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Englishguy1988
Guest
Ok I don’t really know how to put this articulately so I’ll just blurt it out and try and explain as and when the need arises
I’m new to Catholicism, I’ve had premarital sex but I decided over a year ago to stop having sex until marriage (a long time before I decided I wanted god in my life) I hate the idea of casual sex and one night stands so I’ve obviously never done either (to be honest the idea of even kissing a woman I’m not in an exclusive relationship with makes me feel disgusted… Yes I know I’m weird!)
Basically my first girlfriend pressured me for it and as I wasn’t religious at the time I didn’t really have an argument as to why I didn’t want to but after 6 months of pressure I eventually caved in (I was young (18) and stupidly thought I was in love although looking back I realise I’ve never actually been in love just given into people I should of RUN from)… Then same sort of thing happened with second gf when I told her I wanted to take things slowly which ended up with the same sort of situations although I avoided it alot and was alot more stubborn and didn’t care if I caused arguments or not and eventually told her I’m not having sex again until I’m married
Anyway I know god forgives me for my past but I just find it so hard to forgive myself, I feel really used and I feel unbelievibly guilty almost constantly like I’ve let down whoever my future wife is… I mean how will she be able to fogive me if I can’t even forgive myself? How can I forgive myself for giving into pressure from someone who obviously didn’t care about me? I guess I’ll always feel bad about my past and I’ll have to live with that but why should my wife have to live with MY mistakes? However I guess in a way it helps me be alot stronger in waiting until I’m married because I will happily wave goodbye to any woman who doesn’t respect me or my choice to wait
I’m new to Catholicism, I’ve had premarital sex but I decided over a year ago to stop having sex until marriage (a long time before I decided I wanted god in my life) I hate the idea of casual sex and one night stands so I’ve obviously never done either (to be honest the idea of even kissing a woman I’m not in an exclusive relationship with makes me feel disgusted… Yes I know I’m weird!)
Basically my first girlfriend pressured me for it and as I wasn’t religious at the time I didn’t really have an argument as to why I didn’t want to but after 6 months of pressure I eventually caved in (I was young (18) and stupidly thought I was in love although looking back I realise I’ve never actually been in love just given into people I should of RUN from)… Then same sort of thing happened with second gf when I told her I wanted to take things slowly which ended up with the same sort of situations although I avoided it alot and was alot more stubborn and didn’t care if I caused arguments or not and eventually told her I’m not having sex again until I’m married
Anyway I know god forgives me for my past but I just find it so hard to forgive myself, I feel really used and I feel unbelievibly guilty almost constantly like I’ve let down whoever my future wife is… I mean how will she be able to fogive me if I can’t even forgive myself? How can I forgive myself for giving into pressure from someone who obviously didn’t care about me? I guess I’ll always feel bad about my past and I’ll have to live with that but why should my wife have to live with MY mistakes? However I guess in a way it helps me be alot stronger in waiting until I’m married because I will happily wave goodbye to any woman who doesn’t respect me or my choice to wait