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masondoggy
Guest
Ok, so if a lawyer will go along with it, that makes it justified to deprive a father of his fundamental rights to his child? Oh, the lawyer said it was OK, so it must be so then…
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masondoggy
Guest
You said it far better than I did.
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Cecilia1963
Guest
Thanks to all who provided so much good advice and resources, and especially the non-judgemental support - that has helped me tremendously.
Cecilia
Cecilia
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masondoggy
Guest
God bless you, sweetie. I love you too. :hug1:
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maria29
Guest
I can’t believe you’re advocating keeping the father out of the picture and even going so far as to have the baby adopted illegally by not getting the father’s permission!
You’re right that we don’t know what kind of guy he is or what his family is like. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say in what happens to a child he helped create!
I know there are some men who don’t step up to the plate in these instances but lets not judge all men on the basis of a few.I don’t any of the PP or I are being naive, maybe perhaps more understanding yes.
BTW I didn’t realize the OP has said the boy is 18?
So lets say that the father isn’t told and the baby is adopted ILLEGALY and without his consent, and he finds out about, think about how many people get hurt
- The adoptive parents who will proably lose custody of a baby they’ve come to love and think of their own, not to mention the thousands of dollars in legal fees that they’ll spend to fight it.
- The girl because she’ll have to live with herself that she lied on court documents and caused heartache for the father because, some states use involuntary termination of parental rights regarding a previous child as grounds for involuntary termination regarding a later child
- The child because by the time the legal battles will be over he/she will proably be over a year to two years of age.
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Goth_Catholic
Guest
God bless you also, I have a hard time turning the other cheek.
Bless you for doing so.
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sanctareparata
Guest
All three of the women I know who were pregnant at 15 and a mom with a baby at 16 married their boyfriends later. They are in happy, stable marriages now with more children. It’s unfair for *jasmine *to assume - ASSUME - that this boy is irresponsible and out to get the OP’s daughter. He already knows about the baby, and he has already said he doesn’t want the baby aborted. So obviously he’s got some good in him.
Cecilia - you and your daughter and grandchild will be in my prayers.
Cecilia - you and your daughter and grandchild will be in my prayers.
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rayne89
Guest
Jasmine while I can tell you have been burned and had difficult experiences you need realize there is another side.
Seven years into my marriage we received a letter in the mail from the county. My husband was named in a paternity suit by a former girlfriend (I use that term losely) from when he was a teenager. we immediately retained a lawyer (recommended from a father’s rights group). Why? Because if this turned out to be true we would be responsible for years of back child support even though he never knew this child existed. You see the govenment was putting pressure on the mother to name a father because she was on state assistance.
He also would have to try to cultivate a relationship with the boy after missing on out on half his childhood, and we wanted as much visitation as possible to do that. The mother had recently given birth to twins and was living with the father of those children but not married. This child’s life experience would have been vastly different from the stable, religious up bringing of our daughter.
As it turned out my husband was not the father, but if it he had been our lives would have been turned up-side-down.
Secondly my bestfriend. the one that had a baby at 17, her mother gave birth to her at 15. Her mother never told the father that she was pregnant and he has no idea he has a daughter. My bestfriend in recent years has tried to locate him but has an extremely common first and last name, finding him seems nearly impossible. She was adopted by her grandmother and the only male role model in her life molested her from age 9-13.
Throwing insults and accusations without know the facts is very unwise, I hope in the future you will realize that.
Seven years into my marriage we received a letter in the mail from the county. My husband was named in a paternity suit by a former girlfriend (I use that term losely) from when he was a teenager. we immediately retained a lawyer (recommended from a father’s rights group). Why? Because if this turned out to be true we would be responsible for years of back child support even though he never knew this child existed. You see the govenment was putting pressure on the mother to name a father because she was on state assistance.
He also would have to try to cultivate a relationship with the boy after missing on out on half his childhood, and we wanted as much visitation as possible to do that. The mother had recently given birth to twins and was living with the father of those children but not married. This child’s life experience would have been vastly different from the stable, religious up bringing of our daughter.
As it turned out my husband was not the father, but if it he had been our lives would have been turned up-side-down.
Secondly my bestfriend. the one that had a baby at 17, her mother gave birth to her at 15. Her mother never told the father that she was pregnant and he has no idea he has a daughter. My bestfriend in recent years has tried to locate him but has an extremely common first and last name, finding him seems nearly impossible. She was adopted by her grandmother and the only male role model in her life molested her from age 9-13.
Throwing insults and accusations without know the facts is very unwise, I hope in the future you will realize that.
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jasmine_n_july
Guest
EXCUSE ME, Maria, but I think if you read my posts I DID NOT ADVOCATE DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL.
I have a background in family law. You do not.
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housewife
Guest
True, it can be seen two ways. However, what I meant in actuality was that if the baby will not have the attention that is needed simply because the Mother/grandparents did not want to give the baby up for adoption, then this is where selfishness comes in. They did not give up the baby simply because they would be affected emotionally.
I say this because I have seen it in my own family. Teenage mothers who don’t pay attention to their children and then have to face other problems because of it.
If the mother/grandparents are willing to make sacrifices, then by all means, keep the baby. If the baby won’t be getting the attention that is needed, then adoption should be taken into consideration. Again, true, it can go either way.
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snowfly
Guest
Well nuts don’t apply to me as I never said it should only be her decision, " I " wouldn’t give the baby away, do you understand** " I "** ?
