Please pray for my severely broken heart

[chaz0426]

Don’t get me wrong, I would run for the hills if I were you!
It seems to me like you are ready to begin getting over her, so forget her for now, and focus on Jesus’ birthday!!!
There will be plenty of time for reminiscing later. Don’t let this ruin your Christmas.

Thats true

 

[Norseman82]

That’s true but I don’t know if I should even proceed at all even though my heart wants to!

Chaz,

It is times like these that the HEAD needs to override the HEART.

Let me ask you something: do you hit the gym at all? Maybe you need to hit the weights or the heavy bag (or, if you have gloves, a mouthguard, and headgear, someone else, if they also have them! ) to get some of this “out of your system”. Or do laps in the pool.

You do need to work to put this behind you - and I do realize that your posting this in a Catholic forum could be part of the process - because you never know when you may run into a lady who is good for you (and if you yorself are a virgin and the lady is also a virgin, you don’t want to blow that golden opportunity!).

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz,

It is times like these that the HEAD needs to override the HEART.

Let me ask you something: do you hit the gym at all? Maybe you need to hit the weights or the heavy bag (or, if you have gloves, a mouthguard, and headgear, someone else, if they also have them! ) to get some of this “out of your system”. Or do laps in the pool.

You do need to work to put this behind you - and I do realize that your posting this in a Catholic forum could be part of the process - because you never know when you may run into a lady who is good for you (and if you yorself are a virgin and the lady is also a virgin, you don’t want to blow that golden opportunity!).

Yes I did hit the gym yesterday and it felt great and I plan to get back into the routine again since I use to be very fit and still am sorta but haven’t gone in a few months.

I was feeling pretty well on my way to moving on until she contacted me last night and after talking about this for about 2 hours and closing out our relationship and just mostly what happened that night. Although she still can’t talk on the phone and that’s a big problem to me too which is why Im pushing in the direction towards moving on and being friends with her after I’ve moved on completely and my feelings have passed.

No I’m not a virgin because I made that mistake 2 times in my life in my teens and I wasn’t nearly as religious as I am now but I’ve grown closer since then the past year or so and plan to wait till marriage. I haven’t had sex in a long time and this girl was the first we both pledged to wait till marriage and as much as I loved her I did not have sex with her or go past kissing and things were great for those few months except for the communication problems until this happened.

 

[chaz0426]

So yea please pray for me to move on from this, so far its so hard especially after talking to her about it last night and I felt she was taken advantage of but still the fact remains, she could have said no easily and she didn’t. It wasn’t rape, it was willful sex and it makes me sad and devastates my heart every time I think about it. So I think I really do have to move on and hope I find someone else in 2009 or soon.

Thanks so much for responding so much guys, this has been probably 50% of the help getting me past this. Thanks!

 

[Morwenna]

I was feeling pretty well on my way to moving on until she contacted me last night and after talking about this for about 2 hours and closing out our relationship and just mostly what happened that night.

This is just what I was talking about when I said earlier that it is VERY easy to get sucked back into a bad situation. Talking to her now is probably going to stir up a lot of conflicting emotions in you, including the desire to try to get back together with her.

For what it’s worth, I would recommend having as little contact with her as possible until you have your unruly heart under control again (hearts are often very unruly, aren’t they? Norseman was right when he said that at times like this you have to let your head be the boss .)

I’m still praying for you, Chaz, and I will say a special prayer for you at Midnight Mass tonight!

 

[chaz0426]

This is just what I was talking about when I said earlier that it is VERY easy to get sucked back into a bad situation. Talking to her now is probably going to stir up a lot of conflicting emotions in you, including the desire to try to get back together with her.

For what it’s worth, I would recommend having as little contact with her as possible until you have your unruly heart under control again (hearts are often very unruly, aren’t they? Norseman was right when he said that at times like this you have to let your head be the boss .)

I’m still praying for you, Chaz, and I will say a special prayer for you at Midnight Mass tonight!

Thanks Morwenna, she did contact me first and I wasn’t going to shut her out because I did want her to know she was forgiven, but our conversation went on much longer than I had planned and just talked a lot about the relationship and what happened that night with her ect. It made me/ still makes me sad because we worked out so many of the things and issues she was having only after the fact that she slept with another man and she couldn’t tell me what was bothering her before but she could open up and have sex with him! If she only she didn’t do that. I need to move on, I can’t deal with her having sex with another man yet we both pledged to save it for marriage together. It hurts beyond belief.

Thanks so much for your prayer! I hope God leads me to the right women.

 

[Morwenna]

Thank you so much Morwenna, that is a very wise quote and if you don’t mind I am going to put it under my favorite quotes on my site crediting it to a “wise mother”. That is a great quote.

