Please offer me some kind of advice

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well, today is the first i’ve seen this thread - or heard of you or grandfather.

I was hoping you would come back and tell us what happened. (and if the 62292 in your username is your birthday - happy 20th).

I’m curious though. As a 20 year old - you may read this whole thread differently than you did at 16. Even though you thought people were wrong in your specific example - how would you now answer a 16 year old with the same question?

If you were not so attached - how would you feel about a 16 year-old girl having you in her sights? What advice would you have written had her posts been yours? (I’m just curious)

At 20, you are still young. But you may understand a lot more than you did a fifth of your life ago. I hope it all works out just as in your dreams. Congratulations on college.
 
Ha! Interesting question! Well I’ll start with telling you what happened.

It was the summer of 2009. Crystal and I were very good friends. We hang out a lot with each other and a very good mutual friend. Around the 4th of July she asked if I would take her to see the fireworks in a neighboring city. I agreed. I was 17 and she was 20 at the time. And so we had a great time sitting on the side of the hill eating burgers, sipping pop and watching the fireworks. This moment really solidified our friendship. A few weeks later we were texting when she began to allude to her affections for me. A few minutes later she told me she liked me. We talked on the phone the whole evening.

The next day we decided to start dating. Everything was incredible. We became closer and started opening up to each other. I helped her through a difficult moment in her life. A year later she would do the same for me. It wasn’t long before I made the decision to love her and open my heart completely. Best decision I ever made. Three years later here we are.

But I have to say this. God had it planned all along. Not too long after this thread ended I changed my focus from getting her to like me to becoming friends. Each morning I visited the Lord in the tabernacle and placed everything in his hands. I told him that it’s all on him whether or not he wanted us together. I told him I didn’t even care anymore, I’ve failed at these kinds of things before, this time would be no different. So I carried on. God ultimately decided that he would place us together. And I thank him all the time for that.
 
So how would I answer a person in this situation? I’d tell them not to worry too much about it. Trust God and continue to pray. Be open to his will. It’s ok to let him know what you want, just as long as you’re open to what he may want. I’d them them that anything is possible with God.

As for a girl in the situation you described. I would tell her the same thing. But in knowing the weaknesses of men I would tell her to tread with caution. Personally if she had me in her sights I would be flattered. I would be her friend and open to Gods will. Until I knew what God wanted out of our relationship I would be careful not to lead her on.

I look back on my original posts and cringe with embarrassment a little bit at my stubbornness. I did end up following their advice to work on friendship and to accept the possibility of not being with her though.

But yes, my birthday is Friday, and I do look forward to finishing school and spending my life with Crystal.
 
ironman62292 said:
So how would I answer a person in this situation? I’d tell them not to worry too much about it. Trust God and continue to pray. Be open to his will. It’s ok to let him know what you want, just as long as you’re open to what he may want. I’d them them that anything is possible with God.

As for a girl in the situation you described. I would tell her the same thing. But in knowing the weaknesses of men I would tell her to tread with caution. Personally if she had me in her sights I would be flattered. I would be her friend and open to Gods will. Until I knew what God wanted out of our relationship I would be careful not to lead her on.

I look back on my original posts and cringe with embarrassment a little bit at my stubbornness. I did end up following their advice to work on friendship and to accept the possibility of not being with her though.

But yes, my birthday is Friday, and I do look forward to finishing school and spending my life with Crystal.
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Are you for real? Cheating on this girlfriend of yours as little as last October…? Entwining all kinds of God stuff into it with vocation and all the rest of it while using somebody.

I read a bunch of your posts last night and there is nothing but self absorbed instability. Me, Me, Me…your everything dude, a guy does not want for his sisters boyfriend. Stability has nothing to do with age, and you constantly look for approval hiding behind age and god stuff . Ive talked to many girls who get recked by your type man… I’m betting youve driven this girls nuts with conscience orientated brainwashing. She won’t know fully consciously unless she meets someone or is hugely smart with very very good friends.

She meets a guy with whats called…genuine stability… and a couple of bucks including real promise without the self centered and God brainwashing…and your history in ten minutes from now and until infinity…you have no business giving advice out…Im guessing even a solid dating service with good intentions for clients would weed you out in a two hour session . You can’t come on line and think everyone is stupid:thumbsup:

I would suggest missionary work for 5 years to try and establish a real self understood reason for ego…you got no ego and manipulate everything for approval from the social…leaving a phony interaction because it wasn’t the real you with what ever problem it is…society less off…and a continued need which can only escalate in non truths. Your style, its common. Ive had lots of exposure with people, a normal healthy 12 year old has good stability-common sense on the go.
 
