Perpetually single

[whatevergirl]

In any kind of relationship I would be in, I’d have to be the listener as I don’t do much talking. I’d almost be afraid to see what a relationship would look like if she were the listener. My problem is simply that I don’t meet people. Having Asperger’s means I put things and information on a higher level of priority than people. I can’t help it, that’s just how my brain works. Therefore, it makes it very hard for me to meet people or make small talk with a person to get to know them. Unless there’s something contextually interesting worth talking about, I keep quiet. A lot of people think I’m shy because of this, but I’m definitely not shy. I just don’t know what to say as small talk is pretty much torture for me.

This might sound trite, but maybe try ‘pretending’ like you don’t have this…and see what happens. I think sometimes we allow conditions, situations, pasts, etc to become our identity. Not saying to become someone you’re not…but, maybe just try to step out of your comfort zone, and see what happens. You might be quite chatty. You might surprise yourself, and a nice woman.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

In any kind of relationship I would be in, I’d have to be the listener as I don’t do much talking. I’d almost be afraid to see what a relationship would look like if she were the listener. My problem is simply that I don’t meet people. Having Asperger’s means I put things and information on a higher level of priority than people. I can’t help it, that’s just how my brain works. Therefore, it makes it very hard for me to meet people or make small talk with a person to get to know them. Unless there’s something contextually interesting worth talking about, I keep quiet. A lot of people think I’m shy because of this, but I’m definitely not shy. I just don’t know what to say as small talk is pretty much torture for me.

Hi, Bataar. My youngest daughter is on the spectrum with HFA. Aspies run in my family. One of my brothers is an engineer and the other is an IT person, and I am not going to say what I do but it’s also very analytical. I don’t officially fit on the spectrum, but I’m an INTJ personality type, and that’s pretty similar.

You are correct, people-oriented people many times don’t listen to us, don’t understand us, and pre-judge us because we’re more interested in objectivity and truth than appeasing a social group. They judge task-oriented and issue-oriented approaches as being offensive, but don’t realize we consider their approach to be pretentious, cliquish, and unfair. (And of course superficial!)

The best advice I can give you is to use context as much as you can, and start conversations that are based on your expertise and unique interests. Don’t give up. There are people who will and who can appreciate you.

 

[Bataar]

This might sound trite, but maybe try ‘pretending’ like you don’t have this…and see what happens. I think sometimes we allow conditions, situations, pasts, etc to become our identity. Not saying to become someone you’re not…but, maybe just try to step out of your comfort zone, and see what happens. You might be quite chatty. You might surprise yourself, and a nice woman.

I wouldn’t know what it’s like not to have it. Unfortunately, it is part of who I am as it affects my whole being. I can’t pretend I don’t have it anymore than a paralyzed person can pretend he’s not paralyzed and go play a game of tag football. I’ve tried ignoring it and going to various social events but it simply doesn’t work. I either get very, very frustrated knowing that I’m pretending to be normal and that I don’t fit in with these people or I get depressed knowing I’ll never be “normal” and wish I can fit in which then makes me angry. At best, I’m simply bored out of my mind wishing I was at home watching a TV show that interests me or something.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Forgive me, if I was offering up something trite…or I should say pardon my ignorance.

I will say that my son, who is 16 and ultra-analytical…behaves in some social situations as you describe yourself. He said the other day that he doesn’t like ‘small talk,’ and prefers having a task to do, rather than standing around chatting with people. He has been accused of being arrogant by his friends, and he tells me and his dad, that he is not arrogant…he feels bad that they think this of him, but he doesn’t know how to inititate. His friends are always calling him, asking him to do things…quite the opposite of me, so I am at a loss with how to approach this. These are traits of an analytical personality, but I wonder if it’s more than that. I don’t know.

He is social with family and friends…people he knows. But, intitating…he seems to be very opposed to it, almost. I don’t know if I should help him, if this is who he is, then maybe it will be seen as trying to change him. (in his eyes) I love him, I don’t want to change him, but I also don’t want him to be ‘afraid,’ of certain social settings. Afraid is the wrong word, but you know what I mean?

