Parent of a pregnant minor

[Xantippe]

Well, obviously Catholic school tuition isn’t buying much, and that tuition will more than likely pay for all things baby without much trouble.

So before you start paying her tuition for next year make sure she will even be able to attend. And hey, that frees up money for baby!

Yep.

Whatever Catholic school was supposed to do for her, it hasn’t done it.

You can buy a lot of diapers and a chunk of daycare with the savings if you send her to a public high school.

 

[DAML72]

Okay, here let’s do this. The other option:

But Daddy! I wanna’ keep my baby! Okay sweetheart, whatever makes YOU happy! Because your happiness is all that is important in this world!

Childcare, hmm. Well my wife went back to work part time since all of the kids were in school. It was her choice, she really loves her job. My obviously untrustworthy daughter can be virtually schooled and stay home-alone-and take care of the baby. Not gonna’ happen, 1 baby per teen mother is quite enough. So my wife can just quit her job and take care of the baby, right?

Now that childcare’s taken care of during school, what about the baby’s needs. Diapers, formula (don’t know if breast pumping would be an option at school), clothes, healthcare, etc. Well, my wife’s already quit her job so I can either pay for all of this, I always promised myself and my girls I’d help with their education, I didn’t want them to struggle and they’ve worked hard in school so they could go to good colleges. Too bad girls, I hear McDonalds is hiring! I need to cut into your college funds! My daughter can get a part time job (once she’s 16!) and take some responsibility. A part time job won’t cover it all.

My daughter is soon to be a freshmen in high school, so 4 years of this. Now she can either get a full-time job or go to college. The career she’s always dreamed of takes a minimum of 6 year, plus an internship. But let’s say she decides against this. It will be nearly impossible to find a job to support herself plus a child with nothing more than a high school diploma unless you’re perhaps an entrepreneur. Yes, it can be done, I know, I know, but humor me and say she goes to a community college, she can get a degree in 2 years, while working part time and grandma has the baby.

Now my wife has had this baby say 7 hours a day during school + 5 a day while my daughter works part time for 6 years. Well daughter graduated! It’s time for her to leave the nest. But my wife has been this child’s primary care giver for 6 years! Now my daughter, after 6 years of being mommy on weekends and a few hous a day is the primary care giver. How is this fair to the child? Is this really better? It’s a human, he/she can’t just be put on a shelf until my daughter is ready to parent. The child can be uprooted from the life he has known for 6 years? Would it not be better for the child to be adopted into a family of adults who already have an education and are prepared to give the child a stable life now, not when they finally get around to it? I don’t doubt it will be difficult on my daughter but again, my daughter put herself in this situation the child did not. So it seems to me like the top priority here is not to make my daughter happy but to do what is right for the baby.

I’m completely agape and aghast at your complete lack of empathy, concern, and/or love for your daughter - not to mention your lack of faith. I think you need to go speak to a priest about this. And I will pray for your daughter. My heart is breaking for her.

 

[Rau]

How long ago did your daughter, and you, learn about the pregnancy? May we know what your daughter’s current thoughts on her options are?

JohnPhillip - could you let us know re the above?

 

[jeannetherese]

In addition, the father (OP) doesn’t trust leaving his daughter at home all day, while everyone else is away. As he said, one child per unmarried mother is enough. So, I don’t know that a home study course is the best option.

On the other hand, the mother became pregnant while going to school;she was not home during school hours when she and her partner conceived their child. The grandmother is working part time, which indicates she might be home part time during the day to support and supervise but, and it takes 24/7 supervision to ensure that someone cannot become pregnant-and that would include time spent on school property. There has been no indication that the grandfather intends to provide such intensive supervision-working on supportive communication, might be one alternative to such a step, as daughter and parents move forward together.

The trust issues seem almost to be in their own category. I pray for healing for all parties. May God grant them peace and patience.
Amen.

 

[otjm]

Well, obviously Catholic school tuition isn’t buying much, and that tuition will more than likely pay for all things baby without much trouble.

