Our Son refused by the priest.

[The_Idiot]

Deacons

Both of you have not commented on the fact that the OP and her Catholic Partner have a child of that relationship and they had asked to have both children baptised

We now have a daughter together &** want them both christened**, but the priest has refused to christen our son & only our daughter, … handed us a application form for our daughter …

The priest is willing to Baptise the girl but not the boy . Surely there is still the risk that the little girl may not be brought up in the faith should the relationship break down ?

 

[Lapey]

Deacons

Both of you have not commented on the fact that the OP and her Catholic Partner have a child of that relationship and they had asked to have both children baptised

The priest is willing to Baptise the girl but not the boy . Surely there is still the risk that the little girl may not be brought up in the faith should the relationship break down ?

Very true, but only the daughter has a Catholic parent requesting baptism. There is still the requirement of a reasonable assurance of raising the daughter in the faith as well. This priest could have, if he felt cause or concern, delayed baptism of the girl too.

Authority is the difference with these two little ones, the boy has no Catholic parent to speak for him, the girl does.

 

[Julia_Mae]

I am a protestant & my partner is a Catholic, he is step father to my son who is 4yrs old an has been since my son was 13months old! My son doesn’t see his Biological father, wouldn’t know him if he passed him in the street! We now have a daughter together & want them both christened, but the priest has refused to christen our son & only our daughter, he’s asked if me or bio dad was catholic, which we are not, and said no then… it’s not the catholic way and handed us a application form for our daughter! I’m really upset about it as its me & my partner who bring up our children not bio dad so does it matter who’s blood he has? Is it really acceptable to leave 1 child out? I thought we would have been welcomed, what has a child done to deserve to be left out. Thanx for reading, & sorry for the essay. X

I’m a convert to the Church from Protestantism. You can take your children to be baptized in all manner of other Christian churches and they will be glad to do so. Some will not, some will require church membership of the parents. This is usually just filing out a form.

The difference is: the Church is the real deal. And Baptism isn’t some empty ritual. I would venture to say God is calling you and your boyfriend Home.

RCIA means “Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults.” Not “Catholic.” Christian. Time to make a choice. The point is that NO ONE is “left out.” Stop leaving yourself out and settling for less. Also, consult an attorney after you are married about the adoption. Most states have a way for him to do this without you having to know where the biological father is.

Time to come Home.

 

[Lapey]

Canon Law:

Can. 868 §1 For an infant to be baptised lawfully it is required:

1° that the parents, or at least one of them, or the person who lawfully holds their place, give their consent;

2° that there be a well-founded hope that the child will be brought up in the catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of the reason for this.

§2 An infant of catholic parents, indeed even of non-catholic parents, may in danger of death be baptised even if the parents are opposed to it.

The translation I am looking at is a little different,

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who **legitimately **takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

§2. An infant of Catholic parents or even of non-Catholic parents is baptized licitly in danger of death even against the will of the parents.

“Legitimately” is the key word. The partner is not the legitimate person of authority for the OP’s son, but is for the daughter.

Again, as others have pointed out, the Lord is calling you home through your children. Happened to me; I’ve always been a “Catholic” but i can honestly say that only by the grace of God that about 15 years ago I truly became Catholic. This grace and calling has brought me to serve as a deacon, ordained in December of 2010.

Before that I was a marginal husband and father, and a weak Catholic. Through the call to help educate my young kids, He brought me to full communion with His Son, Jesus…praise God! I will tell you this, it has been the hardest decision but the most rewarding one in my entire life.

 

[Rainaldo]

Why are you seeking baptism for the children but not marriage for yourselves?

 

[St_Francis]

Why are you seeking baptism for the children but not marriage for yourselves?

She mentioned that her partner is not interested in marriage.

 

[CleverUserName]

Whew, a real emotional situation for a Mom. I feel for you, truly. We don’t want to see our kids left out or refused anything, especially in vital spiritual matters. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through.

Maybe look at it this way; if your son’s biological father were to suddenly show up and say “I am due full access to this child, every day, starting right now” and wanted to pick him up and drive away with him for the day and begin making decisions in his life, you would have pretty huge reservations, right?

