ODD Behavior from Reader/ Server/ EMHC/ Usher

[Charioteer]

An acquaintance of mine acts odd at Mass – in a manner that no bright, friendly, energetic 65 year daily communicant should. This matter has really been beating me up over the last week so I’ll ask for some (name removed by moderator)ut here. I’m not necessarily looking for a solution (pastors have been well aware of what he does for a long time) but I would like to know the reason for his behavior?

He’s involved in everything from reading to serving to acting as an EMHC to ushering. I will take you through the Mass and mention some of the things he does that really take a toll on many of us – particularly at weekday Masses where his actions can be so overwhelming.

When he processes in as a reader and happens to be carrying the Book of Gospels (in the absence of a deacon) he kisses it before placing it on the ambo.

When we are given the chance to verbally add our Mass intentions his list can last for a good minute.

Why praying the Lord’s Prayer he loudly adds a “…Lord PLEASE give us this day…”

When we pray “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” he does it very loudly and he’s always 3-4 words ahead of everyone else. That might not be such a big deal except he typically does that from the sanctuary while serving Mass and he does it loudly. Afterwords he “quietly” prays “may the Body and Blood of Christ bring me to everlasting life” – yet we can all hear it.

If he distributes communion as an EMHC it’s always “Body of Christ, Fred/Ethyl.” If he does not know the communicants’ name he will say “Body of Christ, sir/miss.” It’s awful to be kneeling in a pew and hear name after name after name after name in a loud resonant voice.

If he is serving Mass he puts speed and showmanship ahead of respect and reverence when dealing with the Blessed Sacrament or the sacred vessels. It’s like he’s clearing a table at a busy restaurant. At least he’s stopped shoving purificators into yet to be purified chalices – at least for now.

I have discussed all these matters with him off-line as a friend and have offered advice/traning as have others. He listens carefully, won’t say why he acts the way he does but commits to doing better – and sometimes does for a while and then slides back to his old behavior. This has been going on for many years.

He’s a bright/nice guy and a daily communicant but he has no idea whatsoever about what the Mass is I can and do look away when he kisses the Book of Gospels so that’s not impinging on my worship of God but the rest are too obvious/loud to ignore – and I have long prayed for the grace to ignore them.

Yes it’s up to my pastor to fix this. I am aware of this. But what causes this sort of behavior? It’s almost as if he craves attention and has a need to put on a show. I would love any constructive (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you.

 

[adrift]

Two thoughts struck me. One is that he may be lonely but the other one was maybe he is hard of hearing.

I do not find it odd that he kisses the book of Gospels. Why do you?

No one should be saying intentions out loud one of the reasons is the one you list.

He shouldn’t be adding names but this is up to the priest to correct. It is done by some at my parish and I chalk it up to good intentions.

What a good and humble man he is to patiently listen to you chide him and then commit to do better. I know if someone did as you have done even with the best intentions I would have my feelings hurt. I am humbled at his gentle response what an example!

As I have already mentioned, he may be hard of hearing and it may be hard for him to admit it. St Theresa in her Little Way offered up such annoyances. It is how she gained sainthood.

 

[mary1173]

It souds to me as though he is enraptured by the chance to serve God. I’m sure he does not mean to be obvious. You never know, a man in my church who suffered from PTSD was a loud prayer and dramatic at times. It didn’t make him a bad person, just more noticed by others who were uneasy with his approach toward God. Some are ‘‘loud and proud’’ some are ‘‘humble and meek’’…chalk it up to over excitement…I do that with the man who is loud and proud to be a Catholic at my church.
If someone kisses the book of Gospels, do not let it get to you…They are taking the word of God into their hearts when they do this. Odd behavior from some can be looked upon by God as the most filled with love to Him.

 

[kyria]

He is whom he is. We are each who we are. We are all unique yet different. The main thing is, do we love Jesus and does it really matter if someone is a bit more out there then we are or others are? Others teach us compassion, tolerance, to choose to be more positive or more negative. When we notice the oddness in another, we often overlook our own oddities, and we all have them, some are obvious to others, and some aren’t.

My mother is always looking at the negative, and others who drive her nuts, or do things differently. The funny thing is, this woman has driven me nuts all my life.