We all don’t have good track records, thats why we have the Confessional, thank God.
In an ideal world brilliant, but it isn’t an ideal world, many women are left with raising children because their husbands are either killed in war, die on the roads, or from some terminal illness.
Don’t think everything is ideal my friend, just when we get that way, the rug may just be pulled from beneath our feet.
There are many different circumstances, none are ideal, we have to make the best of a bad situation.
I don’t fully understand what is going on in your world so can’t truly make a reasonable comment on it.
Would never be an option for me, but you already know that, I hope it works out for the family in question for the best of everyone, in the end it really is none of my business, just my opinion.
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Arwen037
Guest
I’ve not been in this situation, only being 18 myself. I’ve also not been pregnant. But this is the way I see it.
First of all, the this the grandparents here have a big say in what happens to the child. If they can’t support the child the mother probably won’t be able to support the child either. And they may very well wind up having to take care of the child. If their daughter is responsible and works, maybe she can keep the child. If the daughter is irresponsible and needs her time for school then is sounds like the grandparents aren’t able to care for the child and pretty much need to say the child has to be given up.
As for Mary being only 14 when Jesus was born and God cared for them, Mary had God’s express permission to be pregnant. Also she was married. God helps those to help themselves. You have to be responsible. If I go buy a car I can’t afford, I don’t expect God to provide the payment for it.
First of all, the this the grandparents here have a big say in what happens to the child. If they can’t support the child the mother probably won’t be able to support the child either. And they may very well wind up having to take care of the child. If their daughter is responsible and works, maybe she can keep the child. If the daughter is irresponsible and needs her time for school then is sounds like the grandparents aren’t able to care for the child and pretty much need to say the child has to be given up.
As for Mary being only 14 when Jesus was born and God cared for them, Mary had God’s express permission to be pregnant. Also she was married. God helps those to help themselves. You have to be responsible. If I go buy a car I can’t afford, I don’t expect God to provide the payment for it.
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bunnynessuk
Guest
I was pregnant not so long ago but I had a miscarriage which was horrendous, your daughter is in a tough situation (i too would have been an unwed momma (although an engaged one) she more than likely understands the horror she is now in and is going through unthinkable emotions but you cannot make the decision for her. You can guide her though talk t her find out how she feels tell her options support her but dont be soft make sure she knows the cosequences understands the responsiboility and then go with your hearts you know your daughter better than anyone. Help her she needs you.
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kage_ar
Guest
Oh Bunny! You have been in my prayers - I will keep them up!
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snowfly
Guest
God is supposed to care for us all…well according to Jesus.
Matt :6
[25] "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
[26] Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
[27] And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?
[28] And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin;
[29] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
[30] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?
[31] Therefore do not be anxious, saying,
What shall we eat?' or What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Because of the situation of statutory rape, on the premise that a man of legal age who would have intercourse with a 15-year old might not be in the best interest of the child…
…And Snowfly- while God DOES provide what HE thinks we need, HE does not provide whatever we want, as if we were all a bunch of indulged children to get whatever we want. If this were so, we would all be driving Escalades and having steak with chocolates three times a day and never gain an ounce. God might have brought that child into the world to be raised by somebody else. This girl might be called by God to give the gift of adoption. And it is indeed a gift.
I’m sorry you feel my argument was rude regarding my defense of the fallacies in your argument in favor of keeping the baby. It was not meant to be. You seem to be very emotional over this issue, and you seem not to be using logic in your responses.
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rayne89
Guest
My best friend met the father of her child at 15, he was 18. She became pregnant 6 months later at 16, when he was 19. She married him at 17. This “rapist” has provided for them for the last 18 years of their marriage. They owned their own little home when she was 17 years old. They now have live in a beautiful home on ten acres of land that they had built 12 years ago. She is a stay-at-home mom to their three children through their entire marriage.
He did not force her into sex as a teen. They were young, but she loved him and he loved her. When she became pregnant, even though he was a very talented guitarist (won awards), he sold all his expensive equipment to use the money to provide for their baby. He has always put his family first.
Her mother could have charged him with statutory rape, had him labeled a child molester. She could have sought to punish him. I don’t see how that would have benefited their baby or the entire family relationship.
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masondoggy
Guest
Similiar situation here. If I had met DH a year earlier, he would have been a “rapist”. But here we are 14 years later and he’s a great husband, father, and provider.
We’ve had quite a lot of struggles, I can’t imagine how much more complicated things would have been if he was a labeled sex offender.
If this guy wants to ignore this pregnancy and skip his responsibilities, by all means label him a rapist. But if he wants to do the right thing and do what’s right for this child (whether it be supporting it or agreeing to an adoption with the mother), give the kid a chance.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Rayne, I wasn’t saying right or wrong. I was just explaining the possibility of why. Some fellas are men at 16 or 17. Some will never be men at 40 or 50.
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snowfly
Guest
Lies ? thanks.
My religion isn’t based on logic, it’s mostly based on Faith, Hope and Charity, which if were applied then there would be no need to give a baby away, (for me that is)
If my Faith was based on logic, I’d have left the Church years ago, and now to be fair, I don’t want to discuss someone else’s problem anymore.
Yes I do get emotional over children, I love them to bits, they light up my life in a rather harsh adult hate-filled world.
And I wish the young lady in question and the rest of the family all the best it this difficult situation.
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