OK are there ANY single CHRISTIAN women left?!

[JoeofCupertino]

It is not that I don’t agree with what you say, Joe, but attractiveness isn’t always the answer. This is what I meant when I jestfully capitalised the fine folks having poor luck. Ultimately it comes to choices and the way human interactions work. You will find singles, and not by choice, even among the most attractive people you know.

I wasnt referring to physical attraction. I was referring overall. Obviously, when two people date they find something attractive in the other. It need not be purely physical. There are many factors that make one attractive and not all are physical. If you are single and really want someone but cant find someone, it is good advice to look at yourself and see if there are things about yourself that you can change. Maybe its a change of attitude or maybe its a change in jobs. There are many ways one can change and improve themselves. Sure, there is a such thing as bad luck but it is silly to blame others on your lack of luck when there may be a vibe you give off that turns people off. Maybe some singles need to work on being more social. Everyone is different and has a different set of issues. What works for one may not work for another. If you constantlly improve yourself, you open doors for yourself by adding qualities that are attractive. The goal should be to make weaknesses into virtues.

 

[Nec5]

We like to say that they are the problem and not us singles. The reality is that us singles arent doing enough to make ourselves attractive to the opposite sex. This isnt to say singles are bad people but it is to say that singles need to look inside themselves and adjust to the market.

I’m not interested in adjusting to the current market. Most of the single guys I know aren’t interested in lowering their standards or presenting a facade either. And yes, that’s what “adjusting” means.

 

[chevalier]

I wasnt referring to physical attraction. I was referring overall. Obviously, when two people date they find something attractive in the other. It need not be purely physical. There are many factors that make one attractive and not all are physical. If you are single and really want someone but cant find someone, it is good advice to look at yourself and see if there are things about yourself that you can change. Maybe its a change of attitude or maybe its a change in jobs. There are many ways one can change and improve themselves. Sure, there is a such thing as bad luck but it is silly to blame others on your lack of luck when there may be a vibe you give off that turns people off. Maybe some singles need to work on being more social. Everyone is different and has a different set of issues. What works for one may not work for another. If you constantlly improve yourself, you open doors for yourself by adding qualities that are attractive. The goal should be to make weaknesses into virtues.

Joe, the very important thing that you’re mentioning is that everybody’s different and has a certain set of qualities. Where we need to go from there is recognising that the objective is not to sway a specific person but to find a good match. This point is often missed by people. I always say, if man or woman doesn’t like you (or vice versa), it’s for a reason.

I’m blood of warriors and money doesn’t stick to me but let me use a trade analogy: if you can’t find buyers for your merchandise it doesn’t necessarily mean something’s wrong with your offer. Maybe you need to travel one more mile, address a different range of customers, which means sticking to your merchandise until you sell it… as opposed to taking the “obvious” hint of the market and reforming offer to meet demand, as the “wise” course of action would seemingly be.

Some folks just don’t appeal to everybody. Some others do appeal but are not chosen anyway (customers pick a more familiar product or ditch QPR in favour of cost savings or shorter queue). The Opening Poster might fit in one of these two categories because of being a unique person in some regard. Just guessing though, but it feels probable. Same applies to you, by the way, if only by reason of your specific line of work. On the other hand, jobs change people’s personalities too. Mine certainly does.

 

[JoeofCupertino]

Joe, the very important thing that you’re mentioning is that everybody’s different and has a certain set of qualities. Where we need to go from there is recognising that the objective is not to sway a specific person but to find a good match. This point is often missed by people. I always say, if man or woman doesn’t like you (or vice versa), it’s for a reason.

I’m blood of warriors and money doesn’t stick to me but let me use a trade analogy: if you can’t find buyers for your merchandise it doesn’t necessarily mean something’s wrong with your offer. Maybe you need to travel one more mile, address a different range of customers, which means sticking to your merchandise until you sell it… as opposed to taking the “obvious” hint of the market and reforming offer to meet demand, as the “wise” course of action would seemingly be.

Some folks just don’t appeal to everybody. Some others do appeal but are not chosen anyway (customers pick a more familiar product or ditch QPR in favour of cost savings or shorter queue). The Opening Poster might fit in one of these two categories because of being a unique person in some regard. Just guessing though, but it feels probable. Same applies to you, by the way, if only by reason of your specific line of work. On the other hand, jobs change people’s personalities too. Mine certainly does.

Thats what Im trying to say. If you are single, you have only a few choices: change yourself or go out and find people in another place. With online dating sites, there are plenty of places to find someone. Often times, it is our own standards that keep us single. Go to any Catholic dating website and you will find many good Catholic women. However, many are not what modern standards call attractive. These women spend years on these sites and never find a man. Maybe they have a personality issue that turns guys off but a large part is that many singles want something specific and wont settle for anything less than perfection. A large part of chronic singledom is an unwillingness to compromise. Im not talking about on important things like religious views but on other things.

