OK are there ANY single CHRISTIAN women left?!

[embear]

House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14

Keep praying.

 

[phil8888]

You are young. I met and married my husband in 18 months (dated for 9 mos. and engaged for another 9 mos.) We have been married for almost 14 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I married him when I was 33 and he was 32.
Don’t despair! There is someone very special for you out there. Worth the wait.

Some people are afraid of being too old for kids. Did you end up having any kids after you got married cuqui?

 

[chevalier]

Thats what Im trying to say. If you are single, you have only a few choices: change yourself or go out and find people in another place. With online dating sites, there are plenty of places to find someone. Often times, it is our own standards that keep us single. Go to any Catholic dating website and you will find many good Catholic women. However, many are not what modern standards call attractive. These women spend years on these sites and never find a man. Maybe they have a personality issue that turns guys off but a large part is that many singles want something specific and wont settle for anything less than perfection. A large part of chronic singledom is an unwillingness to compromise. Im not talking about on important things like religious views but on other things.

Yeah, people react to those personality issues but those who react also have their own issues and so there is a little circle. As far as dating sites go, however, I’d say they resemble shopping, whereas meeting someone attractive in normal circumstances will result in a more natural getting to know. On a website, you just have a profile and you decide if you like or not. Or like sufficiently to give up further searching. This isn’t as dramatic as may sound from my description but I’m trying to give a cross-section of the problem as I see it.

I guess overall I am just not a big believer in this idea that if one was in an area with many faithful Catholics that all of a sudden their dating problems would magically be solved. The Church could hold singles nights every night and I am not sure if that would be enough.

That and we forget that in our parents’ times people weren’t perfect either.

In this day and age, most areas have faithful Catholics. These Catholics may not meet our personal standards but if you are really lonely and upset at being single, why not give a faithful Catholic a chance? I dont buy into this notion that there are no faithful Catholics near me. The thruth is that in the vast majority of this country there are faithful Catholics but a lack of desire to seek out the faithful Catholics. We want it handed to us. When we complain about our local parish not doing enough, it just shows we dont really want to work hard enough. Maybe God is calling singles to be less shy and more outgoing and charismatic like many of the apostles and men like St Paul. Faithful Catholics are everywhere just waiting to be found. Unless you seek, you wont find.

It is actually not that easy to find a practicing Catholic that doesn’t opt out of any part of the Magisterium, is eligible, and “the type”, “something clicks” or whatever we call it. Dating sites, even those with a Catholic flavour, aren’t exactly populated by people willing to make no concessions in sexual ethics. What I also often see is profiles that no effort was made to fill in properly, profiles that are like many others… Please don’t understand me as complaining, I’m simply describing things. In real life, things may be worse, well, probability of running into an attractive eligible Catholic should logically be expected to be lower than on a dating website with Catholic affiliation.

---

As for “the Internet” in general, I would recommend a balanced attitude. The internet is not immoral in itself or just because it’s technical or modern. Otherwise there’d be no www.vatican.va . It can be used in better or worse ways and there are things it can’t do. This is why I’d prefer to see dating websites as leverage mostly, transferring the contact to real life as soon as possible. Meeting face to face, using normal phone. Same if some attraction ensues on a community website that isn’t even meant for dating (e.g. a professional forum).

As for men and passiveness and all: if you are interested, start a conversation. If you’re still interested, ask her out. Get to know her. This isn’t a marrage proposal yet. Don’t be afraid. (But be respectful.)

 

[familyof4]

Have you considered seeing if a local parish has a single/widows club? We recently formed on in our parish. Originally it was meant for widows and widowers, but we found that we had several older singles who were looking for someone who would share their values and faith.

Young adult programs at most parishes are for up to around 30 or so if I recall correctly, so you might think of joining in there. Even if your future spouse isn’t there, maybe her older brother is, and will introduce you to her! At the worst, you’ll make some new friends who share your values and have some fun!

