Oppressive husbands

[Debora123]

I think humility is a good thing to have. I too take breaks from CAF once in a while.

I hope in a few months you are a bit more charitable towards women. We have feelings too and we get hurt when a man underscores our intelligence and assumes that we are the “weaker sex”.

I lived on my own until I was 30 and paid my own way through university. I sure am glad I can make good decisions without my husband. I definitely do not opress myself in any way and I sure hope your wife doesn’t feel that way either.

God bless.

 

[Rita77]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

so what are you trying to say that women should obey their husbands so he wont have to resort to hitting her and the children. thats what your last statment says. wow I’m so thankful I don’t know any women or ever hear of any women who are so psychologically disturbed that they enjoy good beating. I think thats extremely rare, athough narcissistic oppressive men are not so rare. the story about the house burned down sound like a true narcissistic male exaggerating the story to brainwash others to think it was all his X’s fault and she was the one messed up. just like you,“know a lot of women who want to be abused” I know a lot of men that like to use religion as a tool for their narcissistic oppression. which was the subject of the thread.

 

[Debora123]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

“Should be obeyed?”

I’m sorry, but I’m not 10 years old and my husband is not my father.

A marriage is a partnership and both spouses need to be subordinate to each other and make decisions together with the other’s well being in mind.

The man being the “head of the family” does not mean the man has some type of parental-like authority over his wife. It’s a very misunderstood thing.

 

[Samson01]

I dunno…threads like this make me loose faith in humanity.

My older sister is still trying to get out from under the thumb of an abusive ex husband. She divorced, he has an arrest record for hitting her and my niece…but he is still trying to sway things with his constant legal manuevering. He threatened to burn her house down before giving it up, but only caught the garage on fire, which he is now sueing for damage done to his motorcylce he never picked up…it’s a nightmare. One I may have to end, I’m thinking. So to you abusive husbands…somewhere there is a brother with a attitude and the means to followup…big guy.

 

[LightBound]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

Obeyed? Like a dog obeys? I think you’ve picked the wrong thread to start up that garbage in, mister!! Besides, a man that has to “resort” to hitting his wife has no right to be called a man nor should he ever be in the position of head of the household!

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

so what are you trying to say that women should obey their husbands so he wont have to resort to hitting her and the children. thats what your last statment says. wow I’m so thankful I don’t know any women or ever hear of any women who are so psychologically disturbed that they enjoy good beating. I think thats extremely rare, athough narcissistic oppressive men are not so rare. the story about the house burned down sound like a true narcissistic male exaggerating the story to brainwash others to think it was all his X’s fault and she was the one messed up. just like you,“know a lot of women who want to be abused” I know a lot of men that like to use religion as a tool for their narcissistic oppression. which was the subject of the thread.

What I said is true. The husband ignored his wife demand for sex because he worked 12 hours in the oil field and said he was too tired. He finally left the house to get out of the argument and she set it on fire. Another woman I know stabbed her boyfriend to death. This business of abusiveness goes both ways.

 

[Debora123]

What I said is true. The husband ignored his wife demand for sex because he worked 12 hours in the oil field and said he was too tired. He finally left the house to get out of the argument and she set it on fire. Another woman I know stabbed her boyfriend to death. This business of abusiveness goes both ways.

Yes it does. And what’s your point?

Violence is still way more prominent among males than among females. It’s more of a “testosterone” trait.

 

[Rita77]

I so thankful to see so many great post on this thread that show compassion and support for those suffering from abuse and some that have shed light on the subject and held up our Catholic faith. most posters have been such great support. the two that haven’t seen to have just proved all the more that some men will use anything to be opprssive and stay in complete control over their victims. abuse really isn’t as tolerated like it use to be.

 

[Rita77]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

your ridiculous story isn’t the problem and we all know women can be abusive too. would you care to explain your opinion that women want to be abused and men should be obeyed.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

“Should be obeyed?”

I’m sorry, but I’m not 10 years old and my husband is not my father.

A marriage is a partnership and both spouses need to be subordinate to each other and make decisions together with the other’s well being in mind.

The man being the “head of the family” does not mean the man has some type of parental-like authority over his wife. It’s a very misunderstood thing.

The word “obedient” comes from the Latin word audire, which means “listening”. There are oppressive, sadistic, and yes, even masochistic people out there who have twisted and warped that concept beyond recognition, to the point that obedience and submission have gotten a bad name, but that doesn’t make “obey” a dirty word.