I guess overall I am just not a big believer in this idea that if one was in an area with many faithful Catholics that all of a sudden their dating problems would magically be solved. The Church could hold singles nights every night and I am not sure if that would be enough.

In this day and age, most areas have faithful Catholics. These Catholics may not meet our personal standards but if you are really lonely and upset at being single, why not give a faithful Catholic a chance? I dont buy into this notion that there are no faithful Catholics near me. The thruth is that in the vast majority of this country there are faithful Catholics but a lack of desire to seek out the faithful Catholics. We want it handed to us. When we complain about our local parish not doing enough, it just shows we dont really want to work hard enough. Maybe God is calling singles to be less shy and more outgoing and charismatic like many of the apostles and men like St Paul. Faithful Catholics are everywhere just waiting to be found. Unless you seek, you wont find.

 

[ChiRho]

I’m not interested in adjusting to the current market. Most of the single guys I know aren’t interested in lowering their standards or presenting a facade either. And yes, that’s what “adjusting” means.

it doesn’t necessarily mean lowering standards (the meaningful ones at least) and being fake. Do you think adjustments and compromises made in marriage are bad too?

 

[ChiRho]

We want it handed to us. When we complain about our local parish not doing enough, it just shows we dont really want to work hard enough. Maybe God is calling singles to be less shy and more outgoing and charismatic like many of the apostles and men like St Paul. Faithful Catholics are everywhere just waiting to be found. Unless you seek, you wont find.

I agree with this (and I say this as an introvert who isn’t charismatic at all). People often mistake putting things in God’s hands for sitting back and expecting a spouse into fall into his/her lap.

Sort of like the joke about a man caught in a flood who refuses 3 boats coming by to save him and says “God will save me”. He gets to heaven and says “Lord, why did you not save me?” and God says “who do you think sent those 3 boats?”

 

[Nec5]

it doesn’t necessarily mean lowering standards (the meaningful ones at least) and being fake. Do you think adjustments and compromises made in marriage are bad too?

The devil is in the details.

 

[Gertabelle]

Just jumping in without reading all the previous posts – bad netiqette, I know:blush:

Anyway, I find it amazing that so many single Catholic men and women have such a hard time connecting. I see single men – no wife, children, or wedding ring – at daily and Sunday mass all the time. I assume they see me. But we never connect after mass, even though I always linger with my married friends and their families outside the church for awhile.

I have many single women friends – some are faithful, Catholic, single women who have never been married and have maintained their purity. Others have annulments and children. We are in our 20s, 30s, and 40s.

I don’t know why we can’t connect with the single men in our parishes. We see them at daily mass and Sunday mass. Are they waiting for us to approach them? Do they think they’re so amazing or that we’re so desperate (or dumb) that we’ll take their “hello” as a marriage proposal

This is a huge curiosity for me. I mean, we’re all saying we’re looking for someone (men and women both), so available singles are obviously out there:shrug:

Personally, the single life is working out just fine for this single mom – God always gives us the grace to live out His Will for our lives – but my heart aches for those who are really looking and getting really frustrated.

God bless you. I always pray for those who are seeking their spouses.

Gertie

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

In Sydney, Australia there are 1000’s and 1000’s, so in the USA it’s probably millions. You need to go to Christians events and such. The typical respectable women aren’t getting drunk and passing out in clubs, so you’re not going to find them there.

 

[FredrikN]

I am not sure if this is allowed but here goes:

Havana1 (and others): I know some women who really wants to meet catholic men for marriage. If you are interested send me a private message.

 

[GraceDK]

Where I am there are a lot of good Catholic ladies and fewer good Catholic men.
It’s like that all over “the diaspora” as far as I can see… there are women in all ages filling the pews and the men are more uninterested in religion.
In the institution where I am at, its the same again… many nice women and few nice men. The most interesting ones are already taken leaving the ladies to go find serious Christians other places.
You might say… well what about those few ones that are here? It seems they are too passive. Really… in a Catholic environment where women and men are encouraged to embrace more traditional gender roles… well, the women won’t take initiative and the men seem unable or unwilling to so.
At Church it’s even more difficult… because many parishes don’t have any focus on fellowship so people might notice the presense of the other gender but there is no natural way of getting aquainted.
This is written from some where in Europe…
perhaps as the OP indicated in America there are more men attending Church than women?

 

[Havard]

Imho, Catholic men shouldn’t be complaining. There are so many more single, practicing Catholic women than single, practicing Catholic men. Maybe not in some individual parishes, but they’re out there if you’re willing to look. Especially online, as a previous poster suggested.

