Perpetually single

[legaleagle]

Wow everyone. I really appreciate all of you sharing on here and offering advice, prayers and a different perspective. I have read each of your posts and I want to wish all the other singles luck, or perhaps I should say, God’s blessing as they discern His will in this area.

I’ve been able to reflect a lot about myself after posting on here. A couple of things come to mind. Growing up, I lived in a small town and only knew a handful of professing Christian males my age. Some were not that nice, some, I wasn’t attracted to, and some had girlfriends. I spent time at a Christian college and I truly thought I would meet my match there, but I was in a post-grad degree program and was 25 years old. I wouldn’t have minded dating a younger guy, but I wrongly assumed that guys wouldn’t want an older woman, and most of the guys there were younger. Anyway, during all those years, I certainly had numerous crushes on classmates. I was head over heels for some of them. But they were not religious and since I wasn’t a partyer, there could be no match. In all my years of looking for a man, of the Christian males that I’ve known in recent years, I have zero attraction to them. I just spent far too long pining over a non-Christian (word has it that he’s a lapsed Catholic) guy that doesn’t seem interested in women at all. The worst part is that after asking him out and getting turned down, I didn’t get too devastated because I realized I had to trust God. I even got over him fairly quickly. However, I’ve been praying for his conversion for awhile and I still am despite the fact that we’ll never date. I find that since I’m praying for him again, my romantic feelings have re-emerged. Not good. Oh well.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’v e been single for the longest time. I’m 32, a male & have been to war 3 times and have served 6 years of active duty. THAT doesn’t leave much time for dating nor does it make it easy for building a relationship. granted it weeds out the clingy NEEDY ones, but seriously, personality defect? A selfless life so far is my defect. I am also one who is stubborn and absolute when it comes to morals. I am open minded, but not to the point where my brains fall out. I get it all the time. I was always the good one. People or WOMEN for that matter always say that to me. I was the good one. I was right in front of EVERYONES nose & they all went off did their thing & several of them are STUCK with decisions they made. I am not in that category. I have had the virtue of traveling the world several times over, going to war 3 times (not in the carnival cruise package) and I have no kids out of wedlock. As a male with no kids, no girlfriend at the age of 32, people wonder what’s wrong with me because it seems to them, by now I should be or should have BEEN with the WRONG woman! I have dated pretty much all the wrong women. even their leader, LOL. Now I just gave it to God & said, you know what, fine. Take the wheel. I’m not looking any more. Every time I look for it, I get what I want, but it’s always messed up somehow & it always goes bad. My father thinks I find one flaw that’s a huge turn off & that gives me an excuse to leave her. seriously. I’d like to get married some day, & when she says her tubes are tied & she’s been divorced twice & doesnt want to get married again, what do you do? This is no joke, been there, done that. Honestly! Or how about the girl I dated that was actually engaged (but I never knew it) and she was just waiting for her fiancee to buy a house for them 500 miles north…I was the IN THE MEAN TIME guy. THEN she made it easy for me to be exhausted of her for some reason & It was a month later when I learn the truth. THESE women. THESE are the ones that seem nice & very educated, one was graduate of oxford, another an MRI tech, there was another I dated, an australian woman with a law degree, but was always ansy for some reason & I didnt know why…she knew her stuff cold, but couldnt pass the bar exam…didnt know why…COCAINE kinda does that to yer brain…darlin!!! SO…yes…I’m 32, and I am single, I have no idea what to look for in a woman anymore. I thought educated, whitty, intelligent, funny, warm personality, OUT THE WINDOW…SO …now its…how many kids, are they on drugs, are they engaged, (are you sure?) Women are crafy little devils and rival the worst men out there to boot. SO, maybe I have a personality flaw that doesnt see this in the beginning or maybe they keep it hidden so well I mean, UGH…ANYWAY…Sweetheart, I feel your frustration…I HAVE dated & I’m the perpetually single one. I just got back form KUWAIT & I came home to my brother picking me up from the airport & 2 slobbering dogs (whom I love dearly) and a happy kitty. I am right there with you. It is so hard to find a woman that is morally grounded, doesnt have her head buried in her backside, & lives a life of, oh…whats that word…OH RIGHT…DESCENCY!!! I say you go girl! If you’re ever in Charleston, SC, let me know. I’ll take you out anytime. It’ll be a breath of fresh air knowing there’s someone right next to me that has a mind of their own & I wont have to constantly question her logic. (This doesnt make me sound frustrated, does it? LOL!)