Sure we might sigh about others behaviour. But I believe there are times when others sigh about our behaviour at times.

I remember a very well experienced psychologist telling me we are all neurotic, just in varying degrees. We just tend to notice the more so, and often overlook ourselves, or what these more out there people can teach us. It might be to reflect a bit more on our behaviour, or it might be to meditate on having more tolerance, or compassion or something else that might change us to be more like Light and thus more like Christ.

I used to wonder about many people’s so called odd behaviour during most of my life, until my son once asked me ‘mum, why do you talk to yourself all the time?’. I’d been odd all my life and didn’t realise it. What is normal to me, isn’t necessarily normal to another, and what is abnormal to another, might appear normal to me.

I believe we are all different in order to teach each other something positive that assists us to become more like light, but we don’t always see what we can learn, and thus instead allow it to bring us to become more like the opposite of light.

 

[Dicerning]

An acquaintance of mine acts odd at Mass – in a manner that no bright, friendly, energetic 65 year daily communicant should. This matter has really been beating me up over the last week so I’ll ask for some (name removed by moderator)ut here. I’m not necessarily looking for a solution (pastors have been well aware of what he does for a long time) but I would like to know the reason for his behavior?

He’s involved in everything from reading to serving to acting as an EMHC to ushering. I will take you through the Mass and mention some of the things he does that really take a toll on many of us – particularly at weekday Masses where his actions can be so overwhelming.

When he processes in as a reader and happens to be carrying the Book of Gospels (in the absence of a deacon) he kisses it before placing it on the ambo.

When we are given the chance to verbally add our Mass intentions his list can last for a good minute.

Why praying the Lord’s Prayer he loudly adds a “…Lord PLEASE give us this day…”

When we pray “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” he does it very loudly and he’s always 3-4 words ahead of everyone else. That might not be such a big deal except he typically does that from the sanctuary while serving Mass and he does it loudly. Afterwords he “quietly” prays “may the Body and Blood of Christ bring me to everlasting life” – yet we can all hear it.

If he distributes communion as an EMHC it’s always “Body of Christ, Fred/Ethyl.” If he does not know the communicants’ name he will say “Body of Christ, sir/miss.” It’s awful to be kneeling in a pew and hear name after name after name after name in a loud resonant voice.

If he is serving Mass he puts speed and showmanship ahead of respect and reverence when dealing with the Blessed Sacrament or the sacred vessels. It’s like he’s clearing a table at a busy restaurant. At least he’s stopped shoving purificators into yet to be purified chalices – at least for now.

I have discussed all these matters with him off-line as a friend and have offered advice/traning as have others. He listens carefully, won’t say why he acts the way he does but commits to doing better – and sometimes does for a while and then slides back to his old behavior. This has been going on for many years.

He’s a bright/nice guy and a daily communicant but he has no idea whatsoever about what the Mass is I can and do look away when he kisses the Book of Gospels so that’s not impinging on my worship of God but the rest are too obvious/loud to ignore – and I have long prayed for the grace to ignore them.

Yes it’s up to my pastor to fix this. I am aware of this. But what causes this sort of behavior? It’s almost as if he craves attention and has a need to put on a show. I would love any constructive (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you.

Sounds like this person wants to be a priest. Its really too bad that he/she doesn’t realize the things they are doing may be an abuse. There are too many things listed above that are not in the rubrics. Adding words to the Lord’s Prayer is one of many. Why does your parish do spontaneous petitions? I would talk to the priest. If the priest doesn’t do anything about it I would pull the person aside and tell them that they are NOT being community and distracting the daylights out of everyone else. Tell him he is not a priest and thus should act like laity during Mass…which means not to draw attention to oneself

 

[Phemie]

Two thoughts struck me. One is that he may be lonely but the other one was maybe he is hard of hearing.

“Hard of hearing” was my first reaction.

I do not find it odd that he kisses the book of Gospels. Why do you?

I didn’t find anything odd about this either, although it’s not something I would do.

No one should be saying intentions out loud one of the reasons is the one you list.

Ditto.

He shouldn’t be adding names but this is up to the priest to correct. It is done by some at my parish and I chalk it up to good intentions.