 

[havana1]

Imho, Catholic men shouldn’t be complaining. There are so many more single, practicing Catholic women than single, practicing Catholic men. Maybe not in some individual parishes, but they’re out there if you’re willing to look. Especially online, as a previous poster suggested.

I am really uncomfortable with the notion that I have to go “online” to find a Catholic wife. Why can’t I meet her at church, like I’m supposed to? We live in a very disconnected world where we have more Facebook friends than in-person friends, and that disconnect grows more lonely and isolated at church, single guys are treated like lepers and few people want to hold your hand during the Our Father. I thought the Magisterium was concerned at how “wired” and online we are as a society, for the very reasons I state.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Online also gives you opportunities to meet people you would not have met. Also, you can meet people through friends.

 

[Havard]

I am really uncomfortable with the notion that I have to go “online” to find a Catholic wife. Why can’t I meet her at church, like I’m supposed to? We live in a very disconnected world where we have more Facebook friends than in-person friends, and that disconnect grows more lonely and isolated at church, single guys are treated like lepers and few people want to hold your hand during the Our Father. I thought the Magisterium was concerned at how “wired” and online we are as a society, for the very reasons I state.

You are erecting barriers to your own search, and then complaining that you’re not finding what you want. I wish I could help you brother, but I can’t relate to your attitude at all.

 

[SeaShoreGirl]

I am really uncomfortable with the notion that I have to go “online” to find a Catholic wife. Why can’t I meet her at church, like I’m supposed to? We live in a very disconnected world where we have more Facebook friends than in-person friends, and that disconnect grows more lonely and isolated at church, single guys are treated like lepers and few people want to hold your hand during the Our Father. I thought the Magisterium was concerned at how “wired” and online we are as a society, for the very reasons I state.

Becuase most towns have atleast two parishes and most parishes have atleast three masses. Even in a small area that’s six masses, some at the same time. You cannot be everwhere.

Sure, you’re supposed to be open to your online spouse being 3000 miles away, but you also may find your future spouse 30 miles away. Actually, if you look at many sucess stories the spouses wen’t all that far.

If you count all the massses at all the churches in a 30 mile radius…that’s hundreds if not THOUSANDS of regular Saturday/Sunday services. You can’t be expected to know what’s going on at all of them.

Sometimes the internet is just an aid to bring like minded people together.

 

[ChiRho]

I am really uncomfortable with the notion that I have to go “online” to find a Catholic wife. Why can’t I meet her at church, like I’m supposed to?

You don’t have to go online, it’s your choice. Maybe it would be ideal if you met her at church – it would be even more ideal if she lived right down the street, right? – but if it is unlikely, which makes more sense: going online and expanding your options or stubbornly saying “this is the way it should be, so I’m going to wait until everyone else falls in line”?

 

[GraceDK]

I am really uncomfortable with the notion that I have to go “online” to find a Catholic wife. Why can’t I meet her at church, like I’m supposed to? We live in a very disconnected world where we have more Facebook friends than in-person friends, and that disconnect grows more lonely and isolated at church, single guys are treated like lepers and few people want to hold your hand during the Our Father. I thought the Magisterium was concerned at how “wired” and online we are as a society, for the very reasons I state.

Contrary to the others here I wont critizise you for this attitute at all. You gotta be out there and then trust God. I don’t think God is limited to the internet. As long as you do what you can, He will do what He can.
Don’t worry…

I also think the society is getting sick because people got more comfortable sitting at their computer than sitting outside and meeting people in person. Its not unlikely that even the people you were supposed to get to know right now are sitting in a isolated corner somewhere nurturing their face book life. I also think it has become even more difficult for Catholic women to ever get married because of the internet and porn addictions of many men at this age.

My exboyfriend doesn’t even use the internet… he only came on skype because of me,… he’d use the phone and letters, even real ones, and meet me face to face,… and I appreciated him all the more because he refused to get into the technical impersonal age.

 

[ChiRho]

Grace, no one is advocating that people substitute the internet for real life. Quite the contrary in fact – we’re advocating that people use the internet in order to find people with whom to associate in real life! Real life contact is the goal, but we’re not going to say that all other forms of impersonal contact (like letters and phone calls, which you don’t have a problem with) cannot help achieve that goal.

And the implication of rejecting almost categorically all forms of virtual communication is odd, since you conveyed this message over the internet, thousands of miles away from most people who read this board.

Contrary to the others here I wont critizise you for this attitute at all.

And how else can this be interpreted other than as a jab at people who dared to express a contrary view? It’s not necessary.

 

[Havard]

To expand upon what ChiRo said, one option is to go from an internet introduction to hand-written letter-writing. It’s traditional, it’s personal, and many find it to be romantic. Dating web sites are just tools, they are what you make of them.