Um furthersuntime, I think you’ve missed something here. This thread happened 4 years ago. The girl I’m with now and the girl I was speaking about are the same person. I’ve never cheated on her. At that time I did feel like I may have been called to priesthood. Since then I’ve discerned that I’m called to marriage.

I’m very confused as to why you are calling me manipulative. At the time of this thread 4 years ago I’d had barely spoken to this girl to even come close to manipulation. I lacked the maturity at that time to realize many things that I do know now.

Am I missing something here? Or are you furthersuntime? If you are referring to me in the present tense then please enlighten me, I do not seek to be manipulative.
 
I read this thread through and realized you had emotional problems. Age has nothing to do with self centered emotional stuff .So I decided to check out that thread you started last October…“Major Problem” where your hurting your girlfriend due to being so mixed up and saying your sick of her, including info about another girlfriend your interested in…plus going down to the church and talking about entering the priesthood while all this confusion that can’t be handled, hurting people due to self centeredness is going on.

I noticed this only after realizing a personality that thinks the world, orbits around you and your specific needs. Thats why I wrote that post above us, to not correct you, or tell you, but give an option of looking at the world as something other then…a place that owes you, your specific needs
 
That thread you reference took place in a moment of my life of extreme confusion. Looking back on it I can see that God was using that moment. I came to realize and understand the great friendship I have with Crystal. I understood what my problem finally was. Listen, I don’t appreciate you making such extreme judgments about me when you don’t even know the whole story. What you have read are just minuscule snippets of my life and my relationship with Crystal.

You have it all wrong. You can’t see my entire history, you haven’t been where I’ve been, you haven’t had my experiences. Sure I’m a little self centered, but not more than the average person. My posts may have given that impression. But you said so yourself, I was in a state of emotional chaos and irrationality for a few occasions. That thread you reference, my girlfriend was hurt, so was I. I struggled with my vocation. Priesthood or marriage, was she even the right one? It was a crisis moment. God used that moment to bring us closer together and to him.

Please be more careful next time. Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly, don’t be so quick to judge. I assure you, your judgment of me is totally ludicrous.
 
ironman62292 said:
That thread you reference took place in a moment of my life of extreme confusion. Looking back on it I can see that God was using that moment. I came to realize and understand the great friendship I have with Crystal. I understood what my problem finally was. Listen, I don’t appreciate you making such extreme judgments about me when you don’t even know the whole story. What you have read are just minuscule snippets of my life and my relationship with Crystal.

You have it all wrong. You can’t see my entire history, you haven’t been where I’ve been, you haven’t had my experiences. Sure I’m a little self centered, but not more than the average person. My posts may have given that impression. But you said so yourself, I was in a state of emotional chaos and irrationality for a few occasions. That thread you reference, my girlfriend was hurt, so was I. I struggled with my vocation. Priesthood or marriage, was she even the right one? It was a crisis moment. God used that moment to bring us closer together and to him.

Please be more careful next time. Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly, don’t be so quick to judge. I assure you, your judgment of me is totally ludicrous.
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I haven’t even started with you. You use the God idea to manipulate people, your not going to get away with that with me. A decent relationship starts with two decent people and common grounds in life understandings…If you think youve got some kind of a free pass on developing a relationship in the normal way with this , God stuff your speaking to the wrong Catholic-Christian. You use all these trigger words like struggle, vocation, oh shes such a beautiful person… as if your some kind of a martyr or something. If my sister was dating a guy like this, a guy who use’s conscience related god stuff in almost every sentence, I would advise to run for the hills. The idea of God unfolds in a decent relationship …you don’t stamp it on a girl , or language trying to show you have some kind of a phone line to god…raising conscience…thats the lowest, oldest trick in the books…and rightfully looses out every time , one way or another… Solid relationships are normal…the god idea is the blessing of it once its real…if its real
 
What the heck are you even talking about!? Look, I’m not manipulating anyone! I’m telling you that God has brought us together. It’s been a bumpy road, but a worthwhile journey. I love her to pieces. Our relationship began with common grounds in life understanding. We understand each other very well. You don’t have to believe me but I’m telling you that God has been and is with us now. We are thinking about getting married. I’m really not understanding where you’re getting these illusions from.
 