LOL–that’s a GREAT post. :clapping:

Thank you for serving this country, too. God bless you!*

 

[Joe_5859]

I’v e been single for the longest time. I’m 32, a male & have been to war 3 times and have served 6 years of active duty. THAT doesn’t leave much time for dating nor does it make it easy for building a relationship. granted it weeds out the clingy NEEDY ones, but seriously, personality defect? A selfless life so far is my defect. I am also one who is stubborn and absolute when it comes to morals. I am open minded, but not to the point where my brains fall out. I get it all the time. I was always the good one. People or WOMEN for that matter always say that to me. I was the good one. I was right in front of EVERYONES nose & they all went off did their thing & several of them are STUCK with decisions they made. I am not in that category. I have had the virtue of traveling the world several times over, going to war 3 times (not in the carnival cruise package) and I have no kids out of wedlock. As a male with no kids, no girlfriend at the age of 32, people wonder what’s wrong with me because it seems to them, by now I should be or should have BEEN with the WRONG woman! I have dated pretty much all the wrong women. even their leader, LOL. Now I just gave it to God & said, you know what, fine. Take the wheel. I’m not looking any more. Every time I look for it, I get what I want, but it’s always messed up somehow & it always goes bad. My father thinks I find one flaw that’s a huge turn off & that gives me an excuse to leave her. seriously. I’d like to get married some day, & when she says her tubes are tied & she’s been divorced twice & doesnt want to get married again, what do you do? This is no joke, been there, done that. Honestly! Or how about the girl I dated that was actually engaged (but I never knew it) and she was just waiting for her fiancee to buy a house for them 500 miles north…I was the IN THE MEAN TIME guy. THEN she made it easy for me to be exhausted of her for some reason & It was a month later when I learn the truth. THESE women. THESE are the ones that seem nice & very educated, one was graduate of oxford, another an MRI tech, there was another I dated, an australian woman with a law degree, but was always ansy for some reason & I didnt know why…she knew her stuff cold, but couldnt pass the bar exam…didnt know why…COCAINE kinda does that to yer brain…darlin!!! SO…yes…I’m 32, and I am single, I have no idea what to look for in a woman anymore. I thought educated, whitty, intelligent, funny, warm personality, OUT THE WINDOW…SO …now its…how many kids, are they on drugs, are they engaged, (are you sure?) Women are crafy little devils and rival the worst men out there to boot. SO, maybe I have a personality flaw that doesnt see this in the beginning or maybe they keep it hidden so well I mean, UGH…ANYWAY…Sweetheart, I feel your frustration…I HAVE dated & I’m the perpetually single one. I just got back form KUWAIT & I came home to my brother picking me up from the airport & 2 slobbering dogs (whom I love dearly) and a happy kitty. I am right there with you. It is so hard to find a woman that is morally grounded, doesnt have her head buried in her backside, & lives a life of, oh…whats that word…OH RIGHT…DESCENCY!!! I say you go girl! If you’re ever in Charleston, SC, let me know. I’ll take you out anytime. It’ll be a breath of fresh air knowing there’s someone right next to me that has a mind of their own & I wont have to constantly question her logic. (This doesnt make me sound frustrated, does it? LOL!)

God bless you, Jason. Thank you for your service to our country (and to us!).