 

[islandgirl3]

This is my favourite quote too. Did you read Theology of His/Her Body?
I am also on the search for my own devout Catholic husband, I pray all the time that I will meet him and I ask God to prepare him and me for marriage, prepare us for the roles of husband and wife as well as mother and father.

I’ve gone to a few T.O.B. conferences/ discussion groups, but I am reading T.O.B. explained by Christopher west for the first time. Admitedly, I have it set it aside( I’m a student) but I tend pick it up sometimes and read bits from it. You’re soo right it just does a lot!! Even though I only get to read it in installments, it all fits so well together.

I mean to quote one of the last posters too. " you can be lonely in Marriage,… It’s not a 50/50 it’s a 100/100." Things I never thought to think that much about, but are true! you can not give what you don’t have. Makes sense to me!

 

[havana1]

Contrary to the others here I wont critizise you for this attitute at all. You gotta be out there and then trust God. I don’t think God is limited to the internet. As long as you do what you can, He will do what He can.
Don’t worry…

I also think the society is getting sick because people got more comfortable sitting at their computer than sitting outside and meeting people in person. Its not unlikely that even the people you were supposed to get to know right now are sitting in a isolated corner somewhere nurturing their face book life. I also think it has become even more difficult for Catholic women to ever get married because of the internet and porn addictions of many men at this age.

My exboyfriend doesn’t even use the internet… he only came on skype because of me,… he’d use the phone and letters, even real ones, and meet me face to face,… and I appreciated him all the more because he refused to get into the technical impersonal age.

Thank you: someone who “gets” what I’m saying. Yes, I am reluctant to assign to the INTERNET what I would reasonably presume to be a responsibility of the CHURCH: namely, the opportunity for “in-person” fellowship for Catholic singles at the parish level. Why is that such a foreign concept to so many people? Why am I naive or ‘behind the times’ to want that as an ideal? I don’t want to meet a Catholic wife on a web site. I want to meet her “in person,” like my father did (and his father, my grandpa, before him.) Why does that make me naive?

There’s a greater probability of “lying” on the Internet (sorry to point out the obvious.) If I meet a woman at church, I have the “proof”, for lack of a better word, that she’s practicing Catholic, not just saying it. If I meet a woman a church, she has the “proof” that I’m practicing Catholic, not just saying it. But, when everything at the parishes - from the homilies all the way down to the church bulletin - is for the benefit of the seniors and families with kids, and nary a bread crumb for the singles…well, there is going to be a greater likelihood of feeling lonely and isolated and overall disenfranchised from the parish community. Again, I don’t know why it’s so problematic and offensive to point out the reality of the situation. I can’t remember the last time I heard “singles” as a topic on Catholic Answers Live (certainly nothing in 2011 as of yet): which really doesn’t bode well for Catholic singles.

 

[ChiRho]

Thank you: someone who “gets” what I’m saying. Yes, I am reluctant to assign to the INTERNET what I would reasonably presume to be a responsibility of the CHURCH

It’s not the responsibility of the Church, it might be a nice thing to have, but the responsibility is yours. And guess where young faithful have increasingly decided to look for potential mates? Catholic dating sites.

Why is that such a foreign concept to so many people? Why am I naive or ‘behind the times’ to want that as an ideal? I don’t want to meet a Catholic wife on a web site. I want to meet her “in person,” like my father did (and his father, my grandpa, before him.) Why does that make me naive?

no one is calling you naive or behind the times - we’re simply saying that complaining about a lack of dating opportunities on the local, parish level when there are vast opportunities to be found on Catholic dating sites is really a waste of energy. Let me ask a question: at what point would you be willing to give online dating a try? a year? five years?

There’s a greater probability of “lying” on the Internet (sorry to point out the obvious.) If I meet a woman at church, I have the “proof”, for lack of a better word, that she’s practicing Catholic, not just saying it. If I meet a woman a church, she has the “proof” that I’m practicing Catholic, not just saying it.

you are quite right on the advantages of in-person meeting. But will you accept that there are advantages to first contacting each other online?

