PDA in Front of Family?

[EasterJoy]

On the other hand, if you have agreed to never argue in front of others it won’t be a problem.

I do not mean arguing. I mean that when you are on the outs, if PDAs have been regularly on display there will be a change in the PDAs (or an absence of the PDAs) that are obvious to anyone who knows you. It cannot be helped…there are some things you cannot fake.

 

[maryjk]

I do not mean arguing. I mean that when you are on the outs, if PDAs have been regularly on display there will be a change in the PDAs (or an absence of the PDAs) that are obvious to anyone who knows you. It cannot be helped…there are some things you cannot fake.

I guess I have never been “on the outs” with my husband.

We have disagreements. But never to the point where I wouldn’t hold his hand. And certainly never to the point where I would withhold affection.

And no, we aren’t newly weds.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Anyway, I was just curious about other’s thoughts on the matter. What displays do you find acceptable, if any, and why or why not?

At a less formal event like a family dinner, we sit close to each other, sometimes I even sit on the arm rest of my husband’s armchair (if the design allows it), he puts his arm around me or he strokes my hand or arm. The occassional peck is okay, but not too much, no open mouth or tongue kissing, and definitely not at the table.

But you can’t really say that this is okay for anyone in any situation, as much as you do want to keep the straight/gay or married/unmarried side out of it.
It’s just not the same and we can’t pretend it is.
It wouldn’t be acceptable from anyone, it wouldn’t be acceptable from my 15yo nephew, in some situations it wouldn’t be acceptable from my cousin who has a new special someone every month, from an unmarried or gay couple. In the case of my cousin and his girlfriend-of-the-month situation, in some cases I wouldn’t even allow him to bring the latest person.
And in some situations it is not acceptable from us, either, like more formal events or if guests are not family, if there is someone who would be hurt by this, like a recent widow or divorcee. Also if there is only one or two people with us our PDA would seem more obvious and distracting, so we keep it down.

But I guess I am a little conservative when it comes to this.

 

[Kelfa28]

Hubby and I are just not comfortable with PDA. We are affectionate with each other…but not around other people. We hug each other and I might put my hand on his thigh if we are sitting next to each other…but that is about it. I don’t think my family has actually seen me kiss my husband except on our wedding day. I think the most affection I’ve shown, in public, to my husband was on our wedding day.
Oh, and when I came home from deployment and met him at the airport. We hadn’t seen each other for 4 months.

I think it’s just our personalities. I don’t care too much if I see other couples express some PDA…hugs, hand holding, pecks on the lips.
I think I would roll my eyes if I saw a couple just make out in front of me. Yes, I get it…you love each other…sheesh.

I think most kinds of visible PDA are just rude at the dinner table. Maybe once desert and coffee have made its rounds and people are starting to relax or excuse themselves to do other things…some PDA would be fine.
But, if your on the couch with your spouse during a family gathering…I’d almost expect some couples to have their arm around each other.
My sister and BIL don’t show much PDA at all but he will put his arm around my sister if they are sitting next to each other.

 

[bernadettefaith]

Dh and I would hold hands or cuddle and it never seemed to bother others. My sister and her husband are especially strange IMO. They’ve been together since high school and I’ve never seen them kiss other than at their wedding. Never seen them hold hands or show any display of affection. To me, that is strange.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

To me, it’s usually not the married couples who bother me (unless they are asolutely over the top or being too sexual), but rather the unmarried ones.

Unmarried couples who act like they have earned the same privileges as married couples in the family dynamic erks me. I also don’t like it when family members try to introduce family members to boyfriend/girlfriends at a holiday, family function.

But married couples kissing is fine, but don’t use tounge.

Note: I’m not talking about couples living together.

Sometimes holidays are the only opportunity, especially if the couple lives far from their families.

What do you mean about taking advantage of privileges in the family dynamic? Is that just in reference to PDA or do you mean something more broad?

