Pictures Of Deceased

[OutinChgoburbs]

I thought about this one overnight (why I don’t know). Part of it might be the expense involved in funerals. Not only aren’t we going to see the deceased in this life ever again, but the funeral director’s people do a really good job. I’ve been to wakes where the deceased never looked better, even after a long illness. I remember one very elderly lady who lived in a nursing home where she wore a house dress everyday, and had her hair in a short maintenance style. Well, in death she had on a beautiful dress, one she never would have worn when she was walking and talking and doing her daily thing. Her hair was coiffed and her make-up was exsquisite. She looked as if she were a member of a royal family instead of somebody’s elderly grandma who had done farm work all her life in central Texas. The funeral home should have taken a photo as a sample of the good work they did. I don’t know if the family would have appreciated it later, though.

 

[StratusRose]

The first time I saw one of those pictures was when I was in middle school. Some kid in my class brought in a photo album and when I was flipping through it I saw pictures of his dead grandmother. It made such an impression on me that I still remember what she was wearing in her coffin! I thought it was really weird. I hope no one takes pictures of me in that state. There’s plenty of other good ones of me now. Post mortum photography kind of morbid if you ask me. (Unless it’s a baby.)

Someone mentioned that people did this in Victorian times. This is true, I took a Death Education class in college and we saw some of these pictures. Sometimes the photographer would impose an angel-like being over the dead child to make it seem like an angel was watching over him or her. The Victorians mostly took pictures of dead children, not adults.

As for the video cameras at births. Count me out. That is a very intimate moment and if it’s shared with everyone I know, or if I watch it over and over again it loses it’s uniqueness. A moment like that shouldn’t be dulled down. It’s kind of like watching a movie over and over again, it gets old. That’s just my opinion though, I’m not slandering anyone who does do it. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[Shiann]

I know most photographs that have been preserved are indeed of children, but from my studies, death photography in the Victorian age did not lean toward children only- in fact, nuns, priests, and cardinals had a ‘memento mori’ taken. So the reference to death photographs being immoral seems a stretch.

Here is an interesting article about the history of death photography. (There are Victorian Age photographs of the dead on this link.) Again, if you find this a disturbing topic, feel free to not click on the link.

cmp.ucr.edu/terminals/memento_mori/default.html

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Folks, thank-you, for your replies. I am pretty upset about getting such pictures and am having a hard time today.

 

[leschornmom]

Shiann:

I know most photographs that have been preserved are indeed of children, but from my studies, death photography in the Victorian age did not lean toward children only- in fact, nuns, priests, and cardinals had a ‘memento mori’ taken. So the reference to death photographs being immoral seems a stretch.

Here is an interesting article about the history of death photography. (There are Victorian Age photographs of the dead on this link.) Again, if you find this a disturbing topic, feel free to not click on the link.

cmp.ucr.edu/terminals/memento_mori/default.html

I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about this forum…I wonder if it might have some thing to do with my fear of death. Any way, I just wanted to thank you for your link. I came in to this with a certain oppinion but now, I’m a little more open minded some of those photos were actually very beautiful. Getting a picture taken back then was not exactly common place. I can se a greiving family member wanting to get one before they laid their loved one to rest. I still don’t know if I’d want to take one of my child unless I had no others but I don’t judge those who do.

 

[sparkle]

Lilyofthevalley:

Does your family take pictures of deceased loved ones?

My family has never believed in even seeing the deceased, so as to remember them when they were alive, and you know what? I think I totally agree with this, even though I am a Catholic now.

 

[leschornmom]

sparkle:

My family has never believed in even seeing the deceased, so as to remember them when they were alive, and you know what? I think I totally agree with this, even though I am a Catholic now.

What about when the Pope died recenty. Millions of people came out to see his body. Did you?

 

[sparkle]

leschornmom:

What about when the Pope died recenty. Millions of people came out to see his body. Did you?