I can’t remember the last time I heard “singles” as a topic on Catholic Answers Live (certainly nothing in 2011 as of yet): which really doesn’t bode well for Catholic singles.

Because singles have already found a place - it’s online. There are tons of success stories from Catholic sites, enough to prove that it’s not just a fad. You can fight this as much as you want, but the fact is that there are a plethora of opportunities for singles, just not in the forms you want them.

 

[havana1]

It’s not the responsibility of the Church, it might be a nice thing to have, but the responsibility is yours. And guess where young faithful have increasingly decided to look for potential mates? Catholic dating sites.

no one is calling you naive or behind the times - we’re simply saying that complaining about a lack of dating opportunities on the local, parish level when there are vast opportunities to be found on Catholic dating sites is really a waste of energy. Let me ask a question: at what point would you be willing to give online dating a try? a year? five years?

you are quite right on the advantages of in-person meeting. But will you accept that there are advantages to first contacting each other online?

Because singles have already found a place - it’s online. There are tons of success stories from Catholic sites, enough to prove that it’s not just a fad. You can fight this as much as you want, but the fact is that there are a plethora of opportunities for singles, just not in the forms you want them.

I have already tried online dating: I have met several women (including ex-g.f.) on Craigslist, all of whom were Catholic. Many of the “plethora” of opportunities are closed to many singles - e.g., nobody older than 30, nobody under 30, nobody who thinks Oasis are better than The Beatles, and so on. If what you say is true, then why do adolescents get fellowship opportunities at the parish level via LifeTeen when they - of all people - are far more wired than adults are? By your very own rationale, would you accept that LifeTeen is equally a “waste of energy”? It’s a double standard: nobody complains when the kids get the VIP red-carpet treatment, but if an 30’s-40’s+ adults asks for similar consideration, it magically becomes “whining.” I don’t get it.

Yes, of course it’s my responsibility, but considering how marriage is firstly a sacrament and sacred union before anything else, I just don’t understand of the ambivalence (and hostility in some cases) of many Catholics towards their single brethren. Which in turn leads to threads like “OK are there ANY single CHRISTIAN women left?!”

 

[agapewolf]

Thank you: someone who “gets” what I’m saying. Yes, I am reluctant to assign to the INTERNET what I would reasonably presume to be a responsibility of the CHURCH: namely, the opportunity for “in-person” fellowship for Catholic singles at the parish level. Why is that such a foreign concept to so many people? Why am I naive or ‘behind the times’ to want that as an ideal? I don’t want to meet a Catholic wife on a web site. I want to meet her “in person,” like my father did (and his father, my grandpa, before him.) Why does that make me naive?

There’s a greater probability of “lying” on the Internet (sorry to point out the obvious.) If I meet a woman at church, I have the “proof”, for lack of a better word, that she’s practicing Catholic, not just saying it. If I meet a woman a church, she has the “proof” that I’m practicing Catholic, not just saying it. But, when everything at the parishes - from the homilies all the way down to the church bulletin - is for the benefit of the seniors and families with kids, and nary a bread crumb for the singles…well, there is going to be a greater likelihood of feeling lonely and isolated and overall disenfranchised from the parish community. Again, I don’t know why it’s so problematic and offensive to point out the reality of the situation. I can’t remember the last time I heard “singles” as a topic on Catholic Answers Live (certainly nothing in 2011 as of yet): which really doesn’t bode well for Catholic singles.

Actually, you could be assigning catholic web sites…which is similar to a catholic singles group in person.

And no, meeting someone at mass is NOT proof that they are practicing catholics. Online, certain sites have very deep profiles that one has to write essays about their beliefs in contraception, marriage, children, etc. You actually have a filter online that you don’t get when you accidentally meet in person.