Since you know nothing as to what the school teaches or what effort they put into trying to counteract the over-sexualization that society in general, and the media in particular present to teenagers, your comment is out of line. This is not a forum to vent your opinions about matters of which you have no knowledge or information. The OP came here asking for (name removed by moderator)ut. That at least should not add to his burden.

 

[fpt]

On the other hand, the mother became pregnant while going to school;she was not home during school hours when she and her partner conceived their child. The grandmother is working part time, which indicates she might be home part time during the day to support and supervise but, and it takes 24/7 supervision to ensure that someone cannot become pregnant-and that would include time spent on school property. There has been no indication that the grandfather intends to provide such intensive supervision-working on supportive communication, might be one alternative to such a step, as daughter and parents move forward together.

The trust issues seem almost to be in their own category. I pray for healing for all parties. May God grant them peace and patience.

Amen.

I will be provocative, the sexual acts can take place in many different places, you know!!! Their sexual unions were realized at her home or at his home or everywhere else??? No certainty!!! No idea!!! How to know? The conception of child can arrive in different places!!!

More seriously, did the great talk take place, between the dad, the mom and the daughter, about the links with this boy of 17 years and so on. That was love, it was a feeling, it was for trying, it was a simple weak of flesh……etc.* What is the context of this story??? What is the personality of his daughter?* Does she hunt all male teenagers for sex??? May be, it is only an accident, why not??? It is not my business, but the parents should work on in order to know the whole story.

 

[fpt]

Well, obviously Catholic school tuition isn’t buying much, and that tuition will more than likely pay for all things baby without much trouble. Even if your daughter doesn’t breastfeed, she automatically qualifies for WIC and that covers formula, and later juice and baby food. She should go on it now because she will get food herself during pregnancy, and if she breastfeeds will continue to get food for a year. As soon as baby is born he/she will start getting supplements. She may qualify for food stamps and Medicaid. She may qualify soon for financial assistance as well. She can get clothes, diapers, supplies for free from abortion alternative centers. There are tons of options. Why not send her to a maternity home? There are many throughout the country and many allow the moms and babies to stay for several months after the birth. They can help her get set up in permanent housing if you don’t want her staying at home with the baby–which I might add is a huge mistake. They can also help her with parenting skills, financial planning/home economics, provide her with school on site, provide child care. And they will help her with making a decision to keep her baby or place it for adoption. They provide transport to and from medical appointments and everything else.

You know, often time open adoptions are harder on moms than traditional closed adoptions. For many, seeing what they are missing and hearing their baby call someone else mom kills them inside. It’s so much harder that some moms even change from opened to closed.

Also, have you talked to her school? Most (if not all) Catholic schools will not allow pregnant students to continue in classes. Are you serious??? Why???

*A such decision is from priests (the school board, per se) or because the pressures from catholic families who give money to those schools??? What are the positions of dioceses?? Catholic name, but may be, not the catholic spirit!!! The externalism is dangerous. Be careful!!!
*

It’s my major pet peeve with Catholic schools actually. If the girls told no one and aborted they would continue in class. The fathers get to continue in class. But mom is kicked out at least temporarily until baby is born if not permanently. So before you start paying her tuition for next year make sure she will even be able to attend. And hey, that frees up money for baby!

And yes, I agree with ftp–it is natural for a mom to keep her baby with her.

 

[Rau]

Since you know nothing as to what the school teaches or what effort they put into trying to counteract the over-sexualization that society in general, and the media in particular present to teenagers, your comment is out of line. This is not a forum to vent your opinions about matters of which you have no knowledge or information. The OP came here asking for (name removed by moderator)ut. That at least should not add to his burden.

I agree the comment was unnecessarily critical of the school. But it does make the point that, with some reasonable adjustments, financial resources to care for the baby need not be an issue.

 

[SpidersfromMars]

You know, often time open adoptions are harder on moms than traditional closed adoptions. For many, seeing what they are missing and hearing their baby call someone else mom kills them inside. It’s so much harder that some moms even change from opened to closed.