I appreciate you sharing this with me…*

 

[Bataar]

*Forgive me, if I was offering up something trite…or I should say pardon my ignorance.

I will say that my son, who is 16 and ultra-analytical…behaves in some social situations as you describe yourself. He said the other day that he doesn’t like ‘small talk,’ and prefers having a task to do, rather than standing around chatting with people. He has been accused of being arrogant by his friends, and he tells me and his dad, that he is not arrogant…he feels bad that they think this of him, but he doesn’t know how to inititate. His friends are always calling him, asking him to do things…quite the opposite of me, so I am at a loss with how to approach this. These are traits of an analytical personality, but I wonder if it’s more than that. I don’t know.

He is social with family and friends…people he knows. But, intitating…he seems to be very opposed to it, almost. I don’t know if I should help him, if this is who he is, then maybe it will be seen as trying to change him. (in his eyes) I love him, I don’t want to change him, but I also don’t want him to be ‘afraid,’ of certain social settings. Afraid is the wrong word, but you know what I mean?

I appreciate you sharing this with me…*

If you don’t mind my asking, does your son have a limited set of interests he likes to devote his time too at the expense of other, “normal” things? That’s a really common trait of Aspergers and one that I have in spades. Even when I was a kid (of course we didn’t know about Asperger’s back then).

Another common symptom is heightened senses. For me, I have to wear sunglasses whenever I go outside, even if it’s cloudy because the light hurts my eyes. I don’t like loud noises and have to wear ear plugs whenever I’m around or using power tools. The most inconvenient one (for me) is touch. I wouldn’t wear jeans until I was in high school because the texture of the denim felt like sandpaper against my skin. I don’t like long sleeve shirts because, for some reason, I don’t like the feeling of a sleeve down around my wrists. This limits where I can work because I pretty much can’t work at a job that requires a suit to be worn. The stiff shirts and ties/collars are just too irritating for me to wear on a long term basis.

For me, the need to gather/share information is the whole reason of talking. For example, I and a buddy of mine were walking my dog at the beach earlier this year. There was a girl there walking her dog. My buddy told me to ask her what kind of dog it was (unbeknown to me at the time, it was an attempt to get me start a conversation with her). For many people with Aspergers, those kinds of subtleties just go right over our heads. I told him the dog she had was a Boxer. We had boxers growing up so I knew what it was which made that question a pointless one to ask since the answer was already known.

It’s not like I’m calculating this all in my head at the time either. It’s just so against my nature to ask a pointless question that it doesn’t even occur to me (at the time) that it could lead elsewhere. It’s just that at a subconscious level, my brain says that if the information is known or useless/pointless, there’s no need to ask the question.

 

[whatevergirl]

If you don’t mind my asking, does your son have a limited set of interests he likes to devote his time too at the expense of other, “normal” things? That’s a really common trait of Aspergers and one that I have in spades. Even when I was a kid (of course we didn’t know about Asperger’s back then).

Another common symptom is heightened senses. For me, I have to wear sunglasses whenever I go outside, even if it’s cloudy because the light hurts my eyes. I don’t like loud noises and have to wear ear plugs whenever I’m around or using power tools. The most inconvenient one (for me) is touch. I wouldn’t wear jeans until I was in high school because the texture of the denim felt like sandpaper against my skin. I don’t like long sleeve shirts because, for some reason, I don’t like the feeling of a sleeve down around my wrists. This limits where I can work because I pretty much can’t work at a job that requires a suit to be worn. The stiff shirts and ties/collars are just too irritating for me to wear on a long term basis.

For me, the need to gather/share information is the whole reason of talking. For example, I and a buddy of mine were walking my dog at the beach earlier this year. There was a girl there walking her dog. My buddy told me to ask her what kind of dog it was (unbeknown to me at the time, it was an attempt to get me start a conversation with her). For many people with Aspergers, those kinds of subtleties just go right over our heads. I told him the dog she had was a Boxer. We had boxers growing up so I knew what it was which made that question a pointless one to ask since the answer was already known.

