Part 2: Vocations to love & relationship for faithful LGBT Christians

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I am a woman who is separated from her husband and we will get divorced.

First, marriage is great for companionship and all that, but only if the spouse is companionable. If the spouse turns out to be a bad spouse, then you are stuck. And everyone thinks all your companionship needs are being met in your marriage so you are all alone.

So just because someone is gay, they shouldn’ t think that they’re alone in never enjoying the companionship of marriage because a lot of married people are not enjoying that either, just look at the divorce rates.

It just seems like a lot of gay people compare the worst of their own situation with the best of the situation of others and end up feeling very depressed about it all.

Second, the Church is currently so stretched that no one is really getting what they wish vthey could from the Church. When I started being Catholic, I had small children and no one to watch them for me, so I couldn’ t go to RCIA or any of the other groups.

The priests were all so busy they couldn’t help me figure out how to be Catholic. Like I had no clue why prayer was something to do when I had a problem, and I didn’t understand how praying could be good advice.

So I don’t really think that al that many people are getting help from the Church in how to be holy, either. How to resist temptation.

It would ve really great if there was a way for people to meet more easily but in a more serious way. A lot of parish get-togethers are just too superficial. A lot of people can’t join groups unless their children can come along.

Finally, I came back into the Church after I married. i was so mad at myself, because I felt I had wasted my single years goofing off when I could have done a lot of things which I couldn’t do after I married.

I was enthusiastic: I thought to myself that,I could have been a missionary. I could have worked with so many people who are in need. But instead, I was all focused on meeting someone to marry, and ended up too desperate to even do that right.

So I think the answer to the question of this thread might be that saying: be the change you want to see.

Do you think that having intentional communities in the Church, small Catholic living groups that people could be in for a time, would be helpful? Advertise for some people who agree with that. Maybe a few communities will come from that one beginning, and they will be loosely joined.

Do you think short-term programs related to the religious life would be a good idea? Work with a religious order to do ssomething like that.

Are there “lost” teens in your area? Volunteer to work with them. If there’s not anprogram for that in your area, start one.

Really, there is so much out there for those of us who know we will never marry to do; let’s get out there to get it done!
 
Harmony said:
Second, the Church is currently so stretched that no one is really getting what they wish vthey could from the Church.
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Yes, but a slight revision:

The culture has such mixed up and perverse expectations for family independence that no one is getting what they want, period. If we could erase the 1950s “American Dream” from all memory, we would be much better off.

No man is an island. We need one another, and we need to free up our lives so that we can help one another. I’m preaching to myself first, because I’m awful at this. 😦
 
I very much agree with you.
A friend of mine in London shares a house with three other men. All Catholics, all experience SSA and they live in a form of community. They commit to one another (when they move in) to say Nightprayer together every day, go to mass together on Sundays and holy days of obligation, eat together as a household on a least Sundays, live out their SSA in accordance with the Church’s teaching, share the chores and bills equally and support one another in living out their individual callings to holiness.
I think it is an amazing model and one I think should be encouraged.
 
I would echo what you say about vocation to priesthood and experience SSA. I was reading ‘To Save a Thousand Souls’ which is a guide for those exploring a possible call to the priesthood written by a former Vocations Director and current vice-principal of a Seminary and he makes it clear that SSA isn’t a deal-breaker for the Church.
 
The one thing I’d caution is that when I’ve talked about community stuff, I’ve gotten responses that essentially amount to, the church could never condone that because it might lead to inappropriate sexual desires.
 
Wow this is interesting. How did four gay men happen to find each other and agree to this lifestyle?
 
I do know people in Courage who live this way. I mean they’re just roommates like anybody else, At least that’s the impression it gives me that is how they see it. And that is how I see it, never thought to see it otherwise. It’s just two of them but no reason a larger number of guys would work now that I think about it.
 
Yes, this response is very common. It is a sort of myth though in my opinion. I mention Courage a lot just because it is what I know. But the fact that Courage exists and essentially is a community of just ssa people, is proof that these responses are not true. Commitment to celibacy and grace assure this. And I think you know this, it’s just that we wish everyone else did 🙂
 
They all go to the same Church, different masses, their priest individually sounded them out about the idea after each of them had raised SSA, feeling lonely and wanting to be a faithful Catholic with him. Then they met up and with him talked about a ‘rule of life’ they could share and would found supportive.

@sonofjoseph They are roommates, I suppose, who have decided to live in a way that emphasises the faith they have in common.
 
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Love it! Sounds like this ought to be more of an option butttt I think the key is the discernment on the priest’s end guiding the whole setup. Love that there’s a “rule!”
 
I can see that but I think if the gospel is ‘good news’ then we need to be able to say something more than ‘no’. People can live together continently and we used to be good at celebrating friendship (St Anselm)
I think if we want to be taken seriously in our claim not to be homophobic, just opposed to sinful actions, then we need to be willing to take risks like this.
 
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And @(name removed by moderator) I agree, I think the priest’s role is key in discerning that the men involved would be the right fit for each other and then helping them to write a rule of life.
He also takes an ongoing interest, he has a meal with them once every couple of months to hear how things are going.
 
Totally and I think our faith has so much to offer in the fight against loneliness and isolation. I think we need to be much more courageous in our work with single people and in celebrating chaste friendship.
 
To be fair, I’ve seen some of the same thing - Catholics saying, oh, don’t be so naive, you can’t put single men and women together like that because it’ll be too much of a temptation. If they are lonely, they should get married.
 
Honestly I wasn’t even thinking mixed living spaces. Maybe more like a regular social gathering.
 
If you think that unmarried mixed gender straight people shouldn’t live together because they might be tempted, do you then believe that it would also be wrong for same-gender people with “SSA” to live together since they might be tempted? Or would you advocate that unmarried opposite-sex people with SSA live together since they wouldn’t be attracted to each other? But in that case, you could only have two of them living together at a time.
 
RigidBenedict said:
I very much agree with you.
A friend of mine in London shares a house with three other men. All Catholics, all experience SSA and they live in a form of community. They commit to one another (when they move in) to say Nightprayer together every day, go to mass together on Sundays and holy days of obligation, eat together as a household on a least Sundays, live out their SSA in accordance with the Church’s teaching, share the chores and bills equally and support one another in living out their individual callings to holiness.
I think it is an amazing model and one I think should be encouraged.
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If I tried to be in this kind of living arrangement, my roommates would hate me. 🙂

I have ADHD which makes it difficult for me to stay organized and to get household chores done such as doing laundry, washing dishes, keeping clutter from building up on horizontal surfaces such as the dining room table, etc. I’m lucky to have a patient and understanding partner who puts up with a slightly chaotic living space, does probably more than his fair share of chores and helps remind me several times to get others done when I forget.
 
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Being accepted for who you are (and supported and challenged to be your best) is really important. I’m glad you have someone who does that for you.
I do think it is possible to find that in non-sexual friendships (as per St Anselm above).
 
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Question for everyone about the SSA person’s call to celibacy. How does it differ from a priest’s call to celibacy? We say the priest gives 100% of himself for the Church, his Bride. But what does celibacy look like for the SSA person? What does he or she offer his or herself for? Is it also for the Church but in a different way? I ask because I do not think this is explicitly defined anywhere beyond “the SSA person is called to celibacy.” But maybe I am ignorant :confused:
 
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