Non Catholic Spouse and Birth Control

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Hoosier_Daddy said:
I am confused. The Church does not allow any Birth Control for medical reasons. What does happen is that sometimes the pill can be used as a medical treatment for other conditions. The “birth control” aspect of the chemicals is the unintended side effect. This is called the principle of double effect.

Yes, the Church does not “make” people have sex at their life’s peril.
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I think I’ve said it here before, but if I haven’t, I have a condition that makes pregnancy life threatening. DH and I use Marquette and wait until after peak for sex. We make full use of all those days and have a satisfying (literally 😃 ) sex life.

Alix, waiting for Phase III doesn’t mean you’re using days of menses for sex, it means you’re using days when you’re certain you aren’t fertile. Aside from that, I don’t have anything to offer that previous posters haven’t already said. You seem to have a high level of conflict and resentment in your marriage. I’m sorry.
 
Alix1912 said:
I have bent over backwards to accommodate my husbands decision to return to being Catholic. I have rearranged holiday schedules with family to make sure he gets to mass, skipped going to my own church on holidays to accommodate this, I have sat and listened to a priest tell me my marriage was not valid despite being performed by not one but TWO amazing men of God in a house of God, I have gone through the silliness of paperwork and forms for Radical Sanation, I have attended his 4th Degree KOC ceremonies, I have allowed my children to learn the Rosary, hung crucifixes around my house (because a simple cross, or plaque with bible verses is not enough apparently), I’ve read enough “my journey from evil Protestantism to Catholicism” books for an ARMY.

Frankly, I’m sick of being accommodating, and I am NOT peeing in a cup each morning. ICK. I hate doing that once a year at the doctors. I am not going to stick to only having sex during “that time” of the month…that is grosser than peeing in a cup. I’ve done enough.

I find it pretty ****** that I did not change my faith on him…I am and always have been Lutheran MS. Yet I am the one who has to change the most to accommodate his change of faith. The no compromise, no quarter stance is getting old. It is also the #1 reason I will not allow the kids to be raised Catholic.
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I understand you are frustrated. However, this does not sound like you have any respect for your husband’s faith. Convalidating a marriage is not “silliness” to a Catholic. And he did not “return to being Catholic”. Just as you say you are and always have been Lutheran MS, he always has been Catholic; he simply returned to a more faithful practice of his faith.

Maybe it would be good to take a step back from the sex aspect and do a good assessment of how both of you can support each other in your different faiths without endangering your own. You have already put a heavy burden on his role as a Catholic parent by not allowing the kids to be raised Catholic. He may not be in a place to even talk about compromise or quarter yet.

As a few others have said on this thread, there is a lot more going on than just sex and NFP. Have you thought about counseling or discussing your challenges together with your minister or his priest?
 
NFPWife said:
I think I’ve said it here before, but if I haven’t, I have a condition that makes pregnancy life threatening. DH and I use Marquette and wait until after peak for sex. We make full use of all those days and have a satisfying (literally 😃 ) sex life.
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Why would you question if the Church is ok with this? Of course She is, this is the concession for NFP.
 
PrincessRenae said:
Just an honest question here: are there any medical provisions that the church would allow the couple to not practice an openness to life? I know the church allows the pill or hormonal types of birth control if medically necessary, can the same be true for avoiding pregnancy if it were medically unsafe/would pose a serious health risk if the woman was to become pregnant?
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Hi PrincessRenae,

The Church does not permit a couple to contracept for any reason. The Church does permit therapies that have infertility as an unintended side effect when they are used to treat a medical condition. The intention there is to treat the illness, not prevent conception. If a couple has serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, they must either abstain or time their intercourse for their infertile periods using natural family planning.

God bless.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Why would you question if the Church is ok with this? Of course She is, this is the concession for NFP.
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I wasn’t questioning if the Church is okay with this. I promote and teach NFP. I’m fully aware of what the Church is okay with. I was citing an example to the person you’d quoted who was asking, essentially, “What if a coupe has a life threatening condition? Can you use ABC then?”

As a woman with a life threatening condition, who NEVER considered ABC, that question is such a button push for me. Each and every time I hear (read) it.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Why would you question if the Church is ok with this? Of course She is, this is the concession for NFP.
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I don’t think she was questioning if the Church was okay with NFP. I didn’t get that from her post at all.
 
NFPWife said:
I wasn’t questioning if the Church is okay with this. I promote and teach NFP. I’m fully aware of what the Church is okay with. I was citing an example to the person you’d quoted who was asking, essentially, “What if a coupe has a life threatening condition? Can you use ABC then?”

As a woman with a life threatening condition, who NEVER considered ABC, that question is such a button push for me. Each and every time I hear (read) it.
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Oh yes, that was my bad. I had you confused with another poster.

😉 Carry on then…
 
NFPWife said:
I wasn’t questioning if the Church is okay with this. I promote and teach NFP. I’m fully aware of what the Church is okay with. I was citing an example to the person you’d quoted who was asking, essentially, “What if a coupe has a life threatening condition? Can you use ABC then?”