Yeah I think I would find that really hard too. If I had to adopt I think I would prefer a closed one but where the child could meet me once they were an adult.

 

[bitterhope]

Since you know nothing as to what the school teaches or what effort they put into trying to counteract the over-sexualization that society in general, and the media in particular present to teenagers, your comment is out of line. This is not a forum to vent your opinions about matters of which you have no knowledge or information. The OP came here asking for (name removed by moderator)ut. That at least should not add to his burden.

I stand by what I said. And the tuition will pay an awful lot in terms of expenses for the baby–expenses that will most likely be covered in other ways if the daughter wants them covered. Most Catholic schools–none in my area or in any area I have ever lived in–allow pregnant girls in school. All are asked to leave at least until baby is born so there is no reason for him to think he is going to be able to keep her in school right now. If his is the rare Catholic school that will allow her to stay in school then I think he should rethink that anyway. Whatever he was hoping for from the Catholic school does not seem to be panning out from his description of his daughter. Why continue paying for something, especially as expensive as private school tuition, if you are having so many problems? And as I said, most likely she can’t continue in school anyway, at least until the baby is born. He needs to look at alternatives for her school anyway so the money he is saving can easily be rerouted towards the newborn.

And I, myself, had 12 years of Catholic school education. I am not an outsider bashing Catholic schools just for the heck of it. I thought the OP might want to rethink the school situation or at least double check that it’s even possible before paying tons in cash for something that seems really unlikely to continue. If the school is perfect and taught everything correctly and at home everything is perfect and taught correctly then the environment at her school and the influences of the classmates probably isn’t any different than in a public school or a different private school. Something has encouraged her to rebel so if the school is great and home life is great then what went “wrong” and caused her to disgust her father? Private school tuition of any kind must not be money well spent because the environment is disruptive to this girl. Not all kids do well at Catholic school. Not all kids do well in public school. Not all kids do well at boarding school, military school, homeschooled, etc. All are valid choices but none are best for all kids. Since the OP is convinced that a baby would break him to the point if not affording college then tuition that is obviously not producing happy results for him is wasteful as well.

The whole situation is crazy. My sister was younger than this girl and she is a great mom. Always has been. She also got kicked out of Catholic school when she got pregnant. Her boyfriend did not. To his parents credit they complained about it. It changed nothing and they pulled him out of the school themselves. My sister homeschooled and worked. Her boyfriend and now husband went to public school and worked. They both went to college. Now they are married with three kids. It’s not the end of the world and it’s not going to completely ruin and otherwise good family unless they allow it to. And I’ve seen many times where a baby actually improves things because the mom now has to grow up and become accountable. There are places where teen marriage and parenthood is still common and it used to be in the US. It’s not something teens aren’t capable of, but culturally since it’s not ideal many people have been convinced it isn’t possible. Teen moms and dads are set up for failure and not supported and therefore many do fail miserably. But the ones that do receive support are usually very productive.

 

[Julianna]

My 15 year old daughter has gotten herself pregnant and my wife and I are obviously distraught and disgusted. We’ve worked hard to put her through a Catholic school and we are very active in the church, we have provided her with a strong moral foundation and are very disappointed. My wife is absolutely beside herself. Obviously we have cut off all contact between her and the father and are looking into the statutory rape laws in our state, he’s 17. My wife and I are just not in the financial position to take care of another child in addition to the 5 we have with 1 in college which is very expensive. And frankly we refuse to clean up and take responsibility for her indiscretions. She expects her mother to just take care of the baby while she’s off leading the carefree life of a school girl and everything magically falls into place. We’ve gone from gently encouraging her to think about adoption to demanding she contact catholic charities but she is adamant she is keeping the baby. I’ve tried to explain the magnitude of the situation, how her future will be ruined as will the child’s but she is not thinking rationally. We’ve gone over what a wonderful selfless gift this could be to a deserving, stable couple as well as being a gift of a future to her and the child. Her only retort is she may be sad! As the parent of a pregnant minor what rights do I have? May I contact the adoption agency? Can I demand she place the baby for adoption? What can I do (besides pray, obviously we are praying fervently)? :banghead:

