And now for a bit of levity - this is from someone who pretends to be Queen Elizabeth on Twitter, has some really funny tweets, and has written a book. There are a few inside jokes in this, as usual, but if you know anything about England and the Monarchy, you will get them.
Dear Pope Benedict
Dear Pope Benedict
Your Holiness,
Thank you for the text message this morning informing one of your resignation. One does apologise for not replying straight away but one had an early morning meeting with a bacon sandwich, which overran.
One was aware that you have been thinking of ‘going Dutch’ and following the example of the Queen of the Netherlands for some time, particularly after you were unsuccessful in your application for the post of Archbishop of Canterbury.
One must say though that one would have thought you might have waited until after Valentine’s Day to make the announcement.
Of course, we English have had something of a love/hate relationship with the Catholic Church over the years, and it is true to say that Henry VIII wasn’t a fan – having set up his own Church in competition.
As you know, Charles tried to do the same thing in later years, but the idea never really got off the ground – although apparently Tom Cruise was interested.
One will remember with affection your visit to the United Kingdom is 2010, (the first visit by a Pope since we went our own religious way), and catching up on the 500 years we haven’t been speaking. One was particularly pleased to have had an opportunity to show you the Royal archives to demonstrate how well we’ve managed without Papal leadership.
The people of the United Kingdom will certainly remember seeing you driving around in your little Popemobile like a religious Postman Pat delivering your message first thing in the morning, when the day is dawning.
Prince Charles of course is very upset. First Queen Beatrice and now yourself: two world/religious vacancies that he is sadly not eligible to apply for. One has explained though that, whilst standing down before the job is done may be all the rage on the continent, this side of the Channel it is considered a little self-indulgent.
One shall look forward to working with your successor. One understands that Tony Blair has already sent off for an application pack. Although one must admit that if there is to be smoke associated with Tony Blair going up a chimney, one sincerely hopes it’s not proclaiming him leader of a world religious movement (or any movement, come to think of it).
Needless to say, you have one’s very best wishes for a long and happy retirement. One knows that you are looking forward to having more time to yourself, and one does hope that the snowboarding lessons go well.
Keep in touch – one does love to receive your texts.
As ever your loving Queen.
Elizabeth R
Queen, Defender of the Faith, Supreme Governor of the Church of England. Still reigning.