Obnoxious, germaphobic 15 year old nephew visiting..?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ExpectedIrony
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
SugarMagnolia said:
This is a good response. It shows respect for the young man’s concerns instead of belittling them like so many people do.
Click to expand...
It has the added advantage that when the person does not actually have real concerns, but is just trying to get your goat, he instead gets a mild response, which is enormously frustrating when the goal was to get you to lose your cool. A bully does not want to be treated like someone who needs or wants the kindness of others, and especially does not like being around strong people who don’t throw their strength around. It throws them off their game.:cool:

There is nothing better against someone who is trying to frustrate you than to appear serene and unprovoked. If you neither fight nor roll over, but choose the third way (which is what I was taught turning the other cheek really means), the ones with a conscience are often smitten by their own conscience and the ones without a conscience feel inclined to give up on you for someone who will give them a better return on their bitterness.
 
7armyrugrats said:
That would have been the last thing one of my boys ever did. What did his parents do about that?
Click to expand...
Well, it wasn’t literally a house, my grandparents live in an apartment, so, they have to carry down laundry. Story short: He didn’t want to help grandma carry laundry to washing machine, but he did, and ran back to her apartment and locked her out. She called my sister crying. “Well. If he didn’t want to help…”
 
Pax2u said:
Where are his parents when he is being rude to you? Does he say these things in front of them, or when they are out of earshot? What is his parents’ reaction?

Does any of this happen in front of your husband? How does he react?

If it were me…I would straight out say to the kid each time “How rude!” Then walk away. Every time, no matter if the parents are there or not. It’s their job to do it…but if they don’t, you are certainly entitled in your own home.

If your sister takes offense…well, it sounds like a good long heart-to-heart with her is long overdue. Explain how her son’s behavior makes you feel, and you can’t have it happening anymore…it sets a bad example to your children. She’ll either stay mad or get over it…my guess is get over it, as I’ll bet she has few if any friends with a kid like that.
Click to expand...
He treats everyone this way, and no one says anything. Everyone just tolerates it. Except for that one grandpa, but now, he just refuses to be around him.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
If that had been me, he’d have been sorry he ever even thought of such a thing. He wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.
Click to expand...
Yeah, my daughter is going to know you don’t do things like that, and she still dotes on him. She makes sure he’s always happy, she says it’s a grandma’s job. I disagree, but then again, I don’t have grandkids. 🤷
 
ExpectedIrony said:
Well, it wasn’t literally a house, my grandparents live in an apartment, so, they have to carry down laundry. Story short: He didn’t want to help grandma carry laundry to washing machine, but he did, and ran back to her apartment and locked her out. She called my sister crying. “Well. If he didn’t want to help…”
Click to expand...
Grandma was capable of calmly dealing with a nine-year-old who locks her out of her house without unloading anything or telling the boys’ parents. She presumably parented one of the boys’ parents herself; if she wants her own rules, great, but she can enforce her rules like someone with a bit of parenting experience under her belt. The lesson that it is short-sighted to lock Grandma out of her apartment isn’t that hard to get across. She, after all, has the advantage that she can send the kid home when she tires of him, and yet can also spoil him or not, as she is inclined. That puts a lot of tools in the Grandma Arsenal that parents don’t have.

Many of those are tools that aunties have, too, by the way.
(Yes, I have been known to bet nieces and nephews 50 cents that they can’t be quiet for 30 minutes. It is amazing how they calm down after that takes the wind out of their sails…worth every cent, since I don’t get them very often. :rolleyes:)
 
ExpectedIrony said:
Yeah, my daughter is going to know you don’t do things like that, and she still dotes on him. She makes sure he’s always happy, she says it’s a grandma’s job. I disagree, but then again, I don’t have grandkids. 🤷
Click to expand...
Sorry, you can indulge your grandchildren without allowing them to be total and complete BRATS. There are limits in life and it sounds like this kid didn’t get any. I guess Grandma’s failure explains his own parents not correcting him…:rolleyes:
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Sorry, you can indulge your grandchildren without allowing them to be total and complete BRATS. There are limits in life and it sounds like this kid didn’t get any. I guess Grandma’s failure explains his own parents not correcting him…:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Grandma raised my dad…6/6 kids turned out fine, until my sister married this kid’s dad. She’s completely changed. This grandma is his great-grandma.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Sorry, you can indulge your grandchildren without allowing them to be total and complete BRATS. There are limits in life and it sounds like this kid didn’t get any. I guess Grandma’s failure explains his own parents not correcting him…:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
And the thing is, in her younger years(not nearly 90)…when I was little…I remember her taking a fly-swatter to me for the simplest things. She wasn’t mean, just had a little more “umph” when she wasn’t nearly 90.
 
Come to think about it…we never had any just “easy” parents/grandparents…we got our butt whipped if we needed it, even his mom.
 
ExpectedIrony said:
And the thing is, in her younger years(not nearly 90)…when I was little…I remember her taking a fly-swatter to me for the simplest things. She wasn’t mean, just had a little more “umph” when she wasn’t nearly 90.
Click to expand...
Well, yeah, I can understand that, which is why discipline needs to be applied a lot earlier than even age 9, let alone 15.
 
