Political views and marriage--has yours been affected?

[whatevergirl]

*There’s a question you don’t see everyday in this section. lol

I’ll make this short, but I was just curious if my dh and I are alone in this. My husband is a repub, VERY conservative views, I consider myself the same, albeit not as conservative. We both did not vote for Obama.

My husband is a very easy going, happy man, most of the time. I am taken aback though, by how angry he is over Obama’s every action, over the past couple of months. I don’t believe that Obama has the country’s best interests at heart, I don’t…but, I purposely don’t watch the news every day as I don’t want to know everything the man is doing, personally. My dh watches every blurb, reads every article, tapes Bill O’Reilly, etc…etc…

So, at dinner recently, my husband asked me if I heard that Obama’s wife bought a $600 pair of running shoes. I said, no I hadn’t heard that. He said…what do you think about that? I said, who cares. He flipped…who cares? You SHOULD care, that’s our tax dollars. I said, you don’t know that our tax dollars are buying their clothes, they were successful prior to getting into office. He replied, Our tax dollars are going to all the bodyguards she needs when she goes on her shopping sprees, which are often. I said, Oh, and Bush was a saint, eh?

And then, we’re off…

I voted for Bush. Obviously, my husband did, also. But, he feels that Bush did everything to the letter, as President. No, I don’t believe that. I asked my husband to curtail his viewing of the news…he has, but apparently, he listens to Rush on the way to work? And then he comes home to tell me every word Rush says on Obama. I think it was Rush’s show where supposedly a caller called in stating that he thinks Palin was involved in Michael Jackson’s death. I laughed out loud, and so did our kids, when my dh said this…My dh has this stone-cold face. I said, it’s funny. He said, it’s not funny…this is how crazy this country is getting!

We are going on vacation in less than 2 days, and my husband continues to lament about Obama. I said, we should be planning our trip, not worrying about Mrs Obama’s shopping sprees. He said, you’re right, and apoolgized…but sadly, it goes right back into it the next day. I don’t know what to do, but it is affecting our marriage. It is affecting our conversation–and my husband’s mood. Truly, before Obama (or I should say, before Obama became the democratic nominee) he was happy-go-lucky…but, it’s all he seems to talk about now…Obama Obama Obama. Plus, I’m starting to see that he is waaaay more conservative than me, and we disagree on a lot, politically. It is becoming the source of our arguments lately…

I said the other day, I will not talk about Obama during this vacation. He agreed, reluctantly. His sisters are all liberal and voted for Obama…I can only imagine what will happen if he gets into it with them.

Any thoughts to this? I love my dh to pieces, I am a little concerned as to his sense of worry over Obama as President. I am worried a bit too, but not to the point where I allow it to affect my mood and if it keeps up, it will affect his health. What could I be doing as a supportive, loving wife in this situation? I hope this doesn’t fall into the gossip category:blush:, I’m just asking for help from people who don’t really know us, to see if there is something I could do to help the situation. *

 

[kennewickmike]

I know the nicest people on earth but when they turn on Rush, Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann and the rest of them, they turn into other people. If you listen to how the country is going to hell for several hours at a time it is bound to effect your mood. I finally got tired of it a few years ago and turned it all off and just listen to music at work or in the car.
I am not saying people should quit caring, but limit the amount of hate talk that is coming into your life.

That is what I have been through and noticed

 

[Em_in_FL]

UGH… that’s tough. I think the worst part of politics is that politicians are involved.

No, seriously… if it were merely about platforms, philosophies, and beliefs then that’s easy stuff. It’s when we “canonize” our politicians… make them out to be “holier than thou” and scrutinize every aspect of their lives that we can run into… hypocrisy.

Yes, I have certain ideals and try to vote according to my beliefs, but in all honesty, I can’t think of ONE “perfect” President that we’ve EVER had! They’ve all fallen to sin… probably worse than most!
I think keeping that perspective has been helpful… they’re just… men…

You know, news can become an addiction, like anything else. Maybe try to “unplug” him from the world by planning other things to focus on??? My Hubby’s a newspaper addict too and has gotten too wrapped up on certain topics in the past before… so I understand…

 

[mommamia]

I think I may be the guilty party

Its hard lately. Times are tough, I know so many people who have lost their jobs and homes. And many more who have had their hours or salary cut. Tough times like this tend to get people more worked up about things, KWIM? I mean, I have an 80k degree, and dip ice cream for $8/hr. While the CEO of my company got bailed out and still lives in his mansion. I tend to get a little worked up.

