Pastor and DRE refusing FHC to homeschooled child

[pensmama87]

I’ll also admit that having been a teacher I tend to be sympathetic to the plight of teachers. No matter how awesome or engaging the catechist, 90 minutes a week is just not going to outdo everything else a child experiences during the week. It may for a couple children, but ultimately parents have to accept the responsibility. There are efforts being made there too, but they still have to say yes, and right now many aren’t.

 

[HouseArrest]

Part of it is that we’re an extremely large parish. Many of our parish staff are new and our pastor is newish, too. They are going the right way but it takes a lot of time to course correct. The people who are involved are passionate and orthodox, but they’re a small group - for now. I also live in a very “culturally Catholic” area, so people have religious identity but don’t practice, or practice in a minimal way.

In five, ten years, maybe I could put them in the regular CCD classes. Right now, that’s not where we are. Still a lot of “you teach my kids so I don’t have to” as parish culture.

I am very cautious too because my kids will be attending public school. I expect the kids there to be ignorant/indifferent/hostile to religion. I do not want that reiterated in CCD. My kids have a great peer group now of faithful Catholic families and I want to continue that.

Hopefully they will continue to grow their faithful group, and the RE program will flourish.

I don’t blame anyone who homeschools their own children for RE. The amount of time it takes to send them to class, find out what goes on there, debrief the kids, and then teach them the right way, is more than any family has in a week.

I am not sure why we as a church needs to keep pretending these programs are any good. I there are some that are, but the vast majority, in my experience, are not. Also, I am with you, 1 hour a week, 9 months a year isn’t a lot of instruction. Supplementing is necessary. After all, we are not satisfied with that many hours of math instruction for our kids.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I’m sorry you are going through this!
To me I think it makes sense for you to write to your diocese. If nothing else, maybe they will give you a better explanation of what is going on. If this is an issue that is happening frequently and your diocese is not aware because no one tells them, then they aren’t getting a chance to address the issue even if they would have wanted to do so.

In our diocese we have to take our kid to Religious Education as well even if they go to Catholic school. We have our kids in the nearest Catholic school which is 30-40 min away. We usually end up being in the car driving back and forth around 3 hours a day. We still have to take them to the RE classes once a week (and we prepare them at home as well), although recently (with our 3rd) it seemed like they would be ok if we just bring them for the months in which they are talking about the Sacraments (it wasn’t clear, and since I was afraid of our kids being left out of the Sacrament, we bring them every week). I have volunteered for the RE classes at our parish. I really appreciate the volunteers, they are giving of their time for free to help educate our children in the faith, but not all of them have the religious formation to be giving the classes and so they do teach errors or give the incorrect impression of things. It’s interesting, because even the kids that go to the Catholic school, and their parish is the school parish, have to go to classes in the evenings for their FHC. Growing up I went to Catholic school and we had our prep in school, and then had our FHC all together at the school parish.

 

[Eponine1]

This doesn’t make any sense. So your son can have FHC at your parish, but just not the same day the REP class has it?

Yes, that is correct.

 

[Eponine1]

I am not sure why we as a church needs to keep pretending these programs are any good. I there are some that are, but the vast majority, in my experience, are not. Also, I am with you, 1 hour a week, 9 months a year isn’t a lot of instruction. Supplementing is necessary. After all, we are not satisfied with that many hours of math instruction for our kids.

Our Confirmation prep course is 2.5 hours once a month, for 8 months…

 

[mommy_k]

I have been taught that the heirachy of a Catholic is as follows:
God and his church, family, work, and then everything else.

My kids all had to go to the prep classes and they attend and attended Catholic school, and we also instuct the faith at home. We are taught in school and home to make sacrifices, and to listen to the rules of the church. Our children are taught to be humble.
They are taught that even though they are unique and special to us, God sees everyone the same, and we all have to follow His rules and the church rules too.

