Please please help- sleep training

[mommy_k]

I may probably missed something, but if your baby sees you and you say shhhhh it’s time to sleep and don’t pick them up its the same thing as if you had them cio in a seperate bedroom. Yes they will cry. Maybe for about hour at first…but don’t pick the baby up.

We had the kids nap in the family room within my sightline, and they cried too, to get me to pick them up. I consistantly did this and sonetimes handed them thier tinystuffie.

The stuffed animal I referred to up thread should be tiny without buttons or things to pull off They sell them at the carter’s store. A small blankie would work as a self soother…

I would think u have to pick a method and stick to itand do it and not change or give in. Eight months is old enough to sleep through the night without even 1 feeding. This can happen at 6 months. If your baby can’t go this long, the pediatrician should help you. If your pediatrician has a different parenting philosphy, you need to find a different one, and listen to them.

Best wishes

 

[heidi_storage]

I may probably missed something, but if your baby sees you and you say shhhhh it’s time to sleep and don’t pick them up its the same thing as if you had them cio in a seperate bedroom. Yes they will cry. Maybe for about hour at first…but don’t pick the baby up.

We had the kids nap in the family room within my sightline, and they cried too, to get me to pick them up. I consistantly did this and sonetimes handed them thier tinystuffie.

The stuffed animal I referred to up thread should be tiny without buttons or things to pull off They sell them at the carter’s store. A small blankie would work as a self soother…

I would think u have to pick a method and stick to itand do it and not change or give in. Eight months is old enough to sleep through the night without even 1 feeding. This can happen at 6 months. If your baby can’t go this long, the pediatrician should help you. If your pediatrician has a different parenting philosphy, you need to find a different one, and listen to them.

Best wishes

Ehhh…the only thing is, some babies just DON’T sleep through the night, and don’t go back to sleep by themselves until much older than eight months. I agree that the baby needs help learning to self-soothe (though I don’t know that it’s all that safe to put a loose item in an eight-month-old’s crib), but even with the awesomest, most consistent program in the world the baby may just be one that wakes up at night for a long time. (Mine were. Attempts to sleep-train my daughter generally ended in her screaming until she vomited.)

The key is helping reduce these wakings to the point that AClaire and her husband can get good enough sleep. I think lots of posters have made great suggestions, and second your recommendation to enlist the pediatrician’s help. But one final thing, which may seem contradictory but isn’t: Try not to worry too much, or to stress over the current situation and feel like you’re somehow failing. You are not! Babies can be so hard, so hang in there.

 

[AClaire11]

Ehhh…the only thing is, some babies just DON’T sleep through the night, and don’t go back to sleep by themselves until much older than eight months. I agree that the baby needs help learning to self-soothe (though I don’t know that it’s all that safe to put a loose item in an eight-month-old’s crib), but even with the awesomest, most consistent program in the world the baby may just be one that wakes up at night for a long time. (Mine were. Attempts to sleep-train my daughter generally ended in her screaming until she vomited.)

The key is helping reduce these wakings to the point that AClaire and her husband can get good enough sleep. I think lots of posters have made great suggestions, and second your recommendation to enlist the pediatrician’s help. But one final thing, which may seem contradictory but isn’t: Try not to worry too much, or to stress over the current situation and feel like you’re somehow failing. You are not! Babies can be so hard, so hang in there.

Thank you. I’d be okay if she even woke up every three hours. It’s this every hour stuff that’s killing me. And she’s slept for 4-6 hours in a row before on occasion so I know it’s possible!

 

[amy521]

I didn’t read through the entire messages but the first couple pages. A few thoughts based on my experiences with three little ones:

First, this too will pass! Although it doesn’t feel like it when you are in the moment, she will eventually sleep and the sleep deprived days will be a blurry memory. You are doing great and it will all be okay eventually. All babies are different and circumstances are different so there is no one fits all way to make it work and also not all babies will adjust to the same sleep schedules.

