Parents role in a situation

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rosejmj said:
they don’t like it just kick the child out but that just makes the parents look bad if they aren’t doing anything bad at home
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Seems to me you have this totally backwards. It the parents house, isn’t it? They are supporting the child/student. If the child/student wants to set the rules contrary then they should be ready to do that; move out and be independent. It just appears to me that this person wants to have it both ways.
 
Thorolfr said:
The problem is that some parents have bad and unreasonable rules.
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So you, as an adult, choose not to live there. Simple.

I grew up in one of those super expensive cities you named upthread. I didn’t like my mother’s rules. I left home at 18 and never looked back. It sometimes meant I worked 2-3 jobs while full-time in school, but I did it because I wanted to live according to my own rules. I had absolutely no standing to tell my mother how to rule over the roost she had bought and paid for.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
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Thorolfr:
The problem is that some parents have bad and unreasonable rules.
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So you, as an adult, choose not to live there. Simple.

I grew up in one of those super expensive cities you named upthread. I didn’t like my mother’s rules. I left home at 18 and never looked back. It sometimes meant I worked 2-3 jobs while full-time in school, but I did it because I wanted to live according to my own rules. I had absolutely no standing to tell my mother how to rule over the roost she had bought and paid for.
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It’s unfortunate, in my opinion, when parents and their children have a relationship where the child feels that they have to move away. If there was a little bit more willingness to give and take on both sides, this wouldn’t be necessary. Fortunately, my own parents always listened to my own concerns, were considerate of my opinions, and allowed me to be my own person and not the person they imagined I should be. And I was also considerate of their concerns. The result is that I’ve always been very close to both of my parents.

If I had had to move out of my parents’ home and work 2-3 jobs to support myself, it would have been impossible for me to get through college with undiagnosed and untreated ADHD.
 
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Thorolfr said:
The result is that I’ve always been very close to both of my parents.
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There were many variables that contributed to my traumatic childhood. One blessing of it was that I learned how to be independent and to confidently walk in my adulthood in spite of my various health and mental health challenges.

It is unfortunate that so many have such a hard time transitioning into adulthood.
 
Mtatum1958 said:
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rosejmj:
they don’t like it just kick the child out but that just makes the parents look bad if they aren’t doing anything bad at home
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Seems to me you have this totally backwards. It the parents house, isn’t it? They are supporting the child/student. If the child/student wants to set the rules contrary then they should be ready to do that; move out and be independent. It just appears to me that this person wants to have it both ways.
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If you have a set of parents who do not believe in sex before marriage, then it is perfectly reasonable and consistent that they will neither want their daughter having the bf in the house nor her sleeping over with him outside.

Not to mention we are hearing only one side of the story. Maybe she is doing concerning things. Maybe her grades are slipping. Maybe she goes out rarely but gets wasted when she does. Maybe her friends are less than wholesome.types.

in which case their demands are not unreasonable while she is on their dime.
 
There are millions of women who have gone in for an abortion. All kinds of reasons I’m sure. I am pretty sure that one of the reasons were that ‘I am still in school, getting my education, and still live with my parents. I am in no way ready for a baby.’

Sleep overs at the boyfriends is taking on unnecessary risk.

Realize that getting your education, having a home where there’s food in the fridge and clean clothes, maybe a car to drive, are huge benefits. Take FULL advantage of this very short moment in time. Don’t risk a pregnancy, don’t encourage a friend to risk a pregnancy. A broken heart. Grieved parents. This is your time to get your ducks in a row. This is a time also when young adults make very bad decisions. Parents giving rules? Those rules should be yours. Boyfriends have a way of sweet talking, then disappearing when a pregnancy happens. They aren’t ready for a baby either. One day, maybe. Not today. Maybe not with you. Make smart choices for yourself today and stay the course.
 
Or just be smart and use protection which isn’t so difficult and most often works
 
rosejmj said:
Or just be smart and use protection which isn’t so difficult and most often works
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If her parents are devout Catholics, are you really surprised they have a problem with this behavior?!
 
I understand it goes against their morals but I don’t understand why anything she does outside of the house is their business if she is an adult. It doesn’t seem to help anything and is more likely to cause problems later on. If she doesn’t feel like she has freedom living at home she could end up moving in with people who are a worse influence. I understand a parent giving advice occasionally but at a point it makes sense to leave the child even if you think they aren’t acting as you think they should. Maybe they are going through a phase which they can grow and learn from. I doubt overbearing parents and rules will help them grow into nice Catholic adults as they become moe independent
 
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rosejmj said:
I don’t understand why anything she does outside of the house is their business
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Because she lives there and is being supported by them. When she is out doing who knows what reckless things with her boyfriend her parents know full well that is going on. It is disrespectful to put her parents in that kind of situation and then just expect them to hush up about it because she is over 18!

I feel sorry for her parents.
 
rosejmj said:
anything she does outside of the house is their business if she is an adult.
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Because what she might be doing, premarital sex, will have possible consequences. Being an adult means accepting those consequences. If she is not ready to have a child she shouldn’t be having sleepovers with her boyfriend.
 
rosejmj said:
Or just be smart and use protection which isn’t so difficult and most often works
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You realize that many women signing for an abortion had something go wrong with their contraception.

You keep arguing your point with strangers on the internet. Why? The only people who matter are the parents and what they think. We’ll go about our day tomorrow but your parents are worrying and not sleeping at night.
 
Just because something is grave matter doesn’t mean you should try to force people to not commit the sin. In the end people have freedom and trying to limit it by controlling or attempting to stop an action is not helping the person as a whole. Sin is a lot more than an act, it involves an intention as well
 
Her parents believe in a certain standard of morality. It is different from common secular morality. Is the young lady surprised by her parents’ opinions on sleeping around and partying?
They are subsidizing her life and lifestyle. They don’t want to support a lifestyle they think is immoral and harmful to their daughter.
 
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rosejmj said:
understand it goes against their morals but I don’t understand why anything she does outside of the house is their business if she is an adult.
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Some parents might be overbearing, etc., but other parents merely want some consideration.

For example, they may want advance notice of things like not coming home at night, not being home for dinner if the student is usually fed along with the rest of the family, and so on.

Every day in the news are stories of young people being found dead. Young people think it will never happen to them but so did those whose bodies were found. And parents are past the phase where they think bad things won’t happen to them or those whom they love.

At a minimum, parents with whom one is living should know their plans so if nothing else, the parents can report them missing appropriately.

Letting them know you (generic) won’t be joining them for dinner on Friday night allows them to make less food, plan a meal you wouldn’t like but they do, go out themselves, etc.

And if there are younger siblings in the house, the older ones are still expected to set a good example.

From what you have said, your friend wants the best of both worlds: to be able to do as she pleases while living on her parents’ money.

Not very nice.
 
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CCC #1756
"It is therefore an error to judge the morality of human acts by considering only the intention that inspires them or the circumstances (environment, social pressure, duress or emergency, etc.) which supply their context. There are acts which, in and of themselves, independently of circumstances and intentions, are always gravely illicit by reason of their object; such as blasphemy and perjury, murder and adultery. One may not do evil so that good may result from it. " (Bold & Italics are mine)

Fornication being grave matter would fall under this too, considering adultery does.
 
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