It’s not like I’m calculating this all in my head at the time either. It’s just so against my nature to ask a pointless question that it doesn’t even occur to me (at the time) that it could lead elsewhere. It’s just that at a subconscious level, my brain says that if the information is known or useless/pointless, there’s no need to ask the question.

* Seriously, this is describing a bit of my son. Your buddy asking you to walk up to the girl, to make small talk, but it went over your head…that might be something he would do. He is confident, but at the same time, second guesses himself. He needs to know who will be at a party before agreeing to go…he is very much into ‘sizing up the situation’ in all different ways, before jumping into something. In some ways, these are traits that will help him in life, in other ways, he sometimes overthinks himself…He is VERY much like you, in that he doesn’t ask questions that are not genuine. He told me, someday, when I want to go out with a girl mom, I’m just going to ask her out. I’m not going to pretend to be interested in this or that…and then if she says no…I’ll move on. lol I never told him to pretend, let me state that for the record!

He suffers from occasional migraines so loud noises and bright lights, are irritating to him…but to me, too…I think migraines are somewhat genetic. He also likes rainy days best, because he doesn’t like bright sun all too much, and living in Florida, it’s been interesting for him. He played football for a while, and he did very well…and it helped him considerably with his confidence. Not that he wasn’t confident, but he was always a bit unsure of himself. He has a nice set of friends, and typically the types that are drawn to my son, are the opposite of him. I am outgoing, and the types of women that I have for friends are typically very VERY analytical. I also married a very analytical, literal thinker. Maybe you need to find your polar opposite. Seriously, I can see that working, but where to meet this person, I don’t know.

He is a truly wonderful kid, and I don’t want to make him feel like something is wrong. I mean, the way you describe yourself, why is that so wrong? It is just who you are…you know? I might ask you some things in a pm, if you wouldn’t mind, later.

I’m sorry OP…forgive me for going off topic. Bataar, thank you for your talk here. *

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

Gonna throw petrol on the fire… divorced guys for the MOST part are also defective.

Lots of divorced women are relatively normal.

Women have more to lose in a divorce so most will stick with a not so great husband. It’s better than poverty and single motherdom.

Many men will dump a perfectly good wife to go find the greener grass or chase their youth that is receding faster than their hairline.

Really good men will hang onto a bad wife because they are honorable and are trying to keep their kids’ lives stable. Or because they feel a need to protect their wife (even if she is bat ship crazy.)

So that leaves a lot of creepers that can’t/won’t keep a marriage going who are out there loose.

Run from them.

One in a hundred was dumped by a really bad woman. And he’s a decent guy. But you’re going to have to sift through a lot of iron pyrite to find that gold nugget.

Enjoy your singleness and your chance to travel and do things you wanted to do. Life isn’t an ark and only those who have a spouse are happy. I’ve seen too many good women drive themselves nuts because they didn’t have a spouse. I’ve seen wonderful women chase unworthy slobs, bad strangers, cheats and worse in order to not be alone.

If there is someone out there God plans for you, he will recognize you when the proper time comes. However, if you forced yourself to settle for someone else, when the good one comes along, you won’t be available.

Don’t settle! Never settle! You are a complete person on your own. You provide much to the lives of people around you. You are free in a way wives and mothers are not. Enjoy it now, because someday you may look on these years with nostalgia. And never hide your talents so you don’t make a man uncomfortable. If he can’t handle the truth about you, he doesn’t deserve you.

I don’t know where you came from, but you had me crying while I was reading this. I cannot agree with you more. I know I herd this a long time ago, but wasn’t listening with my head, you are such a knowlegable person I can’t believe there are people like you still around. How right those word’s are that you spoke. I should copy this beause it was one of the best post’s i’ve herd in a long time. You are loved Love of Christ Nancy:thumbsup:

 

[thequeen]

Dont be so hard on yourself I am past 40 and have never been married and I am starting to accept the fact that God may want me to besingle and celibate for the rest of my life If it is meant for you to be married thenGod will lead you to the right person if not the God will give you the grace to live the single celibate life

 

[Harmony1988]

To be single is a gift from God, whether it is temporal or perpetual. If you’re looking for a faithful Catholic, there are many in the world. Now I am not one of them, so I cannot recommend myself. But I pray you may find your spouse soon! God is calling you, just be patient: He wants to prepare you for Mr. Right and Mr. Right for you during this time.

