Please, Help Me!

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You are almost there, you just need someone else to help carry you. I’m with everyone else here…you should find a priest/counselor, and, even more important to me, is confide in your wife. TELL HER. You two are a unit. Right now, you have a secret from her. Secrets have no place in marriage. They divide. They weaken. And Satan finds the picking so much easier when there is division.

My advice…love your wife. Invest in her as if your very life depended on it. The more you practice true love, the total giving of oneself, the stronger you both will become. Have you ever noticed how your wife responds when you compliment her, rub her back, do the dishes? She will first open up, then flourish, and then, she will reciprocate. Soon, it becomes a new “battle”, one of “who can do more giving?” Then your love bucket will be full, and so will your wife’s. When your needs are met as God intended them, I truly think your battle of the flesh will diminish. Of course, this only works if you both are willing to be completely honest (respectfully so) about what your needs and desires are. And you must also both be willing to do things that may not have any interest for you (yes, actually the ballet CAN be fun!) for the sake of the other.
You are in my prayers.
 
I was just coming back in here to suggest you throw away your television, but someone just beat me to it, stating that the television is a source of evil. My point was going to be that although the content on prime-time television may be normalized within the culture, it is actually largely pornographic. Even the news can be pornographic. For example, yesterday’s evening news contained details of the Kobe Bryant case which were quite frankly a recitation of details that could as easily have pertained to a pornographic film. If you channel-flip at any evening hour, you will absolutely, without question, run across explicit sexual references and postures, and provocative dress.

Television is bad enough in that it fails to glorify God. Nobody is ever depicted doing that in a real way; religion is always portrayed as some vague self-seeking or self-defined spirituality, or as “organized religion”. One’s life should be about glorifying God, and on television people are depicted doing anything but. It is on top of that evil, and as a logical extension of it, that television has truly become largely pornographic. I’m not referring to cable television, just the main networks.

Some people believe the Society of St. Pius X (SSPX) is schismatic, and so I hesitate a little to share this, but frankly they are not schismatic, and they are doing wonderful things. One thing they have is a third order, i.e. an order of lay people who promise to live a holy life in several ways, some positive, some negative. One of the negative details is “habitual abstinence from television”. Their third order information page describes the reasoning for this.

I know that when I was battling impurity the commonplace networks made the struggle more difficult. You must be careful with that box. You can be minding your own business, in the room where it’s on, and boom: something inappropriate will be said or shown.
 
Do not despair. And stop feeling like the Lone Ranger. Everyone sins. The fact that your conscience is on your case shows that you are trying to be a Christian and follow God. Assuming that you don’t actually have a serious psychological problem, (Which I’ll be you don’t) you need to take action and eliminate this problem.

If it is present, you need to get rid of all pornography in your life; at home, work and computer. Don’t look at it. Get rid of it. Don’t view things that you find arousing…TV or other.

Say a prayer before you use your computer. Asks for God’s grace to guide you.

Save your passion for your wife and build your relationship with her.

Above all, keep asking God’s help and fighting the fight.

God Be with you!
 
Me again. I reread your post and have a couple more suggestions. Try having an acountability partner, in addition to your wife. Thuis person wojld be in touch with you every day and help you through this. You also call him when having a temptation.

You say you can see nothing but the temptation. Write down and post appropriate prayers in various locations so that you can pray despite everything shutting down.

Get rid of everything that can turn into a temptation. Have your wife monitor your computer and TV usage. If you need to go into a situation that causes temptation, have your wife or your accountability partner standing by and tell them what is going on as it happens. They can then talk/pray/see you through it. You don’t have to go thruogh this alone.

Keep us posted. Let us know what is/is not working for you.
 
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dis_Grace:
I am in need of help. I am a man in my early 30’s and married and a father. I have struggled with sins of impurity for 18+ years. I have always been a Catholic, I started to take my faith serious 2 years ago. I know what I am doing is wrong but I can’t seem to stop it. I’ve read the books, talked to priests, had prayers done for me, etc. I go to confession every week, I go to Mass 3 times a week, I try to receive the Eucharist at every Mass, AS LONG AS I AM NOT IN A STATE OF MORTAL SIN.
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dis_Grace,

First, thanks for your openness. Your post shows the struggle of a faithful one being attacked. Know that there are many praying for you and that these prayers matter. Be prepared for success by being ready to fill the void with the deeds of a saint. Be prepared to change your life.

Second, your faithfulness to the Eucharist and only taking it in a state of purity and grace is gaining you many graces. Begin to recognize the graces that the Lord is continually granting you, they are many, He is calling you to holiness, you are in the final battle.

Third, stay close to the confessional. Confess this sin every time, confess that you have freely chosen evil, again. Confess the thoughts and desires you pursue. Hide nothing from the Lord in the confessional. Imagine the Lord approaching you on the road to Jerusalem and he knows you better than yourself.

Fourth, follow the good advice to “run from evil” as posted in this thread. Keep your pants on. Do not ever give Satan a chance to attack.

Fifth, pray for the intercession of St. Michael the Archangel. Satan is attacking you with at great evil. This is the battle for your soul. Decide to win. Stay the course. Accept nothing but victory. Your are about to win.

