Husband, in the depths of my self-blame, which we all have when facing serious marriage problems, I think…I wrote “Peter’s regret” below. I don’t know if any part of it can be changed to fit how you feel. I know you feel helpless but please continue to hope and pray when you can. In times that you can only feel raw emotion and even despair, which is natural, may God simply carry you. Don’t hit yourself over the head if you feeldespair and anger, just give however bad and hopeless you feel to God, as that is prayer too. May God help you to grow in love and faith and to be able to communicate this to your wife. May God heal her battered heart and your battered heart.
Trishie
Jesus, I know the regret of one who fails to serve the need in another person, perhaps even in one’s most-loved. I have experienced the remorse of those who wound another, however unintentionally. Afterwards, there may seem no redress? The damage perhaps seems irreversible. The other’s heart or mind may seem unapproachable, due to their nature or attitudes; or one simply lacks courage to risk the other’s anger or reproach?
When we bless others, we bless You, and when we wound them, we wound You… Thus, in Your weakest moment I left You desolate. In Your greatest need, I abandoned You—although in my confusion and loss I feel that You deserted me. Nothing can expunge your hurt then, in that time. I ask forgiveness, and You forgive. Yet the moment cannot return and you are gone. Not gone, but changed…beyond my touch and understanding?
The scars remain, burned in Your feet and hands, and in my heart. Yet You loved and chose, and gave Your life for me—although my weakness, fear, and sin betrayed and denied You. Now, in recompense made fit by Your pure sacrifice—again and again I shall serve and pray for each brother in his weakness and need, as You have done for me. Thus may I watch with my Lord, sharing a-hundredfold what once I denied You.