I do think that if someone is going to be introduced to family, especially at a holiday, it should be a serious relationship. I think it’s annoying to bring a different casual partner to every event. Now, if the person you’re newly dating has nowhere to go for the holidays, then by all means invite them, just let me know so that I can have something small under the tree for them (in the case of Christmas).

 

[Lorelei12]

My husband and I will occasionally hold hands or give each other a quick peck. That’s about the extent of it- I’m not too comfortable with PDA, it’s just not something my family really does.

I do think some people can make others a bit uncomfortable- perhaps not on purpose, but people should be mindful of others. As some other posters have mentioned, it is respectful to consider people who are going through a divorce, people who have lost a spouse, or who are single, or any other such situation. It’s not really necessary to cuddle or give each other googly eyes or kiss excessively around others. I’ve seen this happen- it’s annoying and I think it’s overboard.

 

[UbiCaritas]

I am starting a new thread for this topic because I didn’t want to derail the gay cousin at Thanksgiving thread. But, on that board many people expressed shock or disdain at the idea of any couple kissing or holding hands at a family dinner. This really confused me because in my family it is no big deal at all for couples to show affection. I’m not talking about making out, groping, or anything like that, but holding hands, putting arms around each other, and quick pecks are really commonplace. So are random 'I love you’s between partners.

For example, when I sit next to my husband I almost always have my arm linked under his and we hold hands. (Even when he drives I have my arm under his) My mom and her husband always rest their hands on the other’s leg when they sit, and my brother always has an arm around his wife. None of this is viewed as shocking or offensive. Even when we celebrate holidays with my husband’s family he will come up behind me when I’m cooking and give me a hug and a quick kiss after stealing a bite of food. It never occured to me that that could be construed as offensive.

I was really surprised that even little, nonsexual displays of affection are often seen as rude or inappropriate in front of family. I guess it’s just one of those things that every family does differently.

Anyway, I was just curious about other’s thoughts on the matter. What displays do you find acceptable, if any, and why or why not?

It’s probably partly a cultural/regional thing. In my family of origin, any public display of physical affection beyond a quick hug on seeing a relative you hadn’t seen in a long time was considered both rude and forward. However, I’m naturally a very “touchy” person, so when my husband and I dated and then were engaged and later married, I learned to show affection that way, too. At the same time, if we’re in front of other people we don’t show much affection to one another. I might take his arm or hand when we’re walking somewhere or touch him on the back, but we don’t generally kiss in front of other people, even a quick peck, unless one of us is going somewhere because we always kiss goodbye–ie, if one of his friends comes over and they’re going golfing, DH and I will hug and kiss before he leaves. Not anything to make anyone watching uncomfortable, you understand–just a hug, a peck, and “Love you, have fun!”

At the same time, if we had a group of people over for dinner and a couple did the kind of thing you’re describing, we’d probably find it rather unusual for our particular circle, but not rude per se.

 

[EasterJoy]

Sometimes holidays are the only opportunity, especially if the couple lives far from their families.

What do you mean about taking advantage of privileges in the family dynamic? Is that just in reference to PDA or do you mean something more broad?

I do think that if someone is going to be introduced to family, especially at a holiday, it should be a serious relationship. I think it’s annoying to bring a different casual partner to every event. Now, if the person you’re newly dating has nowhere to go for the holidays, then by all means invite them, just let me know so that I can have something small under the tree for them (in the case of Christmas).

Our family events are more casual; it is OK to bring a guest if you give enough of a heads-up, as you say. The problem in bringing a “casual” friend is a) the family member bringing anyone who remotely looks like a marriage prospect is going to get questions about that person until an actual marriage prospect is found and b) we are a big bunch, our gatherings are very fluid, and it is daunting to meet us all at once.