What helped for us was humor. Dh would start joking with me whenever I would get too serious. He would kindly, with humor remind me that its God’s will not ours. Or he also would just roll his eyes and say Matthew 6. He also helped me to see that my offhanded remarks could scare our children.

Also though, he would set aside time to listen and discuss things seriously, and to pray about it together.

Maybe when your dh gets too upset, you could offer to pray together?

Together we have tried to use this time to strengthen our faith.

 

[whatevergirl]

*kennewickmike…that is very true! He is different from before Obama was picked as the democratic nominee and now. I think I’m going to discuss this with him, today. I don’t think he sees it though…when we have had talks, he tells me that he is concerned for our futures, for our kids’ futures. I said, being angry over what Obama may or may not do, is not going to help anyone’s futures. His dad fought in WWII, so did mine (my parents had me late in life) and I know what my dh is saying, but it’s affecting our happiness, oddly enough.

I decided to post this, when he came home from work on Sat evening, and I was watching The Rendition, a movie about an Egyptian American who was interrogated with water boarding, yet he was innocent. The movie was about how unfair torture tactics can make even the innocent confess…he sat down to watch some of it, and then said…what channel is this on? I said, HBO. Oh of course, a liberal channel. Another liberal-agenda movie. I said, can’t you watch something with an open mind? He said movies like this are how people like you will vote for someone like Obama. I said, how dare you speak to me this way. People like me? I stormed off. He came into the bedroom, saddened that he said that to me. Apologized. He said, I don’t know what it is, I am just so worried for our country. We hugged, and I told him…God conquered death and evil, surely He can take on Obama. Leave your worries in God’s hands.

EM–Maybe you are right, my husband is addicted to the news! Newspapers, journals, blogs, tv news shows, etc. I most of the time say nothing, but when he then wants it to be the topic of discussion at dinner…I’m not interested. I probably could do better in how I approach it…but, it’s grating on my nerves. I also miss the happygolucky husband that he once was…I asked him if he is stressed about something else? He said, no, that he doesn’t mean it to affect him, etc. He said, you’ll tune in more when he starts taxing your healthcare at work, when he starts taxing the gasoline that we use, when our electric bill doubles…

I said, let me run into the bedroom, get under the covers, and sob. Maybe that’ll help?

I know, this is not the best reply, but I am over hearing about Obama’s agenda! *

 

[whatevergirl]

I think I may be the guilty party

Its hard lately. Times are tough, I know so many people who have lost their jobs and homes. And many more who have had their hours or salary cut. Tough times like this tend to get people more worked up about things, KWIM? I mean, I have an 80k degree, and dip ice cream for $8/hr. While the CEO of my company got bailed out and still lives in his mansion. I tend to get a little worked up.

What helped for us was humor. Dh would start joking with me whenever I would get too serious. He would kindly, with humor remind me that its God’s will not ours. Or he also would just roll his eyes and say Matthew 6. He also helped me to see that my offhanded remarks could scare our children.

Also though, he would set aside time to listen and discuss things seriously, and to pray about it together.

Maybe when your dh gets too upset, you could offer to pray together?

Together we have tried to use this time to strengthen our faith.

*Oh my gosh, really? I’m so sorry to hear that. I know, that times are not only tough, but uncertain. I think that the fact that we don’t know who this Obama really is…he sort of came out of nowhere, is very unsettling, to say the least. I said from the beginning, I will never give my vote to someone who so passionately is for abortions on demand, and giving our tax money to funding it overseas. How can we trust someone who doesn’t put the most innocent of life, first?

The thing perhaps for me, that I feel is unsettling between my husband and me, is that I didn’t realize until recently, how different we think on political issues. We think alike on the surface, but I’m not as conservative as him. I think that is part of what I’m feeling lately, that I’m seeing a side to him that I have never seen. I agree, that prayer is key, more than ever…thank you for your post. *

 

[canadianguy1143]

Sharon as you know, I am single but I do share a penchant for news and what is going on in the world. Mind you I don’t listen to Rush because we don’t get him up here in Canada and besides I have too much work to do.