As a woman with a life threatening condition, who NEVER considered ABC, that question is such a button push for me. Each and every time I hear (read) it.
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Ah, okay. I should have clarified my first post. I know that when using hormonal birth control to treat another medical condition the effect of contraception is not a sin, I just wasn’t sure if pregnancy could be avoided by other means than NFP if the pregnancy were to definitely cause severe health issues. For instance, I have a friend who is married and a type one diabetic and her endocrinologist advised her that she should not get pregnant, so I wasn’t sure if they would have options besides NFP if they were Catholic. They’re not and don’t want kids anyway, I was just thinking of a hypothetical situation and wondering about what the church teaches about it.
 
PrincessRenae said:
Ah, okay. I should have clarified my first post. I know that when using hormonal birth control to treat another medical condition the effect of contraception is not a sin, I just wasn’t sure if pregnancy could be avoided by other means than NFP if the pregnancy were to definitely cause severe health issues. For instance, I have a friend who is married and a type one diabetic and her endocrinologist advised her that she should not get pregnant, so I wasn’t sure if they would have options besides NFP if they were Catholic. They’re not and don’t want kids anyway, I was just thinking of a hypothetical situation and wondering about what the church teaches about it.
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No, if the goal is to avoid pregnancy, NFP or abstinence are the only moral choices. It doesn’t matter the reason to avoid pregnancy.
 
Corki said:
I understand you are frustrated. However, this does not sound like you have any respect for your husband’s faith. Convalidating a marriage is not “silliness” to a Catholic. And he did not “return to being Catholic”. Just as you say you are and always have been Lutheran MS, he always has been Catholic; he simply returned to a more faithful practice of his faith.

Maybe it would be good to take a step back from the sex aspect and do a good assessment of how both of you can support each other in your different faiths without endangering your own. You have already put a heavy burden on his role as a Catholic parent by not allowing the kids to be raised Catholic. He may not be in a place to even talk about compromise or quarter yet.

As a few others have said on this thread, there is a lot more going on than just sex and NFP. Have you thought about counseling or discussing your challenges together with your minister or his priest?
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You are all right there is more going on here than NFP. However it is an aspect of the problem.

I did not place a burden on my husband regarding our children. He took that up himself. when we got married he agreed to go to the Lutheran Church, and to raise the kids Lutheran. He may regret that now, but that was the deal we agreed to.

Let me put it to you a different way…My family had been Lutheran for 2-3 generations, but my great grandparents on my mom’s side are Mormon. What if the shoe was on the other foot…I was the lapsed Mormon marrying my husband who was Catholic. If when we married I had agreed to marry in the Catholic Church, go to the Catholic Church, and raise the kids Catholic. Suddenly out of the blue about 8 months into the marriage I have a change of heart and returned to being Mormon. Then I required my husband to decorate with Mormon items, alter his diet and clothing, and felt put out and burdened that the kids could not be raised Mormon. What would you tell him…to go along with it or to hold his ground and hold me to the original agreement.

Interestingly I was one of the first people when I was in College to jump up and defend Catholics and Catholicism from much of the **** leveled at them by Evangelicals, now I’m so sick of it all.
 
Alix1912, out of interest, what has your own minister advised you to do?
 
Alix1912 said:
What if the shoe was on the other foot…I was the lapsed Mormon marrying my husband who was Catholic. If when we married I had agreed to marry in the Catholic Church, go to the Catholic Church, and raise the kids Catholic. Suddenly out of the blue about 8 months into the marriage I have a change of heart and returned to being Mormon. Then I required my husband to decorate with Mormon items, alter his diet and clothing, and felt put out and burdened that the kids could not be raised Mormon. What would you tell him…to go along with it or to hold his ground and hold me to the original agreement.
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Hey now, just you wait a minute. Folks around here don’t like to consider what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot. That takes us WAY out of our comfort zone.
 
Alix1912 said:
You are all right there is more going on here than NFP. However it is an aspect of the problem.

I did not place a burden on my husband regarding our children. He took that up himself. when we got married he agreed to go to the Lutheran Church, and to raise the kids Lutheran. He may regret that now, but that was the deal we agreed to.

Let me put it to you a different way…My family had been Lutheran for 2-3 generations, but my great grandparents on my mom’s side are Mormon. What if the shoe was on the other foot…I was the lapsed Mormon marrying my husband who was Catholic. If when we married I had agreed to marry in the Catholic Church, go to the Catholic Church, and raise the kids Catholic. Suddenly out of the blue about 8 months into the marriage I have a change of heart and returned to being Mormon. Then I required my husband to decorate with Mormon items, alter his diet and clothing, and felt put out and burdened that the kids could not be raised Mormon. What would you tell him…to go along with it or to hold his ground and hold me to the original agreement.

Interestingly I was one of the first people when I was in College to jump up and defend Catholics and Catholicism from much of the **** leveled at them by Evangelicals, now I’m so sick of it all.
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Again, with great respect and tenderness, let me make this suggestion: you are speaking in terms of what frustrates you, what you have to put up with, what is being asked of you. It cannot be said enough: marriage is sacrifice. As St. Paul says, love does not record wrongs, but always hopes and perseveres.