Catholic singles in the US: forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=9
Catholic singles in Africa: forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=288

It’s mindless reasoning like this that keeps people perpetually single indeed, “to be single is a gift from God” - to be single is a choice, you can make the choice to be single or not, it’s not some God given birthright.

I’m not sure if this is the right forum, but I’d like some insight if anyone is willing to provide some. I’m in my early 30’s, I’m pretty, smart, successful, respected by my peers, popular and funny - - yet I’m single. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve never even been on a date!!!

Since I was a child, I’ve been interested in guys and I always had crushes on guys in my schools/college/etc. I desperately want a husband and yet it eludes me. My mother always says that God is saving me for some special guy. But, I don’t quite see the logic of that. I haven’t even been on a date or anything to prepare for a special guy. I should add that I’m not yet a Catholic (probably will become one soon) but I’ve been a Christian since childhood and one reason I probably have been single is because of my high moral standards. I’m also wondering (and hoping) that maybe I’ve been single because God was waiting for me to come to the Catholic Church and it would’ve been complicated if I had ended up with a Protestant guy first.

Anyway, am I weird for being perpetually single (I guess that part that makes me think I’m weird is that I’ve never dated)? I don’t understand why guys don’t ask me out. I got so desperate that I even asked a man out this summer (he declined, but there’s a long story there). I would understand it if I weren’t attractive, etc, but I honestly am. Is there such a thing as God shielding me from guys because He has something planned for me?

You can’t expect God to bring along Mr. Right for you, very few people just happen to bump into Mr. Right or Ms. Right, and I doubt there’s such a thing anyways, it’s up to you to a large extent to make it happen. Do whatever you can, put yourself out there (within reason and respecting yourself and the boundaries you have set up)

I too used to be stuck in that kind of mindset, and then just decided I’d have to do whatever I had to do if I didn’t want to be single, and as a result I started getting far more dates. The main thing is the mindset, it doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not, for a girl that’s attractive to one guy isn’t for another. The girls I dig I go head over heels for and some of my friends would rate them like 4/10 and think I’m nuts.

You need to be positive, sleep with a positive mindset, wake up positive, and think better of yourself. God isn’t shielding you from anything, nor can you expect a miracle. If you want to think that you’re still being prepared and waiting for the right moment, then be prepared to wait forever. Focus on what you want, and keep positive, most people just stay negative and have negative thoughts regarding what they want and then wonder why nothing good happens.

Good luck.

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s mindless reasoning like this that keeps people perpetually single indeed, “to be single is a gift from God” - to be single is a choice, you can make the choice to be single or not, it’s not some God given birthright.

You can’t expect God to bring along Mr. Right for you, very few people just happen to bump into Mr. Right or Ms. Right, and I doubt there’s such a thing anyways, it’s up to you to a large extent to make it happen. Do whatever you can, put yourself out there (within reason and respecting yourself and the boundaries you have set up)

I too used to be stuck in that kind of mindset, and then just decided I’d have to do whatever I had to do if I didn’t want to be single, and as a result I started getting far more dates. The main thing is the mindset, it doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not, for a girl that’s attractive to one guy isn’t for another. The girls I dig I go head over heels for and some of my friends would rate them like 4/10 and think I’m nuts.

You need to be positive, sleep with a positive mindset, wake up positive, and think better of yourself. God isn’t shielding you from anything, nor can you expect a miracle. If you want to think that you’re still being prepared and waiting for the right moment, then be prepared to wait forever. Focus on what you want, and keep positive, most people just stay negative and have negative thoughts regarding what they want and then wonder why nothing good happens.

Good luck.