I remember a nephew coming to Thanksgiving once and bringing his roommate. The kid was a nice enough guy, but a BIL on the other side of the family tried to send these two home with half of our leftovers! That was a display of affection that I wasn’t so thrilled about. I’d cooked for days, I had overnight guests that would still be there the next day, and I wanted enough leftovers that I’d have an easy time making leftover casseroles the next day. With this kind of minor-only-in-retrospect annoyance almost always going on among such a huge cast of characters every year, I’m not sure that anything short of real conversation-precluding making out would do better than being buried on page 3. There might be objections, but siblings usually throw those back and forth without giving much notice.

 

[RoseMary131]

…many people expressed shock or disdain at the idea of any couple kissing or holding hands at a family dinner.

This really confused me because in my family it is no big deal at all for couples to show affection. I’m not talking about making out, groping, or anything like that, but holding hands, putting arms around each other, and quick pecks are really commonplace. So are random 'I love you’s between partners.

For example,… my arm linked under his and we hold hands… rest their hands on the other’s leg when they sit, … arm around his wife. None of this is viewed as shocking or offensive. …when I’m cooking and give me a hug and a quick kiss after stealing a bite of food.

Anyway, I was just curious about other’s thoughts on the matter. What displays do you find acceptable, if any, and why or why not?

God bless you, Blue Eyed Lady! (That’s my first happy expression, I know you’re atheist, but “God bless you” is an endearment term that I still want to express and hope you understand the spirit it is meant.)

You and your family have a healthy form of expressing love… in my eyes.

Hugs, hand holding, touching, kissing, saying “I love you” - those are healthy forms of expressing love.

It is also healthy for others - including children - to see these are a healthy part of love.

Many times in our culture, physical touch, kisses, “I love you” become loss after a few years of marriage. We don’t have to lose those little touches of love and intimacy. They strengthen our love for each other.

Allowing ourselves not to feel we should hid our love by keeping those things “hidden” is healthy.

Family of origin will affect how people view these expressions of love. In homes where this was not show - it can be hard for someone to express their love in this manner. For some, it can be thought of as “a bad thing”. For others, it can be their parent(s) were taught that emotions are not to be expressed in any form.

To hear so many people in your family express their love for their spouse with tender affection is a wonderful blessing.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

God bless you, Blue Eyed Lady! (That’s my first happy expression, I know you’re atheist, but “God bless you” is an endearment term that I still want to express and hope you understand the spirit it is meant.)

You and your family have a healthy form of expressing love… in my eyes.

Hugs, hand holding, touching, kissing, saying “I love you” - those are healthy forms of expressing love.

It is also healthy for others - including children - to see these are a healthy part of love.

Many times in our culture, physical touch, kisses, “I love you” become loss after a few years of marriage. We don’t have to lose those little touches of love and intimacy. They strengthen our love for each other.

Allowing ourselves not to feel we should hid our love by keeping those things “hidden” is healthy.

Family of origin will affect how people view these expressions of love. In homes where this was not show - it can be hard for someone to express their love in this manner. For some, it can be thought of as “a bad thing”. For others, it can be their parent(s) were taught that emotions are not to be expressed in any form.

To hear so many people in your family express their love for their spouse with tender affection is a wonderful blessing.

That’s how I always felt. And, I think it’s really important that kids grow up seeing their parents show physical affection, and seeing other members of their family do the same. It’s good for kids to know that their parents, and other couples in the family, love each other.

 

[EasterJoy]

God bless you, Blue Eyed Lady! (That’s my first happy expression, I know you’re atheist, but “God bless you” is an endearment term that I still want to express and hope you understand the spirit it is meant.)

You and your family have a healthy form of expressing love… in my eyes.

Hugs, hand holding, touching, kissing, saying “I love you” - those are healthy forms of expressing love.

It is also healthy for others - including children - to see these are a healthy part of love.

Many times in our culture, physical touch, kisses, “I love you” become loss after a few years of marriage. We don’t have to lose those little touches of love and intimacy. They strengthen our love for each other.

Allowing ourselves not to feel we should hid our love by keeping those things “hidden” is healthy.

