I don’t get this “find the root of their issues and find healing” thing. Again, it is a simple matter of enjoying something in front of other people that they are not invited to share. Is asking married people not to do that really that much to ask?
Someone who is upset because they see spouses holding hands or standing with their arm around the other or saying “I love you” to each other has an “issue” or a “problem” with the closeness of the couple.
For example: My husband and I are holding hands. If someone is upset because we want to hold hands - they have the “issue”. We don’t have an issue or a problem with hand holding as an acceptable way of touching in public.
The person who doesn’t want to see because it causes them pain, obviously is the person with the “issue”, the “problem”, the pain. Asking the world to stop holding hands or stop walking arm and arm or stop saying “I love you”, is not realistic.
They might want to find out “why” they are hurt when they see this. They may not want to know why. They may be fine living their life being upset when they see hand holding.
When they know why seeing another couple express affection with hand holding hurts them, they may find a way to “heal” from their pain which is the source of their hurt. It is a hurt that has a source within them that is their pain - not the hand holding of the couple.
Asking couples not to hold hands, not to sit with their arm around the other, is asking too much of the married couples of the world.
Do you not know that celibates and those who are widowed do feel left out when they see couples touching each other in sexual ways (that is, ways that they would never touch anyone else–I don’t’ know what else to call it) all of the time?
A celibate priest or religious person should be able to accept that part of married life is holding hands and other small forms of affection. Single people can also recognize this, and not be hurt when they see part of being married can mean holding hands in public.
My mother was widowed at a very early age. She has never told me she is offended by couples holding hands or sharing a kiss or saying “I love you.”
For the dear person who finds them self widowed, there is a normal grieving process. It may be hard seeing someone with a spouse, but the world does not stop holding hands because your loved one has died. The widow learns to heal from the loss of their spouse, while not asking others to appear as if their spouse is not next to them, not able to hold their hand, not able to place their arm around their shoulder.
Is it not a demonstration to young very-much-in-love couples that it is possible to master yourself for the comfort of others who aren’t invited into your mutual admiration society?
We can actually teach a young or older very-much-in-love couple about proper physical contact, when they see married couples can touch in public. Married couples can hold hands. They can walk arm in arm. They can exchange a kiss. They can say, “I love you.”
The couple-in-love but not married may also choose to do that. Some couples choose not to show affection before marriage, but it is acceptable in our society for couples to touch in those ways.
As far as that goes, where do you draw the line between what you get to enjoy as a married couple and what you do for the benefit of everyone else to watch?
The OP was very specific in asking what we thought was acceptable. She described her family. I see beauty in what she described in expressing affection within her family. I don’t think couples say, “let’s hold hands so someone can watch.”
Marriage is about all kinds of intimacy, the most intimate kinds of intimacy, and most of them are shared in a privacy that it would be rude to invade, to say the very least. No one has to “witness” the marriage bed in front of other people.
Neither I nor the OP mentioned people witnessing sexual relations of the couple. That is a huge jump from what forms of affection the OP and I have written.
What makes you think anybody else wants to watch you exchange what is private, what is too sexual for you to extend to anyone else but for some reason not too sexual for you to demonstrate for others?
Do my friends want to hold my hand during our visit? Do my friends want to sit close to me and wrap their arms across my shoulder? I don’t think so. My daughter or son might want to - as I’m their mom. I don’t think my friends want to, nor do I want to hold my friends hand on our visit.
Why don’t you care how hey feel about that? How is that not an “issue,” just because they are the ones who are uncomfortable instead of you?
I did not express that I do not care about the person who hurts because they see spouses or couples-in-love holding hands. I very much care about them.
I think for them to be upset with seeing couples hold hands, they have a deep pain. I think the pain is within them and seeing couples show affection triggers their deep pain. I would want them to find out why seeing me hold hands with my dear husband triggers their pain. I would like for them to be healed of this pain.
If they have no pain and it is just their preference not to see my holding hands with my husband, I have a different preference and that is to hold my dear husband’s hand.
