Please pray for my severely broken heart

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Thanks guys, I’m really feeling better and able to get out and exercise now so that helps take my mind off things or even take out emotions in a healthy way. Anyway yea I am around the DC area for those who were wondering.

I haven’t heard from my ex and I don’t plan on contacting her. It’s still so weird how sudden it was looking back, like she seemed so fine and nothing seemed amiss although it was long distance so it’s hard to tell unless your in person. It’s just shocking how someone like the flip of a switch can cheat and leave saying they were “unhappy in the relationship” like I’m responsible for their happiness ya know.Especially a week before I was going to visit her after 10 weeks of being apart so now I have to cancel my flight.

I called or IMed everyday to make sure we could communicate effectively I don’t know what I did. She must be just unhappy in general, I dunno, I thank God, Catholic Answers Forum, and you guys for being able to move on better than I thought I could.
 
You are very young Chaz, you will be fine. Keep your head high and know you did the right things and move on. You will be so happy when you meet the right one. For very disrespectful action like this I always found it best to really completely cut the attachment, it is done. Yes she should be forgiven and don’t hesitate to tell her that if she calls, you just have better people to meet who will show true respect for you.
 
LeroyCRHP said:
You are very young Chaz, you will be fine. Keep your head high and know you did the right things and move on. You will be so happy when you meet the right one. For very disrespectful action like this I always found it best to really completely cut the attachment, it is done. Yes she should be forgiven and don’t hesitate to tell her that if she calls, you just have better people to meet who will show true respect for you.
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Thanks Leroy, that’s what I keep telling myself. What hurts the most was this was a childhood friend and I felt we had a special connection and she said so many things that led me to never think that there would ever be a chance this would happen.but I guess if that were true she wouldn’t have done this and had told me her feelings and how unhappy she felt and if needed ended it before sleeping with another man. That’s what my parents told me too.

It’s more of the betrayal aspect and losing a friend so close to your heart let alone the hardest crush since I never had fallen more in love but you are right. I am young and heartbreaks even as severe as this case are part of growing up. It’s almost like she died. It’s not the same as a death but I feel betrayal is the same degree of pain but in a different way.
 
chaz0426 said:
I have a quick question for anyone out there who will answer. I am still mourning this loss but I am able to do errans and daily functions. I am home from school and will be for a semester so I don’t have many friends to lean on unfortunatley which is why I seek help from this forum. I’d love to make any friends on here too if anyone is near my age or even not. I’m almost 21.

Anyway I got back from a Christmas confessional service and confessed how I felt betrayed by God and a lot of hate and despair towards my ex and now I’m feeling that I really do love her and I can forgive her. I know I can not be with her after this especially since she was the one to end it and leave meaning she was not happy even though I thought up until the very last minute she was because she kept telling me so and talking to me every night and wishing me sweet dreams and telling me she loved me ect. It’s almost like a different person picked up her phone and wrote those messages but I know now it was really her which is sad.

Anyway my main question is, should I write a formal letter to mail to her and tell her that I still love and forgive her and I wish her the best in life and Im sorry it took infidelity on her part for me to find out her true feelings about our relationship?

Or should I just leave it be with the horrible conversation I had when she revealed it to me and I left her with a good bye forever ect.

What do you think? I really feel love and forgiveness and I know Jesus told us to pray for those who hurt us and forgive those who sin against us and stuff but should I just leave her be or send a final letter?

I just want (name removed by moderator)ut. I heard from guys that girls are more likely to respond if you show little care and love and any interest as odd as that is. I guess they like the fun of the chase but I am tired of playing those games too, I just want to put my feelings in a letter and have it be that if it is appropriate. Let me know your suggestions and if she even deserves this. I know she doesn’t but I feel I can’t get rid of the love I had/still have for her because this happened recently so suddenly.