Perhaps you could get your husband to spend more time doing other things. I know, if I was married, I would watch some news, but family chores would always come first as the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is my responsibility before God, not watching and obsessing over Obama.

As a person who is watching US Politics, I would advise him, not to worry too much about Obama because the way the Economy is going, the recent news about Eric Holder wanting to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the Bush Administration, Obama is looking to be the next Jimmy Carter (i.e. a 1 term President).

Also I should say that my political affliation is Independent as it allows me to be honest with others about my views rather than being compelled to support a party that doesn’t totally represent my views.

Hope that helps.

 

[whatevergirl]

Sharon as you know, I am single but I do share a penchant for news and what is going on in the world. Mind you I don’t listen to Rush because we don’t get him up here in Canada and besides I have too much work to do.

Perhaps you could get your husband to spend more time doing other things. I know, if I was married, I would watch some news, but family chores would always come first as the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is my responsibility before God, not watching and obsessing over Obama.

As a person who is watching US Politics, I would advise him, not to worry too much about Obama because the way the Economy is going, the recent news about Eric Holder wanting to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the Bush Administration, Obama is looking to be the next Jimmy Carter (i.e. a 1 term President).

Also I should say that my political affliation is Independent as it allows me to be honest with others about my views rather than being compelled to support a party that doesn’t totally represent my views.

Hope that helps.

*Hi CG;

Well, he doesn’t shun his responsibilities as a husband and father to watch the news–thus, which is why it’s taped! haha (on tivo) He is a great husband, and dad…but, I have to admit, this strong political side of him has never shown through like this.

I think that becoming an independent is the wave of the future…we need new parties. The repubs and democrats are both getting too rich off of the public…and it’s time we had a new party emerge.*

 

[quasius]

Full disclosure: I am neither a “hard-core” republican or democrat. I think both parties embrace some grave sin as part of their platforms. (I think the core republican sins are greed and vengeance while the core democrat problem is trying to live as if God doesn’t matter.) I think as a Catholic, it’s a mistake to gung-ho support either party and abandon all dialog and logic to a particular issue. (I have no problem voting for a candidate simply because he’s anti-abortion, but I do have a problem with accepting everything else he says without question because he’s anti-abortion.) I begrudgingly supported McCain in the last election.

With that said…

I’d try to get him focus on how these Obama habbits are effecting his life. Get him to take an honest look if what he’s doing is edifying to his marriage, those around him, etc. The “talk radio right” lifestyle demands a lot of time. Rush is 3 hours, Hannity is 3 hours, FoxNews is 24/7, etc. This is time that can almost certainly be put to better use.
I had some links, but I can’t find them. However, a little research might turn something up for you. But under the surface, I find Rush to be an amazingly greedy and immoral man. I had a link that was a call transcript he proudly posted where he basically bragged about wasting money and resources just because he can.
Get him to try and honestly square his faith with the entire hard-right platform. I bet he can’t. Not with a straight face anyway.

Edit: I’m not sure if I said exactly what I want to. I’m not suggesting picking debates/fights with him. I’m suggesting focusing on his faith/family and getting him to make sure that it’s properly ordered way above politics.
It’s easy to forget sometimes that the battle has already been won and it makes no ultimate difference who wins some random US election. The battle for our own souls and sanctity is far, far more important and what we should be focusing on.
Suggest to him that praying a rosary together for the sanctity of the US and its leaders would do far more good than watching an hour of O’Riley ever would.

 

[whatevergirl]

**That is a beautiful comment you made, quasius. I noticed that when I mention that God is far bigger than all of this…he tends to refocus …He is a devout Catholic, I also tell him that we are Catholic first…and that we should pray for Obama. He said that he has been, but it’s been hard!

Re: Rush…please. I hear you on that. Not that I find his rhetoric unappealing, he does make sense. But, he is pompous, and a stone thrower, meanwhile he lives in quite a big glass house, himself. I also have heard him say some odd things about Catholics.

I told my husband to listen to jazz music, he asked if I would buy him a few books on tape, (not political ) to pop in while he is driving to work. So, maybe that will help, from a secular standpoint.**

 

[Teen4Christ]

Gah, politics. If one of the spouses cannot discuss their political differences in a respectful way, than they probably shouldn’t even talk about it.

 

[quasius]

Gah, politics. If one of the spouses cannot discuss their political differences in a respectful way, than they probably shouldn’t even talk about it.