Bless you,
 
Remember to be filled with gratitude and thanks to God for giving you a loving wife and child.
Another thing to pray to God about is for him to remind you of all the Graces he has given you.
Even for a fleeting moment, I am reminded of what He has provided for me and I just have to pause, even for a moment, to thank Him.

Matthew 11:29-30 RSV-CE
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

go with God!
Edwin
 
Get a medal of St. Benedict that has been blessed and wear it. This medal is the most highly indulgenced medal there is. There is also an exorcism attached to it. This might help in your struggle.
 
Pray for God’s grace and then cooperate in it.

One way I learned to cooperate with God’s grace against the sin of masturbation is to find something about it you find abhorrent. For me I hate phonyness. And here is masturbation “phony sex” Another way of thinking about it, imagine your response if someone were to walk in as you were not being the “master of your domain” eek!

As you are tempted to do it, you think of this aborrent part you hate about it, and that helps.

HOWEVER, keep working at it. This won’t go away tomorrow. It will go away over time, trust me on this, but you gotta work at it WHILE ASKING FOR GOD’S GRACE - you can’t do it alone, and you’re not going to do it alone!
 
Jesus Christ in Mark 9:29:
And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.
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dis_Grace, before you can become capable of throwing off such a huge burden, you need to train and exercise by working with smaller loads. Athletes don’t excel in what they do without long periods of prior training, and struggling against major temptations is no different. You have to begin by learning to say no to smaller temptations like meat, milk products and alcohol. Like any athlete just starting out you need to start small, otherwise you will fail and become discouraged. Begin by making Friday a meat, milk and alcohol free day, remembering that our Lord was crucified on that day, and as you progress include Wednesday as well, remembering His betrayal by Judas. In this way we can focus on our own betrayal of our Lord because of our sins, and the price our Lord was willing to pay to free us from bondage to sin.

By doing this you will train yourself to resist temptation and will eventually have the will to resist those of your current struggle. Like a weight lifter you will finally have the strength by God’s grace to lift this burden from your soul and caste it away.

I had a similiar struggle many years ago when I was a Protestant and it was only after spending a couple of weeks eating only a small amount of food each day combined with much prayer that God released me from that burden. My church taught nothing about fasting so I did the best I could with what little I knew. I could have potentially caused myself some physical problems fasting the way I did, but God was merciful and protected me from harm. I have since been received into a church that has a very strong fasting tradition.

The Catholic church used to have a strong fasting tradition but it has largely fallen by the wayside, existing only as “fish on Fridays” though I am led to believe that very few Catholics even hold to that simple fast. I pray that the Catholic church will re-establish its once strong fasting tradition, as without it Catholics are not being fully equipped in their fight against the evil one. If we go into battle with a sword but carry no shield then we are vulnerable to the arrows of the enemy. Fasting equips us with a strong sheild.

Also, you need to be honest with your wife and confess your struggle to her. Marriage is a sacrament where the two of you were made one flesh. Your roles as husband and wife are to help each other to grow in holiness but your wife cannot help you if she is unaware of the problem. Your sin directly affects her and by trying to go it alone you are alienating her. By sharing your struggle with your wife she will be able to support you through prayer and many other ways, and ultimately you will both grow much closer in your relationship to each other and to God.

You are in my prayers.

John.
 
Make it a matter of pride. Who is stronger? You or the sinful habit? Think of yourself going into battle with Satan and the prize is your immortal soul. With God on your side, victory is your’s as long as you do your part because you were created with a free will. Are you in control of that free will or is the sinful habit in control. Again, make it a matter of pride that you are in charge and not some sinful habit. Also …
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Scapular:
… stay close to the confessional. Confess this sin every time, confess that you have freely chosen evil, again …
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If possible, try to do face-to-face confession with the same priest. That will put you in an extremely awkward position and that may give you added strength in avoiding this sin – " … if I give in to temptation now, I have to see father so-so again tomorrow but I just saw him less than a week ago – let’s try to hold out a bit longer … " The more time to put in-between the act, the less of a habit it will become and the less of a habit that it is, the easier it will be to conquer it. Like with any habit, there will be times that you slip and fall but just like falling off a horse, just pick yourself back up again and try again.
 
An OT Scripture passage I just happen to read that may help you:

Sirach Chapter 2 RSV-CE
1 My son, if you come forward to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for temptation.

2 Set your heart right and be steadfast, and do not be hasty in time of calamity.

3 Cleave to him and do not depart,
that you may be honored at the end of your life.

4 Accept whatever is brought upon you, and in changes that humble you be patient.

5 For gold is tested in the fire, and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation.

6 Trust in him, and he will help you;
make your ways straight, and hope in him.

7 You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy; and turn not aside, lest you fall.

8 You who fear the Lord, trust in him,
and your reward will not fail;
9 you who fear the Lord, hope for good things, for everlasting joy and mercy.

10 Consider the ancient generations and see: who ever trusted in the Lord and was put to shame? Or who ever persevered in the fear of the Lord and was forsaken? Or who ever called upon him and was overlooked?