Been there, done that. Seek “open adoption”. The language has changed. No longer do we say, “give up for adoption”, we say, “place for adoption”. Tell your daughter, it is no longer about “HER” and what “SHE” wants. There is a life to consider, and what is “BEST” for that life. She can take part in “choosing” the best adoption option. (Open, semi and closed) She can also “choose” the parents for the child. Yes, interview them, read their life story and how they came to see adoption.

I doubt seeking statutory rape on the 17 yr old boy would accomplish much. As I am sure his parents are none too happy about the recent events. It take “two” to tango, and she gave consent. Call it puppy love, or pie in the sky, it takes two. Going to Catholic school doesn’t turn on the “chaste” button. People still choose to do what they will, and teenagers, even more so.

My daughter was 20, the sperm donor was a druggie and n’er do well. He wanted no part of the pregnancy, and he along with her other friends told her to abort, because “it’s easier”. Really? Who thinks up this drivel?

What “quality” of life could your daughter possibly give this child? And where in the parenting rule book does it say you and your wife have to raise another child? There isn’t and it doesn’t. My husband and I put our foot down. We sought out maternity homes and told her to find one. She refused. We told her to start calling the welfare office for housing and food stamps, as we were not going to support her and were under no obligation to do so. Played on her “vanity” and the fact that she was spoiled to a degree. I took her around to Section 8 housing in our town and said, “ok, which one looks appealing to you to raise this baby?” She freaked out and said, “she wasn’t living in a ghetto and she wasn’t living in the Blue Moon Trailer Park!” I said, “well guess what dearie, those are your choices.”

The first maternity home we took her to had a strict policy and would adhere to what my husband and I wanted. She had to remove her tongue ring, and all music, magazines and such would be screened. Rules are rules. My husband and I agreed. She flat out said, forget it, not happening. So this home would not take her. As we drove 2 1/2 hours home I made up my mind she was not coming back in the house. Mind you, she had her car packed with her things anticipating she was going stay at the home. As we drove in the driveway she smugly grabbed her pillow and headed for the door. I said, “You are not going in, take your things out of my trunk and put them in your trunk and leave, I don’t care where you go, but your are not coming back here.” She told me that I couldn’t do that, I said, “au contrere, yes I can, my house, my rules.” She got her car after moving her stuff from my trunk to hers and pealed away. Muttering that her “friends” will take care of her.

Long story short, that lasted about a month, when she couldn’t find a couch to sleep on, no money, no gas, and college drop out.

Stay strong, it’s not about HER and what she wants, it is about the innocent life she carries and what is BEST for that life.

 

[Julianna]

The laws are obviously in place for a reason, furthermore our actions have consequences. My daughter’s consequence is obviously growing under her t-shirt plus the pain of labor, why should he be free to walk away unscathed?

He is not free by a long shot. You need to get the parents of this young man, your parish priest, and the two KIDS together for a come to Jesus meeting. This boy needs to realize that raising a child is WORK and he better get at.

 

[Xantippe]

Been there, done that. Seek “open adoption”. The language has changed. No longer do we say, “give up for adoption”, we say, “place for adoption”. Tell your daughter, it is no longer about “HER” and what “SHE” wants. There is a life to consider, and what is “BEST” for that life. She can take part in “choosing” the best adoption option. (Open, semi and closed) She can also “choose” the parents for the child. Yes, interview them, read their life story and how they came to see adoption.

I doubt seeking statutory rape on the 17 yr old boy would accomplish much. As I am sure his parents are none too happy about the recent events. It take “two” to tango, and she gave consent. Call it puppy love, or pie in the sky, it takes two. Going to Catholic school doesn’t turn on the “chaste” button. People still choose to do what they will, and teenagers, even more so.