I think this is an interesting perspective. I don’t disagree…mindset is everything. Legaleagle, you strike me though, as having a very positive personality…so, it could just be again as I said a few pages up, that your appearance of being content being single, might cause men to think you don’t want to be approached. St Paul taught that he was content in ALL things…content being rich, content when he had little. Aren’t we to be the same? If I were still single, is my life ‘less than’ than a married person? I think that we have to be careful in striving to get out of a status because we have convinced ourselves that being single is not as good as being married. I see that sometimes with my non married friends…they are simply not happy being single. I imagine that being single has its lonely moments, but being married is not ‘better than’ being single. I take St Paul to heart…we should be happy wherever we are in life. Not saying, we should not strive to find a mate, but we should also be content where we are in life, right in the moment. *

 

[CountrySinger]

But if we are unhappy, shouldn’t we work on changing it? I hate my job, so I’m looking for a new one. I don’t think St. Paul ever worked for a Wachovia call center, lol. I hate being single, so why shouldn’t I work hard to change that? Since Salem has a very small sinlge population, I’m thinking of moving to a larger city. I’m going out and doing things. If I lied to myself and said I was happy being single, that would be wrong.

 

[whatevergirl]

But if we are unhappy, shouldn’t we work on changing it? I hate my job, so I’m looking for a new one. I don’t think St. Paul ever worked for a Wachovia call center, lol. I hate being single, so why shouldn’t I work hard to change that? Since Salem has a very small sinlge population, I’m thinking of moving to a larger city. I’m going out and doing things. If I lied to myself and said I was happy being single, that would be wrong.

*Hey, I bank with Wachovia…I wonder if we have ever spoken when I’ve called in.

No…let me rephrase. We are to strive in our lives to achieve the goals we want…absolutely. I’m not saying sitting around waiting for the right person to show up at your door. No, it takes some action on our parts to achieve the goals we wish to achieve…but, God does partner with us in that. I think that if we rely solely on ‘what could I be doing wrong,’ etc…that type of thinking causes people to become depressed, and actually immobile. If we realize that we are to do our part…but that God IS doing the rest, I think we’ll be happier in the long run. I say this not just for people who are seeking mates for marriage.

I also believe that we must try our best to find joy everyday. In the everyday, in the mundane, there is a lot of joy, if we but look for it. I allowed myself to get down a few days ago, over living in Florida…as if a place is capable of providing happiness or taking it away. That’s all I’m saying, don’t let your single status rob you of your everyday joy and peace.

Hope that came across better. If not, tell me. I don’t mean to offend. I have a single friend who refuses to take any of my dating advice because I’ve been married…in her words…‘a hundred years.’ *

 

[ilovereligion]

Hello people!

Do not worry about that. I mean I am sure someone will like you and you will marry soon You seem to be such a nice girl that boys will notice that soon. You could ask a boy for a date, sometimes they need help, cos they are shy. I mean human relations are difficult and we have to work on them so that we not fail in being successful in getting on well with people.
Please tell me, if there are any news, ok:thumbsup:

cheers and cheer up

 

[244Rocket]

Praying for you to find the right one.

 

[CountrySinger]

Whatevergirl, we probably haven’t spoken, I seem to get the dumb and mean ones, which you are not. I have been personally threatened multiple times. There’s a reason why my myspace etc is private. The job is very soul sucking, I see people who have been there years, and they are bitter, vengeful, and just hate people (what they say when the customer hangs up is priceless). And I see myself going down that path (it’s hard to not do when you talk to dumb/mean people all day). Depression, alcoholism, drug use, and suicide is very prevelent there. The only reason I haven’t done anything to hurt myself is because of my faith. I don’t expect God to give me a job without me putting any energy into finding it. I do have a job interview tomorrow!
Anyway, I think there are some situations that joy is very hard to find. I guess one good thing about being single is that I have a lot of time to devote to serving the church. I’m there at least 4 days a week. Not that I’ll meet single men that way, lol.

