This has been going on for a long time. Yes she goes through her bad days, but she has told me “On top ten of things to do today, you are not one of them.” She says this joking, but it is truthful. Making love is no where on her radar, and she is very content with having no sex.
In a few short words you have raised many important and interrelated issues. It IS a troubling issue, and I can’t tell you I have any kind of answer. That she has no interest at all, and never seeks you out must cause you a lot of pain. There are lots of things that could be going on. I’d do my best to investigate them in your shoes. Wait and see how she responds as you investigate what is going on.
I wish I had the magic answer because, if I did, I would apply it to our own situation, which is similar. At least it had been. I will say that things have gotten much better since we stopped using contraception earlier on and I got away from pornography. I don’t know if either are a part of your life, but if so, they need to go.
This used to be a sore spot in my marriage…before I realized the connection that sex has, to our Catholic faith. I read Love & Responsibility a few years ago, a book written by Pope JP2, and it changed the way I viewed sex. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy sex, but I think I didn’t understand that it’s a bonding between a husband and wife…I would always view it as another thing to do, and why did he want to so much, etc…I think that your wife would be surprised to see Pope JP2’s thoughts on the subject, it’s a very detailed book. Sex is a display of love without words in a marriage, and it’s very important for men (sometimes more than women in this regard) to feel loved in this way. Men get a bad rap in this country especially, for being dogs, and just wanting women for one thing. Perhaps, some men are like that, but it is perfectly normal and healthy for a married man to ‘want’ his wife…not lustfully, but want to bond with her, and feel like she is atttracted to him.
I I think that you both should consider reading Love & Responsibilty together, too…it really changed my attitude on the subject. You’re in my prayers…good luck to you both.i would also say that the first time u do all these things, dont go grabbing for her… be patient and she will make the first move… and if she doesnt, continue to do these things so that she does not feel that u r after only one thing and do want her on other levels as well…If I might add too, it’s important to romance your wife…not saying you’re not, but just asking for sex isn’t a great way to get her in the mood. She sounds like she is tired, has a lot on her plate, like many of us, so maybe draw a nice bath…read a book together…go on a picnic…get a bottle of wine, and watch the stars together, and just reeeelax and talk. An entirely different mood will be set, and you might find yourself not having to ask.
. It has never been an issue. Although, I will admit…if I hadn’t had a hysterectomy at 31…I might not be so interested. Very few will tell you the real truth as this is the reason most women in their late 30’s, early 40’s stop having sex, they don’t want anymore children.Did you ever think of helping her with her To-Do list?
I think it is unfair for you to say that the OP’s wife is neglecting her husband by not having sex with him. We only get one side of the story here, and you have no idea what the full story is. Maybe he doesn’t treat her with love and respect, or maybe something has happened in her life that makes it difficult for her to be intimate with her husband. I’m not saying any of these things are true, but for a woman sex is so much deeper than just intercourse.