Yes, I did, on TV. but you know what leschornmom?–I just still have a hard time understanding this as a new Catholic. And I was/am very perplexed with why the coffin is even present in a Catholic funeral? This was/is hard for me. I knew/know the person is in heaven, why all the body stuff? I’m learning though. My RCIA teacher said, the body is such a beautiful thing. For it held the Holy Spirit for this person’s life, and we send the body out of the world with prayers and love, and we honor it. Man–this was just so beautiful when she told me this. So, I’m still learning more in this way. Thank you. I did tell my H if I died suddenly, I want a “Catholic funeral”. I just still do not understand the “viewing” stuff.

 

[cheddarsox]

I am surprised by how many find the taking of such photos inappropriate or disturbing. I was raised Catholic, and the norm was two full days of visitation with an open casket. The front of every church was adorned with a life sized or larger depiction of dead Christ on the cross. Relics, often parts of dead saints were placed in altars and offered for veneration. The miraculously preserved bodies of incorruptable saints are on display for veneration and shown on holy cards and in books.

In my experience Catholicism has been one of the religions that was most comfortable and accepting of death. Maybe things have changed since I’ve been away.

My family has not traditionally taken photos of our dead, but my sister and her husband took some of my grandfather, and I am grateful. It is another important event in his life and the life of the family, and it feels complete to have these photos of him.

Human remains are to be treated with respect, and a respectful photo is a very appropriate way to remember a significant life event, and often very welcome by those who were unable to attend the services.

The human body does not suddenly become something unpleasant or awful at the moment of death. Most of us are very attached to our loved one’s bodies as well as their souls.

cheddar

 

[Celia]

I have never heard of this taking place in my own family or with anyone I know, but I remember when I was very young, my aunt was talking to my mom about a funeral she had been to recently for a friend’s mother. The friend had given my aunt pictures of the funeral, just people standing around, and of the deceased. I was just shocked because I had never heard of such a thing and of course at that age I was probably…7ish?) I had never seen a dead body and was horrified at the thought of someone wanting a momento of that. It still creeps me out, but I understand more of why people would want to do it, but I never would.

 

[rayne89]

sparkle:

Yes, I did, on TV. but you know what leschornmom?–I just still have a hard time understanding this as a new Catholic. And I was/am very perplexed with why the coffin is even present in a Catholic funeral? This was/is hard for me. I knew/know the person is in heaven, why all the body stuff? I’m learning though. My RCIA teacher said, the body is such a beautiful thing. For it held the Holy Spirit for this person’s life, and we send the body out of the world with prayers and love, and we honor it. Man–this was just so beautiful when she told me this. So, I’m still learning more in this way. Thank you. I did tell my H if I died suddenly, I want a “Catholic funeral”. I just still do not understand the “viewing” stuff.

The body was the temple of the holy spirit during that persons life time which is part of the reason the emphasis is made.

Some people are frightened of death and to view a person who has died reminds them of their own mortality but we believe in eternal life so death is not the end of our life, just our earthly life.

While I don’t feel the need to take pictures of the dead and I am not disturbed by viewings at funerals, other then it is sad ofcourse.

When my sister died I was there and my mom refused to leave the hospital room for several hours so I know what a dead body looks like and it’s not like on tv. I wasn’t scared, it was my sister. I went to many funerals during my teens. My sister had made many friends in the hospital and several also died of cancer. Seeing young people in caskets is quite a reality check.

I went to a memorialof my husband’s grandparents last summer. They were cremated, It was the first time I’d been to a “funeral type” event without the bodies present (their urns were there). It was much less traumatic but did not give me the same sense of closure that a funeral does. It seemed much more disconnected .

And I guess being raise Catholic and knowing the respect for the body I found it disturbing that his grandmother and grandfather’s ashes had been combined and the divided between the 3 grown children to take home. One of my husband’s aunt divided her portion of the ashes further giving small urns to each of her children.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

sparkle:

…I did tell my H if I died suddenly, I want a “Catholic funeral”. I just still do not understand the “viewing” stuff.

