Opposite-Sex Friends

[gavin52]

This discussion:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=1009573#post1009573

started out as “opposite-sex phone numbers in a cell phone” but morphed into whether or not it was okay to have opposite-sex friends in a Sacramental Marriage. One poster suggested a new thread and I agree that it needs its only thread so here it is.

Opposite-sex friends. Are they okay in a marriage? Absolutely not. Any Catholic should know that. I am rather ashamed that there are Catholics on this board that believe it’s perfectly okay.

 

[Karin]

So it is only ok to have same sex friends when you are married? Never heard this one before. So why is this so??

 

[WindyFire12]

Karin:

So it is only ok to have same sex friends when you are married? Never heard this one before. So why is this so??

Close opposite-sex friends. Friends that you confide personal issues to, etc, etc. It’s wrong in a marriage.

 

[Karin]

WindyFire12:

Close opposite-sex friends. Friends that you confide personal issues to, etc, etc. It’s wrong in a marriage.

Let me get this straight… is it ok to have same sex close personal friends that you confide personal issues to in a marriage?

 

[rayne89]

What is you’re definition of friends? I have a male friend who has been manager in retail on and off for 11 years. Currently he’s managing another store within the company. He’s a married (fundementalist Baptist) with 3 kids. He calls from time to time to see how I’m doing and we meet for lunch every once in a while. This friend and I often enjoy debating theology and he’s says he’s learned a lot about Catholicism from me.

I’ve been to his house, I know his wife -he knows my husband. My husband has absolutely no issue with this friendship and I don’t feel I’m doing anything wrong.

The fact that we are both happily married deeply religious people makes a difference. If I was an unhappily married wife and was he and unhappily married husband. Then I could see a possible danger. But my husband knows and trust me. This is one issue he knows he has nothing to worry about.

 

[Karin]

Rayne89 brought up an interesting point…if you are grounded in your faith & in your marriage and if your spouse knows the person what is the problem here ? Both my hubby and I have opposite sex friends…neither one of us has strayed from our marriage so what is the big deal?

 

[WindyFire12]

Karin:

Let me get this straight… is it ok to have same sex close personal friends that you confide personal issues to in a marriage?

Not personal issues about your marriage. As others have said in the other thread mentioned above, personal issues are just that. Personal.

 

[rayne89]

And yes we have discussed personal issues. My husband knows everything this friend and I have discussed. It’s not like I keep it a secret. Things like with they had their first baby and his wife’s behavior changed alot. I related I went though after having our daughter. That things will settle down ect. Mars vs Venus kind of stuff. No biggie.

 

[WindyFire12]

Karin:

Rayne89 brought up an interesting point…if you are grounded in your faith & in your marriage and if your spouse knows the person what is the problem here ? Both my hubby and I have opposite sex friends…neither one of us has strayed from our marriage so what is the big deal?

Your marriage may be strong now but what happens if you are he becomes unhappy in the future. Suddenly you or him have a large pool of close opposite-sex friends that may tempt you/him into infidelity.

 

[Karin]

WindyFire12:

Not personal issues about your marriage. As others have said in the other thread mentioned above, personal issues are just that. Personal.

Ahhh so no matter what the sex of the friend(s) it is not ok to discuss personal issues? …so it is also not ok to discuss “personal” issues with a Dr. then I guess?

 

[WindyFire12]

rayne89:

And yes we have discussed personal issues. My husband knows everything this friend and I have discussed. It’s not like I keep it a secret. Things like with they had their first baby and his wife’s behavior changed alot. I related I went though after having our daughter. That things will settle down ect. Mars vs Venus kind of stuff. No biggie.

If your hubby doesn’t mind then no problem there 'cause he gave you the okay to talk about personal issues However, I still don’t agree with the close opposite-sex friend deal. They just become possible temptations if the marriage should ever sour. Close same-sex friends are ideal. Many times this has been pointed out in books, etc that opposite-sex friends are a no-no, even if they appear okay now.