 

[ChiRho]

I have already tried online dating: I have met several women (including ex-g.f.) on Craigslist, all of whom were Catholic. Many of the “plethora” of opportunities are closed to many singles - e.g., nobody older than 30, nobody under 30, nobody who thinks Oasis are better than The Beatles, and so on.

dating in person is like this too – how many girls out there wont date a guy shorter than 6’0 who makes less than $xx,xxx, or how many guys won’t date a girl without blonde hair or some other trait? Dating requires discrimination. Sure people discriminate for stupid reasons, but it probably works out for the best: you aren’t stuck in a dead-end relationship with someone who finds trivialities important. Best for them to make the decision for you

If what you say is true, then why do adolescents get fellowship opportunities at the parish level via LifeTeen when they - of all people - are far more wired than adults are? By your very own rationale, would you accept that LifeTeen is equally a “waste of energy”? It’s a double standard: nobody complains when the kids get the VIP red-carpet treatment, but if an 30’s-40’s+ adults asks for similar consideration, it magically becomes “whining.” I don’t get it.

there are several reasons that I can think of: 1. teens are usually under the guardianship of their parents, who want to make sure their kids have some sort of wholesome activity to take part in. 2. teens are particularly susceptible to “going wild”, and thus might need more attention to make sure they don’t go astray. 3. parents of teens have families, and are more motivated to secure their interests. Singles are not a cohesive group, and have trouble organizing.

I think the last point is the most telling. Do you really think that if a large group of singles came forward to most parishes and asked for help in starting a group, they’d deny it? And even so, couldn’t resourceful 30’s-40’s+ adults form an independent group if the parish were uncooperative? The issue, as the age gets higher is that the number of people a singles group would apply to is probably not large enough to gain much interest in a given local area. Of course, there is a solution to this, an aggregated site bringing many disenfranchised demographics together, but we’ve already discussed that ad nauseum.

 

[Rewind4]

Sorry, just jumping into the thread now.

As a single young guy, it’s hard out there if you’re a practicing Christian. It always has been from what I know, but now even more so.

I’ve compromised and dated girls who’ve lapsed in their faith. It’ll start off fine in the beginning, but usually it’ll end because we just can’t reconcile that issue.

I’ve also dated girls who are close to zealots in the way they practice their faith, and they weren’t best matches either, unfortunately

Dating isn’t easy in 2011

 

[chevalier]

Actually, you could be assigning catholic web sites…which is similar to a catholic singles group in person.

And no, meeting someone at mass is NOT proof that they are practicing catholics. Online, certain sites have very deep profiles that one has to write essays about their beliefs in contraception, marriage, children, etc. You actually have a filter online that you don’t get when you accidentally meet in person.

Yeah, and the result of the filter is that you, well, filter people out before engaging in longer discussions that usually happen after a couple of meetings only. This contributes to the impression that there are few left, but what’s good is that you know beforehand.

Sure people discriminate for stupid reasons, but it probably works out for the best: you aren’t stuck in a dead-end relationship with someone who finds trivialities important. Best for them to make the decision for you

Another good point.

 

[Havard]

Havana, I bear no hostility toward you. But I am going through exactly the same experiences as you, and to me it definitely does appear to me that you are whining.

So far, you have made no mention of what you have done, only what others haven’t. So if you have taken significant steps to better your situation, I retract my reaction and commend that, but the way you’ve portrayed your circumstances has been entirely singularly directed at how others have failed you. You’ve said nothing about other parishes in your area, or where the closest young adult or singles group is. You’ve said nothing about your diocese, whether it has a young adult ministry, or events that cater to young adults. You’ve said nothing about what steps you’ve taken to start up a group yourself, or to solicit help doing so. As Chi Ro pointed out, it’s rather unlikely that your parish and/or diocese would deny you any support if you would like to start a YA or singles group there, especially if there truly is nothing in your area for miles around. Finally, no one is saying that you have to like dating sites, however, they are still a viable option that you are willfully precluding.

