Pray for my ability to forgive

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peacefulpainter

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I was married at age 18. this man was 5 yrs older than me. he got me pregnant when I was 17 he took me to get an abortion.

he got me preg again at 18 , in my freshman yr of college.

I did not know how to get a hold of him when I found out I was preg. He had moved and no phone…I went for a pregnancy test and the lady at the clinic tried to get me to abort. I told her no, I did not want to .

and I told him when I finally heard from him. he told my parents he would marry me. I was mute… scared… felt railroaded.
during the marriage he yelled often( he was getting his Ph D and I stayed home doing child care.
I was raped during the marriage, hit , yelled at often… I had now 3 kids. with him. He did not"believe" in daycare and so he did not want me to go back to college( I had plans to study pre med)
He also took my car daily so I was stranded , he let his car go to ruin.

when our son was 2 and I was 29 he had an affair with someone in his lab and he told me that he was in love with her and wanted to leave me.
well… she went back to England and he said it was over.
Things never really improved., I was too scared to leave. started college instead at age 29 ( had only been one semester when I was 18)
The thing is, he and I still live in the same community where he is a professor, my big kids still of course see him, my son only stays at his place. never mine.( son is 21 now at local university)
I just feel overall he has hurt me enough, and the r-ships with my 3 big kids. I feel my ex constantly undermines my relationships with the 3 bigger kids.
My priest encouraged me to get an annulment and it came through in 1999.

I married again at age 37 and am now 48 with 2 girls ages 7 and 8 am separated and single mom.
pray that I can somehow get over the anger and hurt. … as each holiday undermines my time with my big kids… it burns me up sometimes how he thinks he is so great after all the things he did to me.
Not to mention the legal financial abuse he and his new wife did to me.
taking custody of my son, coercing me to sign the house over to them… money hungry greedy woman and my ex going along with her.

they since then adopted a child from eastern europe as they couldn’t have their own… they spend only on her and the 3 big kids are shortshrifted…
I have nothing to do with him anymore, just that it hurts.

I sacrificed a lot for him. The things he did to me were criminal but I never called the police. He punched me in the stomach in the middle of the night out of the blue in bed… refused to let me go to class, holding my car, It made me get a C in one of my classes as I was so late to class and the teacher did not care what was happening…
and the rape.
all crimes.
I never told anyone, I thought no one would believe me.

I at times feel I am over it, and then things happen that stir it all up.

Perhaps I need to ask the big kids to not talk about anything to do with him? Perhaps I need to write a letter straight to him… no he wont ever admit what he did .

He distorts things . He lied many times… Hard.

He was from Jewish family then he converted when I was preg with the 2nd child… but I do not feel he really is Catholic in his behavior. He is motivated by something else. He took advantage of my kind nature… he selfishly pursued his workaholic ways and the Church did grant the annulment based on his psychological incapacity to be a good husband… so I ought to feel exonerated… I just feel bad sometimes…
Not really sure why… just that when one of the 3 big kids talks to me about their dad , like they have respect and love for him or whatever… holidays are always a hurt for me , as the kids always prioritize going to him.
:confused: it irks me.
sorry if I sound awful… I just can only take so much.
 
Dear Lord have mercy on your daughter peacefulpainter and heal her hurts , pains, disappointments and frustrations from the past . Lord open her heart to you and let her move forward with you by her side . Lord let her forgive what was done , but let her be totally in love with you my LORD and let her be happy and fulfilled . Lord change her life to a life you want her to have. Lord bless her and her help her . thanks Lord for all that you are doing in this woman’s life, Lord thanks for doing this , in the name of Jesus, amen . Do not be discouraged . Do not let the enemy get you depressed , do not think you are alone . You have the Lord holding your hand and he loves you always , your brother in Christ, John
 
Prayer for Strength to Forgive
Faultless Lord, enduring death for us,
You have consummated the debt of our sins:
Your sacrifice of forgiveness was absolute!
Grant us the strength to also forgive others,
To excuse their transgressions against us.
So we may truly reflect this spiritual fruit,
Obliterate any persistent feelings of malice.
Let each trespass end as a closing chapter,
as we continue on the road of righteousness.
Forgive our sins as we aspire to forgive others.
You are truly archetypical of forgiveness.
You are a most forgiving Lord!
AMEN
 
Merciful Father, as You have taught forgiveness to men of old, and You call us to forgive those who curse us, grant the gift of forgiveness, through Your Holy Spirit, to peacefulpainter. You alone know her heart better than she, having created it. You know the depth of her suffering, and the resentment that is found in those depths. Graciously steer her away from the resentment, which is the evil one’s path to bitterness and hatred. Lead her rather, Lord, with the ever-loving, ever guiding heart of Your Blessed Son Jesus Christ, who suffered humiliation and death for us, even as we continued to sin. In the profound injustice of Christ’s death, which will never be exceeded, allow her heart to ponder and reflect on Your Glory and Your love of her. In Your Divine Mercy, O Lord, grant her fading memories of those who have harmed her throughout her life, as You grant her a deepening faith and love of You. Sharpen her vision, that she may see only the suffering Christ, and allow her pain to fade into nothingness. May she daily struggle with Christ along the via Dolorosa, weeping with each step He was forced to take; yet steps He willingly took for her sake as He struggled to perish for her. May each drop of precious blood that He shed wash away her iniquities and be co-mingled with her tears in imitation of the Eucharistic sacrifice. In Your immeasurable love for her, fill her consciousness with images only of our Loving Jesus Christ, her Hope. Lord, You know that she cannot embrace Christ while she clings to past evils. Grant her the grace to release her grasp on evil, trusting You alone to support her in Your Eternal Arms. May she then, as did Mary of Magdala, cling to her Rock of Salvation, our Lord Jesus. Mercifully remind her to offer her sufferings up to Christ, for He alone is the Atonement; He alone is the Resurrection, and He alone is her Salvation. We beg Your Mercy on her behalf, being sinners who demanded His crucifixion. We have seen Your Mercy, having experienced the Love of Christ. Graciously hear the prayers of the faithful for the sake of peacefulpainter, as we beseech Your Unlimited Mercy yet again in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, One God for ever and ever. Amen! Alleluia!.
 