 

[Jason_1977]

Wow everyone. I really appreciate all of you sharing on here and offering advice, prayers and a different perspective. I have read each of your posts and I want to wish all the other singles luck, or perhaps I should say, God’s blessing as they discern His will in this area.

I’ve been able to reflect a lot about myself after posting on here. A couple of things come to mind. Growing up, I lived in a small town and only knew a handful of professing Christian males my age. Some were not that nice, some, I wasn’t attracted to, and some had girlfriends. I spent time at a Christian college and I truly thought I would meet my match there, but I was in a post-grad degree program and was 25 years old. I wouldn’t have minded dating a younger guy, but I wrongly assumed that guys wouldn’t want an older woman, and most of the guys there were younger. Anyway, during all those years, I certainly had numerous crushes on classmates. I was head over heels for some of them. But they were not religious and since I wasn’t a partyer, there could be no match. In all my years of looking for a man, of the Christian males that I’ve known in recent years, I have zero attraction to them. I just spent far too long pining over a non-Christian (word has it that he’s a lapsed Catholic) guy that doesn’t seem interested in women at all. The worst part is that after asking him out and getting turned down, I didn’t get too devastated because I realized I had to trust God. I even got over him fairly quickly. However, I’ve been praying for his conversion for awhile and I still am despite the fact that we’ll never date. I find that since I’m praying for him again, my romantic feelings have re-emerged. Not good. Oh well.

I’v e been single for the longest time. I’m 32, a male & have been to war 3 times and have served 6 years of active duty. THAT doesn’t leave much time for dating nor does it make it easy for building a relationship. granted it weeds out the clingy NEEDY ones, but seriously, personality defect? A selfless life so far is my defect. I am also one who is stubborn and absolute when it comes to morals. I am open minded, but not to the point where my brains fall out. I get it all the time. I was always the good one. People or WOMEN for that matter always say that to me. I was the good one. I was right in front of EVERYONES nose & they all went off did their thing & several of them are STUCK with decisions they made. I am not in that category. I have had the virtue of traveling the world several times over, going to war 3 times (not in the carnival cruise package) and I have no kids out of wedlock. As a male with no kids, no girlfriend at the age of 32, people wonder what’s wrong with me because it seems to them, by now I should be or should have BEEN with the WRONG woman! I have dated pretty much all the wrong women. even their leader, LOL. Now I just gave it to God & said, you know what, fine. Take the wheel. I’m not looking any more. Every time I look for it, I get what I want, but it’s always messed up somehow & it always goes bad. My father thinks I find one flaw that’s a huge turn off & that gives me an excuse to leave her. seriously. I’d like to get married some day, & when she says her tubes are tied & she’s been divorced twice & doesnt want to get married again, what do you do? This is no joke, been there, done that. Honestly! Or how about the girl I dated that was actually engaged (but I never knew it) and she was just waiting for her fiancee to buy a house for them 500 miles north…I was the IN THE MEAN TIME guy. THEN she made it easy for me to be exhausted of her for some reason & It was a month later when I learn the truth. THESE women. THESE are the ones that seem nice & very educated, one was graduate of oxford, another an MRI tech, there was another I dated, an australian woman with a law degree, but was always ansy for some reason & I didnt know why…she knew her stuff cold, but couldnt pass the bar exam…didnt know why…COCAINE kinda does that to yer brain…darlin!!! SO…yes…I’m 32, and I am single, I have no idea what to look for in a woman anymore. I thought educated, whitty, intelligent, funny, warm personality, OUT THE WINDOW…SO …now its…how many kids, are they on drugs, are they engaged, (are you sure?) Women are crafty little devils and rival the worst men out there to boot. SO, maybe I have a personality flaw that doesnt see this in the beginning or maybe they keep it hidden so well I mean, UGH…ANYWAY…Sweetheart, I feel your frustration…I HAVE dated & I’m the perpetually single one. I just got back form KUWAIT & I came home to my brother picking me up from the airport & 2 slobbering dogs (whom I love dearly) and a happy kitty. I am right there with you. It is so hard to find a woman that is morally grounded, doesnt have her head buried in her backside, & lives a life of, oh…whats that word…OH RIGHT…DESCENCY!!! I say you go girl! If you’re ever in Charleston, SC, let me know. I’ll take you out anytime. It’ll be a breath of fresh air knowing there’s someone right next to me that has a mind of their own & I wont have to constantly question her logic. (This doesnt make me sound frustrated, does it? LOL!)