 

[whatevergirl]

Whatevergirl, we probably haven’t spoken, I seem to get the dumb and mean ones, which you are not. I have been personally threatened multiple times. There’s a reason why my myspace etc is private. The job is very soul sucking, I see people who have been there years, and they are bitter, vengeful, and just hate people (what they say when the customer hangs up is priceless). And I see myself going down that path (it’s hard to not do when you talk to dumb/mean people all day). Depression, alcoholism, drug use, and suicide is very prevelent there. The only reason I haven’t done anything to hurt myself is because of my faith. I don’t expect God to give me a job without me putting any energy into finding it. I do have a job interview tomorrow!
Anyway, I think there are some situations that joy is very hard to find. I guess one good thing about being single is that I have a lot of time to devote to serving the church. I’m there at least 4 days a week. Not that I’ll meet single men that way, lol.

*I am surprised that you and others here are single, and have been struggling to find decent men. When I was dating in college, before meeting my dh, I dated a lot. I wasn’t as picky, as perhaps I would have been in my 30’s and now at 40. Being married, nearly two decades has passed me by, without dating…and it seems that dating in and of itself has changed a lot. That could also be part and parcel of the problem.

That said, I gave way too many guys a chance when it came to asking me out. I didn’t date them long, but looking back, I wasted a lot of time. I could have been putting that time to better use, put it that way. I look back at that, and think that perhaps some of us who dated ‘like that,’ way back when, think everyone should date like that. The reality is, by the time you’re 30, I’d imagine that you can sense someone who is just either not your type, or doesn’t share your faith, from a mile away. I didn’t have that sense back in college…and I looked at dating as a means of having fun. I didn’t look at it back then, as a means to finding a mate. So, that could be why people look at you and others who are picky, as well, why don’t you get out there and date? Because it is a drain of your energy, and I think as you age, you realize that time is precious…and if you know that someone doesn’t share your values, why bother. As I read through this thread, I think that you’re all wise to do this, and to not just date to have fun.

I am surprised that you CS, legaleagle, chevalier, Bataar, and others in this thread (I’m not purposely leaving anyone out just too lazy to scroll back through lol) are not with someone you’d like to spend your life with…because you all seem like you have so much to offer another person. You’re pretty awesome people, and don’t let your single status get your down. There is a reason for it. Without sounding trite, there is.

PS–Countrysinger…good luck on your interview! *

 

[legaleagle]

So take heart legaleagle, I have put myself out there but have very poor results to show for it, on top of that i have been hurt in the process. Continue to be ‘picky’ and if it’s in God’s will you will find a good man, at least that’s what i tell myself these days.

Thanks stanncie, I am very picky and I guess I always will be.

 

[legaleagle]

A couple people here have said that there is no single vocation. I agree with that to a point. You can be called to celibacy. Ask yourself the reasons you want to get married. Do you need the physical intimacy of a partner or do you yearn for companionship? Usually it gets to a point where one way outweighs the other. If it’s companionship, maybe you should consider asking Jesus to be that companion for you. There are many options along that route including becoming a nun or consecrated virgin. Whether you are truly called to marriage or a form of single life, you should take advantage of the time you have now to grow closer to God; it’s a gift many married people don’t get much of.

Interesting concept. Since I have no dating experience, I can’t really say if I am craving physical intimacy because I’ve not experienced that. It’s really the companionship that I’ve always wanted, I guess. I will say that when I was pining away for the guy that I did ask out, I was definitely had major physical feelings.

 

[legaleagle]

Online dating is just an introduction tool. If you use eharmony, you get to use the personality profile to help you meet people you are supposed to have some personality compatibility with. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. You can restrict your matches to your local area, so you don’t have to worry about long distance. You can restrict your matches to Catholics. When it comes to chemistry, that’s a combination of things, and you never know whether you have it unless you meet a person. You can always talk on the phone, and even before you get to that stage eharmony has a structured communication phase where you can get some ideas if you really want to pursue meeting this person before giving them your phone number.