I recommend the baby whisperer books - probably the Baby Whisperer solves all your sleep problems. She is great at helping identifying the problem and find ways to solve it (see my note below about the snacker) If you are okay with the crying, I also think Ferber’s Solve your childs sleep problems book is excellent. He recommends a phased crying and check on them approach - it is not really a long crying out method as you check on the baby in intervals. This worked amazingly well on my third baby and he slept through the night after a few days. However, I also did this at the same time as night weaning (he was waking up every hour all night to feed - at over 8 months old) and I got him down to 1 or 2 times a night. Then eventually weaned him at night completely. You can use Ferber to go down to the 1 or 2 feeds too and stay there if that’s what you prefer.

Also I noticed from your comments that you said your baby is 8 months old and eats (I think nurses) every 1 hour during the day. It sounds like your baby has become a snacker and that typically has bad repercussions for the night and results in your baby wanting to nurse all night. Basically as soon as their tummy empties slightly they feel hungry and wake up. Your baby should ideally be nursing every 3-4 hours during the day by this age and having solid food at least 2 times a day. If you want to try to get to that you need to start slowly spacing out the feedings during the day.

Another thought with the studio, I agree with others that commented it would help to have separated spaces for you and your husband and baby. Maybe even putting a sheet up to divide the spaces a bit. I think it will be very hard to sleep train - and extremely painful for you - if the baby can see you and your husband.

Please feel free to message me if you’d like.

 

[Xantippe]

Ehhh…the only thing is, some babies just DON’T sleep through the night, and don’t go back to sleep by themselves until much older than eight months. I agree that the baby needs help learning to self-soothe (though I don’t know that it’s all that safe to put a loose item in an eight-month-old’s crib), but even with the awesomest, most consistent program in the world the baby may just be one that wakes up at night for a long time. (Mine were. Attempts to sleep-train my daughter generally ended in her screaming until she vomited.)

The key is helping reduce these wakings to the point that AClaire and her husband can get good enough sleep. I think lots of posters have made great suggestions, and second your recommendation to enlist the pediatrician’s help.** But one final thing, which may seem contradictory but isn’t: Try not to worry too much, or to stress over the current situation and feel like you’re somehow failing. You are not! Babies can be so hard, so hang in there.**

Yes, this is (at least in the short-term) for the OP’s benefit, so she doesn’t need to beat herself up that she is failing the baby right now.

As long as baby is alive and fed, she’s basically OK. I’m a lot more concerned about the OP and her husband’s welfare.

 

[CountrySinger]

Yes, this is (at least in the short-term) for the OP’s benefit, so she doesn’t need to beat herself up that she is failing the baby right now.

As long as baby is alive and fed, she’s basically OK. I’m a lot more concerned about the OP and her husband’s welfare.

It took me a long time to learn that if I’m not mentally, physically, or emotionally healthy, it would affect my son. If I had a breakdown, it would hurt my son. So if I need a break, a cup of tea, or even just let him chill watching nursery rhymes on the tablet, so be it. He is happy and cared for.

I feel that if someone feels like the are failing their kids, they aren’t. I’m a former teacher, and the parents who worried were the ones who didn’t need to.

 

[mommy_k]

Ehhh…the only thing is, some babies just DON’T sleep through the night, and don’t go back to sleep by themselves until much older than eight months. I agree that the baby needs help learning to self-soothe (though I don’t know that it’s all that safe to put a loose item in an eight-month-old’s crib), but even with the awesomest, most consistent program in the world the baby may just be one that wakes up at night for a long time. (Mine were. Attempts to sleep-train my daughter generally ended in her screaming until she vomited.)

The key is helping reduce these wakings to the point that AClaire and her husband can get good enough sleep. I think lots of posters have made great suggestions, and second your recommendation to enlist the pediatrician’s help. But one final thing, which may seem contradictory but isn’t: Try not to worry too much, or to stress over the current situation and feel like you’re somehow failing. You are not! Babies can be so hard, so hang in there.

Yes this is true but some can sleep but wont…this is in no way saying AClair isnot a fantastic, patient mom…she is.

If my children’s pediatrician gave me advice that was off constantly in regard to my parenting ideals, I would find another one.

Upthread I mentioned night weaning, and the Dr.gave advice that was not inline with what A Claire believed.

Monicad also had a good point. Either the parents guide and condition the babies behavior or the older baby will condition the parent with negative reinforcement. The longer this happens the more hard this is to break. I have had friends who have had thier 5 year olds not able to stay in bed the entire night and would crawl into bed with them regularly.