Unlike Lifeteen participants, we are grown adults, through our formative years. It’s on us to take responsibility when action is needed. The Church isn’t merely the parish/diocesan clergy and administrative staff, it’s all of us, too.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Imho, Catholic men shouldn’t be complaining. There are so many more single, practicing Catholic women than single, practicing Catholic men. Maybe not in some individual parishes, but they’re out there if you’re willing to look. Especially online, as a previous poster suggested.

This is very true.

 

[Rascalking]

Havard was totally right. It’s great being a Catholic guy. So many beautiful, classy, elegant ladies out there. We’re so lucky!

I met a great girl recently-she’s local too. Too bad she’s an hardcore athiest.

 

[Havard]

Havard was totally right. It’s great being a Catholic guy. So many beautiful, classy, elegant ladies out there. We’re so lucky!

I met a great girl recently-she’s local too. Too bad she’s an hardcore athiest.

Well you’ve got a tremendous heart, Rascal, I pray the Lord makes Himself known to her through it.

 

[Rascalking]

Well you’ve got a tremendous heart, Rascal, I pray the Lord makes Himself known to her through it.

That’s really nice of you to say. Thanks man.

 

[islandgirl3]

sorry I don’t quite have the quotes down yet.
-More practising Catholic women than men? Sure seems that way in my parish!* I’m sure in other places it’s the opposite,…Maybe I should find it haha…

• You have proof they’re a practising Catholic if you see them at Mass every weekend, etc.* I’m sure you do see that they attend Mass, but you don’t necessarily give insights to the fact it’s a part of their everyday life. In the Catholic Match( not an endorsement, just given the fact I’ve tried it before I’ll say a bit about my experience)you see on each person’a profile where they feel they stand. sometimes it’s they call themselves catholic, but they don’t really practice, or it’s a part of everyday life. I think that that’s when you live your faith and put it into practice. Sitting at Mass is when it’s easiest, it’s being in the world that you find challenges to your faith. and yes- you get to Filter them! AND even on church doctrines, they’ll have whether they accept them all or, they dont accept on contraception etc. Good information to get. things you can’t necessarily find out when meeting someone accidentally.

Now I’m not knocking the meeting someone in your city/ meet accidentally etc, maybe even someone from your dioscese( if it’s small like mine) or parish or even travelling somewhere for a conference/ retreat. But there is always the don’t-date-your-next-door-neighbor rule.( I find this holds true especially in parish life) Why not? Because sometimes when things don’t end as well as you’d like, it makes things awkward between friends/ people( I learned that one the hard way) Often you grow up with some of these people, and if the guy hasn’t done something about it by now, then he probably doesn’t care to make something happen. And the Catholic community is pretty small, sometimes a guy you know dated your best friend, so they’re off limits. even at conferences/ retreats etc sometimes it can be tough to meet new guys because you know the reason you went there was for God, you don’t want to show anything other than that by meeting every new, cute single man etc, just because they happen to be there for the same purpose you are: to be closer to God.

so yes. I am for online dating AS AN option. I would honestly prefer not to say I thought it was a viable way of meeting other singles, but what can I say? I can see the bright side. ( although those of you who I semi- quoted made excellent points)

 

[chevalier]

Havard was totally right. It’s great being a Catholic guy. So many beautiful, classy, elegant ladies out there.

…who are not exactly fond of the sexual ethics of the Church. I suppose missionary dating time has arrived. We’ve done that for centuries, actually, except it was typically the women’s role, beginning with the Roman princesses who converted the ugly kings of barbarian tribes.

That it’s great being a Catholic man is another matter altogether.

And sorry to hear about the atheist girl. But as much as she’s likely not the woman for you, you don’t have to give up on her as a friend and human being. Might as well talk to her (a lot and a lot), getting to her the Good News. And who knows what happens. She might even find God and convert.

 

[Havard]

If CatholicMatch.com is anything to go by, there are a lot more women that agree with the sexual ethics of the Church than there are men who do so.