PMS, arguments and mood swings

[gardenswithkids]

Is it just mine, or do other women’s husbands and families also get really obnoxious a few days a month?

My husband is a great guy, but he does some things that I find annoying. Normally I just ignore these things, but when my hormones align in a certain way, I explode. I discoved this pattern years ago, and knowing it helped me deal better. Best thing for it has probably been years of pregnancy and breastfeeding ammenorrhea.

While I still breastfeed our toddler, my cycle has now returned and so did a PMS fight recently. That was followed by a day in tears over some stupid things the kids did–that they always do. As my cycle isn’t entirely back to normal, I wasn’t prepared for these emotions. Honestly, after an extended time away from my cycle, these sudden mood swings from hormone shifts feel like a bad roller coaster ride.

Part of my issue is the fights and tears aren’t about “nothing”–they are about things that bother me that I just usually don’t mention to the offenders. From my husband’s perspective, this may seem like it hits from out of nowhere, but many of these issues have been building for a long time. Some of these topics cause heated debates at other times too because we don’t see eye to eye on everything. But I don’t like those heated debates so other times I rarely feel the overwhelming urge to address those issues.

While the arguments and tears are not helpful, I suspect that PMS raises issues to my attention that probably need to be discussed or addressed in more constructive ways. Recently my husband handed me a stack of financial papers that required my signature. That prompted tears and an argument, which prompted us to set up a long overdue appointment with our financial advisor.

Anyway, I am curious about how other women deal with PMS and their husbands and families. Are arguments common, or is it just us?

 

[JFonseka]

Give him a hug

 

[gardenswithkids]

Give him a hug

I have. We already made up. He’s actually the one who asked me if other women do this to their husbands too.

 

[Siena]

I have. We already made up. He’s actually the one who asked me if other women do this to their husbands too.

Yes. Just finished yelling at dh 30 seconds ago. I’m still mad.

 

[Potato1]

I am so happy I married my wife! Think what I could have ended up with.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Yes. Just finished yelling at dh 30 seconds ago. I’m still mad…

Siena, do you mind my asking? Do you yell at your husband over things that always bother you just a little bit at other times of the month too, even if you don’t say anything to him then? (Don’t yell at me for asking, please. .)

 

[rayne89]

My husband tries to be as unannoying as possible during that time. I cry really easy during that time and I’m not generally a crying type person. It’s taken years of working at it but my hubby has figured out in order to make his life easier to not make any waves during that time. He also tries to warn our daughter “mommy is just crabby today so don’t give her a hard time”. He’s learned to hug me if I have a melt down or give me space if that’s what I prefer.

It seems pms is just getting worse over the years. I don’t remember being this way until my late 20’s. It doesn’t just suck for the people around me it sucks for me too. I hate the roller coaster ride and feeling so out of sorts for no explicable reason.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I am so happy I married my wife! Think what I could have ended up with.

Hey! Those of us who are hormonally challenged don’t need any obnoxious comments on this thread from other people’s husbands. But I’m glad my thread helped you appreciate your wife. Maybe if every husband appreciated his wife as you appreciate yours, wives wouldn’t yell.

 

[JFonseka]

I’m starting to think marriage isn’t a good idea anymore.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**You are definitely not the only one! It is something that we, as women, really need to work on. BUT our men need to hone their compassion and understanding skills too.

Fights around here are usually caused by me hormonally over reacting to something and then hubby taking it personally. I don’t usually start out mad at him, lol.

And I’m in the same boat as you. I am only on my second cycle since having our first baby and it IS a bad roller coaster ride. My emotions and feelings can get so out of control. So again, you are not alone. You can tell your hubby that while you may be “doing this to him” that he is equally responsible for any fights that occur. After all, it’s impossible to fight by yourself.

malia
**

 

[JFonseka]

**You are definitely not the only one! It is something that we, as women, really need to work on. BUT our men need to hone their compassion and understanding skills too.

Fights around here are usually caused by me hormonally over reacting to something and then hubby taking it personally. I don’t usually start out mad at him, lol.

And I’m in the same boat as you. I am only on my second cycle since having our first baby and it IS a bad roller coaster ride. My emotions and feelings can get so out of control. So again, you are not alone. You can tell your hubby that while you may be “doing this to him” that he is equally responsible for any fights that occur**. After all, it’s impossible to fight by yourself.

malia

Not true, especially when you admit that you can get emotionally out of control and you lash out at him, how can he be responsible for the fight if you start it

 

[Potato1]

Hey! Those of us who are hormonally challenged don’t need any obnoxious comments on this thread from other people’s husbands. But I’m glad my thread helped you appreciate your wife. Maybe if every husband appreciated his wife as you appreciate yours, wives wouldn’t yell.

Yeah or maybe if every wife was a good as mine husbands would be better. You catch more flies with midol than with sobby and screaming. What an old tired excuse and argument I know that I am going to get it but really. I probably will bow out “tuck and run.” It doesnt have to be the way it is. I hope hillary Clinton is better at this than most women.

 

[rayne89]

Yeah or maybe if every wife was a good as mine husbands would be better. You catch more flies with midol than with sobby and screaming. What an old tired excuse and argument I know that I am going to get it but really. I probably will bow out “tuck and run.” It doesnt have to be the way it is. I hope hillary Clinton is better at this than most women.

You know when I was younger I never had any noticable PMS. I really thought women used it as an excuse to me crabby and nasty. Then I hit my late twenties, got the acne I never had as a teenager and PMS from “H” “E” double hockey sticks.
Midol does not help with emotions only physical discomfort. I do not like irrational displays of emotion, I don’t like it in other people and I absolutely don’t like it in myself. So if you think I do this for sympathy or attention you are very mistaken. I do try very hard to keep it under control but it is not easy. It still amazes me how much fluctuating hormones influence our thought processes. It is irrating beyond belief.