My daughter was 20, the sperm donor was a druggie and n’er do well. He wanted no part of the pregnancy, and he along with her other friends told her to abort, because “it’s easier”. Really? Who thinks up this drivel?

What “quality” of life could your daughter possibly give this child? And where in the parenting rule book does it say you and your wife have to raise another child? There isn’t and it doesn’t. My husband and I put our foot down. We sought out maternity homes and told her to find one. She refused. We told her to start calling the welfare office for housing and food stamps, as we were not going to support her and were under no obligation to do so. Played on her “vanity” and the fact that she was spoiled to a degree. I took her around to Section 8 housing in our town and said, “ok, which one looks appealing to you to raise this baby?” She freaked out and said, “she wasn’t living in a ghetto and she wasn’t living in the Blue Moon Trailer Park!” I said, “well guess what dearie, those are your choices.”

The first maternity home we took her to had a strict policy and would adhere to what my husband and I wanted. She had to remove her tongue ring, and all music, magazines and such would be screened. Rules are rules. My husband and I agreed. She flat out said, forget it, not happening. So this home would not take her. As we drove 2 1/2 hours home I made up my mind she was not coming back in the house. Mind you, she had her car packed with her things anticipating she was going stay at the home. As we drove in the driveway she smugly grabbed her pillow and headed for the door. I said, “You are not going in, take your things out of my trunk and put them in your trunk and leave, I don’t care where you go, but your are not coming back here.” She told me that I couldn’t do that, I said, “au contrere, yes I can, my house, my rules.” She got her car after moving her stuff from my trunk to hers and pealed away. Muttering that her “friends” will take care of her.

Long story short, that lasted about a month, when she couldn’t find a couch to sleep on, no money, no gas, and college drop out.

Stay strong, it’s not about HER and what she wants, it is about the innocent life she carries and what is BEST for that life.

Your daughter was 20. The OP’s daughter is 15. The legal situation is substantially different–the OP does have an obligation to house and feed his daughter until she’s a legal adult.

Also, what if your daughter had had an abortion? She could easily have done that, if you’d played the “tough love” card too early. The only reason you “won” this one was that 1) it was presumably late in the pregnancy and 2) your daughter did not want to sacrifice for her baby.

 

[Julianna]

But you don’t know what the law is yet–he is also a minor right now, and the age difference is small, so the odds of prosecution are not fantastic. There’s been a lot of outcry over prosecutions in these cases. Here’s an example of a new Romeo and Juliet law in Texas:

dfw.cbslocal.com/2011/06/04/romeo-and-juliet-law-changes-statutory-rape-definition/

In any case, he’s not going to walk away unscathed if your daughter and your family raises the baby. Presumably, there will be 18 years of child support to pay. In that sense, adoption is letting him off easy.

Easy, really? Why should the OP be obligated to raise this child? Why? There are two parent families waiting on hands and knees praying for a child, due to infertility. The parents my daughter chose for her child were the only Catholic family at the agency. The mother had 5 miserable miscarriages… Divine intervention, that my daughter chose this couple? Yeah, I believe it with all my heart. There are no losers here. LIFE for the baby and QUALITY of life for the baby. Unselfishness of the birth mother and father. For the birth grandparents, the KNOWLEDGE, that this child will be loved more than air, that he/she will have a bed to sleep in, a roof over it’s head, a loving extended family. The alternative would be a baby living with a teen mother drug from pillar to post while she “finds” herself and a resentment from her parents who have to postpone their retirement years because their “princess” was thinking for the “moment”.

I have FB pictures of the child my daughter placed 9 yrs ago. I 'know" where he is, I “know” he is loved. I can see him and visit with him and so can my daughter (she does about once a year). I hugged his “grandmother” at the hospital and made it CLEAR, that SHE, not “I” was the GRANDMOTHER. Tears welled in her eyes. I KNEW at that moment, this baby would be loved.

The sperm donor’s parents…thought it was the BEST decision all around, because their son was an irresponsible idiot.

 

[Julianna]

I guess I’m going to be in the minority here but I don’t see how this young woman really has a choice.