What a sweet thing for you to do! I’ll be sure to tell her what you said; I know she’ll be pleased to hear that you found it helpful.

 

[chaz0426]

Thanks for your prayers guys! Merry Christmas!

 

[chaz0426]

As I had a wonderful Christmas with my family and everyone seems to be in good spirits. I am thankful God didn’t give me any more crosses to bear other than my broken heart which has already made tremendous progress in healing since that dreadful night this past Saturday. As I sit back and think, I realize I am no longer crying about it (sensitive guys even my age and yet tough do cry over loss, just in secret by themselves) I am just wondering why she made that choice and if I really never knew her at all.

the way she told me how things happened that night how she was telling some guy friend about me and started crying about me because she was having doubts because she felt I didn’t listen well online (stuff she hasn’t told you about yet so your clueless anything is wrong)

Then the guy started to kiss her and make her feel loved ( she told me this guy friend of her’s also had another girlfriend which is what is shocking ) and things start to go further and she had sex with him and she froze and blanked out and “it just happened and she’s sorry”

The way she told me her mind went blank and she froze and it was a surprise and she didn’t want to but she went ahead and had sex.

The way she told me she is so sorry and doesn’t deserve me but so badly wants to be friends again and can’t stand losing me forever. The relationship was long distance, She was in Denver, and I was in D.C. and it lasted about 4 or 5 months.

She was too shy on the phone so we would talk on the phone once a week. But she would always IM me first whenever I signed in online. She would always tell me she loved me nightly ( she even told me she loved me and missed me like normal the night before she revealed she cheated and left )

Even the week she supposedly cheated, she told me she was happy with me and wanted to be with me and have children with me and I was the only guy for her and we would have wonderful sex when we get married ect. She seemed sincerely sorry and was honest and told me about her incident which may give hope that I can be friends after a long time of letting myself heal.

I can’t be with a girl like this though anymore, she proved she doesn’t have the will power to resist sex from not even a close friend of her’s for me especially since I would have flown out tomorrow as originally planned to visit her if this hadn’t happened. She seems to have no will power, how do you " go blank " and let some guy use you for sex when your at an advantage when you have a loving caring bf!

My main question is, what types of girls do that? What do you think happened? Do you think she has some personality disorder and I should be a little more understanding? I’m trying so hard to move on but I still have feelings for her and I wish they would go away. I am just wondering if she was lonely? I was less than 10 days away from visiting, that couldn’t be an excuse! She is 20 years old and 2 months younger than me!

Not 15! I thought she was mature

I really need to know. Thanks!

I am so grateful for the number of prayers, thank you guys so much as this really helped and is helping me completely move on.

 

[edjco]

The way she told me her mind went blank and she froze and it was a surprise and she didn’t want to but she went ahead and had sex.

Chaz, I don’t want to sound crude, but that’s sort of like:

“I was just walking by and it fell in…”

or

“I was cleaning it and it went off…”

Isn’t really all that believable, is it?

Buddy, you sound like a great guy. I dated Ms. wrong several times (actually more than several) before I found Ms. right.
I found her at age 27, which is very young, but seems ancient to you (trust me, I was there).

Ms. Right is in the living room playing Wii with my daughter and son. God couldn’t have done a better job of picking out my Eve, and my world revolves around her.
Now I got the heart broken a few times, too. Trust me when I say you will look back at this time and wonder what you were doing wasting your time with her.
Hey, and take the advice above, get yourself to a gym and keep doing what you are doing.
The ladies will not be able to resist a guy who works out and wants to wait for marriage…

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, I don’t want to sound crude, but that’s sort of like:

“I was just walking by and it fell in…”

or

“I was cleaning it and it went off…”

Isn’t really all that believable, is it?

Buddy, you sound like a great guy. I dated Ms. wrong several times (actually more than several) before I found Ms. right.
I found her at age 27, which is very young, but seems ancient to you (trust me, I was there).

Ms. Right is in the living room playing Wii with my daughter and son. God couldn’t have done a better job of picking out my Eve, and my world revolves around her.
Now I got the heart broken a few times, too. Trust me when I say you will look back at this time and wonder what you were doing wasting your time with her.
Hey, and take the advice above, get yourself to a gym and keep doing what you are doing.
The ladies will not be able to resist a guy who works out and wants to wait for marriage…

Wow that makes me feel so much better thanks! Yea I’m close to a full six pack so I hope to get there by May

 

[edjco]

Wow that makes me feel so much better thanks! Yea I’m close to a full six pack so I hope to get there by May

Well, I’m pretty much sporting the whole keg right now. Definitely time for me to hit he gym. Wife wants to buy the Wii fit. Think that’s a hint???