I’m not sure “don’t talk about it” is the correct approach. That’s ignoring underlying issues.

Don’t think “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Think “if you can’t say anything nice, pray that you can say something nice.”

 

[whatevergirl]

*So true quasius!

I just talked with my dh…he called me from work–and we talked. I told him that I am worried about him. He said why? I told him my thoughts, as coincide with this thread, he said that he is going to take a break from the news, and that he thinks he needs a vacation with me and the kids. We’ll see.

Part of this, is his upbringing. His dad didn’t like people who disagreed with him on politics, and dh’s brothers are very similiar. I remember at a recent graduation for one of our nieces, and the subject of Obama came up…one of his brothers went completely off on it. His wife and me just sat there rolling our eyes. My husband looked calm compared to his brother. lol I dunno…I just pray that this doesn’t hurt our marriage. I love my husband, I know he loves me–we are one another’s confidants, and support. So, this is surprising to me, a bit. It’s like we are not on the same page with this, and it creates distance, and to me, we don’t have to be on the same page politically, always…but to him, he doesn’t like that I have a careless attitude about it all. (which I don’t) But, in his eyes, I am not as concerned as I should be.

I have a sister in law, who called me over the weekend, crying about Obama. We talked for a while, I don’t disagree with the concerns. She is very worried, she is 60, her husband (my dh’s eldest brother) is 63. So, they are concerned as they lost a lot of money in the stocks, etc…but this isn’t Obama’s fault. No offense, but we can’t blame bad choices we made on Obama. I didn’t say that, but thought it.

Anyways, she agrees with literally everything her husband says. If her husband says the sky is purple, yep, it’s purple …I long admired that about her, she is a very doting wife to her husband. But, I can’t blindly agree with my husband, on issues that I don’t agree on, just to keep some sense of peace. I dunno…I just don’t want the good marriage I have, to change over something as inane as this. *

 

[Spiritoftruth]

I voted for Bush. Obviously,

Well, no one is perfect…

 

[kennewickmike]

This is just probably one of those bumps in the road us married couples go though. I’ll keep you and your husband in my prayers. God bless

 

[Teen4Christ]

I’m not sure “don’t talk about it” is the correct approach. That’s ignoring underlying issues.

Don’t think “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Think “if you can’t say anything nice, pray that you can say something nice.”

It’s always best to talk about it if you can


But if it’s only going to lead to someone’s feelings getting hurt or someone getting really angry, what’s the point?

 

[Rascalking]

I’ve had political discussions with girlfriends before, and even though it’s clearly different within a marriage, it’s a pain in the butt none the less.

As someone who leans to the libertarian side, Obama scares the heck out of me, and he frustrates me as well. My friends and I talk alot about him, and it is virtually always negative.

That said, we try to focus on something positive when we talk as well. Baseball, family, we reach for something.

Tell your husband the same thing…focus on something he likes to do with you, or your children.

 

[whatevergirl]

*DH and I talked tonight, and he apologized, said he is beyond thrilled to be spending a week with me and the kids without thinking about work…and he promises to refrain from talking about Obama too much. He agrees that he shouldn’t be obsessing, and he didn’t realize that it was affecting me in a bad way. Communication…always keep communicating with your spouse. I could have ignored it and ignored it, but I truly was getting concerned for my husband…

Just wanted to share…thanks for your replies today, everyone, and for listening to me vent. :grouphug:*

 

[jwashu]

I know the nicest people on earth but when they turn on Rush, Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann and the rest of them, they turn into other people. If you listen to how the country is going to hell for several hours at a time it is bound to effect your mood. I finally got tired of it a few years ago and turned it all off and just listen to music at work or in the car.
I am not saying people should quit caring, but limit the amount of hate talk that is coming into your life.

That is what I have been through and noticed

I agree with this 150% The Left Wing radio guys were hard on Bush but that was after he spied on us illegally, ran up a national debt (with no job increases to show it, only deaths), started an unjust war etc… and even then they weren’t as hard as the right wingers are on Obama.

If you listen to hate day in and day out… it will consume you. Remember our discussion about porn? Rush is worse IMHO. I believe people get addicted to the rush when they get angry and need a fix.

What is funny is that on my FB page recently I posted the Fox News anchors telling THEIR OWN watchers that the hate email was out of hand and the stuff they were upset about were not true but lies. The sad part was that those lies they are talking about came from some of their own nightly talk shows.

