Potential atheist boyfriend

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Thank you for all of your replies, I’ll reflect a bit more on this. I have another date with him next week, third date - is it appropriate to bring it up then? How should I bring it up?
 
@Irishmom2 Sorry for being vague, haha. I meant how should I tell him that I do plan to wait, or should I just be blunt?
 
Is that all that you have taken away from what anyone has said here? You don’t even need to have a conversation about waiting because you should be having a conversation about not seeing him anymore. If you value your faith, it should really matter to you that he does not believe in God. You should be considering that a deal breaker, and not worrying about discussing “waiting,” because that shouldn’t even be a discussion you and he should be having.

The fact that you don’t even know how to talk to him about anything says to me, at least, that you might not even be ready for a relationship, let alone one with a guy that is older than you.

You really need to end this before you get too attached. I see signs that you are turning this into something too soon.
 
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I am not concerned about the age difference; I am concerned about you being Catholic and him being atheist. As the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is already a challenge in itself, you will need the grace coming from Holy Communion as your strength, in addition to a life of prayer.

Is it possible for him to convert later on?

Possibly, but as it sounds right now, it doesn’t appear that way.

I think you should leave him.

I will pray for you in any case.
 
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Catholic* + Atheist* → Boyfriend*

Please wait…

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Please wait…

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Please wait…

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We’re sorry, but this combination is toxic. Please try again using a different combination of words :confused:
 
@Irishmom2 No, I understand what everyone else said here. The majority of you suggested I should break it off right away. However, there are reasons as to why I think I should give him a chance. My father was atheist when he married my mother (he converted eventually), but he respected her and they’ve been very happy from the start.

But, I don’t want to lead him on into thinking that I’m going to give him the amount of intimacy he’d want. We’d only been on two dates, so I’m aware that this isn’t anything yet, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings before either of us get attached. When I think about it, there is only one way to bring it up to him, I just need the courage.
 
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So many issues I’ll try to keep them in a row:
  1. 18 and 21 is a huge age difference. Your barely out of high school and he’s almost out of college. This alone is a bad match up.
  2. He’s an athiest. He believes in sex before commitment. You are not. These are huge, not challenges, but reasons to drop this.
  1. This is your first relationship- well maybe that’s the problem. Why don’t you find a good man at Catholicmatch.com
 
Irishmom2 said:
Is that all that you have taken away from what anyone has said here? You don’t even need to have a conversation about waiting because you should be having a conversation about not seeing him anymore.
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Scroll up to read the whole post. This is important.

Date to find a good Catholic match that has the potential for each of you to grow together in your faith. You have so much going for you in the faith you have, don’t throw it away.

Praying for you. 🙏
 
A three year age gap is OK when both are responsible adults like 22 and 25 but not when someone is barely entering adult life and the other has been an adult for a couple/some years.

Is he the kind of man who will give his life for you and future children? That is the kind of love you are striving for in a marriage.
 
I’ll reiterate that before I found God I was dating a girl who believed. We dated for almost 4 years and then we both suffered the biggest heartbreak we’d ever known because of our drastically different world views. I never pushed her to do anything she didn’t want but it annoyed me and hurt her. Eventually she made the decision that she couldn’t be with me. It sucked. While that pain did eventually lead me to God I do wish for her sake she’d have never dated someone with my beliefs to begin with. It would have been better for her.
 
emilyk123 said:
But, I don’t want to lead him on into thinking that I’m going to give him the amount of intimacy he’d want. We’d only been on two dates, so I’m aware that this isn’t anything yet, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings before either of us get attached. When I think about it, there is only one way to bring it up to him, I just need the courag
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Tell him straight up.

Say “I am not interested in having any sort of sex before I am married, I hope you can accept that.”

If he does accept that, maybe there is some hope.
 
If you plan to not tell him to keep him then you are acting out of fear. You need to consider that fear may guide you to make bad decisions down the line. Bring it up, if that is a problem for him then he is not worth your time, energy or virtue. You need to think outside your heart right now.
The devil is a liar, a guy may seem sweet and respectful but if he cannot respect your values then he is not respectful. If he gets angry or manipulative or anything like that then he is not sweet.
 
I did read the whole post. There are other factors besides his atheism. I addressed their age as well, and her wanting to wait and his roaming hands on their second date. I don’t think they have a relationship that needs to grow together in faith. Honestly, an 18 year old does not need to start off a relationship hoping to convert an atheist that is pushing boundaries on the second date. There are other guys out there.
 
I have gone on dates with a few guys who did not share my Catholic beliefs…I can’t recommend it really. Leads to very awkward and intimate conversations very quickly. This guy may respect you, but waiting until marriage (while a great practice) is not well accepted outside of catholic circles. He may respect your wishes in his actions, but I could bet he’d be hoping you’ll change your mind in the future, and he may decide at some point that he’s tired of waiting for you to, and break up with you over it. Just something to think about.

Even though your beliefs are the catholic ones, why ask him to compromise his? That’s not the compromise a relationship needs to be built on. That’s not being “equally yoked”. Please don’t compromise your faith or put yourself in a situation you think will be too tempting!

I’d just rather wait for a catholic guy and avoid the confrontation, but that’s me. My parents are in a happy mixed-faith marriage (though neither was really deep in their faith when I was a child. Makes a difference if one or both of you have “passionate” beliefs while bringing up kids).

You’re 18. Don’t jump at the first guy who respects you. They all should respect you. If there are red flags from date one, not a good sign.
 
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What’s wrong with 18 and 21? That’s actually a very normal age difference.
 
Nobody waits until marriage any more what kind of burden are you trying to put on this girl?
 
Jas31784, what you are suggesting is a burden is Catholic teaching. Why are you implying that everyone does it, so that makes it okay? You are misleading the OP.
 
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I’ve had bad enough breakups with people who were faithful Catholics… I can’t even begin to imagine that
 
It wasn’t fun that’s for sure lol. But, growth came out of it. It was definitely one of the most formative periods of my life and a crucible that helped forge me into something better.
 
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