On having children

  • Thread starter Thread starter alexvat02
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Keep in mind that you are only 18. While it’s great to start thinking about your future and your goals, you still have a lot of self-growth to do, and what you want today may not be what you want tomorrow. When I was around your age, I wanted a HUGE family (10-12 kids), to live in the country in a big house, work hard while homeschooling the kids etc. But as I’ve matured, while I’m still open to as large a family as God calls me to, I’ve realized that 3-4 is probably my emotional limit, and that I have my limits in other areas too (would be better off in the city as I like things within walking distance, I don’t want to care for a big yard, etc.).

A lot will depend upon your future wife. She may have preferences too in these areas, and you don’t want to lose out on a good relationship because you were unwilling to have discussions and compromise on child decisions. Focus now on school and then finding a wife. Don’t put the cart before the horse. While you want to be ready for kids when you marry, the details of child raising should not be the base of a marriage.
 
alexvat02 said:
I personally feel that God is calling me to be a husband and father to many children.
Click to expand...
Keep in mind also that nothing is guaranteed in this life.

I married young, at 24, and my husband and I wanted at least 5 children and a dog.

We’re childless and we’ve got a cat.

Our plans are not always God’s plans 😉

I’m not saying that to be a downer, and the most likely scenario if you get married is that you’ll have the children you dream of. I’m just mentioning it because I would have liked someone to tell me beforehand that accepting God’s will regarding children is also accepting the possibility of being given no children, and that childlessness does not make a marriage less worthy or less holy.

Having the impression of falling short of the “good Christian family” ideal can be really hard on young couples.
 
There is the misunderstanding that good Catholic families must have at least half a dozen children.

The Church does not require that the faithful have a large number of children. Being open to life in marriage is enough.
 
OddBird said:
I married young, at 24, and my husband and I wanted at least 5 children and a dog.

We’re childless and we’ve got a cat.
Click to expand...
I really like the whole post, but this in particular caught my eye. Superficially, it is funny (to a certain sort of sense of humor anyway), but it neatly encapsulates the “not my will, but thine” that we should all strive for.
 
OddBird said:
Keep in mind also that nothing is guaranteed in this life.

I married young, at 24, and my husband and I wanted at least 5 children and a dog.

We’re childless and we’ve got a cat.

Our plans are not always God’s plans
Click to expand...
I also agree. I’m on the opposite side of this coin. I got married had 4 children and then my wife walked out and after many years, never came back. No calls or letters. Just vanished- like a cloud that dissipated into a rainbow. I’m a single father raising kiddos by myself. It may well be God’s plan.
 
Yes I agree that I still have some growth, as I am still young, but I have really taken large strides in these last couple of years. There definitely were time where I thought I was ready when I really wasn’t. I trust in the path the God has laid out for me, and when the time is right, I will know it. I consider myself to be a romantic, so it’s difficult for me to put my trust in God’s hands because I want it now! No the kids yet, but the relationship. But yes you are right that some things need to happen before that time, whatever timing that might be, I have faith that He will not forsake me.
 
Yes, it is a tragedy that some people are not able to have families. I do not know whether that will be me or not, and if it is, then I will definitely need to have a conversation with God 😅. My prayers to both of you and your efforts going forward. Thank you for your time!
 
I know that it is not a requirement by any means, but that is one of the reasons that I love the Catholic Church is because it is so open to family. It is something that is difficult to find in other places…
 
Wow I’m so sorry to hear that. That must be very difficult, I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. Your attitude towards this tragedy is one the be admired and your faith is strong. You have my prayers sir and keep on the good work. Thank you for your time!
 
My daughter is not allowed to date till marriage age. Shes a young lady with dignity softness but also strengh of character.

I can imagine her getting married early.
 
alexvat02 said:
Yes I am planning on going to law school, so debt is going to be an issue, but I’ll figure it out. Thank you for your time
Click to expand...
Take it from someone who has been there: Do not take out big student loans to attend law school or grad school. It is not worth it, and you will be chained to ever-mushrooming debt for the rest of your adult life. Huge student loans (which is what law school will require, unless you get a big scholarship) are very difficult to repay unless you are making a big salary right out of school, because the interest makes them keep them keep growing, even if you are paying on them. It limits all your life options thereafter.

(This is assuming you live in the US - it may be different in other countries where the tuition is not as outrageous or where the government pays for higher education.)
 
thanks you for your message. It’s obvious, even from the aboard, that high student debt and the cost of studies are a very big personal, familial and social problem.

What are you saying? Apart from having scholarship, no one should rationally take this path? Same or worst than other sort of studies?
 
Anicette said:
What are you saying? Apart from having scholarship, no one should rationally take this path? Same or worst than other sort of studies?
Click to expand...
I would say research options such as scholarships, schools with more reasonable tuition rates (if there is such a thing), working enough hours while in school to pay for a large portion of your tuition or living expenses, etc. Any scenario that doesn’t have you graduating with a 6-figure or upper 5-figure debt, because that is what most law students have in student loans to repay.

If one can find no realistic path to law school or grad school that doesn’t involve taking out huge loans to pay for it, then, yes, I would say to choose a different career.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top