Confirmation prep here is the same-we dedicated and will dedicate time to attend once a month meetings at the church with rel. Ed in preparation, and the groups are diverse in a sense that the rel. Ed level of the students are all over the map. If a parent of a catholic school student ever addressed that they did not want to attend this because it is a waste of time as they already know this, it’s boring, it’s far, the studnets are rude, or we have soccer, or family time- after the dre stopped laughing- we would be instructed that we have a problem with church authority and pride, and Jesus comes first–and we have a decision to make…either come, or don’t receive the sacrament, as every one who is at these retreats has pressing appointments or a reason not to be there… However, part of being a Catholic is being a witness to others, and to show mercy to those who are ignorant, and perhaps be an example.

We discuss what is learned, as a family and correct as needed. These meetings are not custom fit to the individual, these are sometimes redundant to the child, but we serve God by attending, and grow spiritually, perhaps by suffering through them. Spiritual growth is not possible in a bubble, either for children or adults. There are many teachable moments afterward.

Also, not to attend these things imho perhaps teachers kids there is exceptions- today-religious ed—tommorrow perhaps things such as weekly or monthly confession because it is during family time. Perhaps mass then becomes inconvenient as it cuts intno sunday dinner, or there is a rude person at the door at church…

I would never volunteer just for the sake of having my child make a sacrament. That is volunteering for the wrong reasons. Catholic’s volunteer to glorify God and to give back to others, in time or talent, and to teach the spirit of service.

Why this critical aspect of serving God and others by attending these, in the spirit of self denai and humility is not grasped? Driving far away and other conflicts of time for re is a sacrifice-yes, however it is redemptive.Why is family coming before God?

This is not the lesson I wish to teach my kids. And it is just food for thought.

Peace.

 

[bitterhope]

I have been taught that the heirachy of a Catholic is as follows:
God and his church, family, work, and then everything else.

My kids all had to go to the prep classes and they attend and attended Catholic school, and we also instuct the faith at home. We are taught in school and home to make sacrifices, and to listen to the rules of the church. Our children are taught to be humble.
They are taught that even though they are unique and special to us, God sees everyone the same, and we all have to follow His rules and the church rules too.

Confirmation prep here is the same-we dedicated and will dedicate time to attend once a month meetings at the church with rel. Ed in preparation, and the groups are diverse in a sense that the rel. Ed level of the students are all over the map. If a parent of a catholic school student ever addressed that they did not want to attend this because it is a waste of time as they already know this, it’s boring, it’s far, the studnets are rude, or we have soccer, or family time- after the dre stopped laughing- we would be instructed that we have a problem with church authority and pride, and Jesus comes first–and we have a decision to make…either come, or don’t receive the sacrament, as every one who is at these retreats has pressing appointments or a reason not to be there… However, part of being a Catholic is being a witness to others, and to show mercy to those who are ignorant, and perhaps be an example.

We discuss what is learned, as a family and correct as needed. These meetings are not custom fit to the individual, these are sometimes redundant to the child, but we serve God by attending, and grow spiritually, perhaps by suffering through them. Spiritual growth is not possible in a bubble, either for children or adults. There are many teachable moments afterward.

Also, not to attend these things imho perhaps teachers kids there is exceptions- today-religious ed—tommorrow perhaps things such as weekly or monthly confession because it is during family time. Perhaps mass then becomes inconvenient as it cuts intno sunday dinner, or there is a rude person at the door at church…

I would never volunteer just for the sake of having my child make a sacrament. That is volunteering for the wrong reasons. Catholic’s volunteer to glorify God and to give back to others, in time or talent, and to teach the spirit of service.

Why this critical aspect of serving God and others by attending these, in the spirit of self denai and humility is not grasped? Driving far away and other conflicts of time for re is a sacrifice-yes, however it is redemptive.Why is family coming before God?

This is not the lesson I wish to teach my kids. And it is just food for thought.

Peace.

If it were uniform among the churches in a diocese I could see the reasons, but here each and every parish does things differently. It isn’t just different times or days, it is a different program with different requirements.

At our last parish it was very much a series of favoritisms, exceptions, and rule changes depending on your last name and his much you donated to the parish. It was so bad I seriously thought of leaving the church not just that parish. I still consider it at times. God and church teaching say parents are the primary educators of their children. It says no where that we must come up with $XXX to pay for cooking/hygene/etc classes for a year before kids can be confirmed.