Are there medical or tempermental reasons for this, of course…but at times I would think it’s the child that has trained the parent.
That’s why it’s important to have a doctor who is on the same page, and to listen to them, as they would have more insight to what the issue is. Our children all had different nap schedules as babies, depending on thier activity levels and so on, and this helped with sleep training too. I would never had known this as a young mom.

As for little stuffies, I would not leave a baby alone with one until about a year old…but if the baby is in the same room then it may help with soothing…

 

[Irishmom2]

Also I noticed from your comments that you said your baby is 8 months old and eats (I think nurses) every 1 hour during the day. It sounds like your baby has become a snacker and that typically has bad repercussions for the night and results in your baby wanting to nurse all night. Basically as soon as their tummy empties slightly they feel hungry and wake up. Your baby should ideally be nursing every 3-4 hours during the day by this age and having solid food at least 2 times a day. If you want to try to get to that you need to start slowly spacing out the feedings during the day.

This was my thought too. Your baby needs more solid food during the day, nursing is just not enough to get her through the night.

Fold a sheet over the top of the new screen to cover any “peek holes.”

Does your husband drive to work? How far away is that? If we only had one car, I would be driving him to work and picking him up! It’s better than sitting in a studio apartment all day!
My kids loved car rides.

 

[AClaire11]

This was my thought too. Your baby needs more solid food during the day, nursing is just not enough to get her through the night.

Fold a sheet over the top of the new screen to cover any “peek holes.”

Does your husband drive to work? How far away is that? If we only had one car, I would be driving him to work and picking him up! It’s better than sitting in a studio apartment all day!
My kids loved car rides.

It’s hit or miss how much she will eat. We don’t have a car at all right now. He takes a shuttle to the metro.

 

[pensmama87]

It’s* hit or miss* how much she will eat. We don’t have a car at all right now. He takes a shuttle to the metro.

I wouldn’t necessarily think of it this way. Kids don’t (and shouldn’t be expected to) eat a certain amount every day. They’ll take in more or less based on their needs. I think if you continue to offer it, over time, the trend will be that she gradually eats more. If she has less opportunity to eat at night, that will probably be an encouragement, too.

I’m curious what your husband thinks about a lot of this. Not so much for myself, but what has he expressed to you about sleeping, intimacy, having another kid, and so on? Has he expressed any of that to you? Do you both have a game plan?

(You don’t have to answer these, I just keep getting the feeling that he’s kind of passively not involved in any of this. I know he’s busy, but if he’s invested in having another child and rebuilding an intimate relationship with you, I think he needs to be part of this effort too, and I’m not getting that vibe. These sorts of aspects of parenting are very hard and I think they work best when both parents are on the same page and are clear about roles.)

 

[Xantippe]

This is not exactly a feeding thread, but I would make a number of finger foods available. Baby may feel a lot more positive about foods that she can pick up herself and stuff in her mouth.

I know a lot of people avoid wheat for a while, but Baby Girl loved bagels starting no later than about 6 months. They have wonderful dual play/food value–it’s like a baby toy you can eat. I used to go to the hair salon with her as an infant, hand her a bagel, and manage to get a haircut by the time before she got restless.

 

[AClaire11]

I wouldn’t necessarily think of it this way. Kids don’t (and shouldn’t be expected to) eat a certain amount every day. They’ll take in more or less based on their needs. I think if you continue to offer it, over time, the trend will be that she gradually eats more. If she has less opportunity to eat at night, that will probably be an encouragement, too.

I’m curious what your husband thinks about a lot of this. Not so much for myself, but what has he expressed to you about sleeping, intimacy, having another kid, and so on? Has he expressed any of that to you? Do you both have a game plan?

(You don’t have to answer these, I just keep getting the feeling that he’s kind of passively not involved in any of this. I know he’s busy, but if he’s invested in having another child and rebuilding an intimate relationship with you, I think he needs to be part of this effort too, and I’m not getting that vibe. These sorts of aspects of parenting are very hard and I think they work best when both parents are on the same page and are clear about roles.)

He left it up to me but thinks it is a good call to sleep train. Since I have endometriosis, we’ve agreed to start trying again when my cycles come back. As for intimacy… he’s not Catholic and so has been constantly bothering me for oral in a gross manner and then gets pissy when I turn him down. We did almost have sex early last night, but then realized the KY was in a drawer right by the crib. We consistently have issues where he says something I find gross/immature/generally a turn off and then he gets annoyed that I say the mood is ruined.

