. It is theologically wrong and just plain BAD. And I thought the 60s were over…

RAGGEDY BAND

*The Raggedy Band is a marching along
Folks keeping rhythm to the beat of the song,
There’s a little boy playing on a dime kazoo,
Holes in his hands match the holes in his shoes,
Leading down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

And it’s a boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka, boom.

Washtub drummer beating four to the line
Chopsticks ticking on a bottle of wine,
Stand on the corner, you can see them coming,
Tax collector and old painted woman.
Coming down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

A fisherman, a wino, an ex-politician,
Dog and a drummer and a mathematician,
Cop and a robber walking side by side,
Judge and a hooker for his blushing bride,
All joining up with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land….

And can you see, where Broadway turns into Calvary,
And did you know, that the lead child walking doesn’t want to go……*

 

[lak611]

NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING IS THE WORST HYMN EVER

Yes, my friends, even worse than Lord of the Dance, They’ll Know we are Christians, and City of God, this song was often used in the LITURGY. This song is completely inappropriate for use in the Mass. It is theologically wrong and just plain BAD. And I thought the 60s were over…

RAGGEDY BAND

*The Raggedy Band is a marching along
Folks keeping rhythm to the beat of the song,
There’s a little boy playing on a dime kazoo,
Holes in his hands match the holes in his shoes,
Leading down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

And it’s a boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka, boom.

Washtub drummer beating four to the line
Chopsticks ticking on a bottle of wine,
Stand on the corner, you can see them coming,
Tax collector and old painted woman.
Coming down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

A fisherman, a wino, an ex-politician,
Dog and a drummer and a mathematician,
Cop and a robber walking side by side,
Judge and a hooker for his blushing bride,
All joining up with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land….

And can you see, where Broadway turns into Calvary,
And did you know, that the lead child walking doesn’t want to go……*

:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: This has to be the worst ever!!!

 

[valient_Lucy]

NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING IS THE WORST HYMN EVER

Yes, my friends, even worse than Lord of the Dance, They’ll Know we are Christians, and City of God, this song was often used in the LITURGY. This song is completely inappropriate for use in the Mass. It is theologically wrong and just plain BAD. And I thought the 60s were over…

RAGGEDY BAND

*The Raggedy Band is a marching along
Folks keeping rhythm to the beat of the song,
There’s a little boy playing on a dime kazoo,
Holes in his hands match the holes in his shoes,
Leading down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

And it’s a boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka, boom.

Washtub drummer beating four to the line
Chopsticks ticking on a bottle of wine,
Stand on the corner, you can see them coming,
Tax collector and old painted woman.
Coming down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

A fisherman, a wino, an ex-politician,
Dog and a drummer and a mathematician,
Cop and a robber walking side by side,
Judge and a hooker for his blushing bride,
All joining up with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land….

And can you see, where Broadway turns into Calvary,
And did you know, that the lead child walking doesn’t want to go……*

Please tell this isn’t an actual hymn!

 

[peary]

*RAGGEDY BAND

The Raggedy Band is a marching along
Folks keeping rhythm to the beat of the song,
There’s a little boy playing on a dime kazoo,
Holes in his hands match the holes in his shoes,
Leading down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

And it’s a boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka
Boom ticka, ticka, ticka, boom.

Washtub drummer beating four to the line
Chopsticks ticking on a bottle of wine,
Stand on the corner, you can see them coming,
Tax collector and old painted woman.
Coming down the alley with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land.

A fisherman, a wino, an ex-politician,
Dog and a drummer and a mathematician,
Cop and a robber walking side by side,
Judge and a hooker for his blushing bride,
All joining up with the Raggedy Band,
Stretching all the way to the Promised Land….

And can you see, where Broadway turns into Calvary,
And did you know, that the lead child walking doesn’t want to go……*

**OMG…this sounds like something you’d hear on the Dr. Gene Scott program

The worst hymn I EVER heard was on his program (he’s an evangelical street preacher). And, although I run the risk of being censored, the name of the hymn was "Let’s Kick Some - for Jesus" And I am TOTALLY serious!!!*