Proper etiquette for hosts regarding guests who can't live without 'the game'

[EasterJoy]

I guess I don’t see what the big deal is. To me it’s a way of bringing people together. Most men, I think, aren’t going to sit around chatting about the weather. They will sit around and watch the game and talk and be together that way (I’m usually right there with them). In most situations, the women will gather in the kitchen and chat. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just a different way that men and women (generally) interact.

There is less blood involved in watching football than in hunting a fox, too, and it is easier on the horses.

 

[maryjk]

Yeah Yeah…

I’ll lighten up a bit for next time. I just don’t get it…
You all are correct. I knew who I was inviting and could have moved the TV. I was not thinking about that at the time…I was menu planning and cooking. **There was a good delegation in the kitchen as well, all talking about grown-up things.
**
OK Next time…Sports bar in the family room. Got it.

Thanks!

GO STATE! Or whoever the heck is playing…

OK ‘coach’ from Boston…I see this is a hot button for you as well.

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I enjoy learning little bits about how the minds of others work. Gives me more to talk about with the adults in the kitchen.

You are taking this idea:
“those who are incapable of socializing without watching tv, even when they are at someone else’s party, have a problem”
and
“someone who demands their whims be met at a party I’m throwing, even if it goes against what I want to do, is being very rude”

and turning it into:

“people are calling me stupid because I like watching sports.”

There’s a difference.

(and btw, I am someone who likes watching tv a lot. particularly the shallow kind. and I’m pretty smart - even the people who know what kind of tv I watch think so.)

No, I was commenting on the out right comment about “the adults” in the kitchen.

And it wasn’t and isn’t about me. I couldn’t care less if the game is on.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

No, I was commenting on the out right comment about “the adults” in the kitchen.

And it wasn’t and isn’t about me. I couldn’t care less if the game is on.

Well, showing up at someone else’s house, claiming to be supporting them at their special event, and then whining like a child / demanding to watch the game, is pretty childish. If I were throwing the party, I would look at the whining demanding guest as a child, and the people who were gracious enough to respect the others around them as the grown ups. Again, this isn’t about the sports, it’s about childish and rude behavior of guests at people’s parties.

 

[beehumble]

Well, that is my point!
There is ALWAYS a game on that people can’t live without. ALWAYS.
…re-runs of things in 1982…

Everthing in between except for the WNBA!! And soccer.

Oh but how you are mistaken!! Soccer is indeed on - it even has its own channel on some cable/sat services!

I would just relax about it, and be glad they came, and enjoy their presence! The game on in one room with some avidly watching and others popping in and out with a beer in hand asking “What’s the score?”, others gathered in the kitchen chatting away over coffee or drinks, little kids playing in another room - sounds like ‘situation normal’ to me for a family get-together, with each doing their thing!.

God bless you.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I’m completely on AOL’s side on this. There are several in my family who can’t go to a family party–any family party–without turning on THE game. It doesn’t matter what the game is, if it’s on, it’s THE game. For the record, this recently included women’s soccer, during which I was shushed because I asked someone about another relative who was in the hospital. Relatives regularly miss the main celebration of the party because the two last place college jai alai teams are playing on ESPN7, which is infinitely more important than seeing their own daughter blow out her birthday candles.

We’ve had exactly two family parties at our house. One was for our oldest daughter’s Baptism. It took five years to get everyone back, this time for Christmas. That was five years ago and we haven’t been able to get them back since. At the first one I kept the TV turned off, which hurt some feelings because they weren’t able to watch the baseball game (it didn’t matter that we didn’t have cable so they couldn’t have watched it even if the TV was on). The second time I played Christmas movies for the kids instead of whatever D-league college football game was on the one broadcast channel that was actually coming in that day, again upsetting and hurting feelings because I was being so rude.

I find it odd that were we discussing any other rude behavior, the ones being rude would be considered at fault, but if it’s sports that’s causing them to block everyone out, shout at them to be quiet and refuse to acknowledge the guest of honor, they’re somehow supposed to get a pass.