You would probably say hey whoah waitaminute! You would point out that he has never shown any attachment or commitment to the child and that you have no reason to believe him or trust him or know that he will care for your son. You would need to see that there is a commitment there to do right by him.

The Church’s position is similar. They do need to know that there will be a reasonable commitment to raise the child Catholic, by one of the parents.

It has been pointed out that the priest may think your partner will have no commitment to raise this child Catholic if he isn’t even willing to commit properly to you and your son in marriage. I think that is a reasonable consideration. And you are not Catholic, so they would have no reason to believe that you would do so yourself or even be able to.

I also agree that God may be calling you - all of you- to the Catholic Church. Please consider that.

I hope you do not feel judged by some of the comments on here. I am so glad that as a mother, you are seeking to have your children baptized. You obviously are trying to tend to them spiritually, and that is wonderful.

Please consider going back to the church to have a talk with the priest. Ask him what you would need to do to have both of the kids baptized. Tell him how important it is to you.

Good luck and God bless you

 

[StressedMummy82]

Whew, a real emotional situation for a Mom. I feel for you, truly. We don’t want to see our kids left out or refused anything, especially in vital spiritual matters. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through.

Maybe look at it this way; if your son’s biological father were to suddenly show up and say “I am due full access to this child, every day, starting right now” and wanted to pick him up and drive away with him for the day and begin making decisions in his life, you would have pretty huge reservations, right?

You would probably say hey whoah waitaminute! You would point out that he has never shown any attachment or commitment to the child and that you have no reason to believe him or trust him or know that he will care for your son. You would need to see that there is a commitment there to do right by him.

The Church’s position is similar. They do need to know that there will be a reasonable commitment to raise the child Catholic, by one of the parents.

It has been pointed out that the priest may think your partner will have no commitment to raise this child Catholic if he isn’t even willing to commit properly to you and your son in marriage. I think that is a reasonable consideration. And you are not Catholic, so they would have no reason to believe that you would do so yourself or even be able to.

I also agree that God may be calling you - all of you- to the Catholic Church. Please consider that.

I hope you do not feel judged by some of the comments on here. I am so glad that as a mother, you are seeking to have your children baptized. You obviously are trying to tend to them spiritually, and that is wonderful.

Please consider going back to the church to have a talk with the priest. Ask him what you would need to do to have both of the kids baptized. Tell him how important it is to you.

Good luck and God bless you

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you, that definently hit home! I don’t feel offended by Ppls comments,
I feel some are a little harsh but true I suppose, can’t blame ppl for believing! I have also spoke again to the priest, which did not go too well. It ended with him suggesting that me & my son go and support my faith, I replied I wouldn’t like my 2 children to have 2 different religions! To which he replied “well you don’t mind them having 2 different Dads!” I was quite shocked & upset (again) to be honest, it’s a horrible situation as a Mother, AMD I just don’t know where to go from here.

Thank you to every1 for all your comments.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

We don’t know what’s in their hearts and this might be a time for the Catholic Dad to “Come Home” …

 

[maryjk]

---

Thank you, that definently hit home! I don’t feel offended by Ppls comments,
I feel some are a little harsh but true I suppose, can’t blame ppl for believing! I have also spoke again to the priest, which did not go too well. It ended with him suggesting that me & my son go and support my faith, I replied I wouldn’t like my 2 children to have 2 different religions! To which he replied “well you don’t mind them having 2 different Dads!” I was quite shocked & upset (again) to be honest, it’s a horrible situation as a Mother, AMD I just don’t know where to go from here.

Thank you to every1 for all your comments.

Quick question.

Were you married to your son’s father?

 

[holyghost]

---

To which he replied “well you don’t mind them having 2 different Dads!” .

I’m sorry, this sounds so uncharitable to me, and yes, quite shocking. Where is the forgiveness and meeting people where they are at now?
That being said, I also understand the position of the priest, as the state of your relationship is fundamental to the fostering of the faith for your children…but there are much more charitable, effective ways of addressing this than fully discounting you. I hope the priest, as well as you, can get over it and turn to Christ!