ironman62292 said:
What the heck are you even talking about!? Look, I’m not manipulating anyone! I’m telling you that God has brought us together. It’s been a bumpy road, but a worthwhile journey. I love her to pieces. Our relationship began with common grounds in life understanding. We understand each other very well. You don’t have to believe me but I’m telling you that God has been and is with us now. We are thinking about getting married. I’m really not understanding where you’re getting these illusions from.
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What till a few months from now or whatever when god tells you another girl needs you more?..then you gotta tell her god doesn’t think shes right for you. ( like last time, thats gotta be the worst.a guy could do…why she took you back after the god-revelation I’ll never know
 
Look, youre full of it to say something like that. Get out of my thread. I’m deeply offended by your incredibly judgmental and purely stupid comments. I’m gonna tell you this one more time, I love her, she loves me. God is bringing us together. You’ve only read a very small portion of my life and relationship, a portion where I was very confused in my life. Those posts do not define the entirety of my being. If you have something stupid to say again then keep it to yourself, I’ve heard enough from you.
 
ironman62292 said:
Look, youre full of it to say something like that. Get out of my thread. I’m deeply offended by your incredibly judgmental and purely stupid comments. I’m gonna tell you this one more time, I love her, she loves me. God is bringing us together. You’ve only read a very small portion of my life and relationship, a portion where I was very confused in my life. Those posts do not define the entirety of my being. If you have something stupid to say again then keep it to yourself, I’ve heard enough from you.
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Well…looking at how you handle yourself I’m thinking she’s probably got her eye on someone else, or at least hoping. Do you find her stalling on things in general?
 
No! She is all for the idea of marriage. She thinks about it all the time. Like I said, you’ve got this all wrong. Stop now before you make yourself look even worse. I’m not lying to you. I’m being totally truthful. If you don’t believe me I really don’t care, God knows and she knows that I love her and that I want to marry her.
 
Like I said, you go on believing what you want to, I really don’t give a damn.
 
Well this thread went sour fast.

Ironman, if your relationship with Crystal is what you believe to be genuine and in accordance with God’s will, do you really need to fight tooth and nail to convince anyone of that? How would that affect your relationship any more if you could? Be at peace. Convincing someone of something unrelated to them does not make it any more or less in accordance with God’s will than it may already be, if it may be so. It is good and wise that you sought the Blessed Sacrament on a daily basis before you began your relationship with Crystal. I would continue placing your relationship and any associated cares at the altar of the Cross than on this public forum, as it is the Lord who defines your relationship with Crystal, and not this forum.

FurtherSuntime, you jumped the gun a bit on the infidelity thing. I’m not so sure he was referring to the situation in which he were still dating Crystal when he said he’d be flattered by an admiring 16 year old. I think he was giving his honest answer in a situational vacuum. Take to heart the beatitude: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” I understand your concern, but wait before you jump to conclusions.

Penultimately, three cheers for grandfather!! Gosh, he was a breath of fresh air! (So sad to see him leave). Although his comments may have bothered you at times, Ironman, you got some good ol’ (albeit at times bitter {like a good Scotch}) advice from a wise old man of many years of experience. Consider yourself BLESSED he even responded in your thread! I would consider re-reading his posts, chewing on them a bit and maybe thinking about them a little differently. You may find that wise-old-man-advice is like eating a big steak with a good red wine. It may be tough for the young at heart, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t top quality.

Lastly, I will keep you and Crystal in my prayers, Ironman. I’m confident that prayer before the Blessed Sacrament is the most beneficial in not only allowing us to see clearly the vocation and plan God has for us (lending my doubting heart more confidence in your decision to date after hearing you had been doing that up until the point) but also in forming us into the men and women, and, ultimately, saints, God calls us to be, which will bring us the greatest happiness we can hope for. A great book both of you could read during your courtship is Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. The great Archbishop also has some wonderful CDs on practical married love you could look into as well. May God bless you both.
Angela
 
ambevil said:
Well this thread went sour fast.

Ironman, if your relationship with Crystal is what you believe to be genuine and in accordance with God’s will, do you really need to fight tooth and nail to convince anyone of that? How would that affect your relationship any more if you could? Be at peace. Convincing someone of something unrelated to them does not make it any more or less in accordance with God’s will than it may already be, if it may be so. It is good and wise that you sought the Blessed Sacrament on a daily basis before you began your relationship with Crystal. I would continue placing your relationship and any associated cares at the altar of the Cross than on this public forum, as it is the Lord who defines your relationship with Crystal, and not this forum.