You do not have to have the “viewing” stuff.

There are three parts of the Catholic funeral rites. There is what we would call a visitation or wake, opened or closed. With that comes a scripture service and the option of the rosary. There is a Mass or a prayer service. There is the committal of the body to the ground, or to the crypt, or in the event of cremation, to the niche.

When my f-i-l thought he was dying, he wanted to make preparations before he did die (he’s only in his late 80s). But he was afraid because he is Catholic, he was going to have to have a funeral like his sister’s, very elaborate and really not to his taste (or most people’s, for that matter). I told him I would research it. When I did, I found out that the funeral rites of the Church are some of the most flexible there are. The wake is not necessary. The scripture service and/ or rosary is not necessary. Even the Mass or the prayer service is not necessary. And you can choose to have the Mass or prayer service after the body has been committed, in which case it changes title to “memorial” and not “funeral”.

So, Sparkle, if you find “open” distasteful, you don’t have to have it.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

When my mom died many of us (my dad and and us kids) were absolutely horrified to see people just walk up and take a picture of her in the coffin! Even if we had been okay with it, we would not have appreciated such disregard in their manner. I think how it is done is really the issue.

Irony of irony, we all went up to give mama a last kiss good-bye and we were further shocked to hear audible gasps from the chairs as my brother (1st in line w/ my dad) leaned over as kissed her brow.

What geniune affection for the dead is wrong, but acting like a street hawker at a crime scene is okay?!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

When my mom died many of us (my dad and and us kids) were absolutely horrified to see people just walk up and take a picture of her in the coffin! Even if we had been okay with it, we would not have appreciated such disregard in their manner. I think how it is done is really the issue.

Irony of irony, we all went up to give mama a last kiss good-bye and we were further shocked to hear audible gasps from the chairs as my brother (1st in line w/ my dad) leaned over as kissed her brow.

What geniune affection for the dead is wrong, but acting like a street hawker at a crime scene is okay?!

I’m so sorry that happened to you! And this is just when it is NOT OK, to snap away as if the relatives are papparazi!

May your mom’s soul rest in peace.

 

[kaymart]

When my mom died many of us (my dad and and us kids) were absolutely horrified to see people just walk up and take a picture of her in the coffin! Even if we had been okay with it, we would not have appreciated such disregard in their manner. I think how it is done is really the issue.

Irony of irony, we all went up to give mama a last kiss good-bye and we were further shocked to hear audible gasps from the chairs as my brother (1st in line w/ my dad) leaned over as kissed her brow.

What geniune affection for the dead is wrong, but acting like a street hawker at a crime scene is okay?!

Some people have absolutley no respect. That is one of the rudest most obnoxious things I have ever hear of. May She Rest in Peace.

 

[Forest-Pine]

I haven’t ever been to a family funeral, so I don’t know what my family does. I, however, have a strong desire to photograph.

The general consensus here seems to be it is OK for children, but not adults. There are a few problems with the reasoning:

1. There are plenty of adults who have few to no pictures taken of them in their lives for all sorts of reasons. This is not uncommon.
2. There are many people who have had pictures, but have suffered through one means or another leaving nothing behind.

On top of all this, there are many who do not have pictures with the deceased while alive. I wouldn’t hang it on the wall, but I would like to have a picture of my little one at Great-Grandma Ilene’s funeral if she doesn’t have the opportunity to meet her sooner. And many times families do not make the time to get together until a tragedy happens, meaning the lost opportunities are compounded.

My family has always been very open and frank about death. My grandmother, for instance, tells us about her wishes whenever we pass a graveyard. “Now you know when I die I want…” and whenever we played piano she would say, “I want you to play this at my funeral…” She’s been doing this since my parents were teenagers. There isn’t a sense of immenent death, but just an acceptance that it is part of life. I find that friends who have not grown up around this are very shocked to hear such things.