 

[chaz0426]

Well, I’m pretty much sporting the whole keg right now. Definitely time for me to hit he gym. Wife wants to buy the Wii fit. Think that’s a hint???

Haha yea, it couldn’t hurt!

 

[pinktoes]

thank you for your prayer…actually i read your thread first before i posted mine.this site really helped me unload some of the things im feeling…i know we will get through with this. God is with us always…

 

[kate64]

prayers for you chaz. May God give you the strength to endure this difficult time. It seems like the nice guys and/or nice girls get their hearts broken. i will keep you in my prayers, most esp. as you prepare for another semester at school. I pray that you will be able to focus on your studies and do well.

kate

 

[chaz0426]

prayers for you chaz. May God give you the strength to endure this difficult time. It seems like the nice guys and/or nice girls get their hearts broken. i will keep you in my prayers, most esp. as you prepare for another semester at school. I pray that you will be able to focus on your studies and do well.

kate

Thanks so much! I’ll do my best to focus, although sometimes it’s hard for me because I’m still grieving but not nearly as bad. I feel better day by day and so far it’s been about 8 days so I’m getting there and I feel 5 times better than I did the morning after it happened. I actually have normal dreams now and not sad sorrowful ones so that’s good too! Still though not an hour goes by where I don’t think about it at least once and get that punched in the stomach feeling. I hope that goes away in time because let me tell you: being betrayed and cheated on and just left in the dust for good by the person who at one time you thought was your soul mate is the most PAINFUL emotional trama I think one can go through in my opinion. Losing a lost one to death is just as bad too but at least they weren’t betrayed and were still loved. Looking back, she told me she loved me several times a day and always was missing me and kept saying how she’d move closer in less than 2 years and we’d get a dog ect. It’s like it was never meant or real for her to make a random decision like that especially since we hadn’t been fighting ( what she claimed caused her unhappiness) for more than 2 weeks! and were talking daily or even several times a day and her affection never waned so I had no hint that something was wrong. She admitted she shouldn’t have “pretended” and admits that was wrong too.

I think she was looking for our 2 or 3 fights over the last 5 months as the ONLY excuse out for whatever reason.

The last time I spoke to her, she still insisted that I will never understand her and she is telling the truth to how she “blanked out” and she was talking to this guy frined about me and started crying and he comforted her and it led on to sex ect. and wishes she could take it back ect and it’s wrong of me to accuse her of not loving me or having sex since she wanted out anyway ect. Oh well, forget her now…

That hardest part still is knowing that if that didn’t happen, I would have been with her visiting right now ( she cheated less than a week before I was going to fly out for 10 days )
Anyway thanks!

 

[chaz0426]

thank you for your prayer…actually i read your thread first before i posted mine.this site really helped me unload some of the things im feeling…i know we will get through with this. God is with us always…

Actually thinking about Jesus daily and what he went through for all of our sins is really a huge part of why I am able to get out of bed and continue my day. I couldn’t do this without praying for 5 or 10 minutes a day and offering all the pain I feel and grief and betrayal in front of Jesus and saying " lord I am in pain right now, I have never hurt this bad in my life, but I know you went through a lot more on the cross, and I ask you to help me lift my own cross and get through this" and one day I just felt great and worked out and everything. Gradually I am getting better. You will too if you just do the same and pray daily.

My biggest worry right now is that I will never find Ms. right since every time I think I do, they don’t just leave, they either cheat or do something hurtful and then leave.

It’s the biggest betrayal one can feel and one of the most painful feelings. I knew this girl in 1st grade! even though we didn’t talk for 12 or 13 years, she was still such a close friend at the time and never saw or even questioned she could do something like this. I guess in a long distance relationship, you often can never really truly know the dark side or nasty side of someone.

 

[davolution]

U will be in my prayer. I promise. God bless you and have faith in God no matter what. Do not be discouraged. Amen

 

[chaz0426]

U will be in my prayer. I promise. God bless you and have faith in God no matter what. Do not be discouraged. Amen

Thanks!

 

[mhuff1]

Hey Chaz, I just now had a chance to read your initial post. I’m sorry that you are going through the same betrayal and pain that I am. It definitely is the pits…

You are in my prayers, as well. I pray for us both, and those also dealing with heartbreak, to have peace soon and that we may find what God truly wants for us.

I’ve just rekindled a great friendship with a person who I grew up with in church. We both had lost our ways and found our way home. He has been a great support in the past week, so I will leave you with his words he gave to me…

“Prayer DOES change everything. Maybe not when you want it to, but God is always on time.
Focus on God, his son Jesus, and Pray and everything else will fall into place.
Just keep the faith and hope. You’ll make it.”