 

[UbiCaritas]

I have been taught that the heirachy of a Catholic is as follows:
God and his church, family, work, and then everything else.

My kids all had to go to the prep classes and they attend and attended Catholic school, and we also instuct the faith at home. We are taught in school and home to make sacrifices, and to listen to the rules of the church. Our children are taught to be humble.
They are taught that even though they are unique and special to us, God sees everyone the same, and we all have to follow His rules and the church rules too.

Confirmation prep here is the same-we dedicated and will dedicate time to attend once a month meetings at the church with rel. Ed in preparation, and the groups are diverse in a sense that the rel. Ed level of the students are all over the map. If a parent of a catholic school student ever addressed that they did not want to attend this because it is a waste of time as they already know this, it’s boring, it’s far, the studnets are rude, or we have soccer, or family time- after the dre stopped laughing- we would be instructed that we have a problem with church authority and pride, and Jesus comes first–and we have a decision to make…either come, or don’t receive the sacrament, as every one who is at these retreats has pressing appointments or a reason not to be there… However, part of being a Catholic is being a witness to others, and to show mercy to those who are ignorant, and perhaps be an example.

We discuss what is learned, as a family and correct as needed. These meetings are not custom fit to the individual, these are sometimes redundant to the child, but we serve God by attending, and grow spiritually, perhaps by suffering through them. Spiritual growth is not possible in a bubble, either for children or adults. There are many teachable moments afterward.

Also, not to attend these things imho perhaps teachers kids there is exceptions- today-religious ed—tommorrow perhaps things such as weekly or monthly confession because it is during family time. Perhaps mass then becomes inconvenient as it cuts intno sunday dinner, or there is a rude person at the door at church…

I would never volunteer just for the sake of having my child make a sacrament. That is volunteering for the wrong reasons. Catholic’s volunteer to glorify God and to give back to others, in time or talent, and to teach the spirit of service.

Why this critical aspect of serving God and others by attending these, in the spirit of self denai and humility is not grasped? Driving far away and other conflicts of time for re is a sacrifice-yes, however it is redemptive.Why is family coming before God?

This is not the lesson I wish to teach my kids. And it is just food for thought.

Peace.

But since when do religious ed classes=God?

Mass, Confession, et all are requirements of the Church. If I decided that we aren’t going to Mass because that would interfere with family time, that would be wrong of me. No arguments. Ditto Confession.

Spending two nights a week, one of them the only night when the kids can reliably see Daddy for any length of time, at Church for hours and hours and, not incidentally, thereby not being able to do prayers as a family is not a requirement of the Church. It’s a requirement of our particular parish, and it’s not a reasonable one.

I do see what you’re saying as far as not instilling pride in kids. I grew up homeschooled, and there was a strong element in that community of not wanting their kids to mix with “lesser” kids. I do not want that for my kids. Even if the classes aren’t great, my plan is to provide the body of instruction at home, anyway. I’m the primary educator of my kids, and that’s my job.

On the other hand, let’s say that you have two kids, one of whom is preparing for First Communion and the other of whom is preparing for Confirmation or First Confession. Is it reasonable of a church to expect the parents to hire a babysitter every Sunday night for a year so that they can attend the classes with their kids? (Childcare is not provided for these events.) Because that’s what they’re requiring, and I would bet money on that plus the scheduling being part of the reason that a lot of families in the parish tend to wait until the youngest kid, or the youngest of a group of kids in their family, is old enough to make their FHC before enrolling them in those classes so that they can do them all together in one year. As a result, there are a fair number of kids who don’t receive their FHC until they’re ten or eleven so that mom and dad don’t have to dedicate 3-4 years of Sunday family time (bear in mind that a lot of our parish is very working-class, and the majority are working 2+ jobs to get by, so family time is even more at a premium) to sitting in a classroom and listening to someone explain, as another poster described it, how to make the Sign of the Cross.

God isn’t making those requirements; the church/DRE is. For context, if you read (Catholic!) stories written 80-100 years ago, it was once the norm in certain parts of the country to not allow children to make their FHC until their family could afford a fancy white dress or suit sheerly because it didn’t “look” nice for the kids to not all be dressed to the nines–never mind if mom and dad were working double shifts at the factory just to put food on the table, and couldn’t possibly afford to spend that kind of money on a one-time outfit! That certainly isn’t a requirement of the Church, either, but it was a requirement of the local parish. Does that mean that it should have been followed, too, and those kids who couldn’t afford to drop that kind of money on an outfit should have waited 'til they could because the parish said so?

