Greetings BklynGuy,
You both have my prayers.
This is a very tough time for young couples, certainly. I’m a youngish grandmother who was joyfully present for two full months after my grand-daughter was born (in another state, hundreds of miles away) and you can bet that my daughter and son- in- law were very sad when I had to leave. I loved every minute of baby sitting, cleaning, bottle washing and diaper changing, singing nursery songs and just being there. I made four trips a year for many years after that, just to have the privilege of helping out and feeling needed. How I wish every young couple had someone to count on.
In lieu of your finding a fairy godmother (or an energetic, compassionate mother- in- law ready to sweep away all your problems), it
would be nice if you could get a little outside help for now. I remember a time when many new mothers routinely had nannies and /or a housekeeper, and it was a Godsend. Fathers came home to less chaos and mothers, praise God, could get a nap. This made for civility between parents at a very difficult time. I’m afraid those days may be long gone and it’s a shame. More than ever, young people need old- fashioned help but often live so far away from their own parents and feel isolated.
You are doing quite a bit, and sadly, don’t feel very appreciated. Your beloved, pregnant wife is with a toddler all day, experiencing all manner of hormonal changes, weight gain, possibly mind- bending fatigue, and at the end of the day, she may not feel appreciated either.
Please remember that one day your children will be off to school. That empty nest, whether it’s shining and organized or just the opposite, your home will will still be home to you and your wife. How you react now, at this critical moment, will make all the difference in the world.
A pastor once told his congregation a story: that a man came home from a long week at work, to a house filled, as usual, with dust. Windows, curtains, everywhere he looked, the house was nothing like he pictured his life would be with his new bride. A year had passed. As she came down the stairs with their new infant, he made a decision:
He wrote with his finger all across the dust- laden coffee table *“I love you,” * walked half way up the stairs and kissed both his wife and his child.
We don’t know how that story ended. Did things change? Did the wife ever become all that her husband hoped for? Was the child well fed, loved? Did one or both spouses become bitter or did they make it through? Were there other children? Did laughter echo throughout a perfectly clean house or an often messy one? Did it really matter in the end?
The only thing we know is that for one moment, the husband was heroic and chose love in that moment rather than worry about the future.
The future can’t hurt us, as it’s not yet here or real. The past? What can we do? We only have this life in little moments.
They are very fragile moments, that’s for sure.
If I had to advise, I’d say to “err” on the side of love. There is nothing lacking in a spouse that Christ can’t fill. And if you look closely, making sure your beloved wife is not ill, depressed, if you make sure she is safe, just take time to appreciate your life and health, there may well come a time when you can discuss these household issues in a loving way that leads to an understanding. Perhaps you’ll make it fun: Barter, as in “If you do the dishes and laundry all week, I’ll watch the babies while you have your hair done or go out with friends.”
For now, this seems to be a fragile time for both of you. Please don’t let your disappointments make you bitter. All over the world there are husbands and wives whose spouses shock or disappoint them. Love covers a multitude of sins, and in this case, perhaps a multitude of very real clutter. Just for now, know that God sees your struggle and your wife’s and He understands better than either of you. I know that Christ would be gentle with both of you, and entreat you to not to do or say things in anger or in haste. It would be so easy to point fingers. That’s only natural. The “super” natural way is always the more elegant solution: Lean on Christ. He’ll show you both the way.
It takes a big man to go the gentle route. We’re all human, and there will be times when you feel things intensely. To choose understanding and compassion when its easier to demand your “due” is a sign of maturity. To choose counseling and seeking wisdom from a trusted Priest or other professional is far better than going with your anger.
Someone once said that “Discretion is the better part of valor.” It takes courage to side with consideration rather than condemnation. You sound like someone who is up to the task, and I will pray for you both, and hope you are surprised by little miracles of love each day.
May your home be blessed with love and compassion, and congratulations on the upcoming birth of your next child! :angel1:
Kathryn Ann
I would sock him one:blackeye:
Think of all the diapers and messes she cleans up day after day.
…it IS irritating to have the domestic load fall on you after a hard days work- I actually do sympathize, (I’ve had four children of my own, and believe me, I worked myself to a standstill because I love order and cleanliness. Also it is fair and just not to expect/rely on help from a tired/stressed husband.BTW that’s the angle I would come at with any woman who was failing in her duty, should she ask for advice)