Actually, at one point I was taught to do that and I’ve known priests to do it too. It’s not right but it’s just one of those ‘touchy feely’ practices (which I hate) that some parishes have adapted. It’s wrong for several reasons but mainly because in our effort to be ‘personal’ we only succeed in making the outsider feel even more excluded because no one knows his name.

What a good and humble man he is to patiently listen to you chide him and then commit to do better. I know if someone did as you have done even with the best intentions I would have my feelings hurt. I am humbled at his gentle response what an example!

As I have already mentioned, he may be hard of hearing and it may be hard for him to admit it. St Theresa in her Little Way offered up such annoyances. It is how she gained sainthood.

 

[JPUSC]

I was expecting to read something real interesting, but none of these are odd at all, LOL!

I just found out that it’s normal in Eastern Rite Churches for the priest to say one’s name at Communion, so that part isn’t that strange.

 

[JPUSC]

P.S. I love your signature Dicerning! Very witty.

 

[justagirl]

I agree with everyone else so far. These are little things. They may be annoying, but you should offer it up instead of letting yourself get worked up.

My priest quietly says the communicant’s name at Communion, by the way, and he’s an excellent, orthodox priest.

 

[Charioteer]

Sounds like this person wants to be a priest. Its really too bad that he/she doesn’t realize the things they are doing may be an abuse. There are too many things listed above that are not in the rubrics. Adding words to the Lord’s Prayer is one of many. Why does your parish do spontaneous petitions? I would talk to the priest. If the priest doesn’t do anything about it I would pull the person aside and tell them that they are NOT being community and distracting the daylights out of everyone else. Tell him he is not a priest and thus should act like laity during Mass…which means not to draw attention to oneself

I have talked to him in private, several times. So have others. He is aware that what he is doing is disruptive. If it does any good it’s only for a little while.

 

[Charioteer]

I agree with everyone else so far. These are little things. They may be annoying, but you should offer it up instead of letting yourself get worked up.

My priest quietly says the communicant’s name at Communion, by the way, and he’s an excellent, orthodox priest.

Oh I (actually we) have tried. It’s not as easy as it sounds. While I can close my eyes or turn my head to say the kissing of the Book of Gospels and his treating the altar like it was a table to be cleared at McDonald’s it far more difficult hearing him add to the Lord’s Prayer every day.

You’re right though, that would be my first choice – just to ignore him.

Again though my question was not how to stop him. I asked WHY he does that, why he stops after someone reviews it with him and why does he then re-start?

 

[Charioteer]

I just found out that it’s normal in Eastern Rite Churches for the priest to say one’s name at Communion, so that part isn’t that strange.

He should only be saying either “The Body of Christ” or “The Blood of Christ.” Nothing more.

That said it’s really none of my business if he adheres to the rubric for the sake of the rubric – that’s up to our pastor. What is my business is hearing a litany of names and “sirs” and “misses” during communion – one another the other that is very distracting.

 

[mary1173]

Oh I (actually we) have tried. It’s not as easy as it sounds. While I can close my eyes or turn my head to say the kissing of the Book of Gospels and his treating the altar like it was a table to be cleared at McDonald’s it far more difficult hearing him add to the Lord’s Prayer every day.

You’re right though, that would be my first choice – just to ignore him.

Again though my question was not how to stop him. I asked WHY he does that, why he stops after someone reviews it with him and why does he then re-start?

Maybe he’s hoping to be excommunicated?! Who knows…pray for him…and be patient, the priest will handleit…if the priest doesn’t handle it,askfor help from your bishop.

 

[Seatuck]

I agree with everyone else so far. These are little things. They may be annoying, but you should offer it up instead of letting yourself get worked up.

My priest quietly says the communicant’s name at Communion, by the way, and he’s an excellent, orthodox priest.

This is a clear violation of the rubrics.

 

[FrDavid96]

Oh I (actually we) have tried. It’s not as easy as it sounds. While I can close my eyes or turn my head to say the kissing of the Book of Gospels and his treating the altar like it was a table to be cleared at McDonald’s it far more difficult hearing him add to the Lord’s Prayer every day.

You’re right though, that would be my first choice – just to ignore him.