11 For the Lord is compassionate and merciful; he forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.

12 Woe to timid hearts and to slack hands, and to the sinner who walks along two ways!
13 Woe to the faint heart, for it has no trust! Therefore it will not be sheltered.
14 Woe to you who have lost your endurance! What will you do when the Lord punishes you?

15 Those who fear the Lord will not disobey his words, and those who love him will keep his ways.
16 Those who fear the Lord will seek his approval, and those who love him will be filled with the law.
17 Those who fear the Lord will prepare their hearts, and will humble themselves before him.
18 Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, but not into the hands of men;
for as his majesty is, so also is his mercy.

Certainly something to ponder!

go with God!
Edwin
 
I agree with those who believe it’s an addiction. I have worked with and have family members who are alcoholic and your description of yourself sounds so much like that of an alcoholic. You said when you are tempted, instead of praying, everything is blocked from your mind. This is typical for an addiction. If this is an addiction, guilt will only make matters worse. Prayer does help, but a recovering alcoholic will tell you that prayer alone did not cure them. They had to work the 12 steps (which is very spiritual and will deepend your relationship with God) and had to have the help of others in order to get control of their alcoholism.
If you can’t find a meeting in your area for the problem you are having, I’m sure you would be more than welcomed at an NA meeting. My cousin was on cocaine and I attended a few with him. There were people present with any type of disorder you can think of (over eating, gambling, etc.) AA members normally only want those who are alcoholic.
Good luck to you!
Gina
 
seeker63 said:
[continued]

This may sound corny, but my religious faith kept me hanging on by just a thread, as did the idea that I was put on this earth and given certain talents so I might achieve something important.
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Dear Seeker,

Even Jesus couldn’t achieve the “something important” he came to do without the help of Simon of Cyrene. Seek help with your cross. Perhaps approach the organization, Courage. You already have the prayers of many here.

And dis_grace, (CHANGE that name! Your struggle may be the greatest GRACE you will ever know), and all who have confided your struggles here: I commend you to Our Lady, who gently embraces your hearts and is interceding for your at this very moment.

GRACE, your wife is a lucky woman to be married to someone so courageous in his battle – because this is a battle for her as much as it is for your own soul.
 
Another resource that specifically adresses sexually addictive behavior is www.sexaddict.com (not the most user discreet name). This is the web site of Dr. Doug Weiss who I heard on Catholic radio and seemed very knowledgeable. He is a Chrisitian therapist who has overcome his own sexual addiction after years of struggle. The web site offers practical resources and supports.

God Bless.
 
It’s important to remember there is a distinction between a temptation and yielding to that temptation. Recall how Jesus was tempted in the desert. He was really tempted. I don’t think those temptations were just theoretical or hypothetical.

God bless you.
 
Just a few suggestions:
  1. Confession. There’s nothing like going to a priest and having to spit that word out of your mouth to him to make you not want to do it again. A wonderful disincentive!
  2. Keep praying and going to Mass. I’ve heard others say that Mary and the rosary are very helpful with this problem.
  3. Avoid near occasion of sin. As in, only use the computer in public locations and/or with your wife present. Dump the t.v. or at least avoid just anything except maybe relatively innocuous channels (Food, HGTV, etc.). If this is as big a problem as it sounds, just lose the t.v. completely.
  4. No men’s or women’s magazines that have anything resembling flesh in them (including motor mags, men’s mainline mags, your wife’s magazines - Cosmo et al). Stick with overtly clean periodicals. Ditto for books. Steer away from anything with sex scenes in them. Need I say the same goes for movies and videos. Think of all the money you’ll save, as this will eliminate the vast majority of what’s out there! 🙂
  5. Read up on what the Church has to say about this. Think of that when you’re tempted.
 
there is a great psychology lesson here:
the tobacco industry loves the anti-smoking billboards. when people are trying to quit and stop thinking about cigarettes… lo and behold, they see a sign every 5 miles saying don’t SMOKE (at least that’s how a smoker sees it.)
i think the church’s focus on sexuality and masturbation makes people think about it ALL THE TIME. even this thread, tons of info on how not to MASTURBATE. do you see why this is so hard for people, they see the message all over church doctrine. in school you’re taught about SEX education. don’t MASTURBATE. don’t do it. it seems to be the focal point of grace, when there are a lot of other issues in a person’s life that are more important. if his extreme guilt over this sin is causing trouble in his marriage, than the guilt is the real problem. i hate to see life destroyed by guilt, you either deal with the sin or deal with the guilt, but don’t mess up a family because someone got it in your head that masturbation makes you a bad person. its just another sin. let it get in line with the others. the way people talk about it you’d think it is equivelant to murder.
there is so much more to your life than your sexuality, all this attention to it just makes it harder because you’re bombarded with messages on the sinfullness, the mortal sin… Good Lord! i really love being a Catholic but man do i think that the people with the biggest hang-ups about sexuality are the ones who protest the loudest and make such a huge issue out of this. i really feel sorry for that original poster, he’s trying to do the ‘right’ thing and it’s tearing up his family. judge a tree by the fruit it bears. and guilt blooms turmoil and stife.
my 2 cents

and i know people are going to give me **** about this post, save your breath. it’s the truth.
 
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