Priest's greeting of lapsed catholics

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Frinders

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My first post.

I have five children none of whom attend Mass, so they are lapsed catholics. Several years ago I was visiting my eldest child in Australia, and while there I attended Mass and got to know the priest. You might say he was chartismatic, I thought of him as friendly. After a few weeks my son accompanied me and behind his back I asked the priest to welcome him, which he did effusively. My son now attends Mass, he is chairman of the parish council and choirmaster. I love that priest!

Next my youngest son had a baby with his girl friend. Both are lapsed catholics. I said I would be very happy if they arranged for the baby to be baptised, and they said they would arrange it. They went to see the priest who seemed more interested in pointing out what was expected, rather than as I would see it, giving them the “Good News”. They left rather cross and have not been back.

Is there a format for the priest to follow? It could be said that they lacked the grace, and that number one son had the grace. From my viewpoint it looks like someone was prepared to make someone welcome and the other to generate a guilt trip.

If I appear a little cross, it is because I am.

Any ideas on how I can turn this round?

Frinders.
 
Frinders said:
Next my youngest son had a baby with his girl friend. Both are lapsed catholics. I said I would be very happy if they arranged for the baby to be baptised, and they said they would arrange it. They went to see the priest who seemed more interested in pointing out what was expected, rather than as I would see it, giving them the “Good News”. They left rather cross and have not been back.

Is there a format for the priest to follow? It could be said that they lacked the grace, and that number one son had the grace. From my viewpoint it looks like someone was prepared to make someone welcome and the other to generate a guilt trip.
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Sadly, I’ve seen way too much of this lately. In my local area, there has been an increasing tendency to chastise lapsed Catholics when they bring their children for sacraments rather than seeing it as an opportunity to help them connect to the church. This is done in the name of “evangelization”, but to me, it seems counter-intuitive. I know of one who refused to schedule the baptism until the parents - who were new to the parish - completed a 12-week course about the church and the faith. The parents asked if an exception could be made as both of their families lived very far away (like, plane trip far) and were going to be home when the child was 4-6 weeks old. THe priest refused. I can’t help but wonder what message that sent to the lukewarm Catholics in the group about the importance of baptism, when it had to take backseat to this program.

Any chance you know of a priest in a nearby parish who has a better approach that might be willing to baptise the baby? It isn’t uncommon around here for people to travel to more distant parishes because of a conflict with the style of leadership in the closest church.
 
Frinders said:
Next my youngest son had a baby with his girl friend. Both are lapsed catholics. I said I would be very happy if they arranged for the baby to be baptised, and they said they would arrange it. They went to see the priest who seemed more interested in pointing out what was expected, rather than as I would see it, giving them the “Good News”. They left rather cross and have not been back.
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Well, the Priest did tell them the good news. It was the truth…

“there may be reason to postpone Baptism if parents are not practicing the Faith, or have no intention of living a Catholic life in harmony with the Gospel.”


Nobody is stopping anyone from practicing their Catholic Faith; however, there are expectations that are to be made clear.
 
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Frinders said:
I said I would be very happy if they arranged for the baby to be baptised, and they said they would arrange it. They went to see the priest who seemed more interested in pointing out what was expected, rather than as I would see it, giving them the “Good News”.
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While the meeting with the priest might be an opportunity to encourage the parents back to the church and to conformance with God’s laws, was that the spirit in which the parents went to the priest, or was it for the purposes of arranging a baptism (to please you?).

Priests are obligated to be of the view that parents will comply with a promise to bring the children up in the catholic faith if they are to be baptized. Now they don’t have to be “certain” of that - but they need to have a reasonable expectation. Would these unmarried, non-mass attending Catholics have persuaded the priest accordingly?
 
I know there has been some concern about people not taking the Sacraments seriously and just seeing them as some kind of a right of passage.
 
I don’t like being super-authoritarian about this stuff. But it’s painfully obvious that a lot of Catholics don’t take the sacraments seriously.
 
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Several years ago in my parish they made an effort to be more welcoming to parents who wish to have their child baptized. It is not just the priest. The parish office staff may be the first point of contact for parents.

The birth of a child can be the little push that starts the long process by which the Holy Spirit leads parents back to the faith. The parents naturally want what’s best for their child. They want their child to learn right and wrong, to have a spiritual life, to be a member of a church, to be a good person, and to go to heaven. They may come to the Church just asking for Baptism because they don’t see the rest of the picture.