Obama is a centrist everywhere but America, that is why the Vatican takes to him much differently than Americans.

The right needs to give up on the hate IMHO… it’s been building since the late 80s (even when they were in power) and is now out of control.

Washington one said that he opposed political parties because eventually people might become more of a Republican OR Democrat than they are an American. When that happened we would fail. These right wing hate shows are perpetuating that at an alarming rate as are some of the Left wing shows on MSNBC.

I was almost the President of the College Republicans for my state back in College but quit and became a democrat after some closed door meetings with the party leadership. I won’t go into detail but let me say I see the planning from 20 years ago in today’s right wing talk show hosts… just like the Televangelist selling salvation, they are praying on people for money.

As I have said before though I really have no party, for years I have preached a fiscally liberal morally conservative message to my left and right wing friends which usually makes both sides mad… but oh well, I know the Holy Father agrees with me so I can’t be too far off base right?

My suggestion… ask your husband to go for 2 weeks or a month with no talkshows (radio or TV). See how and ask him to see how he feels after that. I’m all for staying abreast of what is going on though so watch the local evening news on one of the major networks.

I have many friends who are of both parties and I firmly believe that it is our differences that keep this nation strong because we keep each other in check.

All I ask of people is to evaluate how you really believe and ask yourself, how does that realate to the other aspects of my life? As a Catholic I believe we truly have no party if we try to follow the teachings of the Church. Perhaps someday that will change or I will get really fed up and start a new party…

 

[whatevergirl]

I agree with this 150% The Left Wing radio guys were hard on Bush but that was after he spied on us illegally, ran up a national debt (with no job increases to show it, only deaths), started an unjust war etc… and even then they weren’t as hard as the right wingers are on Obama.

If you listen to hate day in and day out… it will consume you. Remember our discussion about porn? Rush is worse IMHO. I believe people get addicted to the rush when they get angry and need a fix.

What is funny is that on my FB page recently I posted the Fox News anchors telling THEIR OWN watchers that the hate email was out of hand and the stuff they were upset about were not true but lies. The sad part was that those lies they are talking about came from some of their own nightly talk shows.

Obama is a centrist everywhere but America, that is why the Vatican takes to him much differently than Americans.

The right needs to give up on the hate IMHO… it’s been building since the late 80s (even when they were in power) and is now out of control.

Washington one said that he opposed political parties because eventually people might become more of a Republican OR Democrat than they are an American. When that happened we would fail. These right wing hate shows are perpetuating that at an alarming rate as are some of the Left wing shows on MSNBC.

I was almost the President of the College Republicans for my state back in College but quit and became a democrat after some closed door meetings with the party leadership. I won’t go into detail but let me say I see the planning from 20 years ago in today’s right wing talk show hosts… just like the Televangelist selling salvation, they are praying on people for money.

As I have said before though I really have no party, for years I have preached a fiscally liberal morally conservative message to my left and right wing friends which usually makes both sides mad… but oh well, I know the Holy Father agrees with me so I can’t be too far off base right?

My suggestion… ask your husband to go for 2 weeks or a month with no talkshows (radio or TV). See how and ask him to see how he feels after that. I’m all for staying abreast of what is going on though so watch the local evening news on one of the major networks.

I have many friends who are of both parties and I firmly believe that it is our differences that keep this nation strong because we keep each other in check.

All I ask of people is to evaluate how you really believe and ask yourself, how does that realate to the other aspects of my life? As a Catholic I believe we truly have no party if we try to follow the teachings of the Church. Perhaps someday that will change or I will get really fed up and start a new party…

*Thank you, I agree…I will ask him, and see what he says. I don’t know if he’ll go for it, but he definitely can see how it affected him…and me…us together. He was definitely angry. Look at how the Nazis became who they were…supposedly, it took years and years of feeding them hatred for the Jews, over and over…until it became second nature. My dh isn’t this angry, lol but, there is something to be said for that. Keep feeding your mind with negativity, you’ll become negative. He is a very easy going guy normally, which is why the angry moments stuck out so much, I think. I told him today, don’t let Obama or anyone steal your peace. I will see what he says.

Oh, by the way, I don’t think that listening to Rush is worse than viewing porn. That’s a stretch! *