FurtherSuntime, you jumped the gun a bit on the infidelity thing. I’m not so sure he was referring to the situation in which he were still dating Crystal when he said he’d be flattered by an admiring 16 year old. I think he was giving his honest answer in a situational vacuum. Take to heart the beatitude: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” I understand your concern, but wait before you jump to conclusions.

Penultimately, three cheers for grandfather!! Gosh, he was a breath of fresh air! (So sad to see him leave). Although his comments may have bothered you at times, Ironman, you got some good ol’ (albeit at times bitter {like a good Scotch}) advice from a wise old man of many years of experience. Consider yourself BLESSED he even responded in your thread! I would consider re-reading his posts, chewing on them a bit and maybe thinking about them a little differently. You may find that wise-old-man-advice is like eating a big steak with a good red wine. It may be tough for the young at heart, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t top quality.

Lastly, I will keep you and Crystal in my prayers, Ironman. I’m confident that prayer before the Blessed Sacrament is the most beneficial in not only allowing us to see clearly the vocation and plan God has for us (lending my doubting heart more confidence in your decision to date after hearing you had been doing that up until the point) but also in forming us into the men and women, and, ultimately, saints, God calls us to be, which will bring us the greatest happiness we can hope for. A great book both of you could read during your courtship is Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. The great Archbishop also has some wonderful CDs on practical married love you could look into as well. May God bless you both.
Angela
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Firstly , unless you can"t read, we just had an example of how emotions are handled when disagreement comes about,

How people handle disagreements in public gives an idea of how disagreements in private are managed. We know this is how he would discuss with the girl at times, do you understand? … statistically probably much more adamant and aggressive.

Read it through.

This is not a religion-faith issue, its an instability issue. ( unless you see something stable

You shouldn’t be commenting in these areas because you don’t know what your talking about. Please do not refer to my assistance with others again. Thank-you
 
This is my final comment in this thread. It seems in this forum that when problematic personalities arise, everyone thinks its a god-faith issue and all the prayers and so forth will solve the problem…God is not stupid. Anything worth its salt in character development needs to be earned. Thinking God is in your back pocket using religion, to back up whats not there as well manipulating people…is not going to work anywhere, with anyone.

Lastly, given all Ive read in this matter which is not limited to this thread, my opinions as stated stand. My suggestion is to get individual and couple therapy before any lifetime commitment and not from a church, but professionals.
 
FurtherSuntime said:
Firstly , unless you can"t read, we just had an example of how emotions are handled when disagreement comes about,

How people handle disagreements in public gives an idea of how disagreements in private are managed. We know this is how he would discuss with the girl at times, do you understand? … statistically probably much more adamant and aggressive.

Read it through.

This is not a religion-faith issue, its an instability issue. ( unless you see something stable

You shouldn’t be commenting in these areas because you don’t know what your talking about. Please do not refer to my assistance with others again. Thank-you
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FurtherSuntime,
Thanks for the heads-up, but I’m fully capable of reading; hence, why I respond to you in English. No need to resort to ad hominems and personal attacks when someone disagrees with you. Take a breather, kind sir. 😉

Rest assured, I’ve read the discussion fully through. I understand where you may be coming from; I just disagree with your approach. I agree fully that the way a person disagrees in public sheds light into the possible manner in which he or she disagrees in private, and yet so far I have seen only your own responses strewn with ad hominems, personal attacks, sarcastic slights, nasty accusations and straw men arguments toward the OP in a manner hardly considered charitable. And, as it was that you posted in a public forum, I find no rule against that which allows me to publicly respond to your so called “assistance with others.” I apologize if my public disagreement caught you by surprise.

If you hadn’t left the forum I would have asked you to provide valid and reliable evidence for your “statistics” regarding the OP’s supposed likely “adamant and aggressive” behavior. While I don’t have any knowledge of the OP’s life outside of the Catholic Answers Forums (and neither do you) I can safely assume that I, in fact, know nothing about the psychology or emotional behavior of the OP, and can hardly conclude anything about any major character flaws. Sheesh! If it required more than a seasoned priest whom the OP knew well to rid him of his so-called “emotional manipulativeness,” then aren’t you slightly less qualified to make such daring claims about his own interpersonal life? Frankly, you jumped the gun on a lot you knew hardly anything about. Please forgive my response if it offends you.

God bless you both,
Angela
 
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