Family of origin will affect how people view these expressions of love. In homes where this was not show - it can be hard for someone to express their love in this manner. For some, it can be thought of as “a bad thing”. For others, it can be their parent(s) were taught that emotions are not to be expressed in any form.

To hear so many people in your family express their love for their spouse with tender affection is a wonderful blessing.

My parents were not shy about sharing signs of their affection, but there were places where they did not do it. They did it in front of the kids, because kids like to see that their parents are in love. They feel better about their family, and more secure, so the kids aren’t “left out” when Mom and Dad show signs of affection that aren’t the same as the kids get.

The idea is that if you are going to enjoy something in front of other people, you bring enough to share. At a group gathering, spouses who confine their PDAs to the kind of hugs and kisses that anyone there might also receive from them are far less likely to make someone who does not have a spouse feel marginalized. There are more people like that than we sometimes suppose. All it takes is for a couple to have a falling out, and going to a gathering where everyone else seems happy can be very difficult. People who are single but not by choice and even those who have chosen a life of celibacy can find their lives made more difficult by those who exhibit what they cannot have. IMHO, the rule of “am I enjoying something in front of others that they can’t have?” is simply an extension of the Golden Rule. It isn’t that hard, either.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

My parents were not shy about sharing signs of their affection, but there were places where they did not do it. They did it in front of the kids, because kids like to see that their parents are in love. They feel better about their family, and more secure, so the kids aren’t “left out” when Mom and Dad show signs of affection that aren’t the same as the kids get.

The idea is that if you are going to enjoy something in front of other people, you bring enough to share. At a group gathering, spouses who confine their PDAs to the kind of hugs and kisses that anyone there might also receive from them are far less likely to make someone who does not have a spouse feel marginalized. There are more people like that than we sometimes suppose. All it takes is for a couple to have a falling out, and going to a gathering where everyone else seems happy can be very difficult. People who are single but not by choice and even those who have chosen a life of celibacy can find their lives made more difficult by those who exhibit what they cannot have. IMHO, the rule of “am I enjoying something in front of others that they can’t have?” is simply an extension of the Golden Rule. It isn’t that hard, either.

I’m not sure what you’re saying here, on one hand you seem to be saying that small displays are not a problem, within reasonable limits. I totally agree with that, but I’m not sure what you mean by the notion of only doing things that you would do with others.

On one hand the small things that we are talking about (pecks, hugs, handholding, arm around someone) could be shared with others, but that could also be very awkward. I’m sure Uncle Bob doesn’t want a kiss from my brother, nor does he want my husband’s arm around him.

I also think that in almost any group there will be someone who is either going through a divorce, just had a rough breakup, is recently widowed, or is just single and unhappy about it. I’m happy to walk from the living room to the kitchen holding their hand like I do my husband’s, but once again, that would be perceived as strange. Of course, even if I didn’t hold my husband’s hand, we are still married, the things we talk about will probably reflect that (talking about trips, things we’ve done lately, or really anything about our lives), and we will leave the function together in the same car to go to our home (actually, hotel room, but you get the idea). I’m not sure refraining from the hand holding in the first place is likely to do a lot of good.

 

[RoseMary131]

The idea is that if you are going to enjoy something in front of other people, you bring enough to share. At a group gathering, spouses who confine their PDAs to the kind of hugs and kisses that anyone there might also receive from them are far less likely to make someone who does not have a spouse feel marginalized. There are more people like that than we sometimes suppose.

In my opinion, while you may offer a hug or kiss to each relative or friend as they join or leave the event, this is different than the affection between spouses (engaged couple) during the event.

Our relationship with our spouse is not expected to be the same as our relationship with everyone at the event. So, it is acceptable that the relationship will be expressed differently - without fear or concern that we are “leaving someone out”.

To withhold hand holding with a spouse, resting a hand on the spouse’s leg, wrapping an arm around the spouse, saying “I love you”… because “someone may feel left out” is not justification for withholding these expressions of love.