 

[UbiCaritas]

If it were uniform among the churches in a diocese I could see the reasons, but here each and every parish does things differently. It isn’t just different times or days, it is a different program with different requirements.

Exactly. I’ve outlined our parish’s requirements above–twice a week attendance, including Sunday nights. On the other hand, a (non-local) friend’s parish gives the parents the materials and expects them to teach their kids, with an interview with the priest at the end of sacramental prep and before they receive their FHC. That’s it. They don’t have any physical classes at the church.

 

[MomaMary8]

I am very blessed to be in a parish that accepts homeschoolers. We are not at the level the level to say “supports homeschoolers,” but we are getting there.

My son will be receiving his first communion and he was included in all the combined activities for FHC. These activities were very few in number, but included the parish school children, the religious Ed children, and homeschool. It was nice. There are the cliques that have always existed, but what do you do with that

My pastor did a very nice job so checking out if kids were prepared for their FHC. He gathered them all together and went over the parts of the mass and showed the kids vestments and sacred vessels. As he did this, he quizzed a few kids. It was a very nicely done way of testing to see if a child was prepared. All the kids did well but I’m sure if they didn’t the pastor would follow up with the teacher.

My pastor also said the line that I’ve heard before, “the parent is the first educator of their child.” I couldn’t count how many times I’ve heard this, but this is the FIRST time I felt the pastor realized I was the chief educator of my child AND I fully recognized I could come to him if I needed any help with no fear of chastisement. It was beautiful. We finally have a pastor that puts the child-parent relationship first and doesn’t assume the DRE knows better than us.

OP, keep praying for your priest. Quietly show that you are the parent of your child and you have a full commitment to the best for him. I think, too often, we hear stories and examples that put parents and educators on edge, expecting the worst and then we act in a defensive mode. Do you have anymore children that will need to receive their FHC? Try to think of ways that you can improve the situation for other homeschoolers in the future. We have a group of moms that keep a constant dialogue with our pastor and the going-ons’ of the homeschool world. Hopefully your pastor will see the beauty of being a partner with the parent rather than the gate keeper and director of sacraments. Pastors have a hard job. I do not envy them, but I know with the Grace that God gives them and with our prayers, things can be better.

 

[UbiCaritas]

One last thing:

I spent my high school years in a very, very rural small town, population of about 1,000. There was a Catholic church there, but of course, no Catholic school. The local public school was the center of much of the social life of the town–sports games, etc. As public high schools went, it wasn’t exactly superb academically, but it was a pretty safe place to send your kids.

The pastor of the local church decided that unless your kids attended the local public school, he would refuse to give them the sacraments. Recourse on the diocesan level was ignored. The parents of a family I knew had their kids attend the sacrament prep at the parish and fulfill all their obligations in that regard, but were told that if they didn’t enroll the kids in public school (the kids were homeschooled), they wouldn’t be allowed to receive the sacraments.

The parents started driving 45 minutes each way for Mass on Sundays to attend a parish that wouldn’t pull a bait-and-switch like that.

Tell me, should the parents have enrolled their kids in the public school strictly on the whim of the pastor/because the religious ed teachers were also teachers at the public school and were offended by parents homeschooling rather than using the local schools?

 

[MomaMary8]

But since when do religious ed classes=God?

I do see what you’re saying as far as not instilling pride in kids. I grew up homeschooled, and** there was a strong element in that community of not wanting their kids to mix with “lesser” kids**. I do not want that for my kids. Even if the classes aren’t great, my plan is to provide the body of instruction at home, anyway. I’m the primary educator of my kids, and that’s my job.

This is one reason why we chose to homeschool. When I looked into my kids attending our parish school I had a conversation with the principal. When discussing my options, I mentioned public school but do religious Ed instruction at home. She actually used the phrase “those kids” when referring to the parish religious education students She couldn’t understand how I could put my kids in a school with “those kids” but not do religious instruction with them as well. Her pride in her school is a bit too “prideful.”