 

[Lapey]

---

Thank you, that definently hit home! I don’t feel offended by Ppls comments,
I feel some are a little harsh but true I suppose, can’t blame ppl for believing! I have also spoke again to the priest, which did not go too well. It ended with him suggesting that me & my son go and support my faith, I replied I wouldn’t like my 2 children to have 2 different religions! To which he replied “well you don’t mind them having 2 different Dads!” I was quite shocked & upset (again) to be honest, it’s a horrible situation as a Mother, AMD I just don’t know where to go from here.

Thank you to every1 for all your comments.

From reading this message, my thoughts are that you should look within. It seems your heart is set on a true faith in and a relationship with Jesus for you and your kids. So I say, look within for the answer. What are you being lead to? Who are you being lead to?

The priest in this case is waiting for a commitment, he may be off base in his words and advice to you, but what have you given to show you are 100% in? I do not have all of the information from the meeting, but I would bet that priest was doing what he felt was the right thing to see what you would do.

Also, have you spoken with your partner? The two of you need to either be all in, or stay where you are. Either we live as children of God or we live as children of the world. It’s your choice.

I would bet if you talk to your partner, explain to him you want to join, and you want him to enroll in RCIA with you and enter fully into union with Jesus he would. If you make that commitment I would say the priest would be inclined to help you. A he sees it so far, nothing has been done to help your self.

It is honorable that you are seeking, you are now receiving, what will you decide to do with what you receive is your choice. I may sound harsh, but I speak what the Church teaches and believes in love and charity, with salvation of souls in mind. If I would water down the truth and say do what makes you feel good so I don’t offend you I could do more harm than good. So I will never do that. We are in a battle, a spiritual battle for these little ones as Jesus called them in Scripture. It’s up to us to accept the warrior known as the Christ!

Private message me if you care to talk more.

 

[StressedMummy82]

Quick question.

Were you married to your son’s father?

No, it makes me sound awful doesn’t it! I don’t just flit from 1 relationship to the next having children, my son’s bio Dad left me 7mths pregnant in a 8 year relationship and then along came my prince when my son was 13 mths old

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No, it makes me sound awful doesn’t it! I don’t just flit from 1 relationship to the next having children, my son’s bio Dad left me 7mths pregnant in a 8 year relationship and then along came my prince when my son was 13 mths old

We’re not here to judge you, just to understand your situation so we can let you know what you might be facing as you try to understand our Church.

Really, your “prince” as you call him, needs to do the right thing and marry you. HE needs to step up and be a man, and talk to the priest about what to do to make things right. Of course that is my opinion but it is also what God wants us to do - get married before we have sex/make children.

 

[StressedMummy82]

We’re not here to judge you, just to understand your situation so we can let you know what you might be facing as you try to understand our Church.

Really, your “prince” as you call him, needs to do the right thing and marry you. HE needs to step up and be a man, and talk to the priest about what to do to make things right. Of course that is my opinion but it is also what God wants us to do - get married before we have sex/make children.

That is very true but he won’t, he’s not interested in marriage… sees it as just a piece of paper that isn’t going to keep a couple together if they don’t want to be!

I have been very naive towards this christening, didn’t think about it as deep as I should! Just thought u asked to be christened an then you was, I have been to many christenings mainly catholic 1s where I know for a fact not 1 of them have stepped foot in the church since but class themselves as proper catholics! Suppose its just not meant to be!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That is very true but he won’t, he’s not interested in marriage… sees it as just a piece of paper that isn’t going to keep a couple together if they don’t want to be!

I have been very naive towards this christening, didn’t think about it as deep as I should! Just thought u asked to be christened an then you was, I have been to many christenings mainly catholic 1s where I know for a fact not 1 of them have stepped foot in the church since but class themselves as proper catholics! Suppose its just not meant to be!

We don’t christen our babies. We baptize them, once and forever, so yeah, it’s a big deal, even if some of the parents don’t act like it.

I’m sorry your boyfriend and father of your daughter is being a fool. I will pray that he steps up to the plate and grows up soon! I do wish you hadn’t seen him as your prince until he married you!

 

[Irishgal49]

I truly pray that you are not offended by my comments and questions. I have to ask you, why is it so important that your son should be baptized but nothing else in your life is of importance where God is concerned? You are living in a relationship which is against Jesus’ teachings, you yourself are not willing to commit to Christ in His Church, and your partner is evidently not fully committed to his own faith since you say that he won’t choose to marry.