All it takes is for a couple to have a falling out, and going to a gathering where everyone else seems happy can be very difficult.

Keep in mind: “who has the issue” is important to see. The couple dealing with “a falling out” are the ones with the “issue”. The couple in a healthy relationship do not have the “issue” and do not have a need to “protect” the other couple from seeing their love.

In fact, couples expressing their emotions with hand holding, “I love you”, might be a way that the other couple begins to let go of their “falling out” and focus back on each other. Maybe one of them will reach out to the other and hold their hand, realizing what strong love they have that is just having a “bump” today. Maybe, they’ll make that re-embrace with each other during the event or maybe there will be an “I’m sorry for being fussy earlier today” on the drive home.

So, I say "God bless, Blue Eyed Lady, and those like her family who do not keep back their hand holding, arm wrapping, “I love you”. They are a witness of God’s love between God, husband, and wife. (I know Blue Eyed Lady, you are atheist, but my thoughts come from the thoughts of being a Chrisitian. I hope I do not offend you, just express my words as I feel them.)

People who are single but not by choice and even those who have chosen a life of celibacy can find their lives made more difficult by those who exhibit what they cannot have. IMHO, the rule of “am I enjoying something in front of others that they can’t have?” is simply an extension of the Golden Rule. It isn’t that hard, either.

Again, the “issue” of not having a spouse (by choice or not), is not a justification for couples to “need” to refrain from healthy expressions of love - hand holding, kiss, “I love you,” hand on knee or around shoulder or waist.

If there is someone who has an “issue” with seeing something they do not have (a spouse or a spouse present at the event or a good relationship with their spouse), it is their “issue”. They may want to discover what their underlying issue is with not being able to see healthy expressions of love between spouses.

You may choose not to express affection with hand holding, a kiss, etc. in front of others because they “might be hurt” because of their own relationship or lack of relationship. Their “hurt” does not come from seeing the love of others, but from something deeper that they might want to address and heal.

Others don’t hold to the idea that love should not be expressed in such cases.

None of us are ever equal on any issue. One man has a missing leg, another has two missing legs, one person has a spouse who is deployed to a war torn nation, one couple has faced years of infertility, another has 5 children and grandchildren, one struggles to meet monthly bills, another is homeless, another has plenty of money to share…

We are all different. For those who are blessed to have a loving spouse, who are blessed to be in a good relationship today, if they desire to kiss, hug, say “I love you” - they do not need to be restricted because someone else may have problems seeing their expression of spousal love.

 

[EasterJoy]

In my opinion, while you may offer a hug or kiss to each relative or friend as they join or leave the event, this is different than the affection between spouses (engaged couple) during the event.

Our relationship with our spouse is not expected to be the same as our relationship with everyone at the event. So, it is acceptable that the relationship will be expressed differently - without fear or concern that we are “leaving someone out”.

To withhold hand holding with a spouse, resting a hand on the spouse’s leg, wrapping an arm around the spouse, saying “I love you”… because “someone may feel left out” is not justification for withholding these expressions of love.

Keep in mind: “who has the issue” is important to see. The couple dealing with “a falling out” are the ones with the “issue”. The couple in a healthy relationship do not have the “issue” and do not have a need to “protect” the other couple from seeing their love.

In fact, couples expressing their emotions with hand holding, “I love you”, might be a way that the other couple begins to let go of their “falling out” and focus back on each other. Maybe one of them will reach out to the other and hold their hand, realizing what strong love they have that is just having a “bump” today. Maybe, they’ll make that re-embrace with each other during the event or maybe there will be an “I’m sorry for being fussy earlier today” on the drive home.

Again, the “issue” of not having a spouse (by choice or not), is not a justification for couples to “need” to refrain from healthy expressions of love - hand holding, kiss, “I love you,” hand on knee or around shoulder or waist.