 

[mommy_k]

If it were uniform among the churches in a diocese I could see the reasons, but here each and every parish does things differently. It isn’t just different times or days, it is a different program with different requirements.

At our last parish it was very much a series of favoritisms, exceptions, and rule changes depending on your last name and his much you donated to the parish. It was so bad I seriously thought of leaving the church not just that parish. I still consider it at times. God and church teaching say parents are the primary educators of their children. It says no where that we must come up with $XXX to pay for cooking/hygene/etc classes for a year before kids can be confirmed.

I can tell you it’s better to fly inder the radar and let the favorites jump through hoops to stay there. To keep sanity with all the nonsense that goes on, you have to know in your heart why you are doing things, and that they are not being prompted by distractions that take away from the sacrament. They should be prompted by the Holy Spirit, not the behavior of others.

Here at our school parish, the re class has to perform 25 hours of service in addition to retreats. Some re parents were in an uproar about this, some tried to use many excuses as to why their children could not do them. Little did they know that the school students had to do 75–the additional 50 was given by the school religion teacher.
Did we like it-no. Did the kids do them-yes. They are taught to put aside the thoughts of unfairness and such, when it comes to perfecting themselves for eternity, and to run their own race, so to speak.

I am sorry that your parish has blatent favorites. They all do, but the favorites NEED to be favorites, and some of us don’t-we don’t points in heaven for that. And this is an important lesson for children as well–the core of our religion needs to be the focus, some get it, and some just don’t.

 

[bitterhope]

Exactly. I’ve outlined our parish’s requirements above–twice a week attendance, including Sunday nights. On the other hand, a (non-local) friend’s parish gives the parents the materials and expects them to teach their kids, with an interview with the priest at the end of sacramental prep and before they receive their FHC. That’s it. They don’t have any physical classes at the church.

We’ve been in parishes like that where they had no classes. One had a summer program similar to bible school but focused sacramental prep but it was only for 1-3 grade and then 7-9 grade or older if Confirmation hadn’t been received. It gets confusing where we move so often to try to keep up with what needs to be done and how, and it seems most DREs are very vocal about how superior their program is to all others because they follow the rules, but they can’t ALL be following the rules when things don’t match up. We’ve been parishioners at 3 parishes in our current diocese. None have any type of similarity even in their programs. All are within a 1 hour drive of each other. Two share priests even! (There are three priests that cover a total of four parishes but they live at the “central” church’s rectory. They take turns saying Mass at the outlying churches and split Masses at the central church) But their programs are different and so are the requirements.

I do send my kids to the parish religious ed programs offered at the church when available because as a homeschooling mom I like them hearing from others about Jesus too. I also like them socializing and learning to behave for someone other than parents. But I completely get why many parents opt for something else. They should be supported and encouraged.

 

[Aggie414]

Yes, that is correct.

This may sound harsh – and I certainly don’t intend it to. But I don’t think it’s wrong for the pastor to administer FHC to your son at a different time than the rest of the class. For whatever reason – and I’m not saying they’re not valid reasons – you did not want your son to participate in the church-offered FHC classes. That is certainly your right and you went by the diocese’s requirements. But the fact of the matter is he did not participate with the class so he shouldn’t be participating with the class now. He’ll have his own special day of receiving FHC; and from what I can tell, there’s nothing requiring your son to be allowed to receive with all the others.

 

[bitterhope]

I can tell you it’s better to fly inder the radar and let the favorites jump through hoops to stay there. To keep sanity with all the nonsense that goes on, you have to know in your heart why you are doing things, and that they are not being prompted by distractions that take away from the sacrament. They should be prompted by the Holy Spirit, not the behavior of others.

Here at our school parish, the re class has to perform 25 hours of service in addition to retreats. Some re parents were in an uproar about this, some tried to use many excuses as to why their children could not do them. Little did they know that the school students had to do 75–the additional 50 was given by the school religion teacher.
Did we like it-no. Did the kids do them-yes. They are taught to put aside the thoughts of unfairness and such, when it comes to perfecting themselves for eternity, and to run their own race, so to speak.

