Please help...parenting question teenage boy

  • Thread starter Thread starter graceandglory
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

graceandglory

Guest
Please help…I honestly don’t know what to do.

I am a single mom of two teenage boys. “No dating” has been the rule until 16.
NO being alone with girls but you can group date and all that. Recently I let him invite her over for dinner and to go to the Living Stations of the Cross with our family.

What consequences would you suggest for a kid who lies and sneaks out to see his girlfriend?

Her mom is NOT on my same page. She thinks it’s great that her daughter is “DATING” my son. :eek: This little girl’s mom is shacking up with a guy. It’s a horribly immoral situation, and I don’t know how to respond. I’m pretty sure they all just roll their eyes at me thinking I’m just a naive prude. He tells me he’s going one place, and goes somewhere else.

I have no support from my son’s dad—he is mute when it comes to sexual morality.

I really need some guidance here. Other than that, he’s a pretty respectful and responsible kid. But dang it, he’s just a kid!
 
Confront him with the knowledge that you know he’s sneaking out to see her. Then explain why you are so disappointed in him…lay on the catholic guilt. Then take away some privileges that will absolutely “hit him where it hurts” figuratively. EX: take away his cell phone, ipod, computer use, etc.
 
JanetF said:
Confront him with the knowledge that you know he’s sneaking out to see her. Then explain why you are so disappointed in him…lay on the catholic guilt. Then take away some privileges that will absolutely “hit him where it hurts” figuratively. EX: take away his cell phone, ipod, computer use, etc.
Click to expand...
Took away his computer use and telephone use. Doesn’t have a cell, ipod, etc…
Had a talk about trust.

I really don’t know much about the Catholic guilt thing. I’m good at lecturing. I hear differing opinions on lecturing. How good is the lecture, if they already know how i feel about stuff?

But, thanks the same. I needed to hear someone else’s thoughts.
 
Will dad back you up enforcing the punishment? If he won’t - all I can say is I will pray for you.

If dad WILL back up the punishment, I’d do lockdown - no TV, no computer, nothing but school, mass and home for a week. He would have also lost his “group dating” for two weeks. Let him know that the next time, it will be lockdown for a month and dating age raises to 17.
 
The lying is what I would bust him for. A lie is a lie is a lie, not matter what the situation, and no matter if you are a “prude” or not. He has proven that he cannot be trusted to be where he says he will be. In my house, that is cause for some serious grounding.
 
First, confession. 🙂 That should be something he gets used to doing when he ‘messes up,’ as he grows into a man. Lock down is not a bad idea. He has to learn the consequences…but make sure you have a heart to heart about the whole thing. I was 16 once…I snuck out a few times. I was punished, and I remember having lock down. I grew up in a strict household, and I learned from it. At the time, I was angry with my sister for her restrictions (my sister raised me) but now at 40? I am grateful to have remained chaste because of her strictness.

I don’t think I’d ‘approve’ of my son dating a girl whose mom is shacking up with a guy…at 21, and he is living on his own…he can choose his own life. But, I just think that while the girl may be kind, I wouldn’t want the influence of such a situation…on my own kid.Just my two cents.

When my kids start dating, I think I’m going to be a gestapo…I won’t mean to be, but my dh and I have worked hard to mold and shape our kids, with morals, values, common sense, I just don’t want anyone coming along and being a bad influence on them.

Janet talks about Catholic guilt…how about Italian guilt? I’m Italian. 😃

Good luck to you grace…being a mom is not easy sometimes, I hope your son realizes his wrong, and knows that you have his best interest at heart. We’re not just trying to be mean!! :o
 
Got to be careful not to overreact,you yourself said he is a good kid.

Seems you are kinda the strict and overbearing type and he is at an ago where rebellion is typical.

He is growing and you as a parent have to grow with him.

Also,I would have a talk to him about the seriousness of sex and that you hope he waits until a more older age to have sex but you can’t stop him ultimately if he chooses to be sexually active and if he chooses to be sexually active,to PLEASE,PLEASE,USE A CONDOM.
 
i’m sorry wilma, but i’m urging grace to ignore this advice:
Seems you are kinda the strict and overbearing type and he is at an ago where rebellion is typical.
Click to expand...
He is growing and you as a parent have to grow with him.
Click to expand...
Also,I would have a talk to him about the seriousness of sex and that you hope he waits until a more older age to have sex but you can’t stop him ultimately if he chooses to be sexually active and if he chooses to be sexually active,to PLEASE,PLEASE,USE A CONDOM.
Click to expand...
we gotta answer to God for these kids, grace. you’re swimming upstream. going against the flow. except in the rare case of a particular family raising an astonishing saint who never rebels or disobeys, most committed Catholic parents feel just this way. it’s very hard and very unpopular.