Thanks again for all the prayers.
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First, I’m sorry that this happened. Second, I’d write the letter, but wait a few days before mailing it. I think that more than anything, when we write out our feelings …it can serve as therapy to help with losses like this. All types of losses hurt. They can create a jaded feeling in us, whether it be through infidelity, death, abandonment, whatever…loss is loss. Take time to mourn this loss. Take time to find yourself again. It’s not uncommon to lose one’s self in another person, and you might have to find who you really are again…so, yes, write the letter, but sleep on it for a few days. If you want to send it after a few days, go for it. But, most of all…take care of you, now. Forgiveness is definitely a step in the right direction. I pray for your healing, and that you have a blessed and wonderful Christmas.
 
chaz0426 said:
It’s more of the betrayal aspect and losing a friend so close to your heart let alone the hardest crush since I never had fallen more in love but you are right. I am young and heartbreaks even as severe as this case are part of growing up. It’s almost like she died. It’s not the same as a death but I feel betrayal is the same degree of pain but in a different way.
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When I was going through a similar situation, my wonderful mother said a very wise thing to me … she said, “Even though he wasn’t the person that you thought he was, you still have to mourn who you thought he was. You still have to grieve for the loss of what you thought you had with him.”

She was right.

Aren’t mothers wise? 👍

Still praying for you, Chaz.
 
Why don’t you start a thread say 20’s only. This could provide support of people your own age.
Heart break is never easy. Look at it this way, God knows what is best for you. He didn’t send her to you, you found her after a childhood friendship and because of the earlier bond you only thought God sent her to you. I have convinced myself of this kind of thing several times in life only to find out how wrong I was. If she comes crawling back let her know she not the one for you anymore.

I will pray for you. You are young, there are so many fabulous christian girls out there. One will be your soul mate.

Just for fun you can search the christian singles sites, this may perk you up when you see all the wonderful ladies your own age out there and looking for a great guy just like you. 😃

God Bless you my friend.
 
whatevergirl said:
First, I’m sorry that this happened. Second, I’d write the letter, but wait a few days before mailing it. I think that more than anything, when we write out our feelings …it can serve as therapy to help with losses like this. All types of losses hurt. They can create a jaded feeling in us, whether it be through infidelity, death, abandonment, whatever…loss is loss. Take time to mourn this loss. Take time to find yourself again. It’s not uncommon to lose one’s self in another person, and you might have to find who you really are again…so, yes, write the letter, but sleep on it for a few days. If you want to send it after a few days, go for it. But, most of all…take care of you, now. Forgiveness is definitely a step in the right direction. I pray for your healing, and that you have a blessed and wonderful Christmas.
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Write the letter, but don’t send it!!

It won’t help anything at all with her, and she doesn’t deserve to know how you feel. She hasn’t respected your feelings. Do you want her to read the letter to her new boyfriend?
 
living_water said:
Write the letter, but don’t send it!!

It won’t help anything at all with her, and she doesn’t deserve to know how you feel. She hasn’t respected your feelings. Do you want her to read the letter to her new boyfriend?
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She hasn’t said anything or has come crawling back yet and even so at my best I may offer her a limited friend status if that, I don’t think I can be friends with someone who betrayed me this badly though.

I probably won’t write the letter. I was feeling an extreme missing from her and love and forgiveness at the time but I realized since she hasn’t seemed that remorseful or sorry why should I you know, she doesn’t deserve that kind of forgiveness even, its nice I can forgive her in my heart.

Thanks though, I agree with you!
 
RubyT said:
Why don’t you start a thread say 20’s only. This could provide support of people your own age.
Heart break is never easy. Look at it this way, God knows what is best for you. He didn’t send her to you, you found her after a childhood friendship and because of the earlier bond you only thought God sent her to you. I have convinced myself of this kind of thing several times in life only to find out how wrong I was. If she comes crawling back let her know she not the one for you anymore.

I will pray for you. You are young, there are so many fabulous christian girls out there. One will be your soul mate.

Just for fun you can search the christian singles sites, this may perk you up when you see all the wonderful ladies your own age out there and looking for a great guy just like you. 😃

God Bless you my friend.
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I’m so tempted to register with catholic singles but I figure if my dating life isn’t that good around 24 or 25 after I have a stable career and organized finances then I’ll register. Plus since living at home my parents would not agree with that idea although they are trying to see if there are any ways I can meet girls at the local church. There are no singles activities or anything being offered currently so it looks bleak until I can get back to school after the summer. 😦
 
Morwenna said:
When I was going through a similar situation, my wonderful mother said a very wise thing to me … she said, “Even though he wasn’t the person that you thought he was, you still have to mourn who you thought he was. You still have to grieve for the loss of what you thought you had with him.”

She was right.