We get people every week call the rectory to have their kids baptized who never go to Mass, have nothing to do with anything Catholic except their parents are Catholic, nor do they commit to anything for themselves for the future. What’s the point of baptizing these little ones? This is the predicament of the pastor of the parish, what is in the best interest of the child, is there reasonable assurance that this child will be brought up in the faith? I’ve have seen my pastor refuse and accept kids for baptism and I have no right or reason to contradict his decisions.

This is my advice for you, go to your parish priest and commit to the faith fully, join RCIA and come into the Church, why would you want something for your kids that you do not want yourself? Before, during and after that, talk to your partner about your relationship and how important living in Christ is to you. Living in sin is not living in Christ; the world tells us cohabitating is acceptable, God tells us it is sinful. I would suggest both of you can benefit from RCIA; especially if he has not received all of the Sacraments, confirmation and first communion and reconciliation.

Make an appointment with the priest and lay everything out and he will help you; but be prepared to commit. If you are not ready to commit, why should he be ready to commit?

In the words of Fr. Larry Richards, “I am willing to give God everything, until He asks for something I am not ready to give Him.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

It makes sense if you’re saying, “Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you’re worthy your children can be baptized.”

Let me tell you of an actual event that happened in our parish here in Michigan. A single mother who was living with a guy came into the church wanting her three little ones baptized…all under the age of 5. The priest didn’t like the way she was living but felt that this wasn’t the children’s fault. He baptized them. Not even a month later the mother and all her children were killed in a massive car accident. The priest said, “I am SO glad I baptized those children.”

Jesus said, “Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God.” How is it the child’s fault that the mother isn’t living according to the Church’s teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible??? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don’t agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it’s HER choice…and she needs to rectify that but I still don’t see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don’t even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I’m all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

 

[TEPO]

I am a protestant & my partner is a Catholic, he is step father to my son who is 4yrs old an has been since my son was 13months old! My son doesn’t see his Biological father, wouldn’t know him if he passed him in the street! We now have a daughter together & want them both christened, but the priest has refused to christen our son & only our daughter, he’s asked if me or bio dad was catholic, which we are not, and said no then… it’s not the catholic way and handed us a application form for our daughter! I’m really upset about it as its me & my partner who bring up our children not bio dad so does it matter who’s blood he has? Is it really acceptable to leave 1 child out? I thought we would have been welcomed, what has a child done to deserve to be left out. Thanx for reading, & sorry for the essay. X

Don’t feel bad. I’ve been Catholic for 35 years, and have 3 out of 4 of my children baptized… But they won’t baptize my fourth one -because I haven’t been a parishioner of my current parish for at least one year.

They wouldn’t even accept the fact that I have been a parishioner in other parishes… It’s “just the way it is” they say. Oh well. Baptism is overrated anyways… It’s just too much of a pain in the butt having to go through this nonsense over and over and over again. Besides, it’s hard to find godparents these days. I give up, they win.

 

[Stylites]

It makes sense if you’re saying, “Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you’re worthy your children can be baptized.”

. . .

Jesus said, “Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God.” How is it the child’s fault that the mother isn’t living according to the Church’s teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible??? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don’t agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it’s HER choice…and she needs to rectify that but I still don’t see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don’t even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I’m all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

Well, it was the priest’s call, not mine or yours or anyone else’s. If there were no hope that any child would reach the age of reason then you might have a point. Even the Mormons go about conferring what they think is a baptism upon even our deceased ancestors to purportedly assure their salvation.

The lack of a baptism is not a surety of damnation just as the indelible mark of baptism is not a surety of salvation. Let’s let the priests do their jobs while we do ours.

 

[Stylites]

Don’t feel bad. I’ve been Catholic for 35 years, and have 3 out of 4 of my children baptized… But they won’t baptize my fourth one -because I haven’t been a parishioner of my current parish for at least one year.

They wouldn’t even accept the fact that I have been a parishioner in other parishes… It’s “just the way it is” they say. Oh well. Baptism is overrated anyways… It’s just too much of a pain in the butt having to go through this nonsense over and over and over again. Besides, it’s hard to find godparents these days. I give up, they win.

Maybe the real reason was he somehow sensed that you would give up too easily and view the Sacrament as overrated anyway.