 

[gardenswithkids]

For the men reading this thread who may not understand the emotional mood swings many women experience, (and for any women reading this who may not experience them), some mood swings can occur a few days *before *a woman’s period. Honestly, it wasn’t until I began NFP charting that I even noticed the pattern to my moods as the worst of mine happen a few days early. Knowing to expect it helps me prepare to deal with the onslaught of emotions.

Back to the original post, as I wrote while the arguments and tears are not effective, what bothers me most during that time are things that always bother me. I normally simply put up with them without saying anything. I wonder if the situation might be improved if spoke up before the emotions hit?

 

[silentdeb]

Anyway, I am curious about how other women deal with PMS and their husbands and families. Are arguments common, or is it just us?

I don’t have a husband and kids, but I have a mum and ten cats … and as the only mammal in this house that still has periods, I can safely say that it’s not just husbands and kids that can put you over the edge when the hormones run wild.

It’s nasty. It feels like every sensory receptor is turned up to ‘maximum’ - EVERYTHING is too loud, too hot, too cold, too fast, too harsh, just too much. And I can’t seem to tune anything out. I don’t like it.

I find it helps to recognize that it’s ME that’s the problem (the guilt isn’t fun, but I think it makes it a bit easier on those around me to just get advance warning that I’m feeling ‘difficult’ and should probably keep to myself for a bit, unless they feel like throwing food at me and running grin)…

Anyway, that probably wasn’t very helpful, but I do feel for you, dear. :hug1:

 

[Siena]

Siena, do you mind my asking? Do you yell at your husband over things that always bother you just a little bit at other times of the month too, even if you don’t say anything to him then? (Don’t yell at me for asking, please. .)

Yes. I do just a you described. I hold it in, trying to keep peace, telling myself over and over “it’s no big deal”. Then, it just builds up and up and up. By the time the hormones hit, WHAM. The ranting just ends up being bigger than it has to be.

However, I really don’t think trying to bring these things up during the rest of the month would make much of a difference IMHO (most of my rant is usually over lack of emotional support/connection, definitely a “girl” thing). It would just cause bad blood over the course of a whole month. At least this way, I get to air my feelings once a month, and dh gets to save face by blaming the PMS and not “me”. I get my emotional connection, and will be genuinely happy and sweet to him after I get it out, and we talk.

(We did talk already, and everything is fine, for this month. )

It’s not ideal, but it seems to work.

 

[dulcissima]

You know when I was younger I never had any noticable PMS. I really thought women used it as an excuse to me crabby and nasty. Then I hit my late twenties, got the acne I never had as a teenager and PMS from “H” “E” double hockey sticks.
Midol does not help with emotions only physical discomfort. I do not like irrational displays of emotion, I don’t like it in other people and I absolutely don’t like it in myself. So if you think I do this for sympathy or attention you are very mistaken. I do try very hard to keep it under control but it is not easy. It still amazes me how much fluctuating hormones influence our thought processes. It is irrating beyond belief.

Wow, Rayne, reading your posts, your PMS hits you just like it does with me. I mean once a month some random thing will just hit me so heart and make me so sad. Even though this happens every month now, it always takes a while for me to figure out why I feel so sad. I never did feel like this when I was younger either. I always had no physical discomfort, no moodiness. Now I always know my period is about to come because I will get a pimple on my chin, and I really did not even have acne as a teenager. I do totally feel so weird that I can have these sad feelings once a month and have really no control over it. On the other hand, I do find it completely amazing how everything seems to work like clockwork.

 

[FLCathMom]

I definitely notice that I feel more sad and angry over things when I have PMS, it is similar to the feelings I get post-partum. I try to rationalize with myself that this is the “same old stuff.” I know I was thinking about the same things last week and it didn’t bother me nearly as much. I have a rule that I do not yell at my husband or sob at him ever. We both have this rule. If I feel that I can’t speak to him without exploding, I turn around and walk away, write it down and save it for another time.

 

[wifenmommy]

Not true, especially when you admit that you can get emotionally out of control and you lash out at him, how can he be responsible for the fight if you start it

Dont be rude…unless YOU menustrate, then you really can’t put your condesending two cents into this can you??? Women have to deal with this normally every month, some of us have it easier , some harder. I think we try to help ourselves as much as possible and we dont really need someone who cant (or if you are female and dont have this issue) menustrate basically saying “its your fault”. Get a grip…hubbys CAN be annoying at times ya know???

 

[gardenswithkids]

I don’t have a husband and kids, but I have a mum and ten cats … and as the only mammal in this house that still has periods, I can safely say that it’s not just husbands and kids that can put you over the edge when the hormones run wild.

It’s nasty. It feels like every sensory receptor is turned up to ‘maximum’ - EVERYTHING is too loud, too hot, too cold, too fast, too harsh, just too much. And I can’t seem to tune anything out. I don’t like it.

I find it helps to recognize that it’s ME that’s the problem (the guilt isn’t fun, but I think it makes it a bit easier on those around me to just get advance warning that I’m feeling ‘difficult’ and should probably keep to myself for a bit, unless they feel like throwing food at me and running grin)…

Anyway, that probably wasn’t very helpful, but I do feel for you, dear. :hug1:

Deb, that was very helpful, especially your description of the feelings.

I’ve been pregnant and nursing a lot the past few years, and I can count on one hand the number of periods I’ve had. These emotions certainly haven’t been the norm for me. Since my cycle isn’t yet back to normal, it was harder this time to keep my perspective in check. It helps a lot to realize it will pass quickly, and it’s really weird when they do. One afternoon it suddenly felt like the storm had just passed, and that the skies were mostly sunny and clear again. The next day, I got my period.