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

I’v e been single for the longest time. I’m 32, a male & have been to war 3 times and have served 6 years of active duty. THAT doesn’t leave much time for dating nor does it make it easy for building a relationship. granted it weeds out the clingy NEEDY ones, but seriously, personality defect? A selfless life so far is my defect. I am also one who is stubborn and absolute when it comes to morals. I am open minded, but not to the point where my brains fall out. I get it all the time. I was always the good one. People or WOMEN for that matter always say that to me. I was the good one. I was right in front of EVERYONES nose & they all went off did their thing & several of them are STUCK with decisions they made. I am not in that category. I have had the virtue of traveling the world several times over, going to war 3 times (not in the carnival cruise package) and I have no kids out of wedlock. As a male with no kids, no girlfriend at the age of 32, people wonder what’s wrong with me because it seems to them, by now I should be or should have BEEN with the WRONG woman! I have dated pretty much all the wrong women. even their leader, LOL. Now I just gave it to God & said, you know what, fine. Take the wheel. I’m not looking any more. Every time I look for it, I get what I want, but it’s always messed up somehow & it always goes bad. My father thinks I find one flaw that’s a huge turn off & that gives me an excuse to leave her. seriously. I’d like to get married some day, & when she says her tubes are tied & she’s been divorced twice & doesnt want to get married again, what do you do? This is no joke, been there, done that. Honestly! Or how about the girl I dated that was actually engaged (but I never knew it) and she was just waiting for her fiancee to buy a house for them 500 miles north…I was the IN THE MEAN TIME guy. THEN she made it easy for me to be exhausted of her for some reason & It was a month later when I learn the truth. THESE women. THESE are the ones that seem nice & very educated, one was graduate of oxford, another an MRI tech, there was another I dated, an australian woman with a law degree, but was always ansy for some reason & I didnt know why…she knew her stuff cold, but couldnt pass the bar exam…didnt know why…COCAINE kinda does that to yer brain…darlin!!! SO…yes…I’m 32, and I am single, I have no idea what to look for in a woman anymore. I thought educated, whitty, intelligent, funny, warm personality, OUT THE WINDOW…SO …now its…how many kids, are they on drugs, are they engaged, (are you sure?) Women are crafty little devils and rival the worst men out there to boot. SO, maybe I have a personality flaw that doesnt see this in the beginning or maybe they keep it hidden so well I mean, UGH…ANYWAY…Sweetheart, I feel your frustration…I HAVE dated & I’m the perpetually single one. I just got back form KUWAIT & I came home to my brother picking me up from the airport & 2 slobbering dogs (whom I love dearly) and a happy kitty. I am right there with you. It is so hard to find a woman that is morally grounded, doesnt have her head buried in her backside, & lives a life of, oh…whats that word…OH RIGHT…DESCENCY!!! I say you go girl! If you’re ever in Charleston, SC, let me know. I’ll take you out anytime. It’ll be a breath of fresh air knowing there’s someone right next to me that has a mind of their own & I wont have to constantly question her logic. (This doesnt make me sound frustrated, does it? LOL!)