when God gave us commandments, He knew we would rebel. still, He didn’t smudge the outlines or soften the commandments. He gave them to us for our good. you’ve presented boundaries to your son for the same reason-- because you love him and believe these boundaries are best.

you tried to include girlfriend in important things-- family time, stations of the cross. your boy ignored your boundaries. he’s not trustworthy enough, nor mature enough to choose his own boundaries. but God knew that’s true about most our kids-- that’s why they’re still subject to their parents-- because they need us.

after a few serious mishaps with our sons and highschool dating, we revised the plan-- no dating in high school. it was too much temptation for them to handle (in areas of honesty, distraction from responsibilities, sex, intense and negative comparisons of ‘her parents’ and us etc.)

now you may not want to revise that much, but the week-long lock downs are rather flimsy. your boy lied about something that is very important to you-- your committment to support his spirtual life and his chastity. sneaking off with a favorite crush is indicationhe’s got a problem with obedience and likewise indicates there’s already been some damage to chastity-- at least philosophically, if not practically.

A headline on CA states the number one reason teens abandon their faith is sexual sin. that’s a really really good reason to support an environment that promotes chastity. even before there were statistics, many parents suspected the correlation.

remain committed. stay quiet as you can. don’t yell and continue to present very clear restrictions. pray. pray. pray more.
 
monicatholic said:
i’m sorry wilma, but i’m urging grace to ignore this advice:

we gotta answer to God for these kids, grace. you’re swimming upstream. going against the flow. except in the rare case of a particular family raising an astonishing saint who never rebels or disobeys, most committed Catholic parents feel just this way. it’s very hard and very unpopular.

when God gave us commandments, He knew we would rebel. still, He didn’t smudge the outlines or soften the commandments. He gave them to us for our good. you’ve presented boundaries to your son for the same reason-- because you love him and believe these boundaries are best.

you tried to include girlfriend in important things-- family time, stations of the cross. your boy ignored your boundaries. he’s not trustworthy enough, nor mature enough to choose his own boundaries. but God knew that’s true about most our kids-- that’s why they’re still subject to their parents-- because they need us.

after a few serious mishaps with our sons and highschool dating, we revised the plan-- no dating in high school. it was too much temptation for them to handle (in areas of honesty, distraction from responsibilities, sex, intense and negative comparisons of ‘her parents’ and us etc.)

now you may not want to revise that much, but the week-long lock downs are rather flimsy. your boy lied about something that is very important to you-- your committment to support his spirtual life and his chastity. sneaking off with a favorite crush is indicationhe’s got a problem with obedience and likewise indicates there’s already been some damage to chastity-- at least philosophically, if not practically.

A headline on CA states the number one reason teens abandon their faith is sexual sin. that’s a really really good reason to support an environment that promotes chastity. even before there were statistics, many parents suspected the correlation.

remain committed. stay quiet as you can. don’t yell and continue to present very clear restrictions. pray. pray. pray more.
Click to expand...
👍 great advice. Never suggest to your son to use condoms. I am not naive to think that at some point, my kids will be faced with tempation, but I’m not going to give my blessing for them to use contraception. 😦
 
monicatholic, when are you going to write a book on Catholic parenting? 😃 I have not yet been blessed with children but your advice is always so good, and so faithful to Catholic teachings. I love your posts!

As Catholics the message we need to send our children is to save sex for MARRIAGE, not some nebulous time when they are “older.” I applaud all you parents who try to instill the virtue of chastity in your children instead of caving in to the prevailing attitude of society and saying “just use a condom, okay?”
 
Not meaning to go off topic…but is there an age requirement for buying condoms? :confused: I mean, to purchase one, like there is an age requirement on cigarettes?
 
whatevergirl said:
Not meaning to go off topic…but is there an age requirement for buying condoms? :confused: I mean, to purchase one, like there is an age requirement on cigarettes?
Click to expand...
No legal age to buy condoms. Shoot they give them out at many schools.
 
I have 5 teenage boys, our message to them is to not get emotionally involved with a girl until they are much older. Their task as teens is to learn how to be friends with many different boys and girls, not to become emotionally attached to a certain girl. Where can that lead them anyway? Sexually frustration and sin. I am really trying to teach my boys to save their first passionate kiss for their wedding night–“don’t give your kisses away”. It helps that they are homeschooled and not in the midst of a school situation where so many have boyfriends and girlfriends…

There are some great resources to share with your son about dating and sexual purity. Anything from Jason Evert is great–Catholic Answers sells his stuff. I would go about teaching him through books and dvd’s, he is more likely to listen to someone else like Jason Evert than a lecture by his mom.