ExpectedIrony said:
Come to think about it…we never had any just “easy” parents/grandparents…we got our butt whipped if we needed it, even his mom.
Click to expand...
The number of grandmas who do not extend their parental whipping policies to grandchildren are legion, but the good ones have their methods of getting compliance.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Well, yeah, I can understand that, which is why discipline needs to be applied a lot earlier than even age 9, let alone 15.
Click to expand...
I agree. My sister was once complaining to me “I don’t think our side of the family is fair to him. I think Jim’s(her husband) family is much more understanding.” She’s adopted the whole “A swat is abuse.” Thing. I’m not saying Jim’s the only idiot, I just think he brainwashed her, so she’s an idiot too.
 
EasterJoy said:
The number of grandmas who do not extend their parental whipping policies to grandchildren are legion, but the good ones have their methods of getting compliance.
Click to expand...
I think she’s just tired and doesn’t know what to do anymore. My mom will sometimes tell him to “behave” but the other 2 grandmas on this side, are both in their late 80s, and don’t know what to do with him anymore. From what I heard, he hasn’t been over to even my mom’s house since New Years’ Eve, let alone his great-grandparents’. Mostly spends time with his dad’s family now.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Sorry, you can indulge your grandchildren without allowing them to be total and complete BRATS. There are limits in life and it sounds like this kid didn’t get any. I guess Grandma’s failure explains his own parents not correcting him…:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
My mother totally and fully indulged my son, from the moment he was born until the moment she died.😊

She also expected him to behave as a young man should. 👍
 
ExpectedIrony said:
I agree. My sister was once complaining to me “I don’t think our side of the family is fair to him. I think Jim’s(her husband) family is much more understanding.” She’s adopted the whole “A swat is abuse.” Thing. I’m not saying Jim’s the only idiot, I just think he brainwashed her, so she’s an idiot too.
Click to expand...
Kids can be disciplined without swatting, I have seen many of them, but if you remove the swatting then you still have to impose discipline. It is not realistic to expect good behavior from someone who has never suffered any natural consequences after being rude. They will naturally take the correction as not a correction, but as a difference of opinion.

The other truth is this: if you don’t figure out some way other than swatting to instill discipline by the time they’re teens, you have real problems on your hands, because the amount of pain it takes to sway a teen often is child abuse. If physical consequences are all you have, then when they get as big as you are, you are sunk. The teens who are decent to be around are imposing their own self-discipline most of the time by the time they’re fourteen. They have their own standards. There is no physical punishment that can substitute for that. This can be learned after 15, but it usually doesn’t happen until Life itself shows the natural consequences of choosing to be an idiot.
ExpectedIrony said:
I think she’s just tired and doesn’t know what to do anymore. My mom will sometimes tell him to “behave” but the other 2 grandmas on this side, are both in their late 80s, and don’t know what to do with him anymore. From what I heard, he hasn’t been over to even my mom’s house since New Years’ Eve, let alone his great-grandparents’. Mostly spends time with his dad’s family now.
Click to expand...
No one in their late 80s should have to “handle” children without help, especially not a teen. By the time a child is 15, they ought to know very well that the only thing that will get them in more trouble than showing disrespect to their parents is showing even the slightest disrespect to a grandparent (or a priest or anyone else in the class of those deserving particular honor).

Your sister is failing. What can you do about it? When in her home, very little except to leave when it gest so bad you can’t stand to watch it. When in your own home, correct the child and let him know that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior towards your parent (or a priest or his other grandparent; it doesn’t matter) in your home. You can ever refuse to let him show disrespect to his own parents or his own siblings. Your house, you get to be the referee of the standards of minimal decency. A decent 30 year old who remembers the aunt who kicked him out at 15 because he wouldn’t back down on his nasty treatment of his grandmother will remember Auntie as being right to his Twit Self.
 
EasterJoy said:
No one in their late 80s should have to “handle” children without help, especially not a teen. By the time a child is 15, they ought to know very well that the only thing that will get them in more trouble than showing disrespect to their parents is showing even the slightest disrespect to a grandparent (or a priest or anyone else in the class of those deserving particular honor).
Click to expand...
That’s what I meant when I was standing up for my grandmother. I think after kids, and grandkids of her own, she should be able not to have to deal with great-grandkids locking her out. I was standing up for her, because I don’t think it’s fair to say “Well her failure is the reason his parents are failing.” Because, she wasn’t a failure raising her own children, and she always made the grandkids treat her with respect. She’s just too tired nowadays. She has knee problems and can’t walk well. I’d probably cry and call his parents too.
 
Whether this kid is just spoiled or has a legitimate medical condition, he is going to have a tough time in the real world. He needs an intervention now.
 
Tóm c? ngay

M?t quý bÃ* h?t ho h?t h?i d?n d?n c?nh sát:
  • Thua ngÃ*i c?nh sát, ch?ng tôi luôn de do? r?ng ông ?y s? b?n tôi!
Viên si quan c?nh sát tr?c ban di?m tinh tr? l?i:
  • Thua quý bÃ* dáng thuong, bây gi?, chúng tôi chua th? giúp gì du?c cho bÃ*. Nhung bÃ* c? yên tâm, n?u nhu ông nhÃ* b?n bÃ* th?t, chúng tôi s? tóm c? ông ?y ngay sau dó.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top