There is alot of truth in what people on both sides say about this. In no cases should a friendship with another person (regardless of gender) supplant or supercede the friendship between spouses joined in a Sacramental Marriage. At the same time, a fully developed Sacramental Marriage will encourage the development of meaningful relationships with other people. Kage referenced my reference in the other thread of C.S. Lewis’ book “Four Loves” and the fact that it was held in high esteem by Pope JPII (this is welcome news to me as it is also one of my favorites). In this book it describes four loves (The four Greek words for our word love are “storge” (affection), “philia” (friendship), “eros” (sexual or romantic love) and “agape” (selfless love)). Our love for our spouse should include all four loves as it is the ultimate and best reflection of God’s love for us. Our love for our friends and family includes one or both of storge and philia. Our love for our children should include all except for eros.
Because God is love, the love we have of ourselves and others is a reflection of how much we experience the infinite love of God. Personally, prior to meeting my wife and her becoming my best friend, I had two best friends (one female and one male) since childhood. These people were with me when my parents divorced, we went thru puberty and all that entails, and vital as we all took our first truly independent steps into the world. For me to every deny my philia and storge love for them would be as unnatural as to deny my philia and storge love for my siblings.
These relationships are fully intact (granted we see each other less than we did but the love is undiminished). My male friend and I try to get together for a hunting or golf weekend annually. My female friend and I see each other probably 3-4 times every decade but we do exchange emails (usually just a joke or article/email about a mutual friend but sometimes a family or personal update) at least monthly and call each other around each other’s birthday. My wife encourages both relationships equally becuase she understands how important these people have always been, the role they have played in teh person that I am, and their love for me allows me to love others better. Their spouses are equally encouraging.
Next to my wife, mother and siblings, these two people know me better than anyone else. Outside of family, in a crisis, they are people to whom I’d turn. If something would happen to my wife, they would be at my doorstep as fast as they could and knowing this is of great comfort to me.
I recognize that my opportunity to have such a close relationship with this person is enhanced becuase the friendship developed years before we had entered puberty and that an eros relationship was never contemplated by either for us (I will admit that we did have one ill-advised high school make-out session that caused a great deal of consternation and confusion at the time but was soon resolved). If our friendship had developed later, it would not be as deep and the clarity regarding it being non-eros would have been more difficult to have been resolved.
My point is that the statements that such a relationship with a member of the opposite gender is banned, prohibited or otherwise unwise in all situations is not true. In fact, as I progress on my faith journey with God and gain a greater understanding of God’s unlimited and unconditional love for me, I realize that all the love He gives me fills first my “reservoir” for me to love myself but then through prayer, adoration, worship, etc. as I experience more of God’s love, the overflow is what I have left for others. It pleases God to see how much philia and storge love I have for these two people. My love for these two people will never equal, supplant, or supercede my love for my wife but instead enhances all four of my loves for my wife.
CM
(I was reading my Bible at work and he picked it up to see what translation it was.) We’ve had some very heated debates over the years. Lately we’ve found ourselves on the same side opposite the liberal Christians in the work place.