Jason, if you are looking for a virgin and realy religous woman, then good luck, they realy don’t exist after age 30 unless they have a personality problem. Now some of you might think i am being un charitable but it is the truth. And Jason you have a way of blaming it all on the woman you meet, could it be you are looking in the wrong places? Since you have a problem with them being decent, I find alot of decent people out there, they are not perfect but you can bet they are decent and loving and careing people. They are here on this forum also but if they are over the hill they get ignored. And i’m talking catholic woman, or any woman for that fact. Men want young beautiful woman and that’s where they go wrong all the time. Beauty is in the heart Not the mind so much it isn’t how much you know or how much schooling you had, it’s in the heart ,that is where you should look. you are Loved. Love of Christ Nancy

 

[Bataar]

Sigh, I did try eharmony, sort of. I am still really cautious of online stuff and not knowing if the other person is dangerous, etc. That’s what’s blocking me from that.

I wouldn’t be too afraid of that. When you meet someone in real life, you don’t know if they might be dangerous. Really, what’s the difference from meeting someone for the first time in real life and setting up a date or meeting someone for the first time online and setting up a date?

 

[Lainey63]

I can only share my experience. I was single until age 38. I, too, could never figure out what I couldn’t meet “the one.” I dated a lot in my high school, college, and early 20s, but then in late 20s and into 30s it just seemed to stop. I was successful, attractive (so I have been told), etc… but always the guys I would meet would be “just friends” or else they would be total losers.

I did sign up for Ave Maria Singles to try to meet serious Catholic men, because honestly the ones I met IRL were not all that serious about Catholicism. Even on AMS, I did meet a variety of guys but for whatever reason those relationships went nowhere. Then I met my DH, with whom I had a lot in common but also with whom there would be major obstacles to us getting together.

I think by the time DH wrote to me, I was in a stage of “whatever.” I wasn’t really convinced I’d ever meet the “right” person-- not even “the” person, just “a” person with enough qualities to be “right.” I had sort of moved into a phase where I was getting comfortable with being ME. I wasn’t letting my marital status define who I was, or whether I could be happy. I had lots of friends, was doing things that interested me, owned my own home (10 years), and then WHAM… there was DH.

So, moral of the story: live your life in service to Him and it will just all unfold as it’s supposed to. Easy to say, hard to do.

That seems to be what God wanted me to get to. And, if it had unfolded that I was supposed to be single, I think I would have been OK with that. I’d just reached that point of being happy with ME. How liberating to frankly not give a cr*p about the dating world, whether I was “pretty” enough or whether a guy would be intimidated by my MBA or my salary or that I owned a house… or that I loved to travel and go to Broadway musicals.

DH also waited to find someone of his “caliber.” He was 43 when we married. He honestly thought he’d be a life long bachelor. He never really dated much at all. And, he had been rejected by every girl he wrote to on AMS. I was the only one who wrote back. He almost didn’t write to me. And, I gotta say-- those girls were smoking crack because my DH is an AWESOME man.

:heaven: That is a sweet story.

 

[Jason_1977]

Jason, if you are looking for a virgin and realy religous woman, then good luck, they realy don’t exist after age 30 unless they have a personality problem. Now some of you might think i am being un charitable but it is the truth. And Jason you have a way of blaming it all on the woman you meet, could it be you are looking in the wrong places? Since you have a problem with them being decent, I find alot of decent people out there, they are not perfect but you can bet they are decent and loving and careing people. They are here on this forum also but if they are over the hill they get ignored. And i’m talking catholic woman, or any woman for that fact. Men want young beautiful woman and that’s where they go wrong all the time. Beauty is in the heart Not the mind so much it isn’t how much you know or how much schooling you had, it’s in the heart ,that is where you should look. you are Loved. Love of Christ Nancy