Their first contact with office staff and priest should, before anything else, let the parents know of the love that we have for them, and the joy that we have at their coming. It’s the love and joy of the father of the Prodigal Son, and the Good Shepherd when he finds the one sheep that was lost.

Get that across to them before you hit them up with registration, paperwork, checklists, and requirements.
 
I don’t think priests always know what to do for the best in circumstances such as these, there is a real balance to be struck between welcoming and taking the sacraments seriously. I’ve been to parishes that have seemed reluctant to talk about the mass obligation for instance for fear of chasing people away. It does help create a lukewarm attitude.
 
It really doesn’t matter, Rau. All that matters is that a beginning is
made. Look at my first son, the priest welcomed him profusely, and it
worked, and that is all that mattered. Someones concept of a procedure
which must be followed is a hindrance, and Jesus said that was what the
Pharisees did. Have you not heard that you catch more flies with honey
than with vinegar.

Frinders
 
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“Well, the Priest did tell them the good news. It was the truth…”

Really, is that what Jesus said? He said tell them the good news as
contained in the Gospels, not new rules to replace the burden that
pharisees put on the Jews. Try reading exactly what Jesus said. I see
Pope Francis as a breath of fresh air, it is not our place to make
judgements. We don’t have to extract promises in writing Jesus didn’t say
that. Anyway, a suggestion has been made to me to find a priest who is
more like Pope Francis, and fortunately I can do that.

Frinders
 
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The way it worked with my eldest son was first a warm greating, nothing else, other than we are having a party would you like to come. Later, there was more serious discussion.

Frinders
 
Like I said, nobody is stopping them from making right with the Church and/or attending Mass. The Baptism is up to the discretion of the Priest.
Frinders said:
Anyway, a suggestion has been made to me to find a priest who is
more like Pope Francis, and fortunately I can do that.
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Shopping around for a Priest will undoubtedly involve more work than simply following established Church teaching.
 
Don’t blame the priest. The first priest in your story wasn’t administering baptism. The second was. There are some guidelines to follow in this latter situation.
 
Frinders said:
The way it worked with my eldest son was first a warm greating, nothing else, other than we are having a party would you like to come. Later, there was more serious discussion.
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But with your first son, if I’m understanding this correctly, he presented himself as a visitor with no expectations, so it was fitting that the priest greeted him as you would any visitor. With kindness.

Your second son, on the other hand, is presenting himself to the priest in a state of grave sin, expecting a sacrament to be performed. He is not a part of that church, and most likely (from what I’ve gleaned from your post) he has no current intention of giving up his sin and joining this church. The priest did the right thing here.

I’m sure that many priests are tired of people who are estranged from the Church, have no real intention of joining, are not parishioners of that parish, etc, who think they can walk in and get whatever sacrament they feel they should have at the moment without any real commitment or obligation. It doesn’t work like that. If you want the sacraments, you need to belong to the Church.
 
What did the couple say to the priest?
If they said they had no intention of getting married, they obviously cannot fulfill the Baptismal promises.
If you’re raising the child int he faith, you ALSO have to abide by the faith. Sending two different message will not be good for the child.
I think that is where the priest was coming from.
But again, we were not there…soo…
 
Frinders said:
All that matters is that a beginning is made.
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Let’s agree the Priest could have done better in providing profuse welcome.

Now, I guess I was asking you - was any beginning being made when the parents went at your suggestion (because it would please you) to arrange a baptism? Was that a change of heart? Did they also ask the Priest about rectifying their own situation?

And lastly - is it your view that children should be baptized quite apart from the parents’ intentions as to their upbringing in the faith?
 
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Frinders said:
…I asked the priest to welcome him, which he did effusively.

Next my youngest son had a baby with his girl friend. Both are lapsed catholics.

Frinders.
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Perhaps the first priest was friendlier because you asked him to be. That is easy enough for any priest to do.

The priest is bound by Church law. If your son and his girlfriend were truly interested in baptizing their baby, they would be doing whatever it takes to be able to get their baby baptized, whether the priest “welcomed them” or gave them just the facts.

If they are still interested in baptism, they should consider doing what they need to, and they themselves should find a different priest if they are uncomfortable with the first one they spoke with.
 
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