My husband’s family is the type to pretend we just don’t ever die. They refuse to discuss death or any person who has passed away. I find that very frustrating and saddening. When attending a funeral last week on his side, the people flew past the open casket as fast as they could without looking inside, then at the reception afterwards never once mentioned the dead person. When I talked about my time with her, my MIL told me it was inconsiderate and rude to bring her up. I was floored.

I would like to be remembered in life and in death. I want people to grieve over the sad times, but then to find happiness and warmth in the good times and the hope of heaven. No matter how bad the physical body looks, it is a testiment to me of our faith in something more, something bigger, something better. If the physical is gone, the spiritual is home. It is bitterseet, but something I find comfort in.

 

[bapcathluth]

My family was always vehemently against photographing at funerals, but in the case of a still-born baby, I would want a photo. After carrying a child for nine months and going through the pain of birth, waiting to meet this beautiful baby, and then finding that the poor child didn’t make it, I would have to have a keepsake, and proof that this child really existed.

 

[bapcathluth]

There is a very funny scene in the Pat Conroy book The Prince of Tides where the grandmother takes her grandchildren with her to the funeral home to pick out a casket. She gets in a bunch of coffins to try them out. She powders her nose, and has the kids take her photo in several of them to see which one she looks best in. Has anybody else read that book?

 

[Shiann]

Forest-Pine:

I haven’t ever been to a family funeral, so I don’t know what my family does. I, however, have a strong desire to photograph.

The general consensus here seems to be it is OK for children, but not adults. There are a few problems with the reasoning:

1. There are plenty of adults who have few to no pictures taken of them in their lives for all sorts of reasons. This is not uncommon.
2. There are many people who have had pictures, but have suffered through one means or another leaving nothing behind.

On top of all this, there are many who do not have pictures with the deceased while alive. I wouldn’t hang it on the wall, but I would like to have a picture of my little one at Great-Grandma Ilene’s funeral if she doesn’t have the opportunity to meet her sooner. And many times families do not make the time to get together until a tragedy happens, meaning the lost opportunities are compounded.

My family has always been very open and frank about death. My grandmother, for instance, tells us about her wishes whenever we pass a graveyard. “Now you know when I die I want…” and whenever we played piano she would say, “I want you to play this at my funeral…” She’s been doing this since my parents were teenagers. There isn’t a sense of immenent death, but just an acceptance that it is part of life. I find that friends who have not grown up around this are very shocked to hear such things.

My husband’s family is the type to pretend we just don’t ever die. They refuse to discuss death or any person who has passed away. I find that very frustrating and saddening. When attending a funeral last week on his side, the people flew past the open casket as fast as they could without looking inside, then at the reception afterwards never once mentioned the dead person. When I talked about my time with her, my MIL told me it was inconsiderate and rude to bring her up. I was floored.

I would like to be remembered in life and in death. I want people to grieve over the sad times, but then to find happiness and warmth in the good times and the hope of heaven. No matter how bad the physical body looks, it is a testiment to me of our faith in something more, something bigger, something better. If the physical is gone, the spiritual is home. It is bitterseet, but something I find comfort in.

I think this is a very good representation of the attitudes and philosophies of those who first started, and continue today, photographing the dead.

But today, as so many point out here, this ‘tradition’ has been dropped in some families. Those who do still abide by this tradition- seem to lack a sense of respect and tact for those who are still living and grieving, when they do not consider the shock value of those photographs on someone not used to the tradition.

A photograph should never come ahead of the compassion for the grieving friends and family. But we might consider the fact that these ‘memorium mori’ may actually assist some in the grieving process.

 

[hopeandlove]

I have lost 3 siblings and I treasure every picture I have of them alive and deceased. Pictures of them alive are stilled displayed though out my parent’s homes, and the pictures of them deceased are kept in photo albums.