She’s completely dependent on her parents for EVERYTHING in her life, food, shelter, etc. Volunteering them to become default “parents” without their consent isn’t her right. If she is mature enough to be a mommy then she’s mature enough to provide financially for her baby.

I would give her an ultimatum that she either gives the baby up for adoption or moves out takes care of them both on her own. It doesn’t mean the grandparents won’t offer love and support, but she needs to live up to her own responsibilities.

I think it would be different if grandma and grandpa were rolling in money and free time but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I agree. Face the music.

 

[Xantippe]

Easy, really? Why should the OP be obligated to raise this child? Why? There are two parent families waiting on hands and knees praying for a child, due to infertility. The parents my daughter chose for her child were the only Catholic family at the agency. The mother had 5 miserable miscarriages… Divine intervention, that my daughter chose this couple? Yeah, I believe it with all my heart. There are no losers here. LIFE for the baby and QUALITY of life for the baby. Unselfishness of the birth mother and father. For the birth grandparents, the KNOWLEDGE, that this child will be loved more than air, that he/she will have a bed to sleep in, a roof over it’s head, a loving extended family. The alternative would be a baby living with a teen mother drug from pillar to post while she “finds” herself and a resentment from her parents who have to postpone their retirement years because their “princess” was thinking for the “moment”.

I have FB pictures of the child my daughter placed 9 yrs ago. I 'know" where he is, I “know” he is loved. I can see him and visit with him and so can my daughter (she does about once a year). I hugged his “grandmother” at the hospital and made it CLEAR, that SHE, not “I” was the GRANDMOTHER. Tears welled in her eyes. I KNEW at that moment, this baby would be loved.

The sperm donor’s parents…thought it was the BEST decision all around, because their son was an irresponsible idiot.

Insofar as the OP would not love the child and would resent him or her for the next 18 years (and that seems a strong possibility), you’re right that adoption may be the best choice.

By the way, how’s your daughter doing? Has she fixed up her life, finished college, gotten married to a nice guy, had a couple of photogenic kids, and straightened up? Or is she still the very same screw-up she was 9 years ago? If that’s the case, maybe that story isn’t such a great testimonial.

 

[Julianna]

The parents of a minor child with a baby can petition to have the child emancipated. She is then free to apply for public housing aid and other social services. Grandparents can not be forced to take on the responsibility of their minor child’s minor child.

I also think it’s ridiculous to imply that the OP doesn’t love his daughter. She made disastrous choice to have sex that has changed the lives of her entire family forever. A baby may be a gift and blessing in the larger sense, but its can also be an incredible burden to many families. Ignoring that fact is denying reality. I’m not surprised that he’s angry and disappointed.

 

[Julianna]

Well I bit the bullet and my wife and I had a talk with the boy’s parents. This was very much a shock to them as well but I am slightly more at ease. They seem very concerned and I am confident “Romeo” will be taken care of. They are fully on board with adoption, in fact the mother was adopted herself and has expressed interest in talking to my daughter about it. We’re going to set up an appointment with a counselor from Catholic Charities to speak to her as well. We’re trying to educate ourselves on various aspects, open vs closed, private vs agency and things of that nature. If anyone could help I’d be much obliged. And thank you for your continued prayers, we sure need them!

I am here. Praying for LIFE and for Quality of LIFE for this innocent child.

I pray that your daughter and this young man will see “beyond” what THEY want.

 

[masondoggy]

My daughter was 20, the sperm donor was a druggie and n’er do well. He wanted no part of the pregnancy, and he along with her other friends told her to abort, because “it’s easier”. Really? Who thinks up this drivel?

What “quality” of life could your daughter possibly give this child? And where in the parenting rule book does it say you and your wife have to raise another child? There isn’t and it doesn’t. My husband and I put our foot down. We sought out maternity homes and told her to find one. She refused. We told her to start calling the welfare office for housing and food stamps, as we were not going to support her and were under no obligation to do so. Played on her “vanity” and the fact that she was spoiled to a degree. I took her around to Section 8 housing in our town and said, “ok, which one looks appealing to you to raise this baby?” She freaked out and said, “she wasn’t living in a ghetto and she wasn’t living in the Blue Moon Trailer Park!” I said, “well guess what dearie, those are your choices.”