From today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Prayers and Intercessions
We humbly pray to God, who gave us new life through Christ’s resurrection:
  • Lord, make us shine with the brightness of Christ.
O God, it was you who made known the Covenant, it was you who created the world. You are faithful from generation to generation.
Most gentle Father, hear us.
Make us pure with the purity of your truth; fill our hearts with holiness and guide our footsteps,
so that we do what is right and pleasing to you.
Let the light of your face shine upon us;
free us from sin and fill us with the good things of heaven.
Through Christ you reconciled us to yourself:
grant peace to us and all who live on earth.

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those that trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Almighty and eternal God, you have used the mysteries of Easter to seal a covenant of reconciliation with the human race.
Give our minds the ability to put into action
what we celebrate and profess.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God for ever and ever.
Amen.
 
Praying for you and your kids and yalls emotional and mental state of mind. Praying for a healing like you have never felt to fall upon you. Praying that the Blessed Mother will wrap her loving mantle around you and let you know that things will be ok.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Saint Rita of Cascia please intercede for this sister.

Rita of Cascia was in an abusive marriage and had two difficult children, it is a blessing to read her story.
 
thanks for the reminder about st rita.
I tend to get overwhelmed with my lifestyle of work at home 7 days a wk 8am to 11pm.
kids are bored sometimes cuz it is cold out and they get into scuffles. they are not that big yet… but it is good most of the time.
I had to pay cash for their dental bills the past 2 yrs. even though they do get medical on the IL state plan, there is a sliding scale now of premiums.
🙂
that helps for dr visit, which we dont have too often thank the Lord,
but the dental are a lot.

one needs orthodontic soon and they have to pull a bunch of teeth cuz of crowding and I pray I can do better with my business.
I also have to keep better records as I am struggling but uncle sam still wants a bug chunk of money.

I really need prayers all around, and I thank you all prayer warriors for caring enough to pray for us. it really helps. as my dad was my biggest cheerleader and he passed away this january.
i miss him so much. i could write to him about anything and he made me feel positive. thanks for the prayers.
 
Praying very hard for you and your peace of mind! Please keep hanging in there.
 
Perhaps you should write the letter, open you heart to all the hurt and abuse you suffered and then burn it, it may seem extreme but you will have gotten all your anger and frustration out on the paper, and who knows you may feel better and be able to start getting on with the rest of your life, god bless you will pray for you :gopray2:
 
I am praying for you, peacefulpainter. Have you ever had counseling? Perhaps it could help you to put some things to rest. God bless you.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
May The Lord grant you the healing of memories and grant you Peace and gift you Joy…“all things are possible to God”…Keeping you and the whole family in prayer with St. Rita, patron of difficult causes…
 
J†M†J
I will pray for your intentions in my rosary tonight.

God Bless
In Jesus through Mary
Steve
 
I looked at an apt that might work out for us, it is right behind the kids catholic school, our parish church.
right behind the baseball field.
i have not been contacted by the realtor , so we shall see if he approves my application.
pray that he does. his name is Joel.
I also did my taxes and owe uncle sam 2000. i have my own business and didnt pay enough estimated withholding. so need to cough it up now.
pray that my business keeps growing so i can pay all the bills and moving expenses.
i think the apt will be good enough while i am getting my finances in better order
i have not had time to worry about my ex.
i had a terrible sleep cuz of worrying about moving and finding the right new place for us.
pray for all these matters so sorry to be complaining.
it does help to know others care.
 
peacefulpainter said:
I looked at an apt that might work out for us, it is right behind the kids catholic school, our parish church.
right behind the baseball field.
i have not been contacted by the realtor , so we shall see if he approves my application.
pray that he does. his name is Joel.
I also did my taxes and owe uncle sam 2000. i have my own business and didnt pay enough estimated withholding. so need to cough it up now.
pray that my business keeps growing so i can pay all the bills and moving expenses.
i think the apt will be good enough while i am getting my finances in better order
i have not had time to worry about my ex.
i had a terrible sleep cuz of worrying about moving and finding the right new place for us.
pray for all these matters so sorry to be complaining.
it does help to know others care.
Click to expand...
Keeping your hopes in prayer and may The Lord gift you with Peace and freedom from any undue anxiety…
 
I woke up again in the night cuz of having to move… find a place, apply for the places… they might not accept me…
i got down on my knees in the night and prayed to Jesus to help me know what to do. I do not want to rush into choosing somewhere, i want to get the best place for us.
ths apt might be too small, but then again, it might be fine.
i am mixed up.
the men in my life, my 2 husbands never cared for me , only their own stardom in various areas( one in adademics, the other his guitar and music.)
hope my kids dont pick someone like that.
it is sad and lonely and hard doing it all alone. that is why these matters are on my mind so much. most of the families in the school have 2 parent homes… i am alone, make less money , have to work twice as hard being only one person., its too hard sometims. sorry to complain so much,
i pray , i went to mass today, i know God will answer.
 
Peacefulpainter, I am keeping you in my prayers…I was married to a musician too! Got divorced and annulled. I, too, was alone with my son and making a living was so very hard. God bless you, my sister in Christ!

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Peacefulpainter:

I’m sorry to hear what you have been going through in your life I’m praying for you and everybody involved throughout and in your life.

Prayerfully,

Renato
 
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