Possible contraception in family

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LoveMyKids

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Hello, long time reader, but new poster. I am a lifelong Catholic in a Catholic marriage, and the mother of 9 adult children. It was the joy of my lifetime to be a wife and mother, to homemake for them and to watch them grow up into adults. Six of my 9 are married, all in Mother Churcn! I have 17 grandchildren so far. I feel very blessed.

The problem comes about because of my son, “John” who is 28 and his wife “Lisa” who is 27. They have been married three years and seem happy and well, but have not yet had a baby. In our family, the custom is short courtships, short engagements, and a baby before the first anniversary. It is very unsettling that in three long years we have not yet had a grandchild from Lisa. She has no health issues, as far as I know and neither does John. They live nearby and have lots of family help. They were both raised Catholic, and my John knows better. John makes good money so there is really no valid reason to be delaying pregnancy.

Yes, I know they could be infertile, but I highly doubt that. Lisa is one of four and her sisters have children. John’s siblings all have no problem in this regard and Lisa is not yet even 30. She’s not overweight, and eats well so I am starting to think something sinister is going on. I know they would have told me if there was a medical problem.

Is it my place, as the matriarch of the family, to intervene here and ask why no pregnancy has occurred? I really do not want to be a pushy “mother in law” but I do know it is my divine right and duty to guide my children and lovingly correct them so that they stay on the path of righteousness.

I do pray for them each night, as I do for all my family, but in this day and age with so many girls on contraception, suffering from venereal diseases, and worse, I do not want to let something potentially serious go by without gently reminding them of their marital obligation to bear children if possible. The idea that Lisa is using the pill pains me. I really can’t imagine my John knows about it, if indeed she is.

I also want the opportunity to guide them toward appropriate Catholic doctors should she need an exam to figure out why she has not yet conceived.

I am already expecting three new grand babies in 2019 with room for more! Do I intercede here, or do I keep my mouth shut and wonder? Is there a way to approach this without sounding pushy?

Thank you.
 
Is there a way to approach this without seeking pushy? No!

You’re speculating a lot. You assume there isn’t a fertility problem but either or both of them could have an issue that they don’t care to discuss with you. You_assume_ there are no other health problems that make it prudent to postpone having children. You assume that if they are using contraceptives it must be behind your son’s back.

This is a most personal matter between the husband and wife. If they wish to involve you, they will.
 
It is not your place to ask. I am an only child and very close to my mother. I still haven’t told her about all of my miscarriages. Also, my issues with carrying to term were due to a blood clotting disorder that no one can see just from looking at me or my lifestyle. You have no way of knowing that there are no medical issues and her medical issues are not your business.

You “keep your mouth shut” and you stop wondering. You love your son and your daughter- in-law without speculating about what it’s going on in their bedroom.
 
Also, you might want to check your profile. It looks like you may have your password or something listed as your religion. 😊
 
A good friend of mine is an identical twin. Her sister had three kids and my friend had none because of fertility issues. Just because other siblings have kids means nothing, and I doubt you’re told everything. Leave them at peace.
 
Your son and his wife are adults. It’s not your place to intervene in their marriage. It’s entirely possible that your son has health issues that you don’t know about, or she does. Not your business.
 
This is between your son, his wife and their Confessor(s).

If they want to talk about it, they will.
LoveMyKids said:
I do know it is my divine right and duty to guide my children and lovingly correct them so that they stay on the path of righteousness.
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While they were children. They are now grown ups.
 
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My advice: Count your blessings, be grateful, be silent. Infertility doesn’t always play by family history rules.
 
They KNOW they don’t have children. They don’t need you to ask why they don’t. There could be so many issues and quite frankly, it is not your business. It is between them and God. Don’t assume that Lisa is using the pill (if she is) and that John doesn’t know about it. Maybe John is using condoms and you don’t know about it. Your family custom of babies before the first anniversary may not be God’s plan for them.
 
I think you have every right to ask your son “John” is he and his wife are using birth control. You are his mother.
Peace ❤️🙏
 
LoveMyKids said:
Is it my place, as the matriarch of the family, to intervene here and ask why no pregnancy has occurred?
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Absolutely not! You’re making a lot of assumptions without any evidence at all. You could seriously damage your relationship with them by butting in to something that’s none of your business.
 
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LoveMyKids said:
In our family, the custom is short courtships, short engagements, and a baby before the first anniversary.
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What in the world?! Length of courtship and timing of children are different for everyone. Who on earth decided this was a custom to which all of your children/in laws must adhere?
LoveMyKids said:
John makes good money so there is really no valid reason to be delaying pregnancy.
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Money and health reasons are not the only valid reasons for delaying pregnancy. You are making an assumption based on very limited knowledge and, frankly, it’s none of your business.
LoveMyKids said:
Yes, I know they could be infertile, but I highly doubt that. Lisa is one of four and her sisters have children. John’s siblings all have no problem in this regard and Lisa is not yet even 30. She’s not overweight, and eats well so I am starting to think something sinister is going on. I know they would have told me if there was a medical problem.
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Once again, you are making an assumption based on limited knowledge. You do not know any of this for sure. Not yet thirty, not overweight, eats well doesn’t guarantee perfect fertility.

And once again, none of your business. I have plenty of medical problems my mother-in-law doesn’t know about, and I would be furious with my husband if he told his mother the types of ins and outs of our personal life that you assume your children tell you.
LoveMyKids said:
Is it my place, as the matriarch of the family, to intervene here and ask why no pregnancy has occurred?
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Absolutely not.
LoveMyKids said:
Do I intercede here, or do I keep my mouth shut and wonder?
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You keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.
 
The OP has a tradition in her family which deserves consideration.
I don’t do debates but some comments are doing to her what you’re accusing her of.
 
You don’t ask them about it.

You can pray for them.

You can give advice, comfort, your opinion when/if you are asked.

I have two female cousins who are sisters. One has five children. The other is infertile. I have two aunts who are sisters. One has five children (the mother of the two cousins I mentioned) and the other infertile. Sibling family history doesn’t predict anything for sure.
 
Seem pushy? This post seems so horrible it’s hard to imagine that it isn’t trolling! If you are actually serious, then I think you should consider the possibility that they actually have three children already but are afraid to tell you about it! If I found out that my MIL wrote a post like this about me, there would be a very good chance that I would see to it that she would never lay her controlling, suspicious, judgemental eyes on any child I would ever produce!
 
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