I am sorry that your parish has blatent favorites. They all do, but the favorites NEED to be favorites, and some of us don’t-we don’t points in heaven for that. And this is an important lesson for children as well–the core of our religion needs to be the focus, some get it, and some just don’t.

Former parish. Current parish is so much better.

 

[EasterJoy]

This is one reason why we chose to homeschool. When I looked into my kids attending our parish school I had a conversation with the principal. When discussing my options, I mentioned public school but do religious Ed instruction at home. She actually used the phrase “those kids” when referring to the parish religious education students She couldn’t understand how I could put my kids in a school with “those kids” but not do religious instruction with them as well. Her pride in her school is a bit too “prideful.”

Well, to be fair, sometimes only 5% of less of “those kids” are parishioners, whereas the rest have connections to some fairly unsavory activities and a high incidence of drug use, blackout drinking, and pregnancy after the age of 12 or 14, with parents stretched so thin just trying to survive or so negligent that they are absent in their children’s lives in some other important ways. It depends on where you live.

Having said that, our parish recognizes that the “RE families” include some of the most devout families in the parish, whereas the school accepts families who are not Catholic at all. They don’t assume that the parish school has “the best Catholics.”

 

[jmjZelie]

I have been taught that the heirachy of a Catholic is as follows:
God and his church, family, work, and then everything else.

My kids all had to go to the prep classes and they attend and attended Catholic school, and we also instuct the faith at home. We are taught in school and home to make sacrifices, and to listen to the rules of the church. Our children are taught to be humble.
They are taught that even though they are unique and special to us, God sees everyone the same, and we all have to follow His rules and the church rules too.

Confirmation prep here is the same-we dedicated and will dedicate time to attend once a month meetings at the church with rel. Ed in preparation, and the groups are diverse in a sense that the rel. Ed level of the students are all over the map. If a parent of a catholic school student ever addressed that they did not want to attend this because it is a waste of time as they already know this, it’s boring, it’s far, the studnets are rude, or we have soccer, or family time- after the dre stopped laughing- we would be instructed that we have a problem with church authority and pride, and Jesus comes first–and we have a decision to make…either come, or don’t receive the sacrament, as every one who is at these retreats has pressing appointments or a reason not to be there… However, part of being a Catholic is being a witness to others, and to show mercy to those who are ignorant, and perhaps be an example.

We discuss what is learned, as a family and correct as needed. These meetings are not custom fit to the individual, these are sometimes redundant to the child, but we serve God by attending, and grow spiritually, perhaps by suffering through them. Spiritual growth is not possible in a bubble, either for children or adults. There are many teachable moments afterward.

Also, not to attend these things imho perhaps teachers kids there is exceptions- today-religious ed—tommorrow perhaps things such as weekly or monthly confession because it is during family time. Perhaps mass then becomes inconvenient as it cuts intno sunday dinner, or there is a rude person at the door at church…

I would never volunteer just for the sake of having my child make a sacrament. That is volunteering for the wrong reasons. Catholic’s volunteer to glorify God and to give back to others, in time or talent, and to teach the spirit of service.

Why this critical aspect of serving God and others by attending these, in the spirit of self denai and humility is not grasped? Driving far away and other conflicts of time for re is a sacrifice-yes, however it is redemptive.Why is family coming before God?

This is not the lesson I wish to teach my kids. And it is just food for thought.

Peace.

When I spoke of volunteering and making sure that my children has access to the sacraments, those were two contemporaneous issues. I am doing everything I can to ensure that there are no problems with sacramental prep, because the sacraments are our very life. I happened to be invited to make my weekly presence official and become part of the team, because they knew I have lots of teaching experience, which I gladly did. It has turned out to be a good thing for my family and for the parish.

However, if volunteering were the thing I needed to do to make it possible for my kids to receive a sacrament, with no worries of 11th hour changes, I absolutely would volunteer for that reason. I strongly disagree with you that that is volunteering for the wrong reasons.

My vocation is to be a wife and mother. My vocation is not to be a parish volunteer. Whatever time I can dedicate to helping out my parish, which is incredibly dependent upon whether my husband will be home because they have no child care assistance for volunteers, is only allowed after I make sure that my duties toward my family are met.