Aren’t mothers wise? 👍

Still praying for you, Chaz.
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Thank you so much Morwenna, that is a very wise quote and if you don’t mind I am going to put it under my favorite quotes on my site crediting it to a “wise mother”. That is a great quote.
 
Ok she did contact me last night and we had a long talk about what happened. Basically she said a friend she knew from High School came over and she was upset about our relationship and talking to him about it and he came on to her kissing her saying she doesn’t deserve that ect. and before she knew it she was having sex. She said she just froze and her mind went “blank”. She said she knew that pretending things were ok in our relationship and not telling me what was really bothering her was wrong and she knows that. She broke up because she can’t “face me” again knowing what she did and she doesn’t deserve me. I told her I still love her and forgive her but there’s no justification for what she did. I told her she should have said no once clothes started coming off and she said " well it happened and I’m sorry".

The sad thing is, is that I still have feelings and love her and everything and I want to move on but I don’t know how. I know she is sorry and she really wants to be friends and I forgive her but what do I do knowing this? She doesn’t know how to say no and is easily taken advantage of. I knew this since she was always saying in her past relationships, her boyfriends used her for sex and she didn’t want sex.

Please pray for me to get past this and become her friend. I also could use any advice, I don’t know what to say or do with this information. I still love her and miss her and feel I can be her friend but I don’t know if I’m ready yet because I still have a romantic attachment to her. She said she still has feelings but she won’t let herself feel them because she doesn’t deserve me ect.

I need advice on this one.
 
chaz0426 said:
I need advice on this one.
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OK, here is my advice, and it is based on the following:
chaz0426 said:
She doesn’t know how to say no and is easily taken advantage of. I knew this since she was always saying in her past relationships, her boyfriends used her for sex and she didn’t want sex.
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Unless you are one of those people who take Hosea literally and/or believe in marrying hookers out of pity to save them from a life of sin, dump her and wash your hands of her ASAP!! I know you want to be forgiving, but that may be the only way to do so; what she told you as reported above indicates that you could be facing this scenario again and again and you will be having old wounds opened up. Forgiveness does NOT mean keeping yourself in a bad situation, and whoever tells you otherwise needs to see a head doctor or get deprogramming.
 
Norseman82 said:
OK, here is my advice, and it is based on the following:

Unless you are one of those people who take Hosea literally and/or believe in marrying hookers out of pity to save them from a life of sin, dump her and wash your hands of her ASAP!! I know you want to be forgiving, but that may be the only way to do so; what she told you as reported above indicates that you could be facing this scenario again and again and you will be having old wounds opened up. Forgiveness does NOT mean keeping yourself in a bad situation, and whoever tells you otherwise needs to see a head doctor or get deprogramming.
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That’s true, it’s hard when you still have feelings unfortunately because of how recent this all was ( less than a week ago )
 
Would she “freeze up” if you two were married and someone acted like this guy did? I think that’s kind of a lame excuse on her part. I have two kids, so I’ve, well, you know, at least twice, 🙂 and I can tell you that sex never just sort of snuck up on me. I think that for whatever reason, she was weak or gave in, or whatever.
The fact remains, would you ever be able to trust her again? Trust has to be at the very heart of every relationship.
I don’t know the girl, so ultimately the decision would be yours.I would proceed with extreme caution.
 
edjco said:
Would she “freeze up” if you two were married and someone acted like this guy did? I think that’s kind of a lame excuse on her part. I have two kids, so I’ve, well, you know, at least twice, 🙂 and I can tell you that sex never just sort of snuck up on me. I think that for whatever reason, she was weak or gave in, or whatever.
The fact remains, would you ever be able to trust her again? Trust has to be at the very heart of every relationship.
I don’t know the girl, so ultimately the decision would be yours.I would proceed with extreme caution.
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That’s true but I don’t know if I should even proceed at all even though my heart wants to! I can’t forget this ever, what she did was too far and too devastating for my heart.😦 Yes I think I can be friends with time but as much as I want to forget what happened and be with her and give her a 2nd chance, it still hurts me so much what happened. Maybe because it was recent and I need to give myself time to move on and be friends for a while? I don’t know, I’m so confused.:confused:
 
Don’t get me wrong, I would run for the hills if I were you!
It seems to me like you are ready to begin getting over her, so forget her for now, and focus on Jesus’ birthday!!!
There will be plenty of time for reminiscing later. Don’t let this ruin your Christmas.
 
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