If there is someone who has an “issue” with seeing something they do not have (a spouse or a spouse present at the event or a good relationship with their spouse), it is their “issue”. They may want to discover what their underlying issue is with not being able to see healthy expressions of love between spouses.

You may choose not to express affection with hand holding, a kiss, etc. in front of others because they “might be hurt” because of their own relationship or lack of relationship. Their “hurt” does not come from seeing the love of others, but from something deeper that they might want to address and heal.

Others don’t hold to the idea that love should not be expressed in such cases.

None of us are ever equal on any issue. One man has a missing leg, another has two missing legs, one person has a spouse who is deployed to a war torn nation, one couple has faced years of infertility, another has 5 children and grandchildren, one struggles to meet monthly bills, another is homeless, another has plenty of money to share…

We are all different. For those who are blessed to have a loving spouse, who are blessed to be in a good relationship today, if they desire to kiss, hug, say “I love you” - they do not need to be restricted because someone else may have problems seeing their expression of spousal love.

I am a very huggy person and we hug and kiss a lot at our house, but I just can’t get behind “if what we choose to enjoy in front of you bothers you because you can’t have it, that is your issue.” Haven’t you been that person who just lost a relationship, or who is the last to marry? Don’t you appreciate being surrounded by friends during those hard times without being surrounded by “couples” who make you feel like a 5th wheel because you don’t have anybody and feel like you may never have anybody? Haven’t you ever found that circle of friends to be exactly what helps you to heal?

Marriage is a sacrament of service; we have to be considerate of how our relationship affects the lives of others. We have to consider how our legitimate pleasures and when we choose to enjoy them affect others. Let’s hope that our choices make the lives of others easier and not more difficult, that we can be unified without making anyone else feel marginalized or more lonely. That would be too bad. It is not as if the signs of affection that anyone might exchange are chopped liver, after all.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I am a very huggy person and we hug and kiss a lot at our house, but I just can’t get behind “if what we choose to enjoy in front of you bothers you because you can’t have it, that is your issue.” Haven’t you been that person who just lost a relationship, or who is the last to marry? Don’t you appreciate being surrounded by friends during those hard times without being surrounded by “couples” who make you feel like a 5th wheel because you don’t have anybody and feel like you may never have anybody? Haven’t you ever found that circle of friends to be exactly what helps you to heal?

Marriage is a sacrament of service; we have to be considerate of how our relationship affects the lives of others. We have to consider how our legitimate pleasures and when we choose to enjoy them affect others. Let’s hope that our choices make the lives of others easier and not more difficult, that we can be unified without making anyone else feel marginalized or more lonely. That would be too bad. It is not as if the signs of affection that anyone might exchange are chopped liver, after all.

I’m going to be honest and say that I have been extremely lucky in love. I have never had my heart broken, never dealt with being single not by choice, and I’ve always been surrounded by great friends and family members, so my perspective is shaped by that.

But I still don’t know what the lack of hand holding or kisses would do in this situation. Like I said before, even if we don’t hold hands, we’re still married, and it’s still obvious.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m going to be honest and say that I have been extremely lucky in love. I have never had my heart broken, never dealt with being single not by choice, and I’ve always been surrounded by great friends and family members, so my perspective is shaped by that.

But I still don’t know what the lack of hand holding or kisses would do in this situation. Like I said before, even if we don’t hold hands, we’re still married, and it’s still obvious.

It is like the rich person who chooses to dress modestly, instead of in a way that announces his good fortune. He is still rich, everyone knows he is rich, people may even still envy him his power and prosperity or may want to emulate his financial success, but his presence is still much more welcoming to those who are not rich, whether they ever want to be rich or not. It is easier to make less of the real differences that exist when the one who is the wealthiest downplays it a bit. That is what I mean.

 

[RoseMary131]

I am a very huggy person and we hug and kiss a lot at our house, but I just can’t get behind “if what we choose to enjoy in front of you bothers you because you can’t have it, that is your issue.”