 

[Xantippe]

He left it up to me but thinks it is a good call to sleep train. Since I have endometriosis, we’ve agreed to start trying again when my cycles come back. As for intimacy… he’s not Catholic and so has been constantly bothering me for oral in a gross manner and then gets pissy when I turn him down. We did almost have sex early last night, but then realized the KY was in a drawer right by the crib. We consistently have issues where he says something I find gross/immature/generally a turn off and then he gets annoyed that I say the mood is ruined.

Not to turn this into a sex advice thread, but maybe you could share with him what kind of overtures sound appealing to you?

 

[UbiCaritas]

How did last night go? :flowers:

I wanted you to know that while I haven’t posted much, I have been following the thread, and you’re not alone! You’ve got a lot of people here rooting for you!

 

[AClaire11]

How did last night go? :flowers:

I wanted you to know that while I haven’t posted much, I have been following the thread, and you’re not alone! You’ve got a lot of people here routing for you!

Thank you!

6:36 in crib

7:05 asleep

7:56 first waking, fed because worried she might have dirty diaper like other nights

9:09 second waking, cried for an hour almost threw in the towel

10:35 third waking. fed, accidentally fell asleep until 12

3:45 fourth waking. fed

520 fifth waking, fed and fell asleep

745 up for day

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you!

6:36 in crib

7:05 asleep

7:56 first waking, fed because worried she might have dirty diaper like other nights

9:09 second waking, cried for an hour almost threw in the towel

10:35 third waking. fed, accidentally fell asleep until 12

3:45 fourth waking. fed

520 fifth waking, fed and fell asleep

745 up for day

Time for Operation Grandma’s House?

 

[Xantippe]

If you have some place to go (auntie, grandma, friend, whatever) who has enough space that you’d be able to put baby in a different room and not disturb your host, just go there and stay until you’ve got the kinks worked out with baby’s sleep.

It will be a nice break for your husband, it sounds like.

Alternately, bite the bullet and get a one-bedroom apt. NOW.

Good luck!

 

[AClaire11]

But it’s better! She didn’t wake up every hour.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Thank you!

6:36 in crib

7:05 asleep

7:56 first waking, fed because worried she might have dirty diaper like other nights

9:09 second waking, cried for an hour almost threw in the towel

10:35 third waking. fed, accidentally fell asleep until 12

3:45 fourth waking. fed

520 fifth waking, fed and fell asleep

745 up for day

Hi. I just want to let you know I sympathize. My oldest is now 15. He didn’t sleep the night until he was past 17 months old.

But I wanted to ask something? Baby currently nurses multiple times a night, right? So this is making you sleep deprived because you aren’t sleeping, because she’s sleeping so poorly.

You just described a 13 hour block of time. Why is bedtime so early? If your goal is to have baby sleep the night, at first maybe start with a five hour time block. Which she seems to be able to do, she slept from 10 45- to three thirty-five.

It might be easier to eliminate 1 feeding at a time, than to eliminate many feedings and also change bed time routine.

I know I’m an adult, and I get even more cranky if my routine gets changed significantly.

I hope that helps.

 

[AClaire11]

Hi. I just want to let you know I sympathize. My oldest is now 15. He didn’t sleep the night until he was past 17 months old.

But I wanted to ask something? Baby currently nurses multiple times a night, right? So this is making you sleep deprived because you aren’t sleeping, because she’s sleeping so poorly.

You just described a 13 hour block of time. Why is bedtime so early? If your goal is to have baby sleep the night, at first maybe start with a five hour time block. Which she seems to be able to do, she slept from 10 45- to three thirty-five.

It might be easier to eliminate 1 feeding at a time, than to eliminate many feedings and also change bed time routine.

I know I’m an adult, and I get even more cranky if my routine gets changed significantly.

I hope that helps.

I’m gradually reducing the length of her night feedings (when I don’t accidentally fall asleep, ugh) but I also don’t want her to keep waking every hour, so I’m cutting out that second feeding. And apparently it worked. Some people have been advising me not to feed at all before midnight, but I think that’s too sudden of a change.