 

[Karin]

WindyFire12:

Your marriage may be strong now but what happens if you are he becomes unhappy in the future. Suddenly you or him have a large pool of close opposite-sex friends that may tempt you/him into infidelity.

I guess one of us will have a swinging good time…Just kidding. No it really would not matter if we have close friends of the opposite sex now and years later (god forbid) one of us wanted to stray…with or without the friends if you are looking for sex you can find it.

 

[rayne89]

WindyFire12:

Your marriage may be strong now but what happens if you are he becomes unhappy in the future. Suddenly you or him have a large pool of close opposite-sex friends that may tempt you/him into infidelity.

There is absolutely nothing that would tempt me me to infidelity. About 7 years ago my marriage was huge mess. (My husband is a recoverd alcoholic.) With hard work and God’s grace we have a rock solid marriage now. But there is nothing that would ever make me even consider breaking my vows.

A opposite sex friendship can be problematic in certain circumstances. And if my husband felt this friendship was not appropriate I would honor his feelings on the matter, because his feeling are what matter most to me. But like I said he knows me, and he knows he doesn’t have to worry.

 

[Princess_Abby]

What, in your opinion, is the difference between a “close friend” and “friend” in marriage?

I just typed a big post but it somehow disappeared…

 

[Karin]

Princess_Abby:

What, in your opinion, is the difference between a “close friend” and “friend” in marriage?

I just typed a big post but it somehow disappeared…

IMHO a “close friend” is someone you can tell anything and everything to while a “friend” you dont tell everything to.

 

[momof3boys]

I would be bothered if my husband had a female friend, who, let’s say he would go out to lunch with and things like that.
My husband & I have friends who are also married & we do things together in groups. Or if one of our husband’s are out of town(military), then the other husbands stop by and help us out with cutting the grass and things like that.
My hubby & I don’t have close opposite sex friends - except for each other. We tell each other anything & everything. Which is great - because I have been in a relationship where there were other “female friends” and it made me very uncomfortable. For good reason, too, it turned out.

 

[Karin]

Neither my husband or I have issues with each others opposite-sex friends because we are both secure in **ourselves **and our marriage.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Karin:

IMHO a “close friend” is someone you can tell anything and everything to while a “friend” you dont tell everything to.

Okay, well hubby is my only close friend then. Which is fine with me, if there has to be a label. I have plenty of male friends, usually by association of my girlfriends’ husbands or boyfriends, and my hubby’s close friends too. We do things together in groups and sometimes there is a lot of sharing if we get into a big group conversation. But “everything” is reserved for my spouse…and I think most of us would agree with that, so I think we’re maybe just talking semantics here. I share “a lot” with my girlfriends and childhood friend, but never truly personal things that go on between my spouse and I. But I don’t feel threatened by my husband being friendly with my girlfriends…I like that they all enjoy and respect each other.

 

[Karin]

Princess_Abby:

Okay, well hubby is my only close friend then. Which is fine with me, if there has to be a label. I have plenty of male friends, usually by association of my girlfriends’ husbands or boyfriends, and my hubby’s close friends too. We do things together in groups and sometimes there is a lot of sharing if we get into a big group conversation. But “everything” is reserved for my spouse…and I think most of us would agree with that, so I think we’re maybe just talking semantics here.

Oh I agree my hubby is one of my close friends…but I also do have other close friends that I do share everything with (if we are discussing these things). We both have mutal friends who are married and single, we also get together as a group but I will go out for lunch with close friends(with out the hubby) and vice versa. I really do not understand the BIG issue here…either you are confident in yourself and your marriage and can have friends of the opposite sex or you are not secure and can not.

 

[momof3boys]

Karin:

either you are confident in yourself and your marriage and can have friends of the opposite sex or you are not secure and can not.

I am secure in my relationship with my husband, I just feel it is inappropriate for married people to have close friendships with opposite sex people. Maybe I am old fashioned.