Looking for a virgin & religious woman. Hmm…pause…yeah, I’m a kid who went to high school in the 90’s & I’m pretty smart enough to not even waste effort and energy on even thinking that could be a reality, LOL Looking in the wrong places such as a coffee house or a pool hall or a beach or a bowling alley? Which place is a GOOD place NOT populated by quacks w. hidden skeletons, lol…it doesnt exist…it’s trial & error my friend These were beautiful women, inside & out, all of them. I’m not sure I mentioned looks as part of what I was looking for. I’ll read my original post again, but I’m pretty positive I’m not that shallow. Beautiful enough to be enchanting & not ugly enough to scare my mother, LOL. I’m not sure what it was I said in my post that led you to believe I was looking for good looking virgins, but I’m sorry I came across as shallow to you. Trust me, I need an intellectual equal, the sweetest women can be the most frustrating conversationalists sometimes…if you had to explain to a man where boston was, or if you had to tell him he cant wear daisy dukes to a monestary…honestly… I’m sorry I came off as shallow to you. Maybe my military background just started painting pictures in your mind or something, but I’m not sure…anyhow, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

Looking for a virgin & religious woman. Hmm…pause…yeah, I’m a kid who went to high school in the 90’s & I’m pretty smart enough to not even waste effort and energy on even thinking that could be a reality, LOL Looking in the wrong places such as a coffee house or a pool hall or a beach or a bowling alley? Which place is a GOOD place NOT populated by quacks w. hidden skeletons, lol…it doesnt exist…it’s trial & error my friend These were beautiful women, inside & out, all of them. I’m not sure I mentioned looks as part of what I was looking for. I’ll read my original post again, but I’m pretty positive I’m not that shallow. Beautiful enough to be enchanting & not ugly enough to scare my mother, LOL. I’m not sure what it was I said in my post that led you to believe I was looking for good looking virgins, but I’m sorry I came across as shallow to you. Trust me, I need an intellectual equal, the sweetest women can be the most frustrating conversationalists sometimes…if you had to explain to a man where boston was, or if you had to tell him he cant wear daisy dukes to a monestary…honestly… I’m sorry I came off as shallow to you. Maybe my military background just started painting pictures in your mind or something, but I’m not sure…anyhow, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

It’s OK Jason, Life can be realy frustrating, I pray you find a great person like you to be with and one who does have respect for you and herself. God Bless you Love of Christ Nancy

 

[ack]

I wouldn’t be too afraid of that. When you meet someone in real life, you don’t know if they might be dangerous. Really, what’s the difference from meeting someone for the first time in real life and setting up a date or meeting someone for the first time online and setting up a date?

Because when you meet someone in real life, you might immediately sense that they’re dangerous, and you won’t give them too much personal information. When you meet someone online, you might tell someone a lot about yourself before you meet them (because you have to get to know each other online.) Then, when you meet the person, you might sense that the person is dangerous, but it’s too late.

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

Bataar, Please listen, i met someone on line and it is not a good thing. Please there are all kinds of nut’s and you will be told all kinds of things that are not true, the best way to meet someone is at a dance or a friend bring’s him to your house for a double date. If you meet someone from a forum or a blog alway’s meet at Friendly’s or some where you can be seen together if they din’t want to be seen they could be hiding something. Alway’s go to public places and there is plenty of time to get to know the other person and you can alway’s talk on the computer every time you don’t see each other but be sure you meet before you got out together I mean meet at your mom’s or a friends. Perhaps going to a family outing is a good idea also. I am very friendly and i meet people at the grocery stores and talk for quite a while sometimes. I tell you this because in just Origon, there are over 90,000 sex criminals out of jail and alot more in other states i used that one because i found it by mistake yesterday. Just be very careful and God Bless you Love of Christ Nancy

 

[legaleagle]

Jason, if you are looking for a virgin and realy religous woman, then good luck, they realy don’t exist after age 30 unless they have a personality problem.

I take exception to that. I’ve already written in my earlier posts that I don’t have a personality defect and I am over 30, a virgin and very religious.

Jason, God bless you for your brave service. Good luck to you in your search. My brother was 31 before he met his first serious girlfriend and they married a couple of years later. By the way, he was normal and decent looking and so was she.

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

I take exception to that. I’ve already written in my earlier posts that I don’t have a personality defect and I am over 30, a virgin and very religious.