 

[LilyM]

After 20+ years, I already know pretty much all there is to know about everyone. They are family; I see them fairly often, phone them, email them, etc. Whatever “new” goings-on there may be certainly does not take up 6 hours worth of conversation.

I’ve tended to assume that it’s just me being anti-social, but it isn’t. “How’s work/school/the kids/the dog?” is good for half an hour of conversation, tops, for all of us. In fact, the game and/or commercials are MORE likely to bring up new topics of conversation (“hey, that commercial reminded me…”)

Jala

Really?

My parents, who I talk to a lot, and I have chalked up a combined 180 years of living, doing and thinking among us. By my reckoning, that means it would take 180 years of non-stop talking for us to ‘know all there is to know’ about each other.

And that would be if none of us talked about anything other than ourselves.

Whereas we talk about all sorts of other things, like other family members, mutual friends, politics, art, music, history, sport, travel - or just tell each other silly jokes.

 

[Cat]

Moral superiority? I must have missed the person who said that watching sports is bad or inferior. And I must have missed the part where people declared that getting together to watch a game with friends is bad.

In fact, no one is talking about THAT scenario at all. What is being criticized is the behavior that some people have of going to other people’s houses, for parties that are being thrown for other people’s reasons, and demanding that their hosts change their plans so that they can watch tv in the middle of a party that was not a “let’s watch the game” party. If you’re going to label it moral superiority to want to have your party go the way you planned, then I guess you wouldn’t mind it if the tables were reversed. Next time you have a bunch of friends over to watch a game - how would you like it if one of your guests decided he was sick of sports and demanded that you turn off the game you’d been looking forward to and cater to his every whim. Would you be morally superior to tell him “we’re here to watch a game - my party, my call.” ?

Watch the double standards. The issue is not the value of sports. The issue is the etiquette behind a host getting to make the decision about the activities at her own party vs. the etiquette of guests demanding it be done their way.

No, I get the very strong feeling from all the OP’s posts in this thread that there is a condescending attitude towards the pathetic people who need to watch sports instead of enjoying quality time with family and friends.

 

[Cat]

FWIW…

Whether there is a TV or not is moot… I’m betting at least three of the people present will probably have an iPhone or SmartPhone or something that will be able to, if not broadcast the game, at least keep the fans up to date on the scores.

Yep.

 

[Cat]

All I can say is that I hope the OP and her family don’t live in Bears or Packers Country. My, oh, my, that would be a hard life for them.

Or St. Louis Cardinals country, where there is no joy this morning. :crying: Rats. I was really counting on a Tigers/Cardinals series. Rats, rats, rats.

Maybe the OP lives in Chicago Cubs country, where it’s probably for the best, for your health’s sake, to not be a sports fan. Cubs fans have to have a special place in heaven reserved for them.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

No, I get the very strong feeling from all the OP’s posts in this thread that there is a condescending attitude towards the pathetic people who need to watch sports instead of enjoying quality time with family and friends.

Hello Cat, and all you sports fans out there…

Not entirely true.
I enjoy a good game and can talk your ear off about the sports and events I have a love for. I follow certain things with great enthusiasm and relish the discussion and interaction with fellow fans. But…

I enjoy it largely on my own time and do not expect the hosts of gatherings or parties to accomodate my wishes. Unless it is a ‘hey lets watch the big game over on my 184" plasma-laser-warp-phase-displacement TV’ party. Also, even if some events and hosts include the TV sports area I don’t (can’t) expect my preferences to be catered to.

For an experiment, if you please…

Replace “sports” with “video games” and see how you might respond.

My original post asked about the proper etiquette for me AS A HOST of events to either tactfully provide the necessary stimuli or politely enforce my own families policies.

