I’m going to answer your long post with another long post.
I think my fear is one of scandal. Because cohabitation is a public act, I am afraid of causing scandal and making it appear as if I approve of their decisions. I would hate to lead someone away from the Church, but having someone think that Catholics think it’s okay to premaritally cohabit is dangerous, I think, and would do more harm than good.
I am not criticizing you directly, but perhaps there could be room for a little more charity without the appearance of condoning cohabitation, in all three of your situations. Please don’t take anything I say as if it’s said in a spirit of meanness. I am writing out of charity, though I may not sound as gentle as I would like, ok?
Christ Himself was a walking scandal. He talked to a woman [many women, in fact] who wasn’t his wife or relative. (in John 4:27, the disciples asked why he was talking to a woman he did not know – other examples I can’t think of right now).
Situation #1: Brother lives with girlfriend…I have never visited their home, and did not help them move.
Jesus was accused of being a drunkard, a glutton, and even of being possessed. For example, Matt 11:19 says that, "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard,
a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ "
I have never heard of Jesus packing moving boxes, but that’s what “*friends *of tax collectors and sinners do”…moreso for families. All the while, make your position known and be charitable.
Situation #2: Sister lives with fiance…Before I found out they were cohabiting, I enthusiastically agreed to visit her this fall. I told her that now, I cannot stay at her home, eat meals there, assemble wedding favors there, etc.,
He ate in the homes of sinners, such as Levi the tax collector-apostle(Luke 5:27-32). Remember that sharing a meal with someone – especially in their house – had a more intimate connotation in Jesus’’ time than it does today. It was a shared ritual among friends, a very social event.
He even stayed in the house of Zacchaeus the tax collector!
Here’s a part of that story found in Luke 19:1-10:
- And when Jesus was come to the place, looking up, he saw him, and said to him: Zacheus, make haste and come down; for this day I must abide in thy house.
- And he made haste and came down; and received him with joy.
- And when all saw it, they murmured, saying, that he was gone to be a guest with a man that was a sinner.
- Jesus said to him: This day is salvation come to this house, because he also is a son of Abraham.
- For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.
You, by visiting, are the witness of Christ and His Church. You are the “son of Abraham…coming to seek that which is lost.” Your very presence and how you interact with them is the opportunity to plant a mustard seed in thier consciences about their choices and behavior.
Situation #3: DH’s best friend informed us he will be moving in with Catholic girlfriend and proposing marriage soon.
Okay, I can see you not wanting to visit there. They should know better, and please remind them that they need to speak with a priest – who will counsel against it for many good reasons. Besides, to get married in the Church, many parishes outright prohibit cohabitation.
Remember the situation when Jesus was eating at the house of a Pharisee, an anonymous sinful woman who anointed Jesus’ feet with her tears (Matt 26:6-13 Mar 14:3-9 Luke 7:36-50 John 12:1-8). He let a prostitute unbind her hair - a very erotic thing for that era - and touch his sacred person. That’s the modern-day equivalent of showing porn to a houseguest! But Christ handled it with grace – no pun intended. Now, nothing like that is going to happen to you if you visit these folks, but you can become their gateway back to the body of Christ…
On 5/14 Tim Staples talked in the Open Forum for Non-Catholic about the opportunity for friendly evangelism based on the passage about the Samaritan woman in John 4. He called it the “paradigm for evangelism.” Jesus started with small talk, and didn’t limit it to just meeting at the local watering-hole. He went and stayed with these people. The outcasts, the handicapped, the broken and misguided were the ones he reached out to. The ultimate judge while walking this earth, didn’t judge when it came to matters of the heart.
I found a Q&A in the Catholic Answers Book Vol II that will apply here: “As long as you are clear about your concern for their salvation, you need to make it clear that whatever you do is on the conditionthat the the concerned part(ies) recognize that what they are doing is sinful and you hope that they will make a sincere effort to rectify their situations.”
Thank you for your concern for me, gmarie!
I will heed your (and everyone else who agrees with this) advice, provided my priest approves, as well. 