Again though my question was not how to stop him. I asked WHY he does that, why he stops after someone reviews it with him and why does he then re-start?

The reason why he does it is because it has unfortunately become so ingrained into the consciousness of many Catholics that they need to practice showmanship during Mass, and they need to make personal “improvements” on the Mass.

He’s probably doing each of these things because he saw someone else somewhere doing it and thinks to himself “well, that looks cute, I’ll do it too.”

After someone points-out to him that what he is doing is wrong, he realizes this and tries to “do better.” But (I’m willing to bet) then he sees others taking liberties with the Mass, and after a while again comes to the conclusion that if others are doing it, it must be fine, and so reverts back to his old habits.

In my own experience, whenever I correct liturgical abuses, the response is universal: “they’re doing it at such-and-such so it can’t be wrong.”

There is a certain movement which pervades (or should I say invades?) the Church and has made liturgical abuses a hallmark of their movement. I won’t mention the name of that movement. Suffice to say that showmanship and sensationalism are their motivation.

 

[Charioteer]

Again I am curious as to why someone would act this way?

The fact that he’s not following the Mass rubrics is of little concern to me – that’s up to my pastor. What bothers me is the practical impact he has on other peoples’ worship of God including my own.

I’m not listing “everything he does wrong” during the Mass – only the stuff that truly impacts me and others. And again I am not really looking for a solution, I am merely looking to understand.

 

[FrDavid96]

I agree with everyone else so far. These are little things. They may be annoying, but you should offer it up instead of letting yourself get worked up.

My priest quietly says the communicant’s name at Communion, by the way, and he’s an excellent, orthodox priest.

justagirl,
Catholics have a right that the Mass will be celebrated always and everywhere with dignity and solemnity and according to the rubrics & words which the Church has provided. I understand that you want to be kind, and commend you for that attitude. But at the same time, we have to keep things in perspective and remember that there is no obligation (not even one of charity) to ignore or tolerate liturgical abuses intentionally done. At the same time, no one has any right (none whatsoever) to disrupt the Mass. The pastor has a responsibility to fix these things.

 

[justagirl]

Maybe he’s hoping to be excommunicated?! Who knows…pray for him…and be patient, the priest will handleit…if the priest doesn’t handle it,askfor help from your bishop.

In my opinion, this is not a situation in which you should involve the bishop. Our bishops are busy enough already. A layman adding a word to the Our Father, though wrong, is not something a bishop should be spending his time on.

He’s not trying to upset anyone by the sound of it. You said he improves for a while when people talk to him about it. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying. If you continually get angry or annoyed at that Mass, you should probably find a different Mass to attend. JMHO.

 

[FrDavid96]

In my opinion, this is not a situation in which you should involve the bishop. Our bishops are busy enough already. A layman adding a word to the Our Father, though wrong, is not something a bishop should be spending his time on.

He’s not trying to upset anyone by the sound of it. You said he improves for a while when people talk to him about it. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying. If you continually get angry or annoyed at that Mass, you should probably find a different Mass to attend. JMHO.

Right, this should not go so far as to make the bishop’s involvement necessary. The pastor has an obligation to correct this first.

If one person is disrupting the Mass, that does not place on obligation on anyone to find a different Mass. The obligation is to fix the problem.

 

[justagirl]

justagirl,
Catholics have a right that the Mass will be celebrated always and everywhere with dignity and solemnity and according to the rubrics & words which the Church has provided. I understand that you want to be kind, and commend you for that attitude. But at the same time, we have to keep things in perspective and remember that there is no obligation (not even one of charity) to ignore or tolerate liturgical abuses intentionally done. At the same time, no one has any right (none whatsoever) to disrupt the Mass. The pastor has a responsibility to fix these things.

Fr David, do you think these sound like intentional liturgical abuses? It sounds to me like a fumbling man trying to do his best.

He of course doesn’t have an obligation to find a different Mass, and that man should probably not be serving as EMHC or similar; however, if the poster finds himself continually becoming angry during Mass, I do think he should consider attending another Mass time or parish until the situation is fixed in order to avoid that occasion of sin. Who would want to attend Mass that makes you angry, anyway?