Cat- you are actually 90% correct in your asessment.

condescending attitude towards the pathetic people who need to watch sports instead of enjoying quality time with family and friends

Operative words being “need” and “instead”.
When a person ‘needs’ something (even a morally neutral thing like sports) instead of something positive and enriching (yes…depending on the family I suppose ) we would have to call that kind of sad, if not pathetic. We would recognize it as something a little off and quite possibly pray for that person. The 10% you are wrong about is the condescending.

 

[Cristiano]

All I can say is that I hope the OP and her family don’t live in Bears or Packers Country. My, oh, my, that would be a hard life for them.

Or St. Louis Cardinals country, where there is no joy this morning. :crying: Rats. I was really counting on a Tigers/Cardinals series. Rats, rats, rats.

Maybe the OP lives in Chicago Cubs country, where it’s probably for the best, for your health’s sake, to not be a sports fan. Cubs fans have to have a special place in heaven reserved for them.

I think that you are very confused here, you are mixing sacred and profane. How can you sacrilegiously talk about the Packers beating on the Bears as if it were a mere televised sport event.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

All I can say is that I hope the OP and her family don’t live in Bears or Packers Country. My, oh, my, that would be a hard life for them. Or St. Louis Cardinals country, where there is no joy this morning. :crying: Rats. I was really counting on a Tigers/Cardinals series. Rats, rats, rats. Maybe the OP lives in Chicago Cubs country, where it’s probably for the best, for your health’s sake, to not be a sports fan. Cubs fans have to have a special place in heaven reserved for them.

I am a man. You assumed I was a woman because I don’t bond over sports at family gatherings? Wouldn’t be the first time…
I have to like the Tigers, but I choose to root for the Cubbies! Next year of course…

 

[coachdennis]

I think we can all agree that guests who “demand” or “expect” things to be a certain way at someone else’s party are acting rudely or at least being selfish and ignorant.

Where there are varieties of opinion is how we, as any potential host, handle that situation. Some will try to accommodate their guests whenever possible and others will have a "my way or the highway’ attitude. What is best on this continuum depends on the individual host and the guests who will be attending.

I personally still think that if there is a no TV rule, no video games, or whatever, a good host should make that clear to guests beforehand – then they can decide. Remember, an invitation involves a response on the part of the guests. They have the free choice to set their own priorities just as much as the host.

 

[maryjk]

Moral superiority? I must have missed the person who said that watching sports is bad or inferior. And I must have missed the part where people declared that getting together to watch a game with friends is bad.

Well, showing up at someone else’s house, claiming to be supporting them at their special event, and then whining like a child / demanding to watch the game, is pretty childish. If I were throwing the party, I would look at the whining demanding guest as a child, and the people who were gracious enough to respect the others around them as the grown ups. Again, this isn’t about the sports, it’s about childish and rude behavior of guests at people’s parties.

So you do agree there is a moral superiority on this thread AND in not watching the game?

 

[pnewton]

Acting childish of wanting to watch a game is no more childish than whining because guest are wanting to watch a game.I find conflicts of this nature must involve at least two inflexible people. A great host is one who is, as the Gospel reading this weekend suggests, the servant of all. Likewise, any guest should be willing to forego their wants for the period of time they are a guest.

In my opinion, this has nothing to do with whether football is important, or how important. That sort of thing can vary depending on too many factors. It is not worth fighting about, for sure, but then neither is attending some after-baptism party.

 

[pnewton]

My own policy is to never put a game above people. I will however put a game above other activities, especially if it invloves anything in a pastel color.

 

[cmscms]

My feedback does not change regardless of the occasion, special or not:

1. Choose your battles – If this is important to you, make that clear in the invitation BEFOREHAND and don’t complain AFTERWARDS if you did not communicate your expectations
2. You know what they are like – don’t think that your relatives will magically change, they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. In their eyes, YOU are the one with the issue.
3. Don’t invite them – you opened the door and let them in. If they can’t abide by your rules, don’t invite them. If they ask, if it’s that important to you, then Tell them.