Jason, God bless you for your brave service. Good luck to you in your search. My brother was 31 before he met his first serious girlfriend and they married a couple of years later. By the way, he was normal and decent looking and so was she.

HI I said i may offend someone and I did. I read your posts and found you have alot of inside fears and it isnt normal at your age to have this. No I knoww nothing of your cercumstance but I only made a statement to most poeple that have difficulities getting married have social problems and have a problem meeting people. I was not refering to you untill now ,since i read your post. I pray for your happyness. God Bless you Nancy

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I wish my church had a singles group - - i should speak with the priest and inquire if there’s a need for it and maybe get something started. That would be my ideal way of checking out prospective men.

Sigh, I did try eharmony, sort of. I am still really cautious of online stuff and not knowing if the other person is dangerous, etc. That’s what’s blocking me from that.

I truly do understand. The perfect way to meet someone is through relationships with other people, or through work or some other activity you are mutually involved with. But if that doesn’t happen, you can use online introduction services with some common sense and caution. You can also use free public records searches through the municipal and state courts to do a basic background check yourself. You’ll find out if a person has been convicted of a crime, involved in civil court cases, and records of marriage and divorce. All you need to know is a person’s first and last name, date of birth, and where they live now, and you can narrow down a person from duplicate names.

Be forewarned that sometimes things look scarier than they are in that format, though. If you’ve had a speeding ticket, your name will come up as “Defendant”, and it can look scary and bad, but it’s just a speeding ticket. You have to know how to interpret the information. Also, sometimes there is a back story that a person you’ve just met won’t want to share right away, like a bankruptcy from a failed business that wasn’t really that person’s fault. You would obviously cut off communication with someone who was currently married, or a convicted criminal, but be careful about judging too much of what you come across.

There really is not much of a difference between meeting a stranger in any real life situation and online, with a couple of exceptions. In real life, you have some contextual anchors. You know something about who they are and really do, and who else knows them. That’s an advantage. On the Internet, there is always the possibility that someone is deliberately concealing something about themselves or deliberately using the Interet in a predatory way.

I will tell you that the chances of meeting someone like that on eharmony are significantly less than on other sites because eharmony has such a controlled process and uses so many long questionnaires that someone wouldn’t want to bother with who just had predatory intentions. You’re a lot more likely to just meet somebody that has lots of problems and who is disappointing because they’re not who you hoped. But, that’s a risk when you meet almost anyone.

If you just take your time, and interact with a person over several weeks, take someone with you to meet them in a neutral place, etc., you will gain a lot of information just from that, and probably begin to feel a lot more comfortable. 99% of people using those sites are not stalkers or criminals. They are there, but it truly is your intuition that you need to trust as you interact with people.

 

[chevalier]

Wow everyone. I really appreciate all of you sharing on here and offering advice, prayers and a different perspective. I have read each of your posts and I want to wish all the other singles luck, or perhaps I should say, God’s blessing as they discern His will in this area.

I’ve been able to reflect a lot about myself after posting on here. A couple of things come to mind. Growing up, I lived in a small town and only knew a handful of professing Christian males my age. Some were not that nice, some, I wasn’t attracted to, and some had girlfriends. I spent time at a Christian college and I truly thought I would meet my match there, but I was in a post-grad degree program and was 25 years old. I wouldn’t have minded dating a younger guy, but I wrongly assumed that guys wouldn’t want an older woman, and most of the guys there were younger. Anyway, during all those years, I certainly had numerous crushes on classmates. I was head over heels for some of them. But they were not religious and since I wasn’t a partyer, there could be no match. In all my years of looking for a man, of the Christian males that I’ve known in recent years, I have zero attraction to them. I just spent far too long pining over a non-Christian (word has it that he’s a lapsed Catholic) guy that doesn’t seem interested in women at all. The worst part is that after asking him out and getting turned down, I didn’t get too devastated because I realized I had to trust God. I even got over him fairly quickly. However, I’ve been praying for his conversion for awhile and I still am despite the fact that we’ll never date. I find that since I’m praying for him again, my romantic feelings have re-emerged. Not good. Oh well.