I once had a conversation with a client who was considering divorcing his spouse if she did not agree to certain terms. I cut off his litany of why he could not be expected to such and such, and why he deserved better, etc., with the question: “is your wife worth it?” That is the question here for you.

You are justified in feeling the way you do, and you would probably be justified in taking just about any course of action you propose. But I pray that is not the end of your inquiry. Perhaps he can be convinced that you getting a ligation is okay, but as someone who shares his belief, that would be sow some real issues for me. Again, you may well be in the right and he is in the wrong, but that’s not always the point. Is your husband and your marriage *worth *it the sacrifice?

I think you fully grasp both the Catholic and non-Catholic positions on this matter. I will continue to pray for you.
 
This is one of the reasons I have decided c to leave the church, I converted in b 2011, I have been told on these forums that im wrong c to have a coil, it is for medical reasons and that at52 I should be open b to life, my husband is not a catholic, I have gone back to the protestant church. The catholic church seems to be obsessed with sexual matters
 
This is one of the reasons I have decided c to leave the church, I converted in b 2011, I have been told on these forums that im wrong c to have a coil, it is for medical reasons and that at52 I should be open b to life, my husband is not a catholic, I have gone back to the protestant church. The catholic church seems to be obsessed with sexual matters
 
Alix1912 said:
You are all right there is more going on here than NFP. However it is an aspect of the problem.

I did not place a burden on my husband regarding our children. He took that up himself. when we got married he agreed to go to the Lutheran Church, and to raise the kids Lutheran. He may regret that now, but that was the deal we agreed to.

Let me put it to you a different way…My family had been Lutheran for 2-3 generations, but my great grandparents on my mom’s side are Mormon. What if the shoe was on the other foot…I was the lapsed Mormon marrying my husband who was Catholic. If when we married I had agreed to marry in the Catholic Church, go to the Catholic Church, and raise the kids Catholic. ** Suddenly out of the blue about 8 months into the marriage I have a change of heart and returned to being Mormon. Then I required my husband to decorate with Mormon items, alter his diet and clothing, and felt put out and burdened that the kids could not be raised Mormon. What would you tell him…to go along with it or to hold his ground and hold me to the original agreement.**

I completely understand your point of view. Your husband needs to be rooted and grounded in love with his conversion. Sometimes new converts are so zealous they don’t really realize that they are alienating people instead of bringing them together. You asked a good question but I don’t think the majority of perspectives here will answer it because they believe they are the only One True Church (just like every other faith does…but most are more accommodating to other faith perspectives) and therefore their faith trumps everyone else’s and that your husband has a right to promote the One True Faith. It is hard to think outside of the box to a scenario like you describe above. I would find a reasonable marriage counselor to discuss this with.
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No, if the goal is to avoid pregnancy, NFP or abstinence are the only moral choices. It doesn’t matter the reason to avoid pregnancy.
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If the original poster wants advice from a Catholic source on these matters, you should consult a qualified Catholic priest that can advise on the proper course of action according to Church teaching. After taking the priest’s counsel into advisement, you and your husband need to make your own private decisions regarding next steps forward.

There are clearly medical and psychological factors that are highly unique to your individual situation. Your questions can be easily taken out of context and responders do not necessarily have the medical, psychological, nor theological training to be giving advice on these matters.

Too often we hear these rather harsh “black or white” responses that go against the spirit and teaching of the Church as to what is and is not “moral”. If you want the Catholic perspective, you need to consult a professional, and a qualified Catholic priest should be able to give you straight, direct answers.
 
I second the advice to talk to a priest…but furthermore, I’d amend that to your husband should be the one seeking the advice on how to help your marriage.

Before I was Catholic, my husband experienced a renewal of faith. He came across as really bizarre, annoying, and disrespectful because he didn’t realize how much his change of heart had changed our marriage and the effect it had on us. When I became a Catholic, I went through the zeal myself and ended up making contraception a pet dogma instead of trying to discuss the issue with him. We both went crazy in our own ways at different times:o

I have talked to a priest before about this and his advice was to be prayerful and not force my husband into anything. He said people’s minds take time to change and imposing a doctrine for the sake of adhering to minutiae was going to do more harm than good. I wish it was your husband writing here and not you, so he could understand what he should also do to help things.

Since I don’t have children, I don’t know what you are going through but it sounds like it was awful and I don’t blame you for one second for not trusting NFP. There are plenty of mothers out there who don’t like being pregnant because they can’t be an active mother-- they are constantly sick when pregnant, depressed after, and then experience health complications months after. How can you truly be an engaged and quality parent if you’re sick and depressed all the time from medical issues?
 
There are plenty of mothers out there who don’t like being pregnant because they can’t be an active mother-- they are constantly sick when pregnant, depressed after, and then experience health complications months after. How can you truly be an engaged and quality parent if you’re sick and depressed all the time from medical issues?
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The health of the mother is paramount. Risking a mother’s life or medical health by playing Russian roulette is exactly when and where a priest needs to advise based on unique individual circumstances.
 
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