As far as his sneaking out, others have given you advice about dealing with that. Pray, pray and pray.
 
graceandglory said:
Please help…I honestly don’t know what to do.

I am a single mom of two teenage boys. “No dating” has been the rule until 16.
NO being alone with girls but you can group date and all that. Recently I let him invite her over for dinner and to go to the Living Stations of the Cross with our family.

What consequences would you suggest for a kid who lies and sneaks out to see his girlfriend?

Her mom is NOT on my same page. She thinks it’s great that her daughter is “DATING” my son. :eek: This little girl’s mom is shacking up with a guy. It’s a horribly immoral situation, and I don’t know how to respond. I’m pretty sure they all just roll their eyes at me thinking I’m just a naive prude. He tells me he’s going one place, and goes somewhere else.

I have no support from my son’s dad—he is mute when it comes to sexual morality.

I really need some guidance here. Other than that, he’s a pretty respectful and responsible kid. But dang it, he’s just a kid!
Click to expand...
Dear sister in Jesus.

I have the perfect idea for you.
Get hold of the dvd called: Romance Without Regret, made by Jason and Chrystalina Evert. This live sex-talk has changed the lives of thousands and thousands of teens. Both 13-year olds and 40 year old people take a decision for chastity after viewing this sex-talk. Jason and Chrystalina are young Catholics, they have been there-done that and they can speak to your son in ways you just can’t. Its clearly an anointed ministry they have and its so powerful.
Get it today rather than tomorrow. Your son could be going down a bad track and might end up doing something he will always regret or which will at worst alienate him from the faith.

Order it here
chastity.com/
or listen to the speech directly here chastity.com/seminars/index.php?id=5
I recommend the Public High School talk… it shows that there are huge reasons for staying pure even if you are not a believer. And its so entertaining too…

God bless 👍
 
Since when is it overbearing to expect the truth from people, including our children?

I see this as a two sided problem, the lying, for which there should be some consequence, which you seem to have taken care of. Second, he needs some serious Catholic sex education through Romance Without Regret (saw it - it’s great!) or Theology of the Body for Teens. They even have DVD’s to make really easy to go through this with your kids. And not only your teen needs this - they all do! How are they supposed to know what sex is about if we don’t tell them?
 
Arlene said:
The lying is what I would bust him for. A lie is a lie is a lie, not matter what the situation, and no matter if you are a “prude” or not. He has proven that he cannot be trusted to be where he says he will be. In my house, that is cause for some serious grounding.
Click to expand...
HouseArrest said:
Since when is it overbearing to expect the truth from people, including our children?

I see this as a two sided problem, the lying, for which there should be some consequence, which you seem to have taken care of. Second, he needs some serious Catholic sex education through Romance Without Regret (saw it - it’s great!) or Theology of the Body for Teens. They even have DVD’s to make really easy to go through this with your kids. And not only your teen needs this - they all do! How are they supposed to know what sex is about if we don’t tell them?
Click to expand...
A lie is a lie is a lie. Last time my son lied to me, he was in “lock down” for a month. No computer use, he doesn’t have a cell phone, no game systems and lots and lots of family time. When he asked if he could be let off early, we said, no we can’t trust you. From that point on, we treated him like we couldn’t trust him. That meant, he wasn’t allowed to be left alone. He had to come with us everywhere. It was hard. but he had to earn back the trust.

Then we addressed the problem. For you, I would not allow him to see this girl without an adult present. That means he can’t go to her house, since you don’t know who else will be there. If you can, take him to school and pick him up. Do whatever you can to restrict his movements. Remember you don’t trust him. Make him earn your trust.
 
WilmaORTEGA said:
Got to be careful not to overreact,you yourself said he is a good kid.

Seems you are kinda the strict and overbearing type and he is at an ago where rebellion is typical.

He is growing and you as a parent have to grow with him.

Also,I would have a talk to him about the seriousness of sex and that you hope he waits until a more older age to have sex but you can’t stop him ultimately if he chooses to be sexually active and if he chooses to be sexually active,to PLEASE,PLEASE,USE A CONDOM.
Click to expand...
Does that mean that since I have taught my son not to steal, if he does I should say:

PLEASE PLEASE, USE A LOOK OUT or
PLEASE PLEASE, USE A SKI MASK?

How about if he wants to kill someone?

PLEASE PLEASE USE A GUN THAT NO ONE CAN TRACE.
 
maryjk said:
Does that mean that since I have taught my son not to steal, if he does I should say:

PLEASE PLEASE, USE A LOOK OUT or
PLEASE PLEASE, USE A SKI MASK?

How about if he wants to kill someone?

PLEASE PLEASE USE A GUN THAT NO ONE CAN TRACE.
Click to expand...
👍

My response exactly.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top