So, you’re saying you don’t want to use online dating because you might be matched with someone you would have to actually go out and meet before you knew if you had any chemistry? I mean, at some point, you have to either take some risks or decide you aren’t going to take any risks, and therefore are going to remain single. Looking for a mate is a journey with twists and turns. It is not easy for everyone, and not successful for everyone, but that doesn’t excuse people who really want to get married from trying.

If you absolutely cannot bear to use online dating, I know that my parish has a singles group, and there is more than one singles group in our diocese. The whole purpose of having a singles group is to get people together who are single and who can feel comfortable asking one another out on dates. You have never heard of this? Or the men in your parish singles group aren’t interesting to you?

I wish my church had a singles group - - i should speak with the priest and inquire if there’s a need for it and maybe get something started. That would be my ideal way of checking out prospective men.

Sigh, I did try eharmony, sort of. I am still really cautious of online stuff and not knowing if the other person is dangerous, etc. That’s what’s blocking me from that.

 

[Jason_1977]

Ding Ding Ding

We have a winner.

Except of course for my DH.

I’v e been single for the longest time. I’m 32, a male & have been to war 3 times and have served 6 years of active duty. THAT doesn’t leave much time for dating nor does it make it easy for building a relationship. granted it weeds out the clingy NEEDY ones, but seriously, personality defect? A selfless life so far is my defect. I am also one who is stubborn and absolute when it comes to morals. I am open minded, but not to the point where my brains fall out. I get it all the time. I was always the good one. People or WOMEN for that matter always say that to me. I was the good one. I was right in front of EVERYONES nose & they all went off did their thing & several of them are STUCK with decisions they made. I am not in that category. I have had the virtue of traveling the world several times over, going to war 3 times (not in the carnival cruise package) and I have no kids out of wedlock. As a male with no kids, no girlfriend at the age of 32, people wonder what’s wrong with me because it seems to them, by now I should be or should have BEEN with the WRONG woman! I have dated pretty much all the wrong women. even their leader, LOL. Now I just gave it to God & said, you know what, fine. Take the wheel. I’m not looking any more. Every time I look for it, I get what I want, but it’s always messed up somehow & it always goes bad. My father thinks I find one flaw that’s a huge turn off & that gives me an excuse to leave her. seriously. I’d like to get married some day, & when she says her tubes are tied & she’s been divorced twice & doesnt want to get married again, what do you do? This is no joke, been there, done that. Honestly! Or how about the girl I dated that was actually engaged (but I never knew it) and she was just waiting for her fiancee to buy a house for them 500 miles north…I was the IN THE MEAN TIME guy. THEN she made it easy for me to be exhausted of her for some reason & It was a month later when I learn the truth. THESE women. THESE are the ones that seem nice & very educated, one was graduate of oxford, another an MRI tech, there was another I dated, an australian woman with a law degree, but was always ansy for some reason & I didnt know why…she knew her stuff cold, but couldnt pass the bar exam…didnt know why…COCAINE kinda does that to yer brain…darlin!!! SO…yes…I’m 32, and I am single, I have no idea what to look for in a woman anymore. I thought educated, whitty, intelligent, funny, warm personality, OUT THE WINDOW…SO …now its…how many kids, are they on drugs, are they engaged, (are you sure?) Women are crafy little devils and rival the worst men out there to boot. SO, maybe I have a personality flaw that doesnt see this in the beginning or maybe they keep it hidden so well I mean, UGH…ANYWAY…Sweetheart, I feel your frustration…I HAVE dated & I’m the perpetually single one. I just got back form KUWAIT & I came home to my brother picking me up from the airport & 2 slobbering dogs (whom I love dearly) and a happy kitty. I am right there with you. It is so hard to find a woman that is morally grounded, doesnt have her head buried in her backside, & lives a life of, oh…whats that word…OH RIGHT…DESCENCY!!! I say you go girl! If you’re ever in Charleston, SC, let me know. I’ll take you out anytime. It’ll be a breath of fresh air knowing there’s someone right next to me that has a mind of their own & I wont have to constantly question her logic. (This doesnt make me sound frustrated, does it? LOL!)