Can you nail down what attracts you to those guys? As in a common factor? That might be helpful in looking for the same thing in a Christian man - or - if you decide it’s something you don’t want to keep falling for - dealing away with it? For example with me, it was that that I looked for girls with problems (four had it diagnosed at some point, but a fifth one was errr… don’t wanna talk about it really). I obviously don’t want to have a saviour complex. Three were players of computer fantasy roleplaying games. Well, I no longer have that kind of attachment to games, but fantasy stands strong, so I’d better be mindful that it’s important, but there are many things that are more important.

So, for example, if you have the impression that e.g. the more religious guys are more gloomy, sad etc. than the less religious ones, who are in turn, more cheerful, vibrant and full of life, well, look for a more religious guy who will have the latter three qualities. Probably hard to come by, but it’s only one guy you need anyway. You don’t need to find a dozen.

 

[Bataar]

I truly do understand. The perfect way to meet someone is through relationships with other people, or through work or some other activity you are mutually involved with.

One of those options would be nice, but unfortunately, they are not viable for me.

 

[legaleagle]

HI I said i may offend someone and I did. I read your posts and found you have alot of inside fears and it isnt normal at your age to have this. No I knoww nothing of your cercumstance but I only made a statement to most poeple that have difficulities getting married have social problems and have a problem meeting people. I was not refering to you untill now ,since i read your post. I pray for your happyness. God Bless you Nancy

I’m perplexed. What “inside fears” do I come across as having? I’m not being confrontational or anything with you - - I’m just curious about what you thought.

Chevalier wrote:

Can you nail down what attracts you to those guys? As in a common factor? That might be helpful in looking for the same thing in a Christian man - or - if you decide it’s something you don’t want to keep falling for - dealing away with it? For example with me, it was that that I looked for girls with problems (four had it diagnosed at some point, but a fifth one was errr… don’t wanna talk about it really). I obviously don’t want to have a saviour complex. Three were players of computer fantasy roleplaying games. Well, I no longer have that kind of attachment to games, but fantasy stands strong, so I’d better be mindful that it’s important, but there are many things that are more important.

That’s actually an excellent question and a good exercise (finding the common denominator amongst the guys I’ve liked).

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

I’m perplexed. What “inside fears” do I come across as having? I’m not being confrontational or anything with you - - I’m just curious about what you thought.

Chevalier wrote:

That’s actually an excellent question and a good exercise (finding the common denominator amongst the guys I’ve liked).

Originally Posted by legaleagle
I wish my church had a singles group - - i should speak with the priest and inquire if there’s a need for it and maybe get something started. That would be my ideal way of checking out prospective men.

Sigh, I did try eharmony, sort of. I am still really cautious of online stuff and not knowing if the other person is dangerous, etc. That’s what’s blocking me from that.

 

[Jason_1977]

I take exception to that. I’ve already written in my earlier posts that I don’t have a personality defect and I am over 30, a virgin and very religious.

Jason, God bless you for your brave service. Good luck to you in your search. My brother was 31 before he met his first serious girlfriend and they married a couple of years later. By the way, he was normal and decent looking and so was she.

You know, sometimes it just doesnt pay to get out of bed, much less try to share an experience. LMAO…I know what I want to say, you know what I want to say…so I’ll leave it at, IS SHE SERIOUS???..LOL

 

[ilovereligion]

Hello people!

Do not worry about that. I mean I am sure someone will like you and you will marry soon You seem to be such a nice girl that boys will notice that soon. You could ask a boy for a date, sometimes they need help, cos they are shy. I mean human relations are difficult and we have to work on them so that we not fail in being successful in getting on well with people.
Please tell me, if there are any news, ok:thumbsup:

cheers and cheer up

Mybrands