The first maternity home we took her to had a strict policy and would adhere to what my husband and I wanted. She had to remove her tongue ring, and all music, magazines and such would be screened. Rules are rules. My husband and I agreed. She flat out said, forget it, not happening. So this home would not take her. As we drove 2 1/2 hours home I made up my mind she was not coming back in the house. Mind you, she had her car packed with her things anticipating she was going stay at the home. As we drove in the driveway she smugly grabbed her pillow and headed for the door. I said, “You are not going in, take your things out of my trunk and put them in your trunk and leave, I don’t care where you go, but your are not coming back here.” She told me that I couldn’t do that, I said, “au contrere, yes I can, my house, my rules.” She got her car after moving her stuff from my trunk to hers and pealed away. Muttering that her “friends” will take care of her.

Long story short, that lasted about a month, when she couldn’t find a couch to sleep on, no money, no gas, and college drop out.

Stay strong, it’s not about HER and what she wants, it is about the innocent life she carries and what is BEST for that life.

So essentially, you gave your daughter no choice. You forced her hand. I hope for her own sake that she can completely forgive you one day. You may not even know it, but I’d bet my life that she harbors resentment and anger towards you.

What quality of life could she have given that baby? Well, let’s see…IF she had the love and support of her family:

I was 21 years old with TWO kids when my husband left me. My parents took us in, helped me take care of the kids, gave us unconditional love and support. I received food stamps, medicaid, WIC, cash assistance, full education grants for college (yes, a REAL 4 year university. I attended Kent State University and worked towards acceptance to the Nursing program) and the gov’t fully paid for daycare while I was in class. In the end, it didn’t cost my parents a dime other than the money they blew spoiling their grandchildren. Grandchildren that, to this day, they would die for. Those two babies are 15 and 17 now and they have had a great quality of life. They’ve never known a time when they weren’t loved and they never, ever went without. Gee, we never even had to go live in the ghetto, either.

My parents: mom wound up pregnant when she was 17. This was a few years after her older sister was forced to give her baby up for adoption and after seeing what it did to her, she refused to do it. Her parents essentially told her she would have to leave and she was on her own. She had no idea where she was going to go or what she was going to do but she knew she was not about to give her baby up and she trusted God to help her. Then my other grandparents stepped in. When they found out about her pregnancy, they stepped in and offered every resource they had to help my parents raise that baby. They were completely selfless. My parents married and I came along a few years later. My dad was a hard worker and although we were never rich, we never went without. My sister and I had a great life. I am so thankful that my grandparents stepped in because if they hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here and who knows what would have happened to my sister. And I know it would have completely destroyed my mother if she had no choice but to place her for adoption. She did eventually get her college degree and the career she wanted. I can tell you that she has no regrets.

I have nothing at all against adoption. What I do have a problem with, from personal life experience, is parents pressuring or forcing their daughters to give up their children. Teen mothers CAN be great mothers. My mother was. My MIL was at 16, my best friend from high school was at 16. * But their families stuck together and supported them through thick and thin*. And none of them ever had to live in the ghetto. Which by the way, public housing assistance doesn’t always = the ghetto. I think that’s a really unfair threat to a young pregnant girl. Really unfair.

 

[Xantippe]

Another family anecdote:

I don’t know all the details, of course, but my grandpa’s sister got pregnant off at college (probably in the 1940s). She came home to her parents, had the baby, was supported by them for a while, and then married a nice guy, had another half dozen kids with him, was a top notch housekeeper and a lovely person, and along with her husband, was a pillar of our church until her death (which came much too soon). (I only heard about the first pregnancy from my parents when I was all safely graduated from college.)

There are all kinds of unwed mothers.