I serve God by serving my family. That is of primary importance. If I were to take away time I need to meet the needs of my family for the sake of volunteering at the parish, I would be serving myself and my own ego, not serving God.

So I see a false dichotomy in your post. One does not serve family at the expense of serving God, if one is a mother. One serves God through serving the family God has given one. Serving outside the family, through parish and community volunteerism, can never be at the expense of the family. And there are many acceptable reasons to volunteer: getting to know people, finding out the kind of catechesis that goes on in the parish, and building up a support network for one’s family are all perfectly acceptable reasons, even if none of those fit in the totally altruistic category of self-denial and humility.

 

[Eponine1]

OP, keep praying for your priest. Quietly show that you are the parent of your child and you have a full commitment to the best for him. I think, too often, we hear stories and examples that put parents and educators on edge, expecting the worst and then we act in a defensive mode. Do you have anymore children that will need to receive their FHC? Try to think of ways that you can improve the situation for other homeschoolers in the future. We have a group of moms that keep a constant dialogue with our pastor and the going-ons’ of the homeschool world. Hopefully your pastor will see the beauty of being a partner with the parent rather than the gate keeper and director of sacraments. Pastors have a hard job. I do not envy them, but I know with the Grace that God gives them and with our prayers, things can be better.

Thank you for sharing your story!

I think one big issue is that there’s another homeschool family in our small rural parish that was very undiplomatic and aggressive and forceful with their demands around their children receiving a Sacrament…which no doubt has left a bad taste in the mouths of pastor and DRE. How could it not? So I think we are guilty by association even though we’ve tried to distance ourselves from that situation and have tried to be exceedlingly respectful in all communications.

 

[HouseArrest]

I have been taught that the heirachy of a Catholic is as follows:
God and his church, family, work, and then everything else.

My kids all had to go to the prep classes and they attend and attended Catholic school, and we also instuct the faith at home. We are taught in school and home to make sacrifices, and to listen to the rules of the church. Our children are taught to be humble.
They are taught that even though they are unique and special to us, God sees everyone the same, and we all have to follow His rules and the church rules too.

Confirmation prep here is the same-we dedicated and will dedicate time to attend once a month meetings at the church with rel. Ed in preparation, and the groups are diverse in a sense that the rel. Ed level of the students are all over the map. If a parent of a catholic school student ever addressed that they did not want to attend this because it is a waste of time as they already know this, it’s boring, it’s far, the studnets are rude, or we have soccer, or family time- after the dre stopped laughing- we would be instructed that we have a problem with church authority and pride, and Jesus comes first–and we have a decision to make…either come, or don’t receive the sacrament, as every one who is at these retreats has pressing appointments or a reason not to be there… However, part of being a Catholic is being a witness to others, and to show mercy to those who are ignorant, and perhaps be an example.

We discuss what is learned, as a family and correct as needed. These meetings are not custom fit to the individual, these are sometimes redundant to the child, but we serve God by attending, and grow spiritually, perhaps by suffering through them. Spiritual growth is not possible in a bubble, either for children or adults. There are many teachable moments afterward.

Also, not to attend these things imho perhaps teachers kids there is exceptions- today-religious ed—tommorrow perhaps things such as weekly or monthly confession because it is during family time. Perhaps mass then becomes inconvenient as it cuts intno sunday dinner, or there is a rude person at the door at church…

I would never volunteer just for the sake of having my child make a sacrament. That is volunteering for the wrong reasons. Catholic’s volunteer to glorify God and to give back to others, in time or talent, and to teach the spirit of service.

Why this critical aspect of serving God and others by attending these, in the spirit of self denai and humility is not grasped? Driving far away and other conflicts of time for re is a sacrifice-yes, however it is redemptive.Why is family coming before God?

This is not the lesson I wish to teach my kids. And it is just food for thought.

Peace.

That is wonderful that your children have served as examples to others in their Confirmation classes and are willing to discuss the course material afterwards with you.

I have a few students here who cannot afford, spiritually, to attend a class with heretical teachings. That is all I am going to say about it.