Haven’t you been that person who just lost a relationship, or who is the last to marry? Don’t you appreciate being surrounded by friends during those hard times without being surrounded by “couples” who make you feel like a 5th wheel because you don’t have anybody and feel like you may never have anybody? Haven’t you ever found that circle of friends to be exactly what helps you to heal?

I have never lost a husband and we married young over 30 years ago. However, I have very often had to live apart from my husband - in different cities, different states, different countries. With time away, place, and safety of my husband varying with each case.

Even when he is away, I still enjoy visiting with friends - who are married - who still hold each others hands, stand close with their arms around each other, still give each other a kiss.

Even when my husband is away, I still enjoy being at social events with singles, couples, families. I’m glad the couples present go about the event holding hands or exchange a passing kiss. They should express who they are - a married couple - even if my husband is away.

In fact, sometimes at events the first question someone or a couple may ask me is “where is your husband today” as they know he most likely is out of town or country.

I attend functions designed for couples - even when my husband is away. I may be the only one without a spouse or there may be someone else without a spouse - but we have gathered out of a shared friendship as couples. I don’t feel left out. I don’t feel out of place.

Marriage is a sacrament of service; we have to be considerate of how our relationship affects the lives of others. We have to consider how our legitimate pleasures and when we choose to enjoy them affect others. Let’s hope that our choices make the lives of others easier and not more difficult, that we can be unified without making anyone else feel marginalized or more lonely. That would be too bad. It is not as if the signs of affection that anyone might exchange are chopped liver, after all.

As a couple who has the blessings of Matrimony, we are called to share our blessings as a couple with others. Our love for each other as a couple is also reflected in a positive light to others.

Finding ways we can bring the beauty of marriage to our everyday life is important. We express that to others by the way we work next to our spouse at an event. How we spend time at the event as a couple - not always breaking up into groups of ladies and men. By how, we work next to our spouse while volunteering and hold hands as we walk from one area to the next. We become a witness of the blessings of marriage.

We don’t have to hid hugs, hand holding, a kiss, “I love you”, “Sweetie” from others.

Thinking we are protecting someone who has been hurt by their spouse, has lost a spouse through death or divorce, has never meet the person God is calling them to marry… thinking we protect them by not allowing them to see love shared between spouses is not a “service”. It might be tip toeing on egg shells. It is not addressing their real hurt.

We can even bring our condolences to a friend recently hurt by divorce, death, or a strong hurt for longing to find a mate - we can do that as a couple. We can still comfort them and still keep our arms around our spouse or hold our spouse’s hand. If seeing our couple love is too much for the person to bear, they really have a deep hurt that may need to be address with a professional to walk them through why they are offended by seeing another couple hold hands.

 

[RoseMary131]

It is like the rich person who chooses to dress modestly, instead of in a way that announces his good fortune. He is still rich, everyone knows he is rich, people may even still envy him his power and prosperity or may want to emulate his financial success, but his presence is still much more welcoming to those who are not rich, whether they ever want to be rich or not. It is easier to make less of the real differences that exist when the one who is the wealthiest downplays it a bit. That is what I mean.

If a person does not feel welcome because they see a couple holding hands, it is important for them to find the root of their issues and to find healing.

We are not called to down play our love for our spouse by avoiding holding hands, by avoiding a kiss, by avoiding sitting with our arms around our spouse.

We witness to others that marriage is about intimacy and part of that intimacy is holding hands, sharing a kiss in passing, or a good-bye kiss. Its not flaunting some thing or saying “look what I have that you don’t have”. It is normal and acceptable for spouses to hold hands, share a kiss, and share “I love you.”

 

[bernadettefaith]

As someone who is going through a rough time in my marriage (husband not sure if he wants to stay), I see both sides. It is painful right now to see someone who has an affectionate relationship. At the same time, I don’t expect my family members to hide their affection from me.