I totally agree. Let them know ahead of time and if they prefer to not come respect their decision. I REALLY hate to break it to you but of course this is a special day for you, it is YOUR child’s baptism. It is not their child and it is their big day because the game is on. Personally, I really resent people who expect me to be supportive of their big day when I feel like they are no where to be found for me in the day to day living.

An example (just example not really true storie). I am good friends with a married woman who has her first child, I am nore than excited to do something for her for her baby shower. She has the kid and is very busy. I have a bad day but I can’t count on her support because when I call her, the baby is sick and she needs to tend to it. Come the child’s first birthday, I am not so eager to inconveninece MY schedule for her.

You obviously are moving on with your life and having your child baptised. Awesome, but if other people’s lives are moving in a different direction, you need to respect that.

And by the way, turning off the TV in someone else’s home is inappropriate. Don’t go if it is a problem

CM

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

It is amazing to me that this has turned into such a big thing. A family had a party (sorry OP, if I called you a “she” - my dh doesn’t like the game on at parties either) to celebrate a baptism. The family had a plan for the party, which didn’t include watching the game. The guests revolted/whined/demanded and the hosts of the party were forced to give up their plan for their party for their child’s baptism at their house, and let their house get taken over by an completely different activity.

There is nothing to argue about here. When you have a party, you get to have your party your way. When you go to someone else’s party, you do what the host has planned. If you disagree with that, next time, you have a sports party, invite me over - and in the middle of the game, I’ll demand the tv be turned off, I’ll put in a cd of showtunes and tell you we MUST play charades or I’ll be completely offended by your boring party and lack of hospitality. Then tell me that my behavior is just fine, and it’s wrong for a host to get to choose the activities at her own party.

The real argument that was started had nothing to do with sports, but party etiquette. It has turned into a defense of sports (which no one is arguing against), which has gotten heated only because people must be taking it personally. My question for those who are being defensive about this is: Do you personally go to parties and beg or demand that the game gets turned on even when you know the host doesn’t want to? Are you capable of recording most games or setting it aside for a relative’s baptism, or are you miserable if you have to do something at someone’s house on occasion and you can’t turn on the tv? If you don’t fit that mold, then you are NOT the person the OP is complaining about, and you are NOT being judged. If you do fit that mold, well…then you do.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

It is amazing to me that this has turned into such a big thing. A family had a party (sorry OP, if I called you a “she” - my dh doesn’t like the game on at parties either) to celebrate a baptism. The family had a plan for the party, which didn’t include watching the game. The guests revolted/whined/demanded and the hosts of the party were forced to give up their plan for their party for their child’s baptism at their house, and let their house get taken over by an completely different activity.

There is nothing to argue about here. When you have a party, you get to have your party your way. When you go to someone else’s party, you do what the host has planned. If you disagree with that, next time, you have a sports party, invite me over - and in the middle of the game, I’ll demand the tv be turned off, I’ll put in a cd of showtunes and tell you we MUST play charades or I’ll be completely offended by your boring party and lack of hospitality. Then tell me that my behavior is just fine, and it’s wrong for a host to get to choose the activities at her own party.

The real argument that was started had nothing to do with sports, but party etiquette. It has turned into a defense of sports (which no one is arguing against), which has gotten heated only because people must be taking it personally. My question for those who are being defensive about this is: Do you personally go to parties and beg or demand that the game gets turned on even when you know the host doesn’t want to? Are you capable of recording most games or setting it aside for a relative’s baptism, or are you miserable if you have to do something at someone’s house on occasion and you can’t turn on the tv? If you don’t fit that mold, then you are NOT the person the OP is complaining about, and you are NOT being judged. If you do fit that mold, well…then you do.

You nailed it! Congratulations on your careful reading and powers of observation.

 

[Cider]

If they are so addicted to sports that they can’t even enjoy a baptism party without the TV surely they have a DVR recording it at home. So they can watch it there, when they get home.