To be in obedience or in submission aren’t inherently demeaning things. If it were so, why would priests pledge obedience to a bishop, or why would monks pledge to be obedient to a superior? Are they gluttons for punishment? Do they want someone to be their parent all their life, to be treated like boys who cannot think for themselves? Do they join monasteries or seek ordination so they can be treated like dogs? No, because in the Christian world-view, the person in authority is also to be the servant. That is why Holy Scriptures can talk about being mutually submissive out of reverence for Christ without being utter nonsense. Having said that, the headship of a husband is every bit as real as the headship of an abbot or an abbess.

Yes it does. And what’s your point?

Violence is still way more prominent among males than among females. It’s more of a “testosterone” trait.

your ridiculous story isn’t the problem and we all know women can be abusive too. would you care to explain your opinion that women want to be abused and men should be obeyed.

What is the trait called when a man gets his house burned down and the story is called “ridiculous”?

Women are not the “non-violent humans”. Some do feel they have carte blanche to hit men, to throw things, to lost control of themselves…not many, but even so, too many. Women can also be emotionally and socially rather than physically violent, and I defy any woman who says otherwise to recall middle school and high school. Yet how many men are vilified when their wife cuts them down with words? How many people talk as if it is some testimony against a man’s masculinity if a man is talked to like that by his wife? Yet the Lord made it clear that killing someone’s soul with your words could rise to as grave an offense as literal physical murder:

"You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Matt. 5:21-22

There are oppressed husbands, too, and I don’t think that ought to be treated with a flippant “yeah, everyone knows that, what’s your point?” attitude. Maybe if you had to watch your father being treated that manner by your mother, you wouldn’t talk that way. That kind of treatment kills, too.

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

your ridiculous story isn’t the problem and we all know women can be abusive too. would you care to explain your opinion that women want to be abused and men should be obeyed.

Machismo. Look it up. It’s here to stay.

 

[Debora123]

The word “obedient” comes from the Latin word audire, which means “listening”. There are oppressive, sadistic, and yes, even masochistic people out there who have twisted and warped that concept beyond recognition, to the point that obedience and submission have gotten a bad name, but that doesn’t make “obey” a dirty word.

To be in obedience or in submission aren’t inherently demeaning things. If it were so, why would priests pledge obedience to a bishop, or why would monks pledge to be obedient to a superior? Are they gluttons for punishment? Do they want someone to be their parent all their life, to be treated like boys who cannot think for themselves? Do they join monasteries or seek ordination so they can be treated like dogs? No, because in the Christian world-view, the person in authority is also to be the servant. That is why Holy Scriptures can talk about being mutually submissive out of reverence for Christ without being utter nonsense. Having said that, the headship of a husband is every bit as real as the headship of an abbot or an abbess.

The way “male headship” was explained to me at my former university’s Catholic Student Association, had little to do with men being the boss and women being the servant who must obey. Neither do I think the relationship between a husband and wife should be compared to that of a boss and employee. Marriage is a partnership, not a boss/employee relationship.

Anyway, the way it was explained to me, “male headship” was more about God having given men the bigger responsibility of being the spiritual leader of a household and to lead his family into heaven.

This isn’t always the case, of course. In a lot of households, when the man isn’t particularly religious, the women/mothers are the more religious ones who takes the kids to mass and become the spiritual leaders. But ideally, men are the ones who are supposed to step up to the plate and guide his family into heaven, and that is how “headship” was explained to me.

 

[Debora123]

Women are not the “non-violent humans”. Some do feel they have carte blanche to hit men, to throw things, to lost control of themselves…not many, but even so, too many. Women can also be emotionally and socially rather than physically violent, and I defy any woman who says otherwise to recall middle school and high school. Yet how many men are vilified when their wife cuts them down with words? How many people talk as if it is some testimony against a man’s masculinity if a man is talked to like that by his wife? Yet the Lord made it clear that killing someone’s soul with your words could rise to as grave an offense as literal physical murder:

"You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Matt. 5:21-22

There are oppressed husbands, too, and I don’t think that ought to be treated with a flippant “yeah, everyone knows that, what’s your point?” attitude. Maybe if you had to watch your father being treated that manner by your mother, you wouldn’t talk that way. That kind of treatment kills, too.

To be fair, it was a genuine question. I was/am unsure of what his point was to bring up some instances where women have been abusive.

Was he trying to say women are generally MORE violent and abusive than men are?

Was it just kinda like a “Well see?! Women can be abusive too! So HA!”

…Not sure what the point was, which is why I asked. And in case his point was the first one, I added in that sure, women CAN be abusive, and many ARE. But to think that they are MORE abusive than their male counterparts is false. Men are biologically programed to be more violent. It’s how they are wired and it’s one of the differences between the genders. It is what it is.

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

Am I being abusive if I tell my wife to clean the house?
It has been my experience that more women than men are slobs and will never clean house if their husbands don’t tell them to.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Am I being abusive if I tell my wife to clean the house?
It has been my experience that more women than men are slobs and will never clean house if their husbands don’t tell them to.

 

[EasterJoy]

Am I being abusive if I tell my wife to clean the house?
It has been my experience that more women than men are slobs and will never clean house if their husbands don’t tell them to.

Let’s just say that while women are entirely capable of being slobs, your experience is unusual. Comparing the households of single women and single men, for instance, there are slobs of both genders, but more neat housekeepers among the women. Besides, how is the guy less of a slob than his wife if he takes credit for getting the house clean because he told her to do it? If they’re both sitting there expecting someone else to do it, he’s not less of a slob because he finally nags her into doing it instead of him. Even if homemaking is her primary occupation and you fairly expect her to do the lion’s share of the domestic work, neither men nor women respond very well to a steady diet of being nagged.

But yes, some women want a clean house and yet never seem to get it together to do it, even though they are full-time homemakers. If you don’t want to tell her and she is tired of having you tell her, she might want to check out FlyLady.com. It is about building habits, though, so it does take some patience. And no, she isn’t about getting the husband to do it, instead. She might also want to read “The Sidetracked Home Executives” for another way to get organized about getting housework done. Many libraries have it.

Other couples who make enough income because both work hire someone to clean. That’s OK, too. It isn’t fair to expect her to put in the same paid work hours as you do, and then make her do the majority of the work around the home. This is another of those things that couples have to work out.

 

[severus68]

I know a lot of women who want to be abused. They think that their husbands don’t love them if they don’t hit them. If the husband doesn’t hit them they will do something to make him strike. I even know one who burned their house down because her husband didn’t do what she told him to do.

On the other hand the man is supposed to be the head of the household and should be obeyed without resorting to hitting his wife.

Your views on women wanting to be abused, are a lot of rubbish. That woman you say burned down her house has a lot of problems.

Not everyone takes the position that the husband is the head. Many, Catholics too, say marriage is an equal partnership.

 

[LightBound]

Am I being abusive if I tell my wife to clean the house?
It has been my experience that more women than men are slobs and will never clean house if their husbands don’t tell them to.

Maybe not abusive, but I think it might qualify as acting like a horse’s hindquarters! How about offering to help her clean or simply do it yourself…now there’s a novel idea

 

[Saturn5]

What is the trait called when a man gets his house burned down and the story is called “ridiculous”?

Women are not the “non-violent humans”. Some do feel they have carte blanche to hit men, to throw things, to lost control of themselves…not many, but even so, too many. Women can also be emotionally and socially rather than physically violent, and I defy any woman who says otherwise to recall middle school and high school. Yet how many men are vilified when their wife cuts them down with words? How many people talk as if it is some testimony against a man’s masculinity if a man is talked to like that by his wife? Yet the Lord made it clear that killing someone’s soul with your words could rise to as grave an offense as literal physical murder:

"You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Matt. 5:21-22

There are oppressed husbands, too, and I don’t think that ought to be treated with a flippant “yeah, everyone knows that, what’s your point?” attitude. Maybe if you had to watch your father being treated that manner by your mother, you wouldn’t talk that way. That kind of treatment kills, too.

I don’t want to throw too much fuel on the fire, I believe a husband and wife need to love each other unconditionally in marriage. But I can certainly atest to the pain and emptiness I experience due to my wife’s apathy and lack of intimacy with me. And I’m talking emotional and spiritual intimacy as well as sexual. I may not have any bruises I have to hide, but it hurts to have the woman you love with all your heart and committed your life too pretty much ignore you other than treat you as the local handy man, bank account and cook. The day my wife told me I love you but I’m not in love with you was like having a sword stuck in my stomach.

Today, I’m so pleased she did that because it helped me grow closer to Christ and be a better husband to her. It still hurts, but loving her unconditionally helps me cope. I pray for her everyday and say a daily rosary. I do things for her even though she doesn’t see them (well, maybe doesn’t acknowledge them…) and try to be the best husband I can be for her.

I guess all I’m saying is I agree with Easter Joy, there is plenty of opportunities for men and women to abuse each other in one way or another. Pain is pain whether it’s physical or emotional. And only by looking at our own failings and sin can we start to make the corrections to be a better spouse.

 

[severus68]

Maybe not abusive, but I think it might qualify as acting like a horse’s hindquarters! How about offering to help her clean or simply do it yourself…now there’s a novel idea

In the scheme of things, a messy house is not high on the list of wrongs. I cannot understand
complaints here about wives and husbands being messy. Where is the communication in the marriage? Do we need